Emptying my Mind

For some reason, I find typing on the keyboard sort of empowering.  It's one of the few things I'm really good at.  I can type up to 100 words per minute, at least that was the last time I took one of those tests.  It's like magic in a way.  I don't even think about what keys I'm hitting, I don't have to look, it's like I think a sentence and my fingers automatically put it on the screen.  I credit it to years of playing complex video games.  haha  I always thought I could get a job at a desk if nothing else but I think I would get bored very easily.  When I was in high school and taking computer classes, I used to hate sitting there for hours, typing up something that was already written down.  I didn't mind entering data though, make sense of that.  Even now, when I'm looking at baby names, I put them into a chart on my computer.  I just think everything looks better when it's in little boxes. 

Things are like a roller coaster for me right now.  I'm never sure if it's my emotions from the pregnancy or if it's something I have a legitmate reason to be upset about.  One thing is for sure, I hate DFC. (Department of Family and Children) I called on Thursday to see what was going on with my application since I haven't recieved anything in the mail or a phone call.  Well, I ended up having to leave a message and have to yet to hear back from my social worker.  Today I got a letter in the mail from the DFC.  They are saying my application for Medicaid is being denied BECAUSE I failed to appear for my personal interview.  Well, that's complete bullshit because I was there.  It was on the 12th of this month.  Hopefully, someone at DFC just screwed up because if they mailed me something and the post office screwed up, well then I'M screwed.  There's no way they'll believe that it actually got lost in the mail and then I have to start the process COMPLETELY over again.  I was telling my mom today that by the time I get some insurance, the baby will be born already.  The government really sucks sometimes.  I don't see why it's so hard to put things where they belong and send things when they're supposed to be sent.  Regular everyday businesses can do it, but for some reason, government offices can't seem to do the simplest tasks.

I have been finding some awesome deals on maternity clothes the last two days.  We've gotten three shirts for UNDER four dollars a piece.  And another for just over five.  I've decided that I will only buy things that are on major sales.  I've found plenty of cute stuff for 75% off.  We bought two baby blankets this weekend, my grandma bought us one and my mother-in-law bought us some baby clothes.  I need to let her know that we'll be needing more older baby clothes.  I'm worried she'll continue to buy infant clothes.  Babies grow out of the really small stuff before you can blink, better to have the a lot of the stuff they can grow into.  Last few days I've felt a few bumps here and there.  I don't think I'm going to enjoy the baby moving around.  The first time he/she moved, my first thought wasn't 'oh that's too cool' It was more like 'oh crap, it's starting already.' 

Men are IDIOTS

Usually, I wouldn't get on here and vent about Shawn, today isn't one of those days.  I just can't take it anymore.  I'm stuck in this house all damn day, by myself.  I couldn't leave even if I wanted to because he's got the car since the truck is a piece of shit.  A few days ago we got into it about him going out tonight.  I didn't get why, for two weekends in a row, I wasn't allowed to go with him and his friend, Paul to play pool.  Last weekend, I initially understood, (he was only supposed to be gone a couple of hours and ended up walking through the door at 12am) because Paul had just broken up with his longtime girlfriend, so I figured I'd give them time to talk alone.  Now, before Paul had a girlfriend, we would all do things TOGETHER, now that Paul is single, I'm left out for whatever reason.  Anyways, a few days ago, I was trying to tell him that I didn't get why I couldn't go and he comes up with this lame ass excuse saying that since Paul was paying that PAUL didn't want me to go.  Well, I know that's BS because Paul woulnd NEVER ever say that.  Then Shawn says, fine you can go.  Oh, yeah that makes me feel welcome on your little boys night BS.  We went back and forth about it and he says, just tell me whether you're going or not on Friday.  Well, I was planning on going because if I don't go, I will be here all night alone.  My mom is going to my brother's soccer game, which normally I would just go with her but my dad is going to be there and I really don't feel like dealing with him.  But when I called Shawn a few minutes ago, he says I'm leaving at 8 and I'll be back around 11:30, in other words to hell with you, I'm going and you're not.  Then, he has the nerve to say, well I'm going to ask Paul if he wants to do something tomorrow all three of us.  Oh yeah, I really want to hang out with Paul all weekend.  And besides that, I'm being forced into going to his mom's to eat tomorrow for a holiday that she doesn't even believe in and never showed much interest in until me and Shawn got together and he was celebrating with MY family.  Yeah, it should be a wonderful weekend.  I get to be upset all night tonight and then I have to act like I'm the happy little pregnant daughter-in-law and there's not adamn thing wrong.  I have half a mind to tell him to go to hell and he can deal with his mother alone.  I just don't see why he doesn't "get it" yet.  I mean, we're had this SAME fight (only with different people other than Paul) for the last five years.  The last time we had this fight, we split up but he STILL doesn't get it.  I might as well be going through this pregnancy alone because he's oinly involved when it suites him.

Doctor's, Bills and state gov't

I figure it's been a while, I'd better write before everyone starts panicking.  LOL  I've still got a little bit of the cold.  Just the after effects.  I've been having a lot of headaches recently so it's prevented me from doing anything but laying in bed.  I think I'm starting to feel a little cabin fever.  Shawn left today to run into town to have the truck looked at and I started crying because I'm always alone here.  He's working nine hours and my mom is working ten, so it's like by the time they get home, we eat and they go to sleep.  Probably just pregnancy hormones.  I have my nurse's appointment on Monday.  I'm having my grandma go with me, just in case they decide to draw blood.  For those of you who don't know, I have a huge phobia of needles and I pass out everytime I get stuck with one.  Unfortunately, the one person that thinks it's all in my head, is the person that's going with me.  Sometimes my grandma thinks that you can make anything mentally go away as long as you believe hard enough that it's not there.  So I should just tell myself to get over it and I won't pass out from needles anymore.  I know it's ridiculous.  It doesn't hurt but I still pass out.  There's nothing I can do to control it.  My Medicaid still hasn't come through.  I left a message with my social worker today.  It's been almost a month since I was last there and I'm worried they'll make me start the whole process over again.  It makes me want to cancel my appointments because I know how much it's going to cost in the end.  I'm worried that I'll never get my Medicaid and I'll have to find a way to pay for it all out of pocket.  That's pretty much impossible.  The hospital alone is a huge bill.  I wish they'd just send me a letter to let me know what's going on, anything so I can stop worrying about it.  To top it all off, I feel like there's something wrong for some reason.  I just feel like I've stopped putting on weight and stopped feeling so hungry so there must be something wrong with the baby.  I'm sure it's just because I'm into the "golden trimester."  Well, I'm going to go find something to eat.  Oh, my mom probably loves the fact that I'm going out of my mind.  The living room has been spotless for two days.  HAHA

Sick

I won't be posting for a few days.  I woke up this morning feeling a little sick and I think it's best if I just stay in bed for a few days.  I look forward to Thanksgiving and would like to feel my best for it.  Not to worry, it's nothing serious.  Just a sore throat and I was throwing up this morning but other than that, I'm feeling ok.  Hungry but a little nervous about eating anything after this morning.  Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving and I'll talk to you soon.

Icky Kitty

Yesterday was a pretty nasty day.  The day before, I noticed that Scaredy, one of our cats and our only indoor/outdoor cat, had a large "bubble" on his left hind leg.  I knew by the cut nearby that it was a abcess and a very large one.  I tried expressing it myself, but got nothing but blood.  (I'm trying to be as ungraphic as possible here, bear with me) I called the rescue but everyone had went to bed for the night.  The next morning (yesterday) Nancy called me back first thing and I told her I had a problem.  She told me to come by around 4.  I loaded Scaredy into the cat carrier, which he normally hates but didn't protest on this occasion.  Now, he's been to the rescue before and had nasty things done to him so he KNOWS the smells there.  He didn't seem to want to come out of the carrier once he knew where he was.  We gave him a sedative and waited for it to take effect.  After about twenty minutes, we got everything ready.  I held him and Jennifer used a scaple to express the HUGE abcess that had been growing under his skin unseen.  It was awful.  Thankfully, I wasn't able to smell much due to the pregnancy.  We got two washcloths full of yucky stuff before it was finally cleaned out.  We bandaged him up and put him back in the carrier but left the wound open to drain.  He was a little drowzy till today due to the sedative.  Just a few minutes ago, I changed his bandage and the wound looks so much healthier than it did last night.  You can just tell how much relief that brought him.  He's purring so much louder today than he was yesterday.  He just seems like a much happier cat.  I was so mad at myself for not noticing it sooner but he's a LARGE tomcat and it's not easy to see things like that on him.  The only reason I noticed it was because there was some missing hair where the abcess had burst a little.  I'm so glad I did find it.  If I hadn't, it would've killed him.  He's now being spoiled rotten with tons of canned food.  Although, he thinks it's torture because he's locked in the nice warm bathroom, with a large eggcarton for your bed.  I think the only thing he really has to bitch about is the fact that he's getting amoxicillion every 12 hours or so. 

Me and my mom went to Wal-Mart today.  I got a pair of maternity kakis.  I figured they wouldn't fit for another month or so... wrong.  They're a little loose but they fit already.  Makes me want to go back to motherhood maternity and rub it in that sales lady's face.  She said I wouldn't be able to fit into a SMALL till I was seven months.  Well, guess what lady, I'm four months and they fit.  Hmph.  At least I know that I have something to wear at Christmas if I can't fit into my skirt.  It stretches but I don't know if that will make much of a difference in a month and a half.  Good lord, Christmas isn't that far off is it?  Oh yeah, that's something else we did today.  Me and Shawn got my mom some stuff for Christmas.  Can't tell what it is though because she gets on here and reads it.  Ha ha mom, no peaking for you!

I just found out that Ebay has maternity clothes!!  I'm not a big online shopper but I might just have to be for my maternity clothes.  Some of the people on there sell a large amount of items (10-30) and most of the orders are for under $100!!  I found one order that I want already.  I just have to bid on it in the next few hours.  Gotta wait for those who have money to get home first.  =)~  I have been looking at maternity clothes at places like Motherhood Maternity and the prices are soooo expensive.  Maternity jeans cost more than my regular jeans, for something I only be able to wear while I'm pregnant!!!  I need to start seriously looking for clothes now since I'm getting so big so fast.  By Christmas I'll be huge.  Most of the stuff on Ebay is lightly used, which just makes it cheaper.  I think after the pregnancy, I'll sell the new stuff I buy.  (not the ebay stuff, unless it's for really cheap)  Just had to share my discovery with everyone!! 

Gaining, Gaining

My head has been killing me the last few days.  It's my sinuses.  I'm told it's from all the pressure and extra blood flow going through there from the pregnancy.  It's awful.  Nothing seems to help for more than an hour.  I took two sinutab's today to try and help with it.  We went out to dinner and halfway through it, I got a migraine again.  Ick. 

I feel more and more pregnant.  My stomach feels huge.  I had to buy a bigger sized underwear today.  No one said my butt would grow!  Sheesh, what does my butt have to do with my stomach growing???  The sweatpants I bought a month ago, no longer fit real well.  I had to cut them on the sides so they would stretch a little more.  I'm going to be in maternity clothes sooner than later I think.  I KNOW I'll be in them by Christmas.  I just hate this in between time.  I don't fit into my regular clothes but I'm still too small for maternity pants.  I've gotta go get a bigger bra next week.  Another part of my body that's growing that I wish would just stop.  I'm glad to almost be to my second trimester though.  On Thursday I can officially say that I'm out of the first tri.