Trees

I realized something the other day while me and my husband were looking at houses.  I don't like the idea of cutting down trees.  Especially really old ones.  I kind of feel like they've made it through so much, so many years of lighting, fires, bugs, humans, etc. that I don't have a right to bring that life to an end.  I know that probably sounds ridiculous.  I think it probably comes from the way I was brought up.  My mom is very into native american culture.  If she could have been an Indian, she would've.  Therefore, I've gotten a lot of history in that area.  I remember at some point during my childhood, watching some documentary of some sort on a tribe and they believed that every living thing has a soul, dogs, cats, trees, grass, everything.  I feel like that has a lot to do with why I don't like killing anything.  The other day, I caught a nasty looking spider and took him to our barn... in the pouring rain because I was worried that if I just set him outside somewhere, he would drown.  The only things I don't mind killing are fleas and mosquitos, oh and ticks.  Basically if it sucks my blood, or stings, I'm all for killing it.  But I feel like there is something really special about trees.  I don't know what it is.  Maybe it's because they've been mystical beings in so many kids movies or maybe it's just because they've been around for such a long time.  Whatever the reason, they have my respect. 

Houses

Me and Shawn have been house shopping for a while now.  We're not able to buy anything right this second but we hope to be within the next six months or so.  our realtor says we're doing everything right and she's got a great reputation with everyone we've talked to.  We're having trouble finding houses with land in Indiana.  I would like to stay within twenty miles of my mom and brother.  We have, however found land in Michigan.  Two of the houses have 9.5 acres and what appear to be nice houses.  (we haven't been in them, just looked online at their pictures)  They're about an hour away but it's all highway so it wouldn't seem like an hour drive.  I don't know what's going to happen.  I really like this old farm house in Michigan but I feel like there would be more problems with an older house.  (it's over hundred years old) Well, I'd better go.  I'm supposed to be watching my brother play video games and make sure that Jasmine doesn't get in his way.

The past month

Well, it's been a while.  Let's see what's new.  Jasmine did really well on her trip to Ohio for a baby at least.  She cried quite a bit on the way home but nothing too major.  We didn't get to go to the zoo in Columbus because it was below freezing out.  When we got home we did end up going to the zoo in South Bend.  She loves the lamas the most.  She's finally sleeping normal hours again.  Sigh of relief. 

There's been a lot of family crap going on with my dad and my brother.  I'll try to make a long story short.  My brother has been really upset since he and his girlfriend (ex) broke up.  They'd been together for over two years and she immediately started dating someone else.  I tried to get my dad to help support my brother and it backfired.  He just lectured him.  Then, my brother took a friend to our dad's house to get something from his room and my dad's wife totally flipped out.  My dad and his wife told my brother (who is almost 19) that he couldn't have friends over without permission and if he didn't get a hold of anyone then no one could come over.  The reason for this is that my brother's best friend is a typical boy and tends to pee on the toilet seat.  I don't think it's a huge deal, not a big enough to basically ban the kid from the house.  Anyways, my brother didn't get an answer on the phone so he just went to the house since he was only going to be there a few minutes.  My dad's wife followed my brother up the stairs to his room, cursing at him the whole way.  Later she claimed that Jason had started the cursing (a lie) and that SHE was the one being "attacked."  (a word they're using quite frequently it seems) When my brother got to the front door to leave, she shoved him out the door and slammed it.  She pushed him hard enough that my brother almost fell off the porch.  (she's a big woman) All the while my brother's friend is still in the house, watching in stunned silence.  Now she claims that she just extended her arm to make sure he was clear of the door before she slammed it.  She didn't change her story till she realized that her actions had caused a little war between us and my dad.  Immediately after it happened, my husband called her to tell her she'd better never put her hands on my brother again and she claimed she was just as shocked as anyone by her actions.  Sounds like she was admitting to doing it to me.  When she talked to my dad however she told him a different story or else they made up the lie together.  Who knows with those two.  Anyways, my dad has been emailing me daily trying to get me on his "side" of the situation.  No matter what happens, I'm ALWAYS on my brother's side.  No matter what he gets himself into.  So I haven't been emailing my dad back until I figured out exactly what I wanted my email to convey to him.  He likes to use your words against you so you have choose them carefully.  After getting yet another email from him today I finally wrote him back and told him that I was just trying to figure out what I wanted to say to him.  That's ALL I said.  He wrote me back several hours later saying that there was nothing to think about and they were basically not in the wrong in any way and my brother is a piece of crap.  Not in those words but that's what the letter came down to.  So it's been a lovely couple of weeks.  There's always someone fighting with someone around here. 

On Sunday, April 23 at 3am, the city of South Bend lost one of it's police officers.  Please keep his family in your thoughts.  He was shot during a robbery where he tried to potect a friend.  His death was needless and thoughtless.  The robbers were 17 and 18. 

No rest

On Friday it will be two weeks since I've had more than 6 hours of sleep in one night.  Jasmine's DtP shot and first teeth came at the same time and completely screwed up when she's sleeping.  Basically she takes a bunch of naps and one long nap right now.  Some days I feel like I'm losing my mind.  We never go to sleep before 11am.  Yesterday it wasn't till 12pm.  It gets so frustrating.  I had more sleep when she was a newborn than I do now.  We leave for Ohio this weekend and Jasmine will be coming with us.  I have no idea what's going to happen.  She could be an angel or she could turn into a monster.  She will hopefully sleep in the car on the way there.  It's about a 5 hour drive.  I hope the day wears her out enough that on Friday night she sleeps because I don't think I'll get any sleep Thursday night.  I don't know how well I would deal with her on no sleep and no end in sight.  Well, she's throwing a fit so I must go now.  Wish me luck.  Enjoy every hour of sleep since I can't.

Zoo's

I can't wait till the zoo's start opening.  I love going to the zoo.  We went to the one in South Bend 2 or 3 times last year and to the Columbus zoo in Ohio once.  This summer I want to go to Chicago and go to both the Brookfield zoo and Lincoln Park zoo.  I've been to Brookfield a few times but never to Lincoln.  I can't wait.  I know Jasmine won't remember it but hopefully she'll enjoy the animals.  She went with us everytime to the zoo last year but slept through most of the visits, even when it was pouring rain.  She's pretty good around people and in public places so hopefully this won't be any different.  Maybe we'll even take her to Columbus this year if it's not too cold and miserable when we go in the beginning of April.  What can I say, I love being where the animals are. 

back

I'm baaaack.  I hadn't been online very much for about a week bevcause my laptop wouldn't let me use aol.  We ended up having to completely wipe my hard drive and start all over.  Shawn spent over 3 hours on the phone with the people from HP.  They think there was something on the computer preventing aol from starting.  I think if it was anything, it was Norton's.  At any rate, we shouldn't have this much trouble if it happens again because I turned my system restore on and saved everything after I re-installed it. 

poem

This is the first poem I think I've ever written that has no real meaning to me.  Usually when I write, it has to make me want to cry, either from saddness or being happy.  But it was raining last night and this is what came out.

 

Down it comes

Dark as night

Noise like drums

Noise like spite

 

She flows with the wind

Swims with the rain

Finds no end

Feels no pain

 

Out with the dark

In with the light

Still some spark

Still some fight

 

Closes her eyes

Finds relief

Needle in vein

Ends the night