The Dogs of Babel

Yesterday, while in Barnes and Noble, I spotted a book that I had read about months ago.  At the time I had wanted the book and I knew yesterday that I still wanted it.  I was strongly drawn to it for no reason that I can come up with.  I'm glad I decided to buy it.  I finished it today.  It's a wonderful book that I can't reccomend enough.  The Dogs of Babel A novel By Carolyn Parkhurst.  As far as I can find, this is her first novel and a wonderful one at that.  It's a look at how one man deals with the unexpected death of his wife and takes you through all his stages of grief, however strange they may be.  If you ever feel like reading a really good novel, I suggest this one.  I'm going out tomorrow to buy The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold.  I wanted to copy a paragraph from The Dogs onto the journal for all of you to read.  I'll explain my reasoning after I've copied it down.

Suicide is just a moment, Lexy told me.  This is how she described it to me.  For just a moment, it doesn't matter that you've got people who love you and that the sun is shining and there's a movie coming out this weekend that you've been dying to see.  It hits you all of a sudden that nothing is ever going to be okay, ever, and you kind of dare yourself: Is this it?  You start thinking that you've known this was coming all along, but don't know if today's going to be the day.  And if you think about it too much, it's probably not.  But you dare yourself.  You pick up a knife and press it gently to your skin, you look out a nineteenth-story window and you think, I could just do it.  I could just do it.  And most of the time, you look at the height and you get scared, or you think about the poor people on the sidewalk below - what if there are kids coming home from school and they have to spend the rest of their lives trying to forget this terrible thing you're going to make them see?  And the moment's over.  You think about how sad it would've been if you never got to see that movie, and you look at your dog and wonder who would've taken care of her if you had gone.  And you go back to normal.  But you keep it there in your mind.  Even if you never take yourself up on it, it gives you a kind of comfort to know that the day is yours to choose.  You tuck it away in your brain like sour candy tucked in your sheek, and the puckering memory it leaves behind, the rough pleasure of running  your tongue over its strange terrain, is exactly the same.

In my opinion, that's what it's like.  Suicide is just a moment.  It's not something you go through always, it's just a moment in time.  And just with any other strong memory, you carry it with you always.  I'm not ashamed of my attempt at suicide all those years ago.  I wear my scars like a badge of honor.  I made it.  I lived through the worst time of my life, somehow.  If I could make it through that, I can make it through anything.  In times of doubt, pain and grief, I run my finger over that scar, sometimes, unknowingly because it gives me the strength to get through the next obstacle.  When someone asks about it, I tell them everything they want to know, I hold nothing back.  I feel they're asking for a reason, a reason known only to them but that they honestly need to know the answers to their questions.  If I don't answer them honestly, how can I possibly help them?  I guess only those that have gone through that deep of despair can truly understand how I can consider something of strength.  It's hard for a "normal" person to imagine seriously considering taking their own life.  They wonder how you could be so selfish but for that one moment, all those other things in your life no longer matter.  It takes over your life, and your mind.  For that one moment, you no longer control who you are.  What's stranger yet is, during that one moment, you feel calmer and more in control of your life than you had in months.  You stand there, seriously considering how to do yourself in and you feel calm.  To come back from that, I think anyone should consider being strong.  To pull yourself out of that, well it takes some major work.  Once that moment is over for you, it's over but for others it takes much longer for them to leave that moment behind.  They're the sane ones, the ones that wonder what the hell is wrong with your brain to make you attempt such a thing.  You can see it in their eyes for months.  They watch very carefully what they say and worry that they may have said something to send you back to that moment.  But it's not a sentence or an event that sends you to that moment.  It's many sentences and many events all conviently at the wrong time in your life that put you in that moment.  You wonder if things had happened a little differently, if you would've still considered it.  But if you live through it, you learn.  What doesn't kill us, really does make us stronger, no matter how painful it is to get through those things.

My Tribute to Favre

Today was my 22nd birthday.  We went out to eat and then went shopping.  I stopped at Borders and got a book that I've been wanting since I found out about it.  If you don't know, I'm a huge Packers fan.  Recently, a book came out that is called Favre.  It was written by Brett Favre and Bonita Favre.  (his mother)  In the last year, Brett has went through many tragic events in his private life, his father died in a car accident, his brother-in-law died, and his wife, Deanna found out she had breast cancer.  A lesser man might have threw in the towel.  Not Brett.  The night after his father died was a Monday night game, Green Bay against the Raiders.  No one honestly expected Brett to play.  It was too much to ask of any man no matter how much he loved the game but Brett knew his dad would've wanted him to play that game.  I've never seen a football game like that and I don't believe anyone else that watched that game had either.  I think that even the usually rowdy Raiders fans were in awe of what Brett was accomplishing that night.  He was playing for the man he loved the most in the world, his father.  I've been a Packers fan since the beginning of season '94, just before Brett went into rehab for his addiction to pain killers.  I am first and foremost a Favre fan.  Where he goes, I go and I believe that half of the Green Bay fans feel the same way.  When he's feeling pain, we feel it with him, when he grieves, we grieve too.  We love him as if he was a member of our family because in a lot of ways, for Green Bay fans, he is.  He's in our home every Sunday for four hours or more.  We share our dinner with him, our family and our lives.  I can only hope that Brett won't listen to the nah-sayers and will continue to play until the game doesn't bring him that thrill.  My most cherished Favre memories will be when Freeman would catch an impossible throw in the end zone to win the game, it's that look on Brett's face that I will always carry with me and what keeps me coming back season after season.  You won't see that expression on any other quarterbacks face.  I explain it to everyone like he's in high school and every touchdown throw is his first.  He's just as happy with the first touchdown of a game as he is with the last one.  No matter when Favre decides to retire, he will go down as a legend with Lombardi, the late Reggie White and the entire Packer history.  We love you Brett, where ever you go in the next few years, we'll understand.

Merry Christmas All

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas.  I just haven't gotten around to writing on here.  It's been busy as I'm sure it has been for most of you.  On Wednesday night, I was busy wrapping presents when I took a break to check my mail.  Molly (the newest doggie addition to our house, I'll add pictures soon) came in acting a little strangely.  Upon closer look, I noticed she had a nasty gash just above her right eye.  I immediately took her into the kitchen and had my brother pet her so I could take a look at it to see if it needed a vet.  It was deep enough that I thought it might have punctured the area around the back of her eye.  I woke my mom up to see what she wanted to do.  (it was after 11)  Almost as soon as she saw it, we decided to take her to the emergency vet clinic.  I called them when we were on the way to explain what we were coming in with and told them we'd be there in 45 minutes.  When we got there they were ready for us.  We went back to a room first.  Molly did very well.  She wagged her tail for the doctor.  The only thing she did badly was sit still. LOL The doctor was a nice guy and I really liked him.  He made some jokes because me and my mom had been talking about whether or not my dog had caused Molly's wounds (she didn't, it was a tear, not something a dog could have done) and he asked if we wanted to do some CSI stuff and take a saliva swab.  Just joking of course.  He took her in the back and gave her a strong sedative called dormitor.  She was out within seconds.  I was happy he allowed us to stay and watch the whole thing.  He roughed up the area with a scaple.  He explained the reasoning for that, there's no straight lines in nature and when one is put there, it looks wrong.  He then began to put stitches in.  They were to be completely under the skin so you couldn't even see them and they were self desolving.  I've never watched stitches put it so I thought it was pretty neat.  They also gave her some torb and lidicane, both pain relievers and anti-inflammitory.  Then he gave her a reveral for the dormitor and brought her into the lobby where she would wake up after a few minutes.  She has to go back to the doctor in a few days but she should heal ok.  He put in at least ten stitches and was very careful to make sure that her eye would look the same as the other one.  It was drooping when we first brought her in because there was nothing holding up her eyelid.  Recently she's started messing with her eye.  I'm sure it's itchy from healing and the hair growing back.  If she doesn't knock it off, I'll have to put a cone around her neck. 

I got a really nice camera from Shawn for Christmas.  It's a Cannon EOS RebelT2.  It's got tons of features and lots of buttons.  I've spent the last two days trying to figure out how to get it to work and what all the buttons do.  I got some gift certificates, one to Barnes and Noble where I got a few books.  I also got cute socks, more books, a rocker/glider chair, video games and much more.  Well that's all for now.  On the 30th I have a doctor's appointment, hopefully I can get an ultrasound then.  I'll let you all know how it goes.

Christmas Shopping

Holiday shopping can be a bit of a pain in the ass sometimes.  I've got a list of people in front of me that I plan to buy gifts for, even if it's just something small.  Some people were easier to shop for than others, probably because I know some of them better than others and therefore know what they would like the most.  My mom for one was an easy person to get gifts for, but my grandfather on the otherhand is the hardest person for me to buy for every year.  He doesn't want anything and he really doesn't need anything.  I really hate to get him a gift certificate and nothing else but he does like to eat out.  My dad and his wife I'll be getting gift certificates for but those were the only people I was going to do that with.  The only thing I can think of for my grandpa is a sweater or a sweatshirt.  I'm just really not sure.  My mom got him a sweater already so I don't know if we should do the same.  I've got a list in front of me of the things I want to go buy tomorrow and a list of the stores we'll have to visit.  Some people I know what I want to get them but I have to go to several different stores to find the right one.  Right now, there is 14, possibly 15 stores that we will be at some point tomorrow afternoon.  That's a lot of crowds to deal with.  Most of those stores are in the mall, which might even make it worse.  Plus, I want to look at baby stuff because we're going to be buying some of those bigger items soon and I'd like to pin down just which ones we want.  At some point and time I'm going to be forced to use a (gasp) public bathroom, since I'm pregnant, it's inevitable.  This is ridiculous, there's 11 people on my list and I'm going to end up at 14 or more stores.  I don't mind the shopping, I love spending money, I mind the PEOPLE.  They bump into you, are rude and walk too slow or they'll stand in the middle of the isles like they own the place.  I'm going to come home grouchy, and sore for sure. 

Got My Card

I got my Medicaid card today!!!!  =)  I'm not sure exactly what is covered.  It says: Doctor's Office Visits, Hospital services, Health clinic services, Laboratory and X-ray services, Emergency treatment services, Family planning services, Mental health services, Mental health services, Prescription drugs, Medical equipment and supplies, Rehabilitative therapies, Transportation to health care services, Vision care, Dental care ($600 a year limit) Nursing home and hospice care, Case management services.  But I don't know if that means those things are paid in full by Medicaid or what procedures are covered.  I mean, it says vision care but I'm sure that laser eye surgery isn't included in that.  I've done some looking online but can't find anything that is any more elaborate than what I recieved in the mail.  I may have to ask my case worker about that or ask if there's some pamplet or something that describes it better.  For now I'm just happy I got the card.  I'm so relieved that I don't have to worry about medical expenses anymore.  It's one less thing to stress me out and believe me, I stress easily since I'm pregnant.  I read online that MY medicaid could be taken away once the baby is born, even though people with children qualify.  I have a feeling I'm going to have to go through a whole new set of ordeals.  I was offered food stamps at the DFC but I declined them.  I'm only going to use what I need.  I'm sure I qualified for just about any kind of assistance the state provides but I don't NEED it so I'll continue to decline those as well.  I don't know what the limitations are on some of those things and I could actually NEED them someday and not qualify because I already used it.  Well, I'd better find something to eat for lunch or I'll pay for it later.

Shopping

Things are a little better today.  I went and had a talk with Shawn about what's been bothering me and it sounds like he and I will be going shopping alone on Saturday.  I usually wouldn't  have him do that to one of his friends but I thought just once I was going to ask him to do something for me.  The reason I say sounds like is because he had said before that I could go with him and his friend and then at the last minute acted like he forgot.  I've just been really stressed out this past month.  Feel like I'm in this mostly on my own.  Well, I've got a migraine so I'm going to go lay down.

Since no one else wants to discuss this with me, I guess I'm going to post it on my journal.  Apparently, Shawn made plans for Friday to go Xmas shopping with his friend Justin and then again on Saturday with his friend Paul.  I guess I just wasn't at the top of his priority list when he was thinking about who might have things they want to buy.  I feel like since he's making all the money, that I have no say so in what is bought for Xmas for MY family.  Again, his friends come before I do.  The only thing he's worried about is proving he's right and not figuring out the REASON I'm upset.  Now he's upstairs pouting for something HE did.  This always happens.  I get upset about something and he gets pissed off at me for being upset in the first place.  Now he's trying to get me to go shopping either AFTER he and Justin go or WITH him and Paul.  Gee, thanks honey, I'm glad I'm so important to you.  When I tried to explain to him why I didn't want to go with him and Paul, he gets shitty.  Well, let's see here, I would be the third wheel, HIS girlfriend.  They would spend the entire day making fun of me and by the time I got to go home I would feel miserable and just want to spend the night crying.  It'd be nice to have my feelings thought of once and a while instead of his friends coming first but I guess he'd have to run out of friends before that would happen.

Got Medicaid??

According to the supervisor at the DFC, I now have Medicaid.  I just have to wait for my card in the mail.  We had to spend almost an hour waiting after she got my paperwork but it was worth it if I get a card in the mail within the next week.  (I was told it would be here in 48-72 hours)  So I made another appointment with my OB, since I had to cancel the one I have for Monday.  It's for December 30th at 9:15am.  I WILL have my ultrasound on that day even if it means I have to go to the hospital to get it.  I'll be five months pregnant by then.  So I have a few weeks in case DFC screws up again.  The supervisor apologized and said she was going to have a talk with my case worker.  I just think the woman didn't like me so she "accidently" lost my papers.  As soon as we got there, someone let her know we were waiting, so she packs up her stuff and leaves.  The receptionist told us that.  She was joking about it but I didn't find it to be very funny when I've been calling this woman everyday for the last week. 

Tonight, me, my brother and Shawn went out to eat at Logan's Steakhouse.  I'm usually not a red-meat person but since I've become pregnant, I've been craving it.  I got a steak, baked potato and mac and cheese, plus they give you free dinner rolls and I had three and a half of them.  Believe it or not, when we left, I was still hungry.  I'm getting ready to go find something small to eat right now.  It's ridiculous how much food I can eat now without getting close to full. 

More Medicaid Crap

DFC keeps putting me off so me and Shawn went up there on Wednesday.  I was pretty pissed by the time we got up there.  The receptionist took my information, copied it and then was supposed to have given it to the supervisor.  I was told to call them the next day, anytime after 9:30am and that they'd have it figured out by then.  I called and again my case worker said that she was busy and would call me back.  I didn't even touch the phone all day and she never called.  I called again today and got her voice mail so I pushed 0 to transfer me to the receptionist, she said she would put me on with the supervisor but only transfered me back to my case workers number.  So, I'll be back up there this afternoon since they can't seem to get their head out of their ass.  I have an appointment with WIC on January 11th.  That was the soonest appointment they had.  It's supposed to take from 1-2 hours.  I've started a baby gift registry at Wal-Mart.  It's mostly got toys and stuff on it.  I only did it because my dad is being a real pain in the ass about getting something together for "his" family to buy baby stuff.  Then he lectured me because there was only toys and some little stuff on there but I want to get a crib soon and I don't want someone else going and getting it.  Plus, we can't decide exactly what we want out of a stroller, high chair and things like that.  I don't want to put something on the registry, only to not get it and have to scramble when I'm 8 months pregnant to find the money for all those things.  So I put a $400 rocking chair on there, that'll give him something expensive to buy and maybe get him off my case. 

I'm definitely starting to show more everyday.  My brother is constantly pointing at my stomach and laughing.  The harder he laughs, the more I know I've grown.  haha  Well, I'm going to go get something to eat.  I'm starving.

No rest for the weary

I went to my nurse's appointment today.  I found out very quickly that in order to attend my first doctor's appointment this coming Monday that I must have $780 as a payment on the full amount, which comes to about $3,000.  That only covers my doctor's appointments and the hospital, that doesn't include, blood work, any kind of labs, ultrasounds, etc.  So of course, the first thing I did when I got home was call the DFC. (department of family and children) I was told she was with a client and would call me back.  I went out to get the mail and found that I had mail from the DFC.  It said that I had a new caseworker, so I called her to see what the deal was, hoping she wouldn't be busy as well.  She asked for my social security number and couldn't find it in the computer, she then asked for my last name, she said the only thing that was in the computer at all about me was my name and that I had for whatever reason been denied of my benefits.  She transfered me back to my original case worker, who of course was still busy because I had just spoken with her a few minutes before.  Again, she said she would call me back and had even repeated my phone number, she never called.  I will be calling her every day if that's what it takes.  The lady at the OB told me that there was a family practice that takes medicaid pending insurance and I could go to them but I wasn't able to even find them in the phone book so now I have to call my OB back and ask them where this place actually is.  This is such a pain in the ass.  I'll probably end up going to WIC to see what they can do to help me since the DFC is so incompetent that they can't even enter my name and information properly.

My grandma was the person who took me to my appointment today just in case they needed to draw blood.  We recently got a new dog, and I had originally been trying to get her to adopt it but for whatever reason, she decided that she didn't want the dog.  Well, we did and we adopted her.  We hadn't told my grandma though because we all knew the lecture we would get so we were going to put it off as long as possible.  I was going to put the dogs outside before she got here but she got here while I was brushing my teeth (the VERY firstthing I do in the morning) so I hadn't had time to put them out and she saw the dog.  I then got lectured abouthow unsanitary it is to have this many dogs in a house, especially with a baby on the way.  I couldn't make her listen to the fact that it's not MY dog, I wasn't the one who adopted her, she's my mom's dog.  I was immediately put into a bad mood this morning.  I know my grandma is just trying to help most of the time but more often than not, she just ends up upsetting someone.  She does more talking than LISTENING.  Once we got home, she kept trying to get me to do all this housework even though I was on and off the phone with caseworkers then entire time she was here.  And she kept telling me how good it was for me to get up and out of the house.  Apparently, she thinks I still sleep in till 4pm.  I swear, she thinks I never leave the house, I must order all my clothes offline.

I think this is kind of weird, I had my blood pressure taken today and it was 80 over 53.  Isn't that a little low??  She didn't seem concerned about it but you'd think it would be a little higher since I'm pregnant and pushing more blood through my body to get to the baby.  I'll have to look it up tomorrow sometime.  I weighed 106 today, which, according to doctor's scales would mean I'd gained 6lbs.  According to my scale at home, I've gained 11lbs.  I would prefer the 11 since I was already probably considered underweight before I got pregnant and have been told I should put on a little extra weight because of it.  I guess have a low body weight when you become pregnant can cause a low birth weight when the baby is born.  Well, I'm going to go to bed now, I hope.  I had so much trouble falling asleep last night.  I only ended up getting a few hours of sleep and waking up a full hour before my alarm even went off. 

Emptying my Mind

For some reason, I find typing on the keyboard sort of empowering.  It's one of the few things I'm really good at.  I can type up to 100 words per minute, at least that was the last time I took one of those tests.  It's like magic in a way.  I don't even think about what keys I'm hitting, I don't have to look, it's like I think a sentence and my fingers automatically put it on the screen.  I credit it to years of playing complex video games.  haha  I always thought I could get a job at a desk if nothing else but I think I would get bored very easily.  When I was in high school and taking computer classes, I used to hate sitting there for hours, typing up something that was already written down.  I didn't mind entering data though, make sense of that.  Even now, when I'm looking at baby names, I put them into a chart on my computer.  I just think everything looks better when it's in little boxes. 

Things are like a roller coaster for me right now.  I'm never sure if it's my emotions from the pregnancy or if it's something I have a legitmate reason to be upset about.  One thing is for sure, I hate DFC. (Department of Family and Children) I called on Thursday to see what was going on with my application since I haven't recieved anything in the mail or a phone call.  Well, I ended up having to leave a message and have to yet to hear back from my social worker.  Today I got a letter in the mail from the DFC.  They are saying my application for Medicaid is being denied BECAUSE I failed to appear for my personal interview.  Well, that's complete bullshit because I was there.  It was on the 12th of this month.  Hopefully, someone at DFC just screwed up because if they mailed me something and the post office screwed up, well then I'M screwed.  There's no way they'll believe that it actually got lost in the mail and then I have to start the process COMPLETELY over again.  I was telling my mom today that by the time I get some insurance, the baby will be born already.  The government really sucks sometimes.  I don't see why it's so hard to put things where they belong and send things when they're supposed to be sent.  Regular everyday businesses can do it, but for some reason, government offices can't seem to do the simplest tasks.

I have been finding some awesome deals on maternity clothes the last two days.  We've gotten three shirts for UNDER four dollars a piece.  And another for just over five.  I've decided that I will only buy things that are on major sales.  I've found plenty of cute stuff for 75% off.  We bought two baby blankets this weekend, my grandma bought us one and my mother-in-law bought us some baby clothes.  I need to let her know that we'll be needing more older baby clothes.  I'm worried she'll continue to buy infant clothes.  Babies grow out of the really small stuff before you can blink, better to have the a lot of the stuff they can grow into.  Last few days I've felt a few bumps here and there.  I don't think I'm going to enjoy the baby moving around.  The first time he/she moved, my first thought wasn't 'oh that's too cool' It was more like 'oh crap, it's starting already.' 

Men are IDIOTS

Usually, I wouldn't get on here and vent about Shawn, today isn't one of those days.  I just can't take it anymore.  I'm stuck in this house all damn day, by myself.  I couldn't leave even if I wanted to because he's got the car since the truck is a piece of shit.  A few days ago we got into it about him going out tonight.  I didn't get why, for two weekends in a row, I wasn't allowed to go with him and his friend, Paul to play pool.  Last weekend, I initially understood, (he was only supposed to be gone a couple of hours and ended up walking through the door at 12am) because Paul had just broken up with his longtime girlfriend, so I figured I'd give them time to talk alone.  Now, before Paul had a girlfriend, we would all do things TOGETHER, now that Paul is single, I'm left out for whatever reason.  Anyways, a few days ago, I was trying to tell him that I didn't get why I couldn't go and he comes up with this lame ass excuse saying that since Paul was paying that PAUL didn't want me to go.  Well, I know that's BS because Paul woulnd NEVER ever say that.  Then Shawn says, fine you can go.  Oh, yeah that makes me feel welcome on your little boys night BS.  We went back and forth about it and he says, just tell me whether you're going or not on Friday.  Well, I was planning on going because if I don't go, I will be here all night alone.  My mom is going to my brother's soccer game, which normally I would just go with her but my dad is going to be there and I really don't feel like dealing with him.  But when I called Shawn a few minutes ago, he says I'm leaving at 8 and I'll be back around 11:30, in other words to hell with you, I'm going and you're not.  Then, he has the nerve to say, well I'm going to ask Paul if he wants to do something tomorrow all three of us.  Oh yeah, I really want to hang out with Paul all weekend.  And besides that, I'm being forced into going to his mom's to eat tomorrow for a holiday that she doesn't even believe in and never showed much interest in until me and Shawn got together and he was celebrating with MY family.  Yeah, it should be a wonderful weekend.  I get to be upset all night tonight and then I have to act like I'm the happy little pregnant daughter-in-law and there's not adamn thing wrong.  I have half a mind to tell him to go to hell and he can deal with his mother alone.  I just don't see why he doesn't "get it" yet.  I mean, we're had this SAME fight (only with different people other than Paul) for the last five years.  The last time we had this fight, we split up but he STILL doesn't get it.  I might as well be going through this pregnancy alone because he's oinly involved when it suites him.

Doctor's, Bills and state gov't

I figure it's been a while, I'd better write before everyone starts panicking.  LOL  I've still got a little bit of the cold.  Just the after effects.  I've been having a lot of headaches recently so it's prevented me from doing anything but laying in bed.  I think I'm starting to feel a little cabin fever.  Shawn left today to run into town to have the truck looked at and I started crying because I'm always alone here.  He's working nine hours and my mom is working ten, so it's like by the time they get home, we eat and they go to sleep.  Probably just pregnancy hormones.  I have my nurse's appointment on Monday.  I'm having my grandma go with me, just in case they decide to draw blood.  For those of you who don't know, I have a huge phobia of needles and I pass out everytime I get stuck with one.  Unfortunately, the one person that thinks it's all in my head, is the person that's going with me.  Sometimes my grandma thinks that you can make anything mentally go away as long as you believe hard enough that it's not there.  So I should just tell myself to get over it and I won't pass out from needles anymore.  I know it's ridiculous.  It doesn't hurt but I still pass out.  There's nothing I can do to control it.  My Medicaid still hasn't come through.  I left a message with my social worker today.  It's been almost a month since I was last there and I'm worried they'll make me start the whole process over again.  It makes me want to cancel my appointments because I know how much it's going to cost in the end.  I'm worried that I'll never get my Medicaid and I'll have to find a way to pay for it all out of pocket.  That's pretty much impossible.  The hospital alone is a huge bill.  I wish they'd just send me a letter to let me know what's going on, anything so I can stop worrying about it.  To top it all off, I feel like there's something wrong for some reason.  I just feel like I've stopped putting on weight and stopped feeling so hungry so there must be something wrong with the baby.  I'm sure it's just because I'm into the "golden trimester."  Well, I'm going to go find something to eat.  Oh, my mom probably loves the fact that I'm going out of my mind.  The living room has been spotless for two days.  HAHA

Sick

I won't be posting for a few days.  I woke up this morning feeling a little sick and I think it's best if I just stay in bed for a few days.  I look forward to Thanksgiving and would like to feel my best for it.  Not to worry, it's nothing serious.  Just a sore throat and I was throwing up this morning but other than that, I'm feeling ok.  Hungry but a little nervous about eating anything after this morning.  Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving and I'll talk to you soon.

Icky Kitty

Yesterday was a pretty nasty day.  The day before, I noticed that Scaredy, one of our cats and our only indoor/outdoor cat, had a large "bubble" on his left hind leg.  I knew by the cut nearby that it was a abcess and a very large one.  I tried expressing it myself, but got nothing but blood.  (I'm trying to be as ungraphic as possible here, bear with me) I called the rescue but everyone had went to bed for the night.  The next morning (yesterday) Nancy called me back first thing and I told her I had a problem.  She told me to come by around 4.  I loaded Scaredy into the cat carrier, which he normally hates but didn't protest on this occasion.  Now, he's been to the rescue before and had nasty things done to him so he KNOWS the smells there.  He didn't seem to want to come out of the carrier once he knew where he was.  We gave him a sedative and waited for it to take effect.  After about twenty minutes, we got everything ready.  I held him and Jennifer used a scaple to express the HUGE abcess that had been growing under his skin unseen.  It was awful.  Thankfully, I wasn't able to smell much due to the pregnancy.  We got two washcloths full of yucky stuff before it was finally cleaned out.  We bandaged him up and put him back in the carrier but left the wound open to drain.  He was a little drowzy till today due to the sedative.  Just a few minutes ago, I changed his bandage and the wound looks so much healthier than it did last night.  You can just tell how much relief that brought him.  He's purring so much louder today than he was yesterday.  He just seems like a much happier cat.  I was so mad at myself for not noticing it sooner but he's a LARGE tomcat and it's not easy to see things like that on him.  The only reason I noticed it was because there was some missing hair where the abcess had burst a little.  I'm so glad I did find it.  If I hadn't, it would've killed him.  He's now being spoiled rotten with tons of canned food.  Although, he thinks it's torture because he's locked in the nice warm bathroom, with a large eggcarton for your bed.  I think the only thing he really has to bitch about is the fact that he's getting amoxicillion every 12 hours or so. 

Me and my mom went to Wal-Mart today.  I got a pair of maternity kakis.  I figured they wouldn't fit for another month or so... wrong.  They're a little loose but they fit already.  Makes me want to go back to motherhood maternity and rub it in that sales lady's face.  She said I wouldn't be able to fit into a SMALL till I was seven months.  Well, guess what lady, I'm four months and they fit.  Hmph.  At least I know that I have something to wear at Christmas if I can't fit into my skirt.  It stretches but I don't know if that will make much of a difference in a month and a half.  Good lord, Christmas isn't that far off is it?  Oh yeah, that's something else we did today.  Me and Shawn got my mom some stuff for Christmas.  Can't tell what it is though because she gets on here and reads it.  Ha ha mom, no peaking for you!

I just found out that Ebay has maternity clothes!!  I'm not a big online shopper but I might just have to be for my maternity clothes.  Some of the people on there sell a large amount of items (10-30) and most of the orders are for under $100!!  I found one order that I want already.  I just have to bid on it in the next few hours.  Gotta wait for those who have money to get home first.  =)~  I have been looking at maternity clothes at places like Motherhood Maternity and the prices are soooo expensive.  Maternity jeans cost more than my regular jeans, for something I only be able to wear while I'm pregnant!!!  I need to start seriously looking for clothes now since I'm getting so big so fast.  By Christmas I'll be huge.  Most of the stuff on Ebay is lightly used, which just makes it cheaper.  I think after the pregnancy, I'll sell the new stuff I buy.  (not the ebay stuff, unless it's for really cheap)  Just had to share my discovery with everyone!! 

Gaining, Gaining

My head has been killing me the last few days.  It's my sinuses.  I'm told it's from all the pressure and extra blood flow going through there from the pregnancy.  It's awful.  Nothing seems to help for more than an hour.  I took two sinutab's today to try and help with it.  We went out to dinner and halfway through it, I got a migraine again.  Ick. 

I feel more and more pregnant.  My stomach feels huge.  I had to buy a bigger sized underwear today.  No one said my butt would grow!  Sheesh, what does my butt have to do with my stomach growing???  The sweatpants I bought a month ago, no longer fit real well.  I had to cut them on the sides so they would stretch a little more.  I'm going to be in maternity clothes sooner than later I think.  I KNOW I'll be in them by Christmas.  I just hate this in between time.  I don't fit into my regular clothes but I'm still too small for maternity pants.  I've gotta go get a bigger bra next week.  Another part of my body that's growing that I wish would just stop.  I'm glad to almost be to my second trimester though.  On Thursday I can officially say that I'm out of the first tri. 

Now for the Humans

Time for PICTURES!!!!

Made Appointments

I went to my doctor today.  I had been told before that I couldn't make my first appointment until I had confirmed my pregnancy with them.  I needed to bring in a jar with my first morning urine.  We get there with only four minutes to spare before the lab closes.  I'm sure they were pleased to have someone come in at the last minute.  I filled out a form asking the basics, when was my last period and such.  Then we waited for a bit.  She took us (us being me and my mom, Shawn wasn't able to get off work that early, plus it wasn't really important) into the back and did the test.  She came out and asked if I had taken a test at home and when I told her yes, she asked how it had come out and I told her positive.  By now I'm wondering if she's going to say that her's came out negative.  But she did say it was positive and gave me some prenatals.  I had to go up front and make some appointments.  My first appointment is an hour long on the 6th with the nurse.  I have no idea what can be talked about for an hour with the nurse.  My guess is taking an in depth history and just talking about the pregnancy.  Then I had to make another appointment with the doctor.  She told me they would rotate me through doctors and immediately said a doctor's name that isn't my regular doc.  I asked her if it wouldn't be better if I saw my usual doctor and she asked the name, I was then told that MY regular gyno doesn't DO ob!!!!!  I'm soooo mad.  She's such a great doctor and I'm so comfortable with her.  She's also the only female doctor there that is reliable.  It may sound weird to some but I prefer female gyno's, I don't really want a male doctor down THERE.  I know I'll need a pap and an examination but I DO NOT want it to be with one of the male doctors.  I'm going to ask the nurse if I can make a seperate appointment with my regular doctor for those kinds of exams.  I know my doctor previously did OB but I guess at some point and time she decided she didn't want to anymore.  Anyways, my appointment with the doctor is on the 13th.  I don't know how long it will last OR if Shawn will be able to go.  That really sucks.  I was so upset about the fact that MY doctor would no longer be my doctor that I stopped listening after that and just made an appointment for anytime.  Had I been paying attention I would have told her that I needed an appointment later in the day.  I may call back tomorrow but I don't want to end up waiting forever for an appointment. 

I stayed up relatively late for me last night... just past 11 o'clock.  I was hoping to get a glimpse at the Northern Lights.  The last time they were visible here was in '98.  Unfortunately, it was cloudy out.  I may have another chance tonight, IF the clouds clear up.  I'd really like to see it.  I think the pictures are just beautiful, I can't imagine what it would feel like to see it in real life. 

Almost to 12

Well, I'm almost out of the first trimester.  *thank you thank you*  I'm getting up twice a night because I have to pee.  I used to lay there and try my damnedest to fall back to sleep but now I've realized that I'm just wasting time and get up.  It's very frustrating, feels like I never get to really sleep.  I've tried drinking less water at night but I swear I just have to get up more when I drink less.  Make sense of that one.  I can't wait till this pregnancy is over with already.  I feel like Jennifer Aniston on friends when she was pregnant and saying Get Out Get Out Get Out.  I have to pee in a small jar and take it into my doctor's office just to prove that I'm pregnant to the state.  They say to use your first morning pee but I'd really like to get it over with today.  You think they'd know if I peed in a cup now, instead of this morning?  I should probably just wait till tomorrow.  Wouldn't want to pay for the test and get a negative.  Seems a little unlikely at 11+ weeks.  Well, time to feed the monster living inside of me.

Sweet Boy

I don't understand why these cats find me, even though there is nothing medically I can do for them.  Last night, me and Shawn went to our friends' house Paul and Debbie.  The boys went out to work on Paul's truck and I followed them out.  There was a cat under his truck and he said it had been there for a few days.  He said that the cat won't move unless you move him.  They had the truck on, revving it up and working on it and that cat never moved.  I gave him some water and some tuna and told Shawn that I was taking him home with us when we left.  As soon as he got in the car, he curled up in the backseat and never moved.  I got him home and the deal was that he'd stay in the barn.  Well, we quickly realized how sick this poor cat was, he was trying to vomit, severly dehydrated and starving.  He would growl in pain when you picked him up.  I told Shawn that there was no way I was letting this cat die in the cold barn, if he was to die, it would be in the house.  I cleaned up a large cage for him.  He's a beautiful cat, but he was also a very sick cat.  Shawn called the emergency clinic and they told us to call animal control.  All I wanted them to do was euthanize him and end his suffering.  There was no calling animal control anyways because it was midnight by then.  We made him as comfortable as possible and hoped that when we woke up, he would've died in his sleep.  The first thing I did was go to his cage.  He was still breathing.  His gums had went very pale over night and his breath was severly labored.  Throughout the night he had been eating and drinking, so I thought maybe there was a small bit of hope.  I called the rescue and asked their opinion on what I should do.  After talking it over, they asked that I bring him there.  I figured at the very least, Jenn could take a look and tell me that she too thought he should be euthanized.  Instead, he died on the way.  I knew it too.  He had been laboring quite badly and suddenly stopped.  I knew then that he had probably died but I didn't check until I got to the shelter.  I wish I could find the people that owned this cat and make them feel what he felt in the last moments of his life.  He was alone, scared and in so much pain.  He was one of the most beautiful cats I've ever seen.  I can only imagine how beautiful he would've been if he'd been healthy.  I'm just glad he's no longer suffering.  I just don't understand why.  Why he went to that truck and why I went to their house that night.  It's just frustrating when you've found this animal, sick and dying and there's not a damn thing you can do to help it.  Well, I'm going to bed now. 

Sleepless

Well, I slept in my bed last night for the first time in several weeks.  My original excuse was that I was having bad morning sickness.  Then I wanted to get the bedroom cleaned up before I was sleeping in it again.  Now I'm out of excuses and lacking sleep.  Shawn snored all night long (very unlike him) and then his alarm seemed to go off every five minutes for an hour.  I finally told him to turn it off.  (In that tone that says you're going to whether you like it or not)  He got huffy and went to work.  I was happy because then I was finally able to sleep.  My head is killiing me from sleeping like that most of the night.  Tonight, alarm goes off once and boy doesn't snore or I'll kick him.  I'm not going to go through this for the next six and a half months.  It's bad enough that I have to get up two times a night just to pee.

I'm getting a little more energy.  I was actually pretty annoying yesterday.  I wouldn't shut up.  You ever finally get over being sick and you haven't moved off the couch since you started feeling like crap and the first day you feel good, you have a ton of energy and MUST talk and be annoying?  LOL  I think I'm going to go take a nap.

Still Growing

I'm showing a little more now.  We took another picture on Halloween.  Still don't have the film developed though.  Have to finish out all the film first.  We didn't get even one trick or treater on Halloween.  Now we have a TON of candy.  Do you think I'm upset about that though?  LOL  My belly is getting in my way more and more when it comes to the way I would normally sit.  In a few weeks I'm going to be very limited as to how I sit.  I applied for Medicaid not that long ago.  I have an appointment on the 12th.  They want soooo much information.  They want all my paystubs from July to now.  I don't think I'm even going to be able to find one of them.  Plus, they want documentation that I was fired, but I wasn't fired.  I just hope that doesn't hurt my chances.  I quit before I was ever pregnant.  They want the usual stuff too, birth certificate, social security card.  They also want proof of pregnancy.  I don't know where I'm supposed to get that.  My doctor wants almost 100 bucks before they'll even CONFIRM I'm pregnant.  I don't even get an appointment for that.  I have to pee in a cup and bring it in, from there they'll make an appointment with me.  It's all because I don't have insurance.  If I had insurance I would've had an appointment no problem.  I don't know if going to planned parenthood and getting a pregnancy test would count.  They want a lot more information than just that.  I can't think of it all right now.  I really need to start getting everything together though.  I have to go by myself, which really sucks.  I've never had to do anything like this before. 

Everyone else has been fine since that gas leak.  We just had those two animals die.  I'm just glad we didn't lose them all. 

Anyone else out there going to vote today?  This will be my first time.  I wish I could just do it online quite frankly.  It's nasty out in Northern Indiana.  i don't think anyone really wants to go out anywhere today.  Let alone go vote.  Hopefully, there won't be a line or anything.  That way I can just make my choices and get the hell out of there.  If you're wondering, I'm voting Kerry/Edwards.  I don't like any of the canidates really but I'm trying to pick the lesser of the two evils.  Time for lunch!

Short

This will probably be a pretty short entry.  I'm not feeling real great today.  I'm still having the morning sickness.  I've decided that will never end.  LOL  I hope I'm feeling better this afternoon so I can go to the store without feeling like death.  I thought I was getting over this a few days ago.  I was feeling really good.  Had a little more energy and then poof, it's all gone and I'm back where I started. 

We had our furnance replaced a few days ago.  The guys said we had a gas leak from the water heater but they fixed it.  They were here all day.  When we all woke up the next morning, we were extremely sick, especially me and Shawn.  All we could smell was gas.  We called the furnance company and they said someone would be out shortly.  Well the guy find a small leak in the basement where they put the new pipes in, he fixed it and left.  Shawn went to go pay the car payment and I started to smell gas, yet again.  I called Shawn and had him come home to make sure I wasn't just smelling things.  (it's possible with my pregnancy LOL) He smelled it too.  It was coming from our oven.  This time we called the gas company AND the furnance company.  Nipsco came out and re-lite our pilot light in the oven.  We had asked the furnance guys TWICE if it needed to be re-lite since they turned off the gas and they said no because they hadn't turned off the gas to the oven.  Idiots.  I spent the rest of the day feeling like crap.  The next day we found my rabbit, Sage and one of the parakeets dead.  The guy that did the estimate is supposed to come out and "see how things went."  I'm going to tell him EXACTLY how it went.  Shawn even told them that I am pregnant and that's why we needed someone out for the gas leak immediately.  Well, I'm going to get off here and lay down for a while.

Just Whining

I've decided I AM NOT made to be pregnant.  Either I've got morning sickness and don't move off the couch or I feel totally depressed and don't move off the couch.  I just keep telling myself I'm almost to the second trimester, it'll all get better soon... only to get worse again.  I was supposed to make my OB appointment yesterday but since I couldn't sleep the night before, I didn't get up today until the office was closed.  Soooooo, I suppose I'll call them this morning since I'm sure to be awake.  I never feel like I get to see Shawn anymore.  This entire week I've been on the couch.  I was able to sleep in our bed maybe one night.  Plus, he keeps taking one of his friends home from work (his car is broken down so my BF goes and picks him... do  you think anyone would ever do that for us??) and it makes him get home all the much later than he usually does.  He's going onto first shift in a week.  That should be interesting.  I wanted him on first shift but not till the baby is born.  Since that isn't till May 26, he's a little early.  I just thought it would be nice if he was home during the day after the baby was born because I would have someone to help me.  I'm just really frustrated right now.  The animals are driving me crazy.  I haven't been able to take care of the litter boxes, which drives me crazy.  I like things done, when I want them done.  I don't like to wait for someone else to do it for me.  Plus, since I've been on the couch, Shawn's had to take care of my rabbits too.  I needed to get parakeet food LAST weekend and still haven't gotten it.  I'm definitely going this weekend.  They've got food but I don't like to be completely out.  Well, I'm going to go and pout for a while. 

Itsy Bitsy Tiny Little Mouse

Morning sickness is hell.  The last couple of days I have wanted to throw up, but it never seems to happen.  We were supposed to go to a haunted house with some friends but I just couldn't go.  Last night, when I was feeling better, I had some pizza.  I didn't start to feel sick again until I had some popcorn at 1am.  Apparently, the baby's not a fan of salty, buttery foods.  Who would've thought.  LOL  So right now, I'm still feeling awful and probably won't fall asleep for a few more hours.  I was whining to my mom on the couch around 4am, when one of our cats, Smokey went flying across the room.  She had caught a very small mouse and was playing with it.  I just couldn't let her kill it.  If it was going to die, then it was going to die someplace warm and safe.  I eventually caught him under the table.  He's now in my cricket cage.  (Obviously, there's no crickets in there though)  He can't be very old.  He's a very tiny little mouse.  I think he might actually live.  He was pretty lifeless when I put him in the cage but now he's jumping and trying to get out.  I set him free outside in a few hours if he's still doing good.  He'll have a huge barn full of hay and probably many other mice.  If he gets caught by a cat out there, at least I know I gave him another chance. 

I noticed that I've started to show a little bit.  It's only a matter of time before my clothes don't fit.  Oh well.  I'm going to go check on my little mouse and get some water. 

Very Annoyed

Today has not been a great day.  My hormones must be going completely crazy today.  Everyone annoyed me, even if they were only breathing.  The dogs made it a major point to do all the things they aren't supposed to and make as much noise as possible.  Shawn hasn't gotten home yet so I can't blame my moodiness on him... yet.  I spent the evening tracking down forms for Medicaid in Indiana, plus some other forms that take care of pregnant women's medical bills.  A girl I talked to today, says that if I go and have the test done at the health center that it'll speed up the process of getting my insurance, therefore getting me into the doctor's office sooner.  Some people seem to think I'm farther along than I am.  I thought I was at about 4-5 weeks, they think I'm at about 8 weeks and a day.  That's a lot farther along than I thought.  One of the girls had her last period the exact same time I did and she's due May 26th, 2005.  They say the doctor goes by the first day of your last period and not the conception date or the date you ovulated.  She goes to the doctor tomorrow and is supposed to tell me what her doctor says about all that.  I hate looking for all this crap in the first place.  I was told that if I don't have the pregnancy test done that it'll take 45 days to get approved or not but if I go and get the test that it'll take about 10 days. 

Me and this new bird are not getting along.  She seems to be just happy as can be as long as I don't mess with her in any way.  When I go to pick her up, she throws a fit and usually poops all over the place.  She's spent the day searching for sunflower seeds in her food dish, she won't find any, I removed all birdie junk food from her cage.  I got her out today and put her on the bed with some small foot toys and she pooped big time.  She walks up to the dog before she'll walk up to me.  Plus, she keeps biting me.  I'd like to thump her on the head but you can't do that with parrots.  Too bad because she REALLY bites down.  Many people give different opinions on how you should handle a bird that bires.  Some say yell, some say ignore it.  You name it and they've suggested it.  Well, I'm going to take my pregnant butt to bed.

Tuesday Newsday

Got my bird this weekend.  The bird fair was rather small compared to the ones I'm used to around here.  Which I thought was strange because it was in Chicago.  We did name her Mabel.  She's a little neurotic bird.  She doesn't climb or fly through her cage, instead she takes flying leaps from one perch to the next.  Unfortunately, she was on a partial seed diet and now it's a pain in the butt to get her to eat her regular food.  The breeder that I got her from was really sweet.  He gave us a bunch of toys for her cage and swings. 

Today, I got an email from a friend.  His wife and I, don't really like eachother.  There's no real reason for us not to like eachother, we just don't.  After doing a small amount of research today, I realized that we never would.  She's not the type of person I would normally be around.  Which makes it really hard for me to understand why he married her in the first place.  He and I are so much a like that I would think he would marry someone like "us."  It's just weird is all.

The pregnancy is going well so far.  I have no idea how far along I am.  Anywhere between five weeks and eight weeks.  I still have morning sickness.  I'm almost always hungry and no matter how much I eat, I never feel full.  And I'm sleeping ALL the time.  I sleep from 10-14 hours every night.  It's ridiculous.

Bird Fair this weekend

This weekend I'll be going to pick up my new senegal parrot.  I think I'm going to name her Maybelle.  I'm not completely sure yet though.  I like to have the bird around for a few days to get an idea of her personality before I name them.  I'm going to meet the breeder at a bird fair in Chicago.  WooHoo, bird fair!!!  Shawn's never been to one of these and I think he's going to freak.  It's a bird person's paradise.  I can't wait.  I think I'll have a few extra bucks after I pay for the bird too, so maybe I can get a little shopping in.  I'm a little nervous about getting a baby bird since I'll be having an infant in the house in less than nine months but I already put the deposit down and it's non-refundable.  Plus, I'd be pretty disappointed if I wasn't able to get this bird.  It'll work out, it'll just be a little extra stress after the baby is born.

I've been getting more and more tired everyday.  I wake up and two hours later I'm already ready for a nap.  I've been forcing myself to stay awake though because it's so hard for me to sleep at night.  Yesterday, I had to remove Leuka from the bedroom again.  He started with the diarrhea.  I've wormed him several times in the last six months but I noticed he was infested with tapworms when he had his accident.  So I wormed him again.  In a week or so, I'll bring him back into the bedroom and see how he does. 

Guess What

Sorry it's been a few days since I last wrote.  I had to email my friends and family first before I could tell ya'll what's been going on.  On Thursday, I found out I am pregnant!!!!  Don't ask how I feel about it because it's different every five minutes.  In the beginning I was excited and couldn't wait, now there's a little bit of that and being terrified of just about everything.  From how my life is going to change from here on out, to how I'll be able to care for a baby.  You name it, I've worried about it.  I've had a lot of morning sickness.  No vomiting, just nausea.  Many trips to the bathroom to pee.  A lot of eating.  LOL  Hormones have been going crazy.  One second I'm happy, the next I'm crying over some completely stupid commercial, and then I'm yelling about something.  It's a nice little roller coaster for the people I live with.  I'm making my first OB appointment tomorrow.  Oh yeah, I'm between 3 and 4 weeks.  We're not real sure and probably won't be until I go to the OB.  I'm going to have a website that has all the baby stuff on it and I'll put the link on here as soon as it's functioning.  That's all for now!!!  I need to get some sleep.  I'm always tired now too. 

Just another Day

Today I must have had a little more energy than usual.  I woke up and started making cupcakes. (spice cake, my favorite)  I even dyed the frosting myself.  Although instead of being purple, it was more of a grey color.  After those were done, I came upstairs and swept the bedroom, cleaned the litter boxes and completely cleaned the large bird cage.  When I say clean it, I mean every toy, every bar and even the bottom that no one ever sees.  Too bad I'm starving now.  Oh well, I can eat cupcakes.  hehe  The cats have made the couch their "usual" sleeping spot.  Everyone has their own place on the couch.  It's like designated parking places.  I've decided to move the computer desk into the closet.  Kind of like they do on Clean Sweep on TLC.  I think it'll save a lot of room and then when I'm done, I can just close the doors and hide it.  I spent a good deal of time slicing apples today for the rabbits and horses.  Of course, then I had to stand outside and hand feed the monsters.  Let me tell you, it was terrible.  lol  I got to stand there and the most work I had to do was grab another slice and hold it out to which ever horse (or goat) was ready for another one.  I've been busy making lists for things that need to be done before the wood floor is put into our bedroom and what I'd like to see done afterwards.  Shawn will be thrilled when he gets home.  lol  I've got a nice honey do list for him. 

A couch, a loveseat and a headache

Today, my grandpa brought over our couch and loveseat.  My aunt and uncle gave it to us after her dad died.  I don't know if they just couldn't bear to have a constant reminder of him in the house all day or if they just didn't want it but they asked us if we'd like it or if they should send it to goodwill and of course, we said we'd take it.  I had been wondering what we were going to sit on once we moved out of my mom's house.  That is the reason for the plastic slip cover question from earlier.  I was not in the mood to go shopping, let alone shopping for something that seems to not exsist anymore, so I was pretty grumpy all day.  What we ended up doing was buying that plastic that you nail outside your windows in the winter if you have a drafty house and we stapled it to the underside of the couch, took it over top of the couch and stapled it to the bottom on the opposite side.  Very white trash of us.  BUT we did buy a loveseat and couch "throw," a big blanket to cover up the ugliness that has become these poor couches.  The cats are definitely in love with their new, very large bed.  There are five cats laying on it as I'm typing this.  Wait, that just turned into six.  I should really go grab the camera right about now.  I think I just might!!!  I'll have some very cute pictures for you all as soon as they're developed.  I'm still in the stone age, where camera's have film and it needs to be developed of all things.  haha

 

Pictures have now been taken.  Just in time too, as half the cats decided they wanted to go find a new place to nap or they've decided they want to clean themselves and no one wants a picture of that.  I'm one of those people that would carry a camera with me everywhere.  One night, me and Shawn were driving in the middle of winter and in the middle of this field was a family of deer.  They're weren't the least bit afraid of us.  It would've made a great picture.  My hope is to someday own a really nice camera.  The kind that you have to learn how to zoom and focus yourself.  My aunt and uncle (the same ones that gave me the couches) both work at the Indy Star newspaper.  They're both wonderful with a camera.  My uncle takes pictures that completely capture the feeling of the moment.  Someday, I'd love to have half that talent.  Soon they'll be on Pet Star.  If you see it, it's two dogs, ones a boxer, the other a border collie (Buddy and Ringo) and my aunt's name is Jerri.  The trick was supposed to go, Buddy gets a treat put on her nose and flips it backwards into Ringo's mouth, who is sitting directly behind her.  It didn't go quite right the first time.  Ringo decided he wanted to explore the studio rather than eat some treat.  haha 

Anyone????

I'm having a small problem, maybe someone out there in journal land can help me.  I spent most of today searching for those old days plastic/vinyl slip covers for your couch.  Does anyone know where the hell I can find these things again without getting into my time machine and going back to the 70's to find them.  I don't care if I have to buy it online anymore.  When I first started looking for these things I figured I'd find them SOMEWHERE and that I wouldn't have to search the never ending internet but I was very obviously wrong.  So if any of you nice people out there could help me out I would absolutely love you forever!!!!!!

Cats and Poisons

My cat recently started vomiting and very frequently too.  She ate a very old dead flower the other day and that was what she initially threw up.  I can't think of the name of the flower for the life of me right now though.  The only flower name that keeps coming to mind is marigold and I know it wasn't a marigold but it's like a record skipping in my brain and I can't just forget the name of the damned marigold for even a minute.  Anyways, I thought I'd look up cats and poisonous flowers, just to make sure the flower wouldn't kill her.  After reading the VERY long list (I had to look at each and every one of those flowers because I still couldn't remember the name of the flower she ate but I'd know it if I could read it) I am extremely surprised that cats have not gone exstinct before humans came along and domesticated them.  You'd think that even eating a strand of grass would kill them.  It claims even aloe vera plants are poisonous.  Well, then I must have a couple of super cats living here or something because they continually torture every aloe vera plant I've ever had until it finally gives in and dies.  None of my cats have died of aloe vera poisoning, or eating any of these other plants that they call poisonous.  And my cats have gotten to taste quite a few of them.  Remember the old days when people thought that if their dog even ate one leaf off a poinsette plant, they'd die almost upon digestion?  Now we know, they'd have to eat SEVERAL plants before it would actually kill them.  Please tell me where the hell that rumor got started??  For the longest time, I wanted a poinsette plant in my house around Christmas but my mom would never let us have one because she believed, like everyone else, that it would be the death of her animals.  While I still don't know if the flower my cat ate is the reason she's been vomiting stomach bile all over the place or not, I now feel I should have a great respect for these small critters that scientists say can't eat any living flower out there.  *rolls eyes* 

 

It's the very next day and before I went to bed last night, I remembered the name of the flower, Gladiolus.  It is poisonous to cats but it should only make her vomit for a short while and may cause some irritation to her mouth as well.  But she will live.  The vomiting continues too much longer and I will be calling the vet though.

Better

I'm feeling a little better.  Now I just have the annoying after effects.  I'm still coughing but it's just from whatever is still left over.  Today, I'm just bored.  Looking for something to do.  I hate sitting around the house now.  Stupid fulltime job.  I used to be able to sit around and do nothing all day with the best of them... now I feel the need to "accomplish" something.  Sheesh.  And of course, there's nothing good on tv to make me forget this need for accomplishment.  Sorry I haven't written in a while again.  I wasn't feeling well and I worked all weekend long.  Well, I'm off in search of this accomplishment thing. 

Long week

This whole week, I've been sick.  The only day I wasn't was Monday, my only day off.  My throat has yucky white spots on it and I'm coughing, runny nose.  I haven't wanted to go to work at all.  I have to work tomorrow too, it's my first Saturday.  Hopefully, it'll go by smoothly and we'll be out of there at 12:30.  That's probably dreaming though.  We have a dog at work that continues to try and bite me and the other new girl.  She's horrible.  Her parents are out of town for two weeks on their honeymoon and this dog wants nothing to do with us.  Thankfully, she has a cone around her neck to keep her from messing with her surgery wound and it makes it much harder for her to bite us.  We had a euthanasia today and afterwards they did the necropsy in the treatment room.  Anyone who wanted to watch, could as long as they weren't doing anything else.  I chose to just glance here and there.  I wanted to go to lunch and actually be able to eat my food.  Well, there's really not a whole lot new today.  I'm still not feeling well so I think I'll go lay down.

Subject's Suck Sometimes

Ah ha, I updated more than once in a week.  ; )  Today was pretty boring.  We removed a tumore from a gerbil.  Price of a gerbil: five dollars... Price of gerbil tumor removal: 300 dollars, watching as the surgery takes less than ten minutes: priceless.  I can see already that I'm going to be butting heads with a few of the girls that work there.  One of them is a vet that almost everyone doesn't like and avoids working with.  Yesterday, one of our vet tech's got a call at work that her brother-in-law had attempted suicide the night before.  He's ok and everything.  Today she was in Chicago with her family and BIL.  While she was away, said vet decided to make fun of the, and I quote, "pyscho."  Some of you, if not all, know that several years ago, my best friend actually commited suicide so joking about it and making fun of someone who attempts it, is not a bright idea around me.  I kept my mouth shut but now I wish I'd have bitched her out.  The way our clinic works, there's no one person that can fire you, it's a commitee of people and this vet isn't on the commitee.  There's also a lot of behind the back shit talking about my friend.  I've only been there three weeks so I don't know whether I should say anything to her about it or not.  I know the things the girl is saying aren't true but I don't know if everyone else does or not and if they don't know, then I think Kim has a right to set them straight.  We're supposed to use our "mentor's" for this stuff but I'm not a two year old and I think I can handle my problems on my own.  I don't like the girl that started on Monday at ALL.  I worked ward this morning, she worked it yesterday, so I was the first one to see all the mistakes and half-assed work she did.  The biggest thing, she almost burned down the hospital.  Now every idiot knows (unless it's male, they don't know anything usually) that you always empty the lint trap before using the dryer.  Well, she either was too lazy to do so or didn't know.  When I went to start the dryer this morning, I emptied the lint trap, only to find that it was so full that I could barely pull it out of the holder AND that it had a hole burned through the center of the lint.  BIG no-no.  I plan on saying something to Kim on Thursday.  It's not the hospital that I worry about, it burns down, we have insurance and can build a new one but when people's pets stay there overnight, it's very unlikely for them to survive a fire in the middle of the night.  No amount of money can replace a pet.  I could literally bitch about some of the women I work with for hours.  I try not to think about it too much while I'm at work, that way I don't hate my job because of them or kill them.  But I've already started getting short with one of them so I'm sure we'll get into it soon and have to have a talk with the mentor's and talk about our "feelings" in a "non-threatening" manner.  Right, that always works.  Well, I'm going to finish up stuff around here.  Tomorrow is Shawn's birthday and also my first payday.  Woohoo.

Updating ya'll

Once again, I'm sorry for not updating more.  I've just been so tired when I'm not at work and on the weekends I barely touch the computer.  The job is going well so far though.  I started in out patient today.  I didn't get to do much since it's my first day working one on one with the human part of the client.  The past two weeks I've just been working with the animals and rarely got to meet their parents.  I have to memorize all the questions that need to be asked when they first come in and all that good stuff.  I'm also learning how to use the computers.  Everything has to be entered, whether it be something as big as a spay/neuter or just getting them some frontline.  Of course it can't be easy.  You can't use the good ole mouse to get to the things you need.  You have to use a lot of enter and tab keys.  I also have to learn all the number abbreviations for the drugs, which is proving to be harder than it sounds.  There's a lot of numbers to remember along with all the other info they put into your head all at once.  I would have rather learned the computers before I even thought about going into out patient.  It would make things run a lot more smoothly than doing them both at once.  That's something I'll have to bring up at our next staff meeting.  This is going to be a very short entry.  I'm so tired and have spent most of the last hour just catching up on emails that needed reply's.  I'm soooooo far behind on all my journal's that I used to read daily and now has become more of a weekly thing.  I'm coming home daily with new bruises and scratches.  Many that I have no idea where they happened.  The bruises today I am positive about who gave them to me.  A big black lab that had no manners.  He continued to jump on me throughout the entire time we were talking with the owner.  I have bruises from him on both my arms and legs.  It looks like I've been in a mild car accident or something recently.  I hope I don't break anything or need a trip to the doctor because he'll send me to a woman's shelter for battered women.  Ok, I'm off to bed now.  Something I've been dreaming of since I got up at 7am this morning.  Tomorrow I have to get up at 5:50am.  I hate mornings.  *Sigh*

Sorry I haven't written since last Tuesday.  It's not been the best week for me.  On Thursday I came home and Shawn told me that while I was at work, my dog had killed my little Ellie, the senegal parrot.  I was on my lunch break and called work to see if it was ok if I called off for the rest of the day.  Of course I got into a small bit of trouble the next day but there was no way I could go back to work after that.  I spent most of Saturday balling my eyes out over my little bird.  I still feel like I'm in shock.  I keep expecting to whistle and hear her across the house calling back to me.  She was in a temporary cage while we painted my bedroom.  Normally she would've been in a large cage that there's almost no way that the dog could've gotten into but instead, to keep her from the fumes, she was in my mom's room in a smaller cage that wasn't very stable.  My dogs had never even paid the least bit of attention to her so I wasn't worried about it her safety too much.  I was more worried about the cats getting to her. 

Work is going well so far.  I enjoy most of the people I work with.  As with most places, there are a few select that I don't really care for, none of them being the other assistants.  Tomorrow, I'll be there by myself in the morning.  I'm still stuck in the ward for most of the rest of this week.  I can't wait till I'm in outpatient.  The ward is very boring and you're alone most of the day.  Everyday when I finish in ward, I'm allowed to follow the other assistants around in outpatient so I can get an idea of what I'll be doing soon.  This week I'll be taking some tests that I have yet to study for.  I'll have to take all my paperwork with me tomorrow and read it during lunch.  I get a two and a half hour lunch everyday while I'm in ward, since I have to come in so much earlier than most everyone else.  We had to put one dog to sleep this week due to liver failure.  I wasn't involved with that.  We've had a few odd cases.  One cat who appears paralized in one of his rear legs but there doesn't seem to be any evidence yet as to why he's having that problem.  Another dog is having seizures and continues to shake much longer than she should after the seizures have ended.  I almost passed out on Wednesday.  I saw my first cathedre.  I was holding a cat while they took his temp and he was in so much pain from the cath that I ended up with my head in between my legs and pretty much stayed that way for the next hour.  The gross stuff is getting a little easier for me to handle.  I'm just taking it day by day.  Well, I've gotta get up early for work so I'd better call it a night.

Long Hours

Well, today was my second day at the vet clinic.  So far I haven't gotten to do a whole lot.  It's been a lot of paper work and things I need to read.  Tomorrow I start in the ward, which is where we keep all our boarders and animals that are sick but not contagious or critical.  I have to be there at 6:45am.  Talk about early.  I have to leave forty five minutes early or else I'm late to work.  It's a small drive for me.  We'll start by walking all the dogs, feeding and watering everyone, cleaning out the runs, cleaning cat cages and litter boxes and then giving any medications that are needed.  It's going to be a really long day.  I work till close at 5:30 and we usually don't get out till six.  I get a two and a half hour lunch so I'm just going to come home for a little while.  I soooo wish we didn't have to be there that early.  That's my hours for the next two weeks until I start on out patient.  Well, I'm going to go now.  I need to get ready to go to bed.

:)~

I. Got. The. Job!  I start on Monday.  I'll work a halfday on Monday and Tuesday and then work a full schedule from then on.  I'm a little nervous about the amount of hours involved but I'll just have to try and grin and bear it.  Today went by fairly quickly so hopefully it won't seem like I'm working those long hours.  I'm also not a fan of getting up that early.  haha  I'll be surprised if I can even sleep Sunday night and Monday night.  Tomorrow I have some more interview type stuff I have to do that will take most of the morning/early afternoon.  I have a friend that I need to apologize to for that but I can't risk losing this job.  Well, I've gotta get in the shower.

Short and Quick

Just a quick update on how my interview went today before I pass out.  I have yet to go to sleep since yesterday.  I got there way early so I sat out in the drizzle for some time.  We took care of some patients and I followed the other vet assistant around everywhere.  I swear, I'll update more later but I need some sleep.  I found out that out of 200 applications, they're down to two people for the job and I'm one of the two, the other girl comes in for her interview this afternoon.  Let's hope she does terrible and doesn't get the job.  I feel a little bad about thinking that but only a little.  It's like I'm on one of those reality tv shows and it's now down to the final two on the show and I'm sitting there going, 'How the hell am I in the final two?'  Well, I'm going to nap now.  I'll write ya'll more later.

Hungry, bored and blah

Well, in a matter of a few hours I'll be back at Magrane.  I've decided not to go to bed since it's going to be so early.  I know I won't be able to fall asleep and then if I do, I'm worried that I'll sleep through it.  I'm so hungry.  I wish that we had some food in the house.  Tomorrow's store day so today, we starve.  LOL  Maybe I'll find something to eat before my interview.  I don't know what I'm supposed to wear.  I know I'll probably be cleaning cages and that sort of thing (which I thought I'd be doing every single interview) but I don't want to go in there looking sloppy and be wrong or vice versa.  I've pretty much run out of "interview" clothes.  I don't have any scrubs yet so that's out.  Well, I'm off to catch up on everyone's journals!

Magrane... Again

Picture me, nice and warm, sleeping in my bed.  Very content.  Suddenly the door opens and my mom is telling me to get up and answer the phone.  So much for being content.  I try my best to make my voice sound as though I've been up for hours.  It was the Magrane vet clinic.  Now, since it was ten in the morning, I wasn't exactly jumping up and down over the phone call.  She told me to be there on Friday at 7:30am for ANOTHER interview.  I have to show them that I can do all the things my resume says I can do.  Clean cages, restrain animals, nothing major.  She said I'd be there for at least two hours.  These interviews are getting longer and longer.  I'm starting to get a little annoyed with them all too.  They need to just hire someone already.  Sheesh.  Well, I'm going to go see what there is to eat. 

The Horses

The Cats

The Dogs

My Lovely Family

Shawn and Myself

I figure, since you've heard so much about him, I'd better start adding pictures of Shawn.  As most of you know we've had our ups and downs and with any luck we'll have more ups in the future.

A Few Adult Me Pic's

A Growing Me

The Picture Day

I got to thinking about it today and realized, I haven't posted many pictures in a long time and very few of them have been of my family and pets.  So I'm taking upon myself today to go crazy with the pictures.  I hope you all enjoy them.  I know I've enjoyed searching through them all and seeing all those memories.  Many of these pictures have a lot of meaning to me and my family.  I just hope they don't decide to kill me for putting their pictures out there.  Sorry in particular to my mom, who hates to have family see her pictures, let alone the entire internet world. 

2nd Interview at Magrane

Mood :: Very sleepy

I got very little in the way of sleep last night.  I had to get up at 9am to call the vet and let her know that I would definitely be there at 2:30, and to find out what the interview would entail today.  She told me I'd be interviewed by several different people, a vet tech, one of the vets, herself and a vet assistant.  I get there right about when I was supposed to, a few minutes early.  It started with Kim, as usual.  She gave me a few tips on what they were looking for in my answers.  Mainly to show that I'm empathetic towards the whole process, the animals and people.  She left to get the tech, Jenn.  I don't think the tech really cared for me, for whatever reason.  She asked me a few very brief questions and I don't think she even really listened to my answers.  Then, doc came in.  I really liked him.  He was very easy to talk to and just seemed like he really wanted me to get the job.  ; )  Big plus for me.  We talked for quite a while.  He asked the usual interview questions;  What do you believe you can bring with you to Magrane?  Where do you see yourself in five years?  etc., etc.  At the end of my interview with him I decided to bite the bullet and asked him what he thought my chances were of actually getting this job, considering I don't even previous veterinary experience, other than my volunteer work and no schooling to speak of.  He said not to doubt myself and that my chances were really good.  He said my medical background, considering I don't have previous employment experience or schooling, is excellent.  And that he believes I'm applying for all the right reasons.  He told me that even if I weren't to get hired at Magrane that he strongly recommends that I continue putting in my resume and applications at other vets in the area.  He said it would be sad to see my talent go to waste.  Woohoo.  Then he went to get the next person to interview me.  She was in charge of asking all the questions and figuring out if I was mentally cut out for the position.  She had a paper with 47 questions on it and she said you can interpret them how you want and that she could in no way help me with the questions.  She read them all aloud to me and I answered them as best I could.  I think I did pretty well inthat area too.  I got her to smile quite a few times and even got a laugh or two from her.  Then she told me someone would be calling me probably in the middle of the week.  Now it's more waiting to see what's next, whether I get hired or have to have more interviews.  Oh yeah, I was the only person they had scheduled for second interviews this week and I was the first person they called for a second interview.  Ok, Ok, I really need to get some sleep now.  Zzzzz Zzzzzz Zzzzz

Busy, busy, busy

Today was a lot more eventful that I had previously thought it was going to be.  Me and Shawn were supposed to go out with one of his friends from work, out bowling.  I, personally am not a huge fan of bowling... well mainly because I suck at it.  We played a few games and ended up having a lot of fun getting my ass beat by two boys.  LOL  Afterwards it was still early and I think me and Shawn both felt a little bad if we were to leave Toby that soon.  So we went out to a bar and played pool.  Now, pool I am very good at, if I do say so myself.  At least compared to most girls.  I won two of the three games that I played in and only lost the last game due to a scratch on the eight ball.  By then it was almost midnight and I was getting pretty hungry.  When I get hungry, I'm like a toddler, I get very cranky and tired.  So we ran up to Pizza Hut before they closed and grabbed a large pizza for the three of us.  We all went back to Toby's and ate and I got to play with his many cats.  Of course, me and cats go well together so I was in kitty cat heaven.  LOL  I knew the boys were planning on playing some video games and figured I'd end up bored to death.  Instead, we all ending up laughing our asses off for the next four hours, even though Toby was the only one consistently winning.  By 4:30am, me and Shawn decided it was time to make our exit and head home.  So much for a few games of bowling and then going back home.  LOL  It was nice.  A very relaxed evening.  And it was all under 30 bucks for hours of bowling and pool shooting.  Not bad at all.  Well, I'd better head to bed.  It's past six and I need to get up at a halfway decent time in the afternoon.  LOL 

WOOOOOHOOOO!!!!!

Magrane Vet clinic called today while I was at my PetSmart interview.  I get a second interview with them!!!!  I'm supposed to be in on Monday at 2:30pm!!!!!  I'm soooooo excited!!!!!!!  Now let's just hope I make a better impression than I previously did.  Oh yeah, and the petsmart interview went well I suppose.  She wants a cashier and I said I don't do the cash register thing.  Mainly, because I fumble with the money and get easily flustered.  She was really nice though and said she'd try and find me something on the floor and if not then there's a new store opening soon that she'll send me to.  But who cares about that?!?!?  I got a SECOND interview!!!!  I ran around the house like a crazy person when I got that message.  lol  Can't you tell?  Now I just have to get through the weekend and then I get to see what happens from there.  I ALMOST stopped at the vet's today too, since I was out that way.  Now I almost wish I had.  I'm so excited now.  =)  I'm going to go try and calm down now.  LOL

 

I'd like to ask you all to take some time to visit the new journal I've added; Hestia Academy for Young Wild Women   Whether she's speaking of her many losses or sending out the Vulva of the Day, she's worth the time to read.  I know I'll be checking in with her daily till she decides that journaling isn't something she wants to continue.  She's a wonderful lady and always speaks from the heart.  And of course, she has the occasional wacky pictures.  ; )

Calling all Managers

I've been trying since Tuesday to get a hold of the woman from PetSmart and have failed everytime.  I seem to "just miss" her by a few minutes or so.  This time though, she was out to lunch so hopefully if I call here in a few minutes, she'll actually be there.  Still no word from the vet clinic.  I wish they would call, even if it was just to say, sorry you're not getting it. 

The 4-H fair is this week.  I wanted to go all year and now I don't think I'll get to.  I haven't wanted to go to the fair in years.  I just love the smells and the booths.  But, since I don't have a job and became broke before I could go, it looks like I just may be waiting till next year. 

Well, I'm off to make my phone call.  Maybe I'll be more interesting when I come back?  Then again, maybe not.  lol

 

I have an interview tomorrow at 3pm.  She says that she didn't think I'd be coming back for an interview, whatever the hell that means, so I have to fill out another application.  Hey lady, I'm more than qualified for this job so why wouldn't you have called me back for an interview.  On the really downside of things, she didn't sound real friendly at all.  Maybe she'd just eaten too much at lunch???  Yeah right.  There's two chances in hell that I would ever get a paying job with a nice boss.  *Sigh*  I just have to tell myself to get over it, that's life and everyone has to deal with the same shit.  Now let's pray that the vet calls ASAP so I don't have to deal with this woman at all and I can do what I love to do.  Everyone, cross your fingers real tight now!  LOL  Well, that's it for me.  I suppose I should go eat something and maybe even shower. 

Decisions, Decisions

I got a phone call yesterday, from PetSmart.  I was asleep so my brother took a message for me.  I spent the rest of yesterday trying to decide whether I should call them back.  I don't like to waste anyone's time more than I like my own to be wasted.  I'm still waiting to hear back again from the vet's office.  My interview went so-so, in my opinion.  She told me that my resume was excellent and my qualifications were excellent but I still don't feel all that great about the interview itself.  She said she'd call at the end of this week or the beginning of next.  More than likely, PetSmart is offering me a job, since this is the second interview and I'm more than qualified for it.  I don't want to take the PetSmart job, only to have to quite in two weeks and start training at the vet.  Plus, I could end up with several more interviews at the vet before I know anything.  Now, I'm just sitting here going what to do what to do.  I guess I should take the advice that's already been given to me and take the PetSmart job until I hear back from the vet.  Maybe I'll tell them I can't start till a week after the interview.  I did call PetSmart today by the way but the lady who called me, wasn't at work today so I'm supposed to call her tomorrow between 8am-6pm.  As always, I'll let ya'll know what's going on. 

Everything is fine on the animal side of things.  All of my cats have a cold.  It's like trying to sleep to a very bad rap song.  Sneeze, sneeze, cough, sniffle.  It knocks them out for a few days but after a week, they'll be about 100%.  The kitty with the hurt leg, just continues to improve.  Well, I'd better turn off the computer.  We're expecting storms shortly and god only knows what I'd do if I couldn't get online.  LOL