I'm suddenly having issues with updating the AOL journal so for now at least, I will only be posting on my blogger account.  Again the address is  http://animalrescuerslife.blogspot.com/

VP Debate

I admit it. I have no plans of watching the vice presidential debate. (sorry Beth!) Although I'm sure there are to be some hilarious moments as Palin stumbles her way through. I mean really, the woman can't handle an interview with Katie Couric, how is she going to handle THAT? You can't answer with a 'I'll have to look into that/get back with you on that' with every tough question. And I think when it comes to Palin, asking what her favorite season is, is bound to be a tough question. I really still have a hard time understanding McCain's thoughts in choosing her as his VP. At least Obama chose someone with a brain to be his running mate. I think I will honestly cry if that crazy woman and old man end up winning. I don't care for him but I really can't stand her. And he is OLD. The old part doesn't bother me... if he had chosen a different running mate. I don't like bringing age into it to be honest but if he keels over... help us all as SHE would be our president. Really, McCain chose the female Bush. She says er and uhm a lot less but just as brain dead. How do these people make it this far in politics? There's nothing anyone could say to me that would change my opinion on Palin and I like to consider myself a pretty open minded person on all subjects. I just don't get it.

Cream Cheese Sugar Cookies

I thought I'd put up the cream cheese sugar cookie recipe that I'd found last Christmas.  I normally don't post recipes unless I really and I mean REALLY like them.  These are very fragile once cooked, I'm assuming it's due to the amount of cream cheese.  They fall apart quite easily if you're not careful with them.  (I had many candy canes missing their hooks last Christmas)  This is not a recipe I made up, I found it on the website http://allrecipes.com/

8 oz cream cheese

1 1/2 cups of white sugar

1 cup unsalted (unsalted is important) butter

1 egg

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1/2 tsp. almond extract

3 1/2 cups flour

1 tsp. baking powder

In a large bowl, combine the sugar, butter, cream cheese, baking powder, vanilla and almond extracts, and egg.  Beat until smooth.  Stir in flour until well blended.  Chill the dough for 8 hours or overnight.

Preheat oven to 375.

On lightly floured surface roll out the dough 1/3 at a time to 1/8 inch thickness, refrigerating remaining dough until ready to use. Cut into desired shapes with lightly floured cookie cutters. Place 1 inch apart on ungreased cookie sheets. Leave cookies plain for frosting, or brush with slightly beaten egg white and sprinkle with candy sprinkles or colored sugar.

Bake for 7 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven, or until light and golden brown. Cool cookies completely before frosting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is the frosting I use on these.  This doesn't harden well but I find it tastes best with these cookies over all other frostings. 

4 cups of confectioners' sugar

1/2 cup butter

5 tablesppons milk

1 teaspoon vanilla

food coloring if desired

In a large bowl, cream together the confectioners' sugar and butter until smooth. Gradually mix in the milk and vanilla with an electric mixer until smooth and stiff, about 5 minutes. Color with food coloring if desired.  I reccomend putting the butter in the bowl first and then VERY slowly adding the sugar, otherwise you may get clumps.  My first attempt at this recipe had major clumps and I had to start all over again.

Meanies

The husband and the little girl have been quite moody as of lately. Husband is stressed from work and little girl is just, well, mean. I think I've had about enough of it as of today however and am losing my patience with both of them. Mean little girl can get away with a little more because she's only 3. Husband wants me to take the binky from her effect immediately, however husband gets to escape from the tantrums, I am stuck with them. I bought her two new ones tonight. He knew I was going to do it but it was actually a part of my plan to remove them from her all together. I took the one that she had earlier today and cut the tip of it off. She wants nothing to do with it now and that's the only one that I will take anywhere with us. She asks for a binky, she'll get a binky but it's not going to be what she had in mind. I briefly tested the waters to see how she would react tonight if I told her (as we were going to bed) that it was the only binky we had and she curled her lip and began frantically searching for a "real" binky. We went to bed without one. Well, ok, she didn't know I had one hidden in case of major breakdown. It didn't take long for her to start to get upset and I said 'Oh, look what I found.' I didn't go into it tonight with the plan of holding out on her so I don't feel as if I've failed some mommy test. I would like her to be done with them by the time the baby is born but if she still has them at bedtime, I'm not going to have a nervous breakdown over it. Honestly, it's a bit of guilt on my part. I know that her life, as she's known it, is about to change drastically and I feel badly taking away her little piece of comfort. My husband seems to think it will be as easy as taking away the bottle but he seems to have forgotten that she was pretty much done with the bottle on her own so it wasn't a huge ordeal for anyone. If she was attached to some toy or a blanket, there would be no pushing to get her to be independent from it but since it's a binky and so many people flip when they see a toddler with one, it's an issue. *sigh*

For those of us who are transitioning from AOL to blogger, I've been trying to figure out how to have alerts sent to your mailbox when a new blog has been written but it's taking a little time. I know one of the blogs on here that I read (not from AOL) has a gadget that she uses but I haven't been able to figure out how to get it on mine. It's through feedburner andyou just type your email into it and push ok and, bingo, every entry she writes, I receive an email. I'll let you know if I figure out if you'd like to use it on your blogs. Although, I wouldn't make major changes to your blogs until AOL figures out it's head from it's ass on this issue. I've also got some advice for those of you who have already gotten your blogger name that you wish to use, if AOL is able to get the change over so that we can just push a button and have all our AOL journals transferred. You can either create a new blog with a name similar to the one you have, for example I put in mine as animalrescuerslife... I can simply add "an" to it and then leave the link till everyone gets caught up OR (and I'm not sure if this will work or how well and you could lose any current information on your blog) you can change the name of the blog you are currently using before you give AOL the url, opening up that name for use once again. I hope that didn't confuse you further. I'll let you know if I figure out an easier way before the change over occurs. I know there's a way to keep your current name AND switch everything over but I believe you need to have some idea as to how to use html and I really don't.

Ch-Ch-Changes

As most of you are aware by now, AOL journals will be no more as of November 1st.  I'm not sure what pisses me off more, the fact that AOL decided to terminate journals and there by take away what has become a wonderful community online or the fact that they gave us just barely a month to transfer all of our past entries.  I think it's more the latter as most of you (as will I) will be moving to blogger and therefore not much should change in our relationships.  On November 1st I will have been blogging on AOL journals for exactly five years.  I have five years worth of entries to back up on another forum.  Five years in one month.  I don't know how I'm going to do it all.  The thought is a little overwhelming and this is coming from someone who has no formal job.  I can't imagine what it would be like if I also worked full time and had to worry about backing up all my past entries.  I will continue to post my daily entries on here but will be putting them on blogger as well.  If you are going to blogger or another forum, please, please let me know.  Some of you I am already aware of and have already put in to "follow" your blog through blogger.  I do not plan on quitting blogging.  I wouldn't know how quite frankly as I've been doing it for so long.  It's my "out" at the end of the day and will continue to be so.  My blogger address is posted below.  After November 1st you will have no way of accessing this (the AOL version) journal so make sure you bookmark sooner rather than later or if you forget, you can always email me.  Damn you AOL.

http://animalrescuerslife.blogspot.com/

Sorry, I wrote a book... long

I spent the evening cleaning my kitchen counters.  I really have to start doing this stuff earlier in the day as I haven't been getting myself or Jasmine to bed till after 1am.  I was planning on laying around and doing nothing today but those counters were driving me nuts.  There's almost nothing on them that isn't completely necessary at the moment.  Next I have to get the floor clean.  The dogs have been bringing in a great deal of dirt the last few days so the floor is grimy.  I'd also like to get started on emptying the guest bedroom to make it a play room for Jasmine.  I want her to have some where to go after this baby is born where she can get away from it once it starts crawling around.  Her toys will also be safe from it that way.  I'm going to have the old tv set up and buy a dvd player so she can watch movies in there if she wants.  I've got to put a few things on freecycle before I can really get it clean.  (a treadmill for starters)  I'll mostly be happy to have all her toys out of my living room.  One entire corner is devoted to her toys and I'm frequently tripping over them.  The final thing I would absolutely like to have done before baby is born, is to pull up the carpet in the master bedroom.  My vacuum sucks... or doesn't.  The main part of the sweeper, just moves dirt and hair around.  It doesn't pull anything up into the chamber.  We have to long haired dogs that sleep in our bedroom every night and the hair is everywhere.  I just don't want it to be that way when it's born.  The extension on the vacuum, the part that you normally use in corners, works fine and it's what I use to pick up what a broom cannot.  I've had the ability to buy a new vacuum several times since we've lived here but it seems like such a waste considering that most of our house is either wood floors or linoleum.  I know eventually I'm going to have to just buy a new damn sweeper but for now, I'm sticking with being stubborn.  The broom makes less noise any ways.  And most vacuums seem to like to shoot shrapnel at my ankles.  (bird seeds, stray pieces of kitty litter, dirt)  Yes, I'm splitting hairs at this point and time as to why I don't want to spend the money.  There's more fun things to spend money on that vacuums, how's that for my official answer?  We had plans to pull up this floor and replace it before putting it on the market any ways, we just getting an early start.  (and we don't have the money for new flooring but there is old tile under the carpet so we won't be walking around on the floor board itself)  The current carpet has been in this house since it was built or soon there after.  I'd have to ask my grandma to be completely sure.  It's been here for a long, long time.  It looks similar to baby food, the pea kind.  My doberman put the final nail in it's coffin by eating a portion of the middle of the floor one day.  It was one of the few days that I really wanted to hug that bad dog.  In front of my husband I was very that dumb dog ate the carpet.  When no one was looking I was jumping up and down at the thought of the green monster carpet would be gone.  I would just like the major stuff to be taken care of before it gets here so that we don't have to try to find a way to do afterwards.  And please, please, please be a baby that sleeps good... and a lot.  Jasmine did not sleep well.  I would be up till all hours of the night and I finally got to the point that I was just turn the tv on and sit with her.  She was fascinated by the discovery channel, particularly when it was a surgery show.  I think it was the bright colors all mixed together on the screen.  Blood, blue scrubs, white masks, bright lights, it all kept her attention.  Then there were nights when that wouldn't work.  Those were very sore nights for me.  I believe she had some gas issues for a while there (not to the point of being colic) and I would have to do squats while holding her... sometimes for an hour.  And people wonder how I lost all my baby weight within three months, without dieting or working out.  It worked best if I was standing on the bed doing squats, making it even harder on my legs.  Go try it, I'll still be here when you get back.  Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about that whole off balance thing before you left.  Sorry about that.  ;)  Be a mellow kid, be a mellow kid.  My best friend had a baby about seven months ago and this little girl is the most laid back child I've ever seen.  She's only cried a handful of times and it's never that full out I'm dying cry.  If she needed something, she'd just do a few little whimper/grunt noises and that was that.  She goes to sleep the same time every night.  My friend had kids before like mine that never slept and they slept with mom and dad just so they could sleep.  Not Maya, she's always slept in her crib and never fusses.  I want THAT baby.  ;)  It'll be interesting to see what personality this kid has.  I just started thinking about that tonight.  I had been so consumed with the omigod I can't do this with two of them syndrome that I hadn't thought of the good things.  I did this with Jasmine too while I was pregnant.  I would have nightmares that I'd leave her in the car seat, on top of the car and drive off.  In the nightmares, I usually wouldn't realize I was without a baby till the next day.  And then we wouldn't be able to find the baby anywhere.  I would always wake up panicked and my feeling of there's no way I can be a mom, reinforced.  The one thing I stuck to during that entire pregnancy and afterwards was that my lifestyle wouldn't change just because I had a baby.  And it didn't.  I just had an extra person with me where ever I went.  A lot of new moms stay at home and never go anywhere for fear that the baby will need something or will have a massive breakdown in the middle of a store.  I didn't worry about that.  If she needed food, I had food, needed a diaper, I had a diaper.  I just kept the things she might need on me and we would go out when the mood hit us.  For about the first year, we took her to some friends houses and she would sleep while we would play cards.  (that ended when that friendship ended)  I still feel the same way with this pregnancy but we'll have to be a little more flexible now than we were then.  We'll have two kids, not just one to contend with.  I'm looking forward to some things and dreading others.  The main dread is sleeping.  Getting them to sleep at the same time, for the same amount of time so that mommy can sleep.  And keeping the crying to a low howl so as not to wake up Jasmine.  Just little things here and there.  I can't wait to see the baby, and know that everything is ok.  The first smiles.  The smiles are worth gold, particularly early on.  When they're that small, you can't stop staring at them.  They're always doing something that melts your heart.  Jasmine still does that but you never know when her devil horns are going to come out.  ;)  I had a dream last night that I was a week from my due date and we still didn't have a name picked out.  Neither one of us had looked at the book at all except for once in the beginning.  I was freaking out, yelling at him to read the book, as he's trying to read the book.  ;)  I'm sure that comes from how Jasmine was named.  When I went into labor, I had a name picked out, Jayden Keith.  After labor was over and delivery complete, I realized I needed a GIRL'S name.  I was awoken a few hours later (they gave me large amounts of drugs to save my life and they knocked me out) and not long after there was a woman from social security telling me I had five hours to choose a name.  FIVE hours to look through thousands of names and pick the right one.  I looked quickly through the book and picked out anything I thought fit her, Shawn did the same and we compared notes.  Jasmine was on both lists and was the only name that really seemed right, even though I had been leaning towards Kayla for a girl during my pregnancy, Jasmine just fit her better.  So she became Jasmine Kayla.  This one's middle name is already decided as well, it will either be Betty or Keith after my grandparents.  As for the name book... I'm the only one that's looked at it and that was in month three, briefly.  I keep telling myself that's what I'm going to do one of these nights instead of causing myself back pain from cleaning and cooking.  You'd think I would want to since all I have to do is sit and read but it's a massive pain in the rear end.  After a hundred names, your eyes just start to glaze over and they all look the same.  I hate looking for names.  (in case you haven't noticed since I've taken names from you all to name fosters)  Ok, enough baby crap.

Tomorrow I'm taking Mama Spice to the other fosters house.  She will be spayed and then put up for adoption.  It will probably be the last time I see her.  She'll get a good home, I'm sure.  She's very low maintenance.  Only issues I've noticed with her is that she likes to scratch things (doors, trim, anything) and that she doesn't appear to used to household appliances.  They totally freak her out.  I don't know that she'd ever been in a house before.  In exchange, I'll be getting my shots for these kittens and wait for it,         another kitten.  ;)  The other foster pulled him from the shelter and feels badly that he's all alone so he's going to be thrown in with my brood of hellions.  He has plenty of kitties to play with that's for sure.  I don't mind more kittens.  They poop smaller and are easier to clean up after.  ;)

I am in too good of a mood, must go to bed already!

I am so hungry.  I don't like to eat right before I'm ready to go to sleep as it gives me awful heartburn (only while pregnant) but I had a few crackers an hour or so ago.  What do I really want?  All my favorite comfort foods.  My grandma's macaroni and cheese, a big ham, chicken and dumplings, hot rolls, mashed potatoes, deviled eggs and... turkey.  I don't eat turkey under any circumstances but that doesn't mean I still don't crave it from time to time.  I haven't eaten turkey in over five years and don't have any plans doing it anytime soon.  When I worked at the last rescue, we had turkeys and I was in love with them.  I just don't find it possible to eat one and after my Bubbah died, I promised to never eat turkey again.  They're actually fairly intelligent birds for poultry and can be very protective of those they love.  So that craving will have to work itself out.  And I doubt I'll get most of the others until Thanksgiving.  Making a ham for three would be wasteful and no matter how many times grandma tells me how to make her mac and cheese, I just can't remember it.  The only way I'll get chicken and dumplings is to drive six hours south and bribe my aunt into making them for me but considering her feelings towards me, I don't know that there'd be enough money.  The deviled eggs are my moms and I'm sure with a good hug, she might consider it.  ;)  Mashed potatoes, I can do myself and quite well I might add.  But none of those things are going to show up on the my kitchen table ready for me to eat right now.  All I can do is torture myself and imagine them.  I partially blame Beth/ for ruining all my dinners till Thanksgiving due to her mouth watering story of her family get together to make apple butter.  Yes YOU, Beth.  ;)  See if I read your blog next time you talk about food.  Ok, I'm lying, I'll read, I'll drool and then I'll read it again.  ;)))  Maybe I'll get a few of those before the week is up.  Moooooommmy.....   ;)

My day started off nicely.  I had Shawn go down to get the mail from the day before and there was a package for me from Lisa/.  After a hysterical fight between my husband and said boxed package, we finally got into the box.  She had sent me some baby clothes that were so adorable.  And exactly what we needed.  I no longer have to worry about anything in 0-3 months because we now have the essentials.  One of the outfits she sent is actually going to be the outfit we take the baby home in.  Plus there was a handwritten note along with it.  I love getting handwritten notes in the mail.  Even if it just says what's supposed to be with a package, I still love the notes. 

I made the entire rest of those sugar cookies tonight.  The total from tonight was somewhere over thirty cookies.  Afterwards, I went and took a shower because I promised my husband I would take it easy and take a break afterwards.  However, my hair wasn't even dry before I was getting together the ingredients to make the icing.  I just wanted to have it all together for when I was ready to make it.  After hair was dried, kid was parked in front of the tv, I started on the icing.  This too was a recipe I'd never used before... and will never use again.  It was way to sweet for my tastes and ridiculously hard to make.  Think, 2 teaspoons of milk, add 1 cup of confectioner's sugar and mix until well blended.  I'm giving two teaspoons to blend a cup of powder???  I gradually added a 1/2 teaspoon of milk for the times when there was no way anyone short of the Hulk could've blended it.  Afterwards you also add corn syrup and some vanilla.  Too hard to make and too sweet.  Nice things about it, it was fairly easy to paint onto the cookies and set up really glossy and kept it's color.  My bats stayed black, my pumpkins stayed orange and my ghosts stayed white.  Sometimes with other icings, the color will be a little dull once it dries.  I think I'll still go back to my other icing recipe which tastes much better (and is about the same difficulty to make, for different reasons) and sets up almost as nicely.  I sent most of the cookies off with Shawnto work.  I kept some here for us and of course, Jasmine got to keep the ones that she painted.  And I was shocked.  SHOCKED, I tell you.  She kept all her icing confined to her plate and cookies.  I couldn't have been happier because the dye I used in the icing was some heavy duty stuff.  It gets on things and never comes off.  I probably should've sent a warning along with my husband's cookies about what their going to experience in the coming days.  Especially anyone who gets an orange pumpkin.  Hate to hear what runs through their head after that bathroom visit.  Oh yeah, it dyes THAT too.  ;)

BP's

I think I may end up calling my OB on Monday.  I'm getting concerned with my bp and my pulse.  Last night I felt like my heart was pounding/racing.  I found the only clock in our house that has a second hand and found that my heart rate was 105 a minute.  That is extremely high for me.  My normal, pre pregnancy heart rate is the high 60's/low 70's.  I know it's supposed to be higher in pregnancy but I thought that was a little extreme.  After a few hours, my pulse went down to middle 80's, probably very normal.  Tonight, when we were out, my heart rate again felt like it was racing so I went to a bp machine while my husband paid for our groceries and my bp was 112 over 60.  That's really high for me, particularly the top number.  My pulse was back up to 95 at that time.  I just want to be told its normal and if they want me to come in, I'll be able to find out if I'm spilling protein into my urine.  I had relatively low bp's while pregnant with Jasmine and never had any issues with it.  If anything, they felt it was on the low side.  That's always been the feeling with my bp.  It's no wonder I faint easily.  (ok, mainly when a needle is involved)  My next appointment isn't until the 13th and I'm not sure if I feel comfortable waiting that long to ask.  I'll be fine if a nurse tells me it's fine and that I can wait, but I think I'd like to know.  Baby has been moving like normal, which has been a relief.  I'm to the point in my pregnancy that if there's a change in movement, I notice it without even realizing I'm paying attention.  I know it seems like I worry a lot but I actually think it's far less than what the average pregnant woman goes through.  I'm a part of a forum of women who are due the same month I am and there are days I wonder if their OB's hate them.  Some of them call several times a week for normal aches and pains that come with being pregnant.  Many of them have been to the ER on several occasions already, only a few with good reason.  I'm usually a wait and see person and only called my OB with a problem once with my last pregnancy.  (and had an emergency appointment that same day... nothing was wrong however)  OB's have to breathe a sigh of relief when they get a patient who isn't paranoid that every possible symptom is some major problem in their pregnancy.  There are so many resources out there, particularly on the internet, that it's enough to make the most calm and controlled mom, panic.  I like to be informed but I think there's such a thing as being overly so.  Sometimes a little ignorance is bliss.  Ask any female OB who has also been pregnant at one point and time. 

Kids

Tonight, after we ate dinner, we headed to Walmart to pick up a few things.  As we were nearing the end of our trip, Shawn saw someone who he knew and they talked for a few minutes.  With strangers, Jasmine can be really shy and hid her face for most of their conversation.  I was carrying her as we walked away and she said that was a bad man mommy.  (he's not)  I asked her why she thought he was a bad man.  She says "That black guy is a bad man."  This, as we're walking past a group of black women.  Face turn red?  Yup.  I tried to explain to her that he's just a guy and he's not a bad guy.  Just. A. Guy.  It was shocking that she said that because we normally don't say anything about skin color.  Then I remembered that one time she asked about our friend and why he was darker and I told her because he was black and that's how he was born.  I was thinking that every time she sees a black person she is going to very loudly state that person is black. 

I made a few of the sugar cookies tonight so Jasmine would quit bugging me.  The nice thing (one of the only nice things) about rolled out cookies is that you can make some and then throw the rest of the dough in the fridge till later.  The dough wasn't quite cold enough and stuck to everything that touched it, making it a bit difficult to roll out and cut.  They're a little bland for my taste but maybe it'll be a little sweeter when I add some icing.  I plan on making a portion without icing and then some with as I will be sending a great deal of them to work with my husband.  I was unaware until I got the ingredients together that it makes 60 cookies.  That's way more than even I can eat.  I'll probably go back to the cream cheese sugar cookies.  They have more taste and are naturally sweet.  (and a little easier to roll out)  Jasmine helped make the entire batch, which is a first.  Last year I let her put sugar on them and that was the extent of her "helping."  I have this issue with little kids hands touching my food so I didn't want her messing with anything till she was a little older and understood that she should wash her hands and keep them clean.  She did a pretty good job of listening to directions.  We made a little mess but that would've happened even without her help.  (My excuse is along the lines of the bigger the mess, the better the food)  The only other thing I didn't care for with this recipe was that the batter doesn't hold up will in the oven.  My half moons looked like blobs and the pumpkins were oddly shaped circles once everything was cooked. 

The Hormones made me do it!

I'm thinking of making sugar cookies this weekend.  I have most of the ingredients here already, just need to pick up a few items while I'm out and about tomorrow.  I love the taste of them but really hate making them.  All my favorite recipes require you to roll out the dough and use a cookie cutter.  I had no idea until last year how difficult it is to get those little bastards off the counter without ripping someone's arm off.  (last time I made xmas cookies with ginger bread men)  I had a great way of doing it by the end of the last holiday season but wouldn't you know, I've forgotten what it was.  I'm also going to make my own icing.  Something else I hate doing but I figured I'd give it another try.  Last year I had to make two batches as the first one was crumbly and not edible.  The second one was great but too runny.  I'll be trying a new recipe this time around that is supposed to harden after about 8 hours.  If I don't like these I'll try the cream cheese sugar cookies again but I think I'll leave out the almond extract, it gave them a funky taste.  I prefer a more vanilla taste personally.  Last weekend I made both cupcakes and brownies.  Even my husband was unable to keep up with all the sugary goodness.  ;)~ 

I wish I could say my day was much better after a night of sleep.  My hormones were full blown after I woke up however and left me an emotional mess.  I broke down balling because my husband didn't come right home before going to pick up a pizza.  Yes, you read it right.  I was supposed to spend the evening at my mom's, with said pizza but I only managed to eat two pieces and then came back home.  Eventually, my husband was able to get out of me what was wrong.  (by then I didn't want to tell him because I felt idiotic)  He then took me for ice cream.  I guess you could say my day ended better than it began.  Really, what pregnant woman doesn't want ice cream?

Just stressed

I wasn't planning on making an entry today.  Nothing has happened at all.  I was extremely fatigued the entire day so I didn't move much aside from making dinner.  However, I have to purge some of what is in my brain.  It's the only way for me to some how work through this point in my pregnancy.  It happens in most pregnancies, the worrying about what's to come.  I have a great deal more of that this time than I did with Jasmine.  When I had Jasmine, I still lived at my mom's, I had fewer animals and she was my only child.  Basically, I had a great deal less stress.  This time around, I have seven dogs, four cats, birds, ferrets, a rabbit, a toddler and an entire house that needs my care.  Immediately after she was born, I had a house full of people there that I could count on to do what I just didn't feel like doing.  I'm concerned with how Jasmine is going to take having my attention diverted to someone else.  Even I'm going to have a hard time with that adjustment so I can't imagine how she'll react.  I'm also worried that I'll go too early and the baby will have to struggle to survive.  Or that I'll go late and they'll force me to induce.  (I absolutely do not want to be induced or get a c-section, both are worse for the baby than if mom labored naturally on her own)  I worry I made the wrong decision getting pregnant this soon.  Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have waited till Jasmine was a little older.  But then I didn't want them to be really far apart either.  I wonder if I can actually do this again.  I'm so worried about how Jasmine will do, won't that increase when I have two children and I'm contemplating a third?  And I still really wish that my mom could be in the labor and delivery room with me when the time comes.  Before I got pregnant, my original plan was to have my mom, Shawn and Jasmine in the room throughout the entire thing.  If things had been able to go that way, I would've gone into saying, yes I'm definitely getting the epidural because I don't want to scar my kid for life.  (screaming)  Then I found out that no children under the age of 12 are allowed in the room.  I should just go to sleep.  Maybe my brain will clear itself sometime overnight. 

Taking a beating

First off, husband made the appointment with his doctor.  The doctor believes that Shawn pulled or tore a muscle in his chest.  When this happened, husband's anxiety level sky rocketed, causing the raised blood pressure.  (obviously, he worried about heart attack, he freaked)  Just to be on the safe side, he will be having a stress test on Friday but doc seems fairly certain after pushing around on husband's chest that, it's nothing major.  It will however take some time to heal due to the fact that it's impossible to restrict chest movement, short of stopping breathing. 

I am a walking injury.  Tonight, I was making chocolate shakes for everyone and Jasmine brought her metal Dora chair in to watch.  She managed to tip the chair and the metal edge landed on my toes.  It bruised almost immediately.  All the injuries I've incurred the last week have been on my left side.  Poor Jazzy said Daddy, I didn't mean to hurt mommy.  She got a big hug and I told her it was ok and only an accident but keep the metal chair away from mommy for a while.  ;)  I think I'm just going to pad the entire left side of my body and I'll be ok till delivery. 

The kittens look better every day.  Saffron had been looking a bit worse for the wear the last few days but seems to be getting a little better.  His nose had been so stuffed up that he was forced to breath through his mouth.  (but that didn't restrict his naughtiness any!)  The only downside to him feeling better is that he has pent up energy from several days of relaxing.  The cat was all over me tonight.  I walked in, hands full of medicine, food and water, he climbs up me and is hanging from my boob, within a few seconds he's wrapped around my neck, trying to eat my hair.  It's going to take a very special (or patient!) person to take on this kitten.  Honestly, if I didn't have two indoor cats right now, I'd keep him.  I always like the rotten ones.  He and Catalina (previously the orange kitten) beat the crap out of each other.  I wince watching them.  Meowi (previously the little black kitten) occasionally gets involved with them but for the most part, tries to play with toys or the kittens that aren't out for blood.  Meowi seems to have a permanently startled look.  Her eyes are always bugging out of her head.  She even looks like this when falling asleep from being petted.  I'm not sure if she'll... grow into her big eyes or if this is a quirk her new owners will be able to joke about for years.  I've been trying to get Mama Spice to do something other than ask to be petted.  I know she's a young cat, there's got to be some spunk in there somewhere.  Right?  Finally, after aggravating the hell out of her tonight, she played.  I regretted it.  She plays rough.  I see where Saffron gets it from now.  Luckily, for her future owners, the only way to get her to play is to really annoy her for some time, otherwise she just wants to be petted and sleep.  I promise to get more pictures soon.  It's easier to get good pictures when there's someone to help and I usually do all my cat stuff while Shawn is at work.  I think on camera the two orphans will still look a little funky.  They have fur that just looks greasy even though it's not and it looks even worse on film.

You could say it's been a long day

What a day.  No one called to give me the news.  They had been given instructions not to and I can't help but think of the what ifs.  What if something had actually been wrong and no one called me because he instructed them not to?  When it got to be 4:30 and my husband wasn't home from work yet, I called his cell.  I figured he was going to tell me he had to stay over for some union business (he's a steward) or that he stopped at the store for something to make for dinner.  No.  What he tells me is that he's in the ER and had been taken there by ambulance.  Ok, he's talking so I'm not immediately freaking out.  He had some chest pains at work and was feeling really funky so he went down to the nurse (yes, they have a nurse at his work), she freaked out, and called an ambulance after dosing him with aspirin.  They wouldn't even let him walk out of the building, he had to be taken out by stretcher.  (which was highly annoying to my husband who said he was perfectly capable of walking, there was nothing wrong with his legs)  They started an IV on him in the ambulance, even though nothing was ever administered through said IV and it was a piss poor one to begin with.  I think the EMT was having a bad day and just felt like bruising him for a week or so.  I've started better IV's on squirming animals, seriously.  They get him to the ER, do all the tests and blood work, everything turns up normal.  EKG, normal as well.  ER doctor says he needs to stay overnight and have blood tests done every three hours and then a stress test in the morning.  My husband decides to sign out AMA.  Of course, he didn't tell me this till later or I probably would've told him to keep his ass at the hospital.  I told him he'd better hope he doesn't have a heart attack in the next 24 hours because our insurance wouldn't pay for the medical procedures to save his life since he signed out AMA.  ER doctor sounded pissed and told him there was a possibility that he could have a heart attack and die but says he's only telling him that because the law says he has to and that my husband is at a very low risk for a heart attack.  Did I mention, my husband is 27?  He probably didn't get the home coming he was expecting.  I wasn't exactly hugging him and bringing him anything he wanted.  I was pissed that at 27, he would have any reason to suspect there was a problem.  I was telling him, no more greasy Mexican food from the place down the road, no more Chinese food from all the other greasy places.  I don't think I've ever voiced until today that one of my fears is that I'll be a 50 year old widow because my husband didn't take better care of himself.  You want to know that you will be with your spouse till your both ready to go.  When you're old and can't remember each other's names anymore.  I don't want to think that I could have less than 25 years left with him.  He's supposed to call his regular doctor today (who is a quack any way and I've tried to get him to switch to someone else for years) and if he doesn't, he's getting his butt kicked.  Oh and he and I are both pretty sure it was an anxiety attack. 

This evening I spent running my ass off trying to get everything done before it was time to go to bed.  We spent most of the evening at my mom's or I would've started some of it earlier in the night.  The dogs didn't even get fed till midnight.  And by that point, I didn't want to take any crap from any of them.  My back felt like it was going to snap in two.  Cash had peed in his crate earlier in the day but I just put him in the Aussie boys crate since I took them with me to my moms.  (I was in a hurry and would clean the crate when I got home)  For whatever reason, Savannah peed in her crate while I was gone.  If she had a different crate I would've still be annoyed but not quite what I was.  She has a travel crate.  I have to break down the crate completely in order to clean it in the house (it was dark when I got home... I wasn't battling the buggy creatures outside to wash the crate) and then drag it to the bathtub.  After both crates were clean, my back was hurting.  And I still had to do laundry for my husband.  There are some days where I don't have much to do at all and then others where it seems like I'm never going to get a chance to sit down.  Just glad we didn't have dinner here or else I would've had to clean the dishes too.  I'll be so happy to go nighty night later. 

Names

I think I'm going to name them Meowi and Catalina.  ;)

Quick kittens

Ok, I lied.  I decided to spend some time with the kittens tonight after all.  The transformation in the two orphans is amazing.  I have never once seen LBK play, until tonight.  She was (Yes, it's a SHE) playing and running through that room.  The LOK was back to her playful self as well.  I was just amazed to see this little kitten full of spunk, considering a little over a week ago, she hardly moved other than to eat.  Going into the cat room, I had names ready for those two but I had to be certain of their sex.  They were boy names... they're both girls.  Out of five kittens, I have one single boy, Saffron.  I plan on having these two girls be different from the other kittens since they were from an entirely different litter.  For some reason, I feel they deserve a separate set of names, not linked to the others.  Therefore, I'm off to look at pet names for pairs again before I go to bed.  ;)

We are the losers, my friends...

I woke up a bit sore.  It was like I'd been in a minor car accident the day before, rather than just took a fall in the tub.  It was hard to stay asleep and even harder to get comfortable since I was confined to my right side.  (not allowed to lay on back after month 4 and way uncomfortable to lay on tummy)  Apparently, I hit a lot more than just my elbow on the way down.  Most of the back of my bicep is bruised and there's a knot on my elbow.  All in all, just a bit sore. 

I don't even know what to say about the Green Bay game.  Did Rogers piss in one of the offensive linemen's beer last night?  Because they seem to want him to end up with a broken leg.  Your job, your only job, is to protect the quarterback.  I didn't count how many times he was sacked or nearly sacked but it was ridiculous.  In my opinion, this should've been a much closer win, whether we won it or lost it.  Now Aaron, you would think after getting your faced smashed into the grass repeatedly, you'd stop throwing the damned ball.  I hope the entire team got an ass ripping when they got to the locker room as it was just pathetic. 

During the fourth quarter with less than five minutes left on the clock, I had to leave the room.  I just couldn't take anymore.  I decided to do something that I'd been putting off for a while, although thinking back, having sharp objects in my hands at that time was probably not wise.  I groomed two of the dogs.  Mia needed her rear trimmed up.  If you let her go to long, she looks scraggly and that's where we were today.  I took off quite a bit in the back as well as on her front legs.  She ended up looking really good and there's only a few spots that I'm going to go back and touch up on when I have Shawn's help.  Molly... ugh.  She did so good the last time I groomed them.  Stood like she did it every week.  This time, she refused to stand, frequently stuck her nose in the blades and kept wiggling around.  I took a break from her for a few minutes and when I brought her back over, she was better and I was able to get her ears done.  But by then the damage was done.  She looks really choppy, definitely not my best.  At least she looks cleaned up, even if it is a choppy clean.  I want to do the Aussie's but they've never been groomed so I'd like to have some back-up when I attempt it the first time.  Both the boys can be weird about some things.  Savannah could go either way with it.  I felt a little less like breaking things after they were trimmed up and the game was over so I didn't have to watch anymore blood shed. 

My husband went and picked up the two orphan kitties today.  (remember LBK, LOK- little black kitten and little orange kitten) They've put on some weight and look a lot less like they've just been pulled from a sewer.  Shawn even asked the girl if she switched kittens.  ;)  I haven't been able to spend much time with them today.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll have an extra hour to just hang out with the cats and observe the little ones.  They were perky and meowing when I saw them briefly however.  I'll get some updated pictures of them soon.

If they won't say it, I will WHY????

Yesterday, my mom and I got into a conversation about some of the sick, vile things some men do.  I will never understand it and it makes me want to castrate them all, without anything to dull the pain then force them to watch as I feed it to the dog.  There's a child pornography case going on around here and I think that's what's got me really thinking about these things.  I've known quite a few people who bear severe emotional trauma due to what others have done to them.  I was thinking about it as well, and I never hear these people complain about what they went through.  I've heard their stories and then it's never brought up again.  There's no why did this happen to me?  None of that.  And had it happened to me, I'd be a mess.  You'd be hearing me bitching, screaming and crying about it till the day I died.  Indigo (from Raven's Lament) is the person that amazes me the most.  She has had awful, terrible things happen to her throughout her life and while she's telling bits of her story, it's not said in a woe is me manner.  If nothing else, she feels guilty.  Guilty for those she had to leave behind to save herself.  She is by far one of the strongest women I have ever met in my life.  Now onto the news story that got this particular blog going.  This happened several years ago and was one of the incidents that was brought up between my mom and I.  I just can't stop thinking about that boy and his mother.  They are from a very poor neighborhood so I can't imagine that they're able to afford high quality counseling.  And you know this boy, at the very least is going to need some major counseling.  I wonder how they coped with it as the years went on.  Were they able to be around each other as if nothing happened?  As a mom, I would think if I were in that position, as hard as it would be, I would try to make it very clear that my son was not at fault and should do his best to see things that way.  That I still loved him no matter what and still viewed him the same as I did before.  But you don't know till you're in someone else's shoes, how you would truly react.  It's just awful.  And what's even worse to me, is that those boys that broke into their home, were obviously there for THAT reason.  It was like stealing something was an afterthought.  They were there to torture those people and I hope that the law saw it that way.  Here's the story from the AP.

 

 

updated 6:37 p.m. ET, Fri., July. 6, 2007

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Two teenagers were accused of gang-raping a woman and forcing her 12-year-old son to join in the attack, then beating him and pouring cleaning solution into his eyes.

Authorities allege Avion Lawson, 14, and Nathan Walker, 16, were among a group of about 10 masked suspects who forced their way into the woman’s apartment in a crime-ridden housing project the night of June 18.

The two were being held without bail Friday on suspicion of armed sexual battery by multiple perpetrators, sexual performance by a child, armed home invasion and aggravated battery. Both were arrested this week, but formal charges had not been filed.

“Any rape case is horrible, but this takes it to another level, something you can’t think of even in your worst dreams,” police spokesman Ted White said.

According to the police report, a man knocked on the woman’s door at about 9 p.m. and told her he had a flat tire. The mother and son, whom police have not identified, went outside and were ambushed by a group of gun-wielding suspects.

Gruesome violence
The victims told police they were forced back into their home and beaten and sexually assaulted.

According to authorities, the men raped, sodomized and beat the woman, then forced her son to participate in the assault at gunpoint, making him have sex with his mother in front of them.

The boy was then beaten and had numerous household cleaning liquids poured into his eyes, according to the police report.

The suspects also stole a few hundred dollars worth of cash and jewelry, White said.

White said more arrests were pending, but he would not say if authorities had identified additional suspects. The teens in custody were not cooperating, but Lawson confessed to taking part in the attack, White said. Walker has denied involvement, White said.

DNA evidence in a condom found in the victims’ home linked Lawson to the crime, police said. Investigators also say they found a palm print belonging to Walker at the scene.

Undergoing counseling
The victims did not suffer life-threatening injuries and have been released from the hospital, White said.

“They’re going through the county victim services for counseling,” he said.

Lawson lived in Dunbar Village, the hardscrabble project where the attack occurred. Walker was apparently visiting a friend there, White said.

Authorities believe the suspects all knew each other from the neighborhood, but they don’t think they knew the victims directly.

Prosecutors have 21 days from the time a suspect is arrested to formally file charges. Lawson was arrested Tuesday. Walker was arrested Thursday.

A call to Lawson’s public defender was not immediately returned. It was not known if Walker has an attorney.

Shower 1, Jamie 0

I took a pretty good fall tonight when getting out of the shower.  I think everything is ok but it still really freaked me out and I plan on moving a little more carefully from now on.  After we got home from dinner and going to the store, I decided to take a quick shower.  Jasmine always comes with me.  I've literally only taken a handful of showers alone since she was born.  After my shower, I start to fill the tub with water for her to take a bath.  I haven't gotten out of the bathtub yet however.  She's sitting in the bath and splashing water at my feet.  As I'm moving to get out of the shower, I was also turning to tell her to stop it.  Suddenly, my feet are sliding out from under me.  All I could think at the time was not to fall on her.  It wasn't till the side of my stomach took the brunt of the fall on the side of the tub that I worried about the baby.  It was loud enough that my husband heard it over his video game and came running.  I didn't even realize my elbow was bleeding till I was out of the bathtub.  Jasmine was pretty upset about it.  I think it was mostly because when she asked if I was ok, I didn't immediately respond.  There's a large bruise across the lower part of my stomach and my elbow has a huge gash in it from a piece of metal.  (and no, I haven't had a tetanus shot since I was probably about five and have no intentions of getting one... needles freak me out)  I was shaky for about an hour.  I felt a little guilty as well.  Yesterday, one of the girls on a pregnancy board I read, was worried because she had taken a fall earlier in the day and I basically rolled my eyes at the post.  I was thinking, give me a break, you landed on your butt.  Now, I know firsthand that no matter how you fall, it scares the shit out of you.  Thankfully, my elbow is way more painful than my stomach and I haven't had any worrying symptoms.  Jasmine won't let me near the shower without telling me I have to hold her hand so I don't fall again.  ;)  And here I thought I was just going to take a nice warm, relaxing shower.  Oh, and pain relieving neosporin, you know the stuff that costs several dollars more than the regular stuff, doesn't work.  At no time did I experience pain relief, never, not even a little.  I'll buy the plain crap from now on.  Oh, and I landed on a rubber ducky.  His insides are super clean now.  Water toys get a build up of junk inside them from nasty water sitting in them for a while.  He is now junkless.  ;) 

My alternative to negative thinking... ;)~

My toilet is sick.  Yes, I said toilet.  It's been gradually getting worse.  I know he had this problem years ago.  My grandma had two companies out to fix him but again, he has fallen ill.  Basically what happens occasionally is similar to how you or I would feel forcing down a food we find disgusting.  You may get a bite or two down but eventually, your body is going to betray you and attempt to get rid of said food.  Sire Toilet, apparently finds what we are giving him to be, vomiting inducing.  ;)  Ok, in all actuality, somewhere, somehow, air is in the pipes and when the toilet... er, Sire Toilet is flushed, occasionally, that excess air tries to come back up.  The only thing that comes back is air and it occurs after the actual flushing.  However, if you don't close the lid before flushing, there's a chance you may get wet.  I'm just glad that I've always closed the lid before flushing, at least since I had my daughter.  I was always fearful she would somehow toddle into the bathroom and fall into the toliet and drown.  Eventually, my fear was she would walk into the bathroom and play in the toliet water.  Therefore, the lid is always closed.  In the beginning, I wasn't sure who was getting the underside of the lid wet and I was starting to get annoyed.  Then I was in the bathroom a little longer than usual after flushing and heard the gurgling.  No way can I afford them to come out and fix Sire Toilet at the moment and it's not causing any damage to the pipes so for now, he will continue his aversion to his job.  And you think your job sucks?  ;)

A little ornery rubs off

I am absolutely in love with this set of foster cats.  Mama Spice is super sweet and has a silent meow.  (I have yet to hear any  noise when she meows)  The calico girls are finally starting to come out of their shells.  They were never really shy but they were extremely clingy.  Now they are running and playing, causing mischief.  The tabby has been feeling like crap the last two days but he's bouncing back now.  I can tell because he's climbing me again.  He's just an awful ornery kitten but he is by far, my favorite of the group.  I tell everyone it's because I won't be keeping him that I love him so much but I think the same would be true if they were all mine.  He is just bursting with personality and even with his naughty tendencies, I can't help but adore him.  If I presented him as is on paper to a potential adopter, they would run in the other direction.  Claws and bites at the face, climbs (bare) legs all the way to shoulders, scratches furniture, walls, cabinets, attacks other cats without reason.... need I go on?  But all the while, he gives you just the sweetest look as if he has no idea what he is doing is bad and definitely not cute.  Kittens like him are the reason why I offered to foster kittens in the first place.  I fall in love with all of them.  I just can't imagine them not getting a chance at life, which if a foster wasn't available is exactly what could've happened.  These are excellent cats who will make wonderful pets to someone and I can't wait till I hear the day that they're going to a new home.  I will miss Saffron like crazy but in his absence there will be another homeless kitty that needs someone to give them a halfway house of sorts.

Buzz, buzz

Tonight I went out to take care of what I am now calling the prison cats.  ;)  (the two that live in the enclosure outside due to bathroom issues in the house)  I hate doing it at night but we didn't get back till it was already dark.  I put it off as long as possible.  I have to take a giant sized flashlight out with  me that a police officer would see as a weapon.  Out I go, dogs running laps around me, presumably trying to kill me by forcing me to trip into one of the large holes they have dug, (they're huntin' moles) where they will quickly bury me alive.  I get to the cats and it always takes me some time to get up enough courage to walk into the house.  The outside is safe enough, only a few bugs roaming the fence.  The inside however... *shudders* it is a horror movie in the making.  It's never been this bad, even when we first moved in.  Now, on a normal day, I have no problem with spiders.  I've been known to pick them up with my bare hands and carry them outdoors to safety.  (usually some human is threatening a good smooshing)  Tonight was even worse than usual however.  Freakin' terrifying.  The spiders that are out there right now are giants.  And there are hundreds of them.  Hanging from the walls, the ceiling, the door, everywhere.  After, oh, ten minutes of standing at the entrance and having the satan cat (Jake, orange tabby, turns immediately evil when brought in the house) running in and out as if to say 'Dude, wtf, it's easy.'  I start to make my way inside when something catches my eye on the ceiling.  It's a nest, two actually but nothing guards the second, smaller one.  Nope, definitely NOT going in there now.  You both look fat, you can go, what?  Three days without food?  I get angry meows in reply.  Shit.  The nest was made by yellow jackets.  Yellow jackets can sting repeatedly without losing their stinger, without dying.  I however, don't know how many stings it would take to put me into shock.  One sting is going to hurt like hell and swell to cartoonish proportions, more than that, who knows.  They can also be fiercely defensive of their nests.  Considering it was night and a bit cool out, it's unlikely that they would've even moved but I wasn't betting my life on it.  Fine, I won't let you starve but I'm still not going in there.  I went in the house, grabbed a small plastic container, filled it with indoor cat food and as an apology, a can of fancy feast.  I was quickly forgiven.  I haven't decided what to do about the yellow jackets.  My initial thought was to buy a bug bomb and kill everything in there.  I really don't like killing anything but these guys aren't leaving till the ground freezes.  Even more so, I don't want to be forced to kill innocent bystanders.  (the gawd awful spiders)  Spraying them with water would get rid of them but it would also soak the inside of the shed, along with the straw bales.  It would ruin the straw.  Maybe I'll have my husband spray them with the stuff we used on the bees last year.  (something I never would've done if they hadn't been mean and living in my siding)  One thing is certain, they have to go.  I have no choice but to go in and out of that building.  I just really hate killing things.  Why couldn't they have made their nest on the outside of the damned shed. 

We also must have super spiders living by the house.  I've been aware of the large females that have been making their webs here and there but the biggest thing they've caught is a moth or two.  Whenever I go out at night to take care of the cats, I shine the flashlight up at the (other) yellow jackets nest above the backdoor.  (they're up high and have posed absolutely no threat to us)  There in front of their nest is a huge spider web and in it is a carpenter bee, a BIG one.  The bee had to have been on death's door to get stuck in a web.  I mean really, these things sound like helicopters when they fly past your head, no way a web is going to hold one.  I'm curious to know where they are living, my house or my neighbors.  They have to be close if I've seen so many this year.  This past week I was excited to see not one but two honey bees in the flowers.  Due to the illness that is killing off the honey bee hives, I've only seen a few total this entire summer so to see two in one day was great.  Now if they were living in the shed, no way would I kill them.  They're not as aggressive and they are having trouble as a species just surviving day to day.  For me, it would be like killing an endangered animal, I just can't.  I'm still trying to think of a way not to kill the damned yellow jackets. 

The whining continues...

Now that the ultrasound is out of the way, I can't help but worry that for some reason, something will go wrong.  I worry I won't make it to term or something will happen with the baby.  I don't remember worrying like this with Jasmine but it might have been because I wasn't fully aware of what I'd be losing if something happened.  It doesn't help that I'm so uncomfortable with this pregnancy.  With Jasmine, I don't remember feeling this uncomfortable.  The only month I even remember having some discomfort was briefly in my seventh month and then it went away.  With this one, I'm always in some kind of pain.  My back and sides constantly hurt.  I didn't get a chance to ask my OB about all the pain I have been having.  I completely forgot about it after seeing the ultrasound pictures.  Right now there is some body part jabbing into my ribcage.  No amount of poking, prodding and moving is going to get a baby to move from there.  My ribs are protecting it from my jabs.  It's no wonder I can't sleep or stay asleep.  A big part of me wants to get to the end of December and deliver (when I would be pretty sure that the baby would be fine outside the womb) and the other part of me dreads how my life will change when this baby gets here.  Although I finally figured out why it's been so active at night.  I drink large amounts of water in the evening hours and for whatever reason, it gets them moving.  Jasmine was very active late at night too, probably for the same reason.  I know, I'm complaining again but where else am I going to do it?  ;)  Being pregnant is terrifying.

U/S update

The ultrasound went well.  Doc says everything looks normal and on time.  Ultrasound picture was extremely cute.  Jasmine's u/s picture was scary looking.  She looked like a demon.  I'm not kidding.  This one was a profile of it's face.  The u/s tech was pissing said baby off big time.  It wasn't corropurating so she moved my belly with the u/s gadget.  I began getting punched repeatedly after that.  She made me nervous as she kept asking how big Jasmine was at birth so I was worried this one was a little on the larger side.  Jas was just over 6 1/2 lbs and hurt like hell so I hope this one stays around or under 7.  My small body just can't handle a much bigger baby!  It didn't all feel real until the u/s today.  Now I want to buy everything and get everything ready.  At the same time, I'm totally freaking out about having another baby.  When/How will I ever sleep again?  How will Jasmine really handle it?  Will they get along?  My next appointment is for my glucose screening. (test for gestational diabetes)  I hate having my blood drawn and it's even worse when you have to drink that nasty stuff.  And if I fail it, the next one is three hours long, a blood draw every hour.  I was borderline with Jasmine.

The Spice Troop

I have an ultrasound tomorrow.  Before this one I have to drink no less than 16 ounces of water... and manage NOT to pee before my appointment.  I really hope they're not running behind like they've been my last few appointments.  It doesn't take much to make you pee when you're pregnant and it's made even worse when you know you aren't supposed to go. 

I took Indigo's names from Raven's Lament.  (see "other journals" for link... I really suck at putting links into entries)  There was no rhyme or reason for it.  The names were just "right" for these kittens.  The darker faced calico is Nutmeg, the lighter is Sage and the ornery little male kitten is Saffron.  Mom is Spice.  (I've also been calling her Spicey)  Everyone has caught Mama Spice's cold.  The kittens all have runny noses and are sneezing.  However, they're doing rather well.  Everything is clear that is coming from them and they're all still perky.  The kitten that has taken it the hardest and is the whiniest about it is ornery little Saffron.  He begs to be held at all times and as if for effect, will occasionally shake.  Go figure, the meanest one is the biggest baby.  Even though mama's milk dried up last week, they have been suckling while they are sick.  Now that she is feeling better, she is a much better mama.  She lays with them all day except to eat and drink and allows them to suckle for however long they want.  It will probably take them a few days longer to get over it than it did with mama but I'm hopeful it will go over without anyone getting really sick.  They seem to be doing well at this point.

Locked Inside

I am once again thrust into a feeling of misery.  The cold that once was, once again, is.  I had several days of not feeling so badly, just a general stuffiness.  Now I am having trouble breathing and there's a thickness in my chest.  I have an unproductive cough, that is causing a sore throat.  I'm not sure if it's what's left of the past cold or a new one beginning.  I'm thinking it's the remaining of the last cold as my brother started coughing after he started feeling better and I caught it from him.  Ack, all I've been doing is whining for the last few days. 

Today I went to lunch with my dad as my grandma was here.  She lives about six hours away and no one seems to understand that I just can't up and leave whenever the hell I want to so I get a constant guilt trip.  Even if we had the money for the gas and Shawn had time off, I still couldn't go as I have seven dogs.  That's a fortune in boarding fees.  I actually get the guilt trip now more from my dad than I do from anyone who lives there.  My grandma seems... confused.  I know they've tested for various things and aren't coming up with much of a reason.  You can tell she knows what she wants to say but it comes out wrong and well, confusing.  I actually think having a toddler makes it a lot easier to understand everything she was saying as I have to listen to what's not being said and read between the lines in a way.  I was aggravated that despite the fact that I was obviously having no problems understanding and communicating with her, my dad and his wife interjected on several occasions, speaking for her or correcting her when I understood exactly what it was she meant to say.  I tried asking her questions about the rest of the family and she didn't have time to utter a word before they spoke for her.  I'm sure they're concerned that she will feel embarrassed but isn't it worse to have someone who feels you can't even speak for yourself?  I guess not feeling well, I was already in a pissy mood.  I can just tell that it effects her to a great degree that everyone treats her as if she is a total invalid.  She'sfrustrated with my aunt that she never leaves her side and yet, no one heard that tonight.  I don't even know exactly what is was they were hearing.  It seemed they heard what they wanted to hear and ignored what she was feeling.  I plan on mentioning something to my dad but I doubt he will listen to me any better.  If he did, it would be a first.  Inside, my grandmother is as much there as she ever was but it doesn't show well on the outside.  I'm sure she feels like she has no voice to be heard, even though the words come out, it's as if she's mute, no one hears her.  I've imagined what it must be like for people who are in severe accidents.  Due to brain damage they have to relearn to walk, talk and all those basics we take for granted.  It must feel like being locked away in a prison.  People come, visit and talk to you as if they're unsure you hear them and you can say nothing in return.  If you're in pain, you cannot scream.  If you're sad, you cannot cry.  In many ways, I imagine this must be how she is feeling.  Locked away in her mind, tortured by things she just can't control.  I feel helpless for her.  When it comes to her children, my voice is as empty as hers.  I stopped being a full part of that family when my parents divorced.  I was cast aside.  I was also 15, still only a child.  I'm not sure what was said in the year I didn't speak to my dad after he left my mom.  I'm sure it couldn't have been good, even if it didn't come from him.  I never heard from any of them until many years later and that was only because I made the effort to go to my dad's while they were there.  Even then, I was treated as an outcast.  I was my mother's daughter and that was all that seemed to matter.  It wasn't till I had a very loud discussion with my dad outside his house about being treated as if I didn't belong in his home by them that things changed... slightly.  My aunt in particular still has this underlying contempt for me.  My grandmother was the only one who seemed to reserve her judgements till after she heard my side of the story.  I didn't mean to go off into this tangent but it's the reason that her children, my aunt and uncles, won't hear me if I said something.  Besides that, I haven't been there day in and day out with her.  They would feel I have no right to say what is and what isn't based off a few hours.  I still plan on talking to my dad about it but even if he were to say something to those who care for her (again, my aunt) it would still be met with contempt I think.  He's not with her either.  He lives hours away and until he's in on her care daily, he has no rights.  And the person who loses the most, hurts the most in all of this, is her.

Discomfort

The last 24 hours have been uncomfortable.  Last night I just had some general discomfort.  Today this kid has been kicking almost nonstop.  It's to such an extent that I think my insides are sore.  There's no way to sit or lay that makes me anymore comfortable.  I took something an hour ago for the nausea that it's caused.  I hope this isn't a trend with this one.  Take a nap once and a while kid. 

Last night I also started experiencing some pain in my mouth.  I thought maybe there was something stuck between my teeth but tonight, I'm pretty certain that's not the case.  I've needed my wisdom teeth removed for about two years or so now.  Why haven't I just had them taken out?  Partially, I'm a chicken and it's fairly expensive, even with our insurance.  For now, I'm hoping after a few days the pain will go away.  I'll have to keep an eye on it in case one of the teeth become infected, which I was told was a possibility years ago.  I'm definitely not having them removed while I'm pregnant.  They were going to give me Valium before my appointment and I can't have it while pregnant.  I also don't want any of the other drugs that they give you during surgery (my wisdom teeth are coming in so backwards and messed up that I actually require surgery to have them removed) and afterwards while I'm pregnant.  Argh, and it's kicking again.  I'm going to lay down and hope for eventual sleep.

Names

I'm also trying to find names for these kittens.  If anyone has suggestions, I'm open to them.  The two females are calico and the male is the tabby.  (keep in mind the male is ornery as hell when thinking of names!)  And mama is looking for a name as well.  This is my least favorite part of fostering. 

Calm after the crazy

Nothing terribly interesting today.  I got on my computer and went to check on some the blogs I read and everything on blogspot was coming up as the same stuff I'd read days ago.  Strange I thought, that no one had posted a new blog.  Eventually, I figured out that my computer became possessed at some point last night.  My time and date were wrong.  Apparently, it was actually September 9th, 2004.  Uhm, what?  I don't know what happened from the time I turned it off to when I turned it back on. 

We ate dinner at my mom's tonight again but this time I left Cash outside while we were gone.  I haven't done that since last year.  He used to escape the yard but that hasn't happened since the electric horse fence was installed on the top and bottom of the fence.  He was able to avoid temptation today as well.  And my other doggies behaved themselves, no messes!  Mama kitty seems to have a very mild cold.  It's definitely making her miserable but it's nothing that time and fluids won't fix.  She looks about like I do when I feel like crap.  She wasn't even interested in the canned food I brought her today.  (and it was the really good/expensive crap!)  As long as she continues to drink water and has only clear fluids coming from her nose and eyes, I'll just let nature do it's thing.  The kittens seem to be doing fine and haven't caught mama's cold.  I just hope when I get the other two back that they're doing better as well.  These last few days have been nice to not have massive messes to clean up from itty bitties! 

Tantrums

By my current mood, you wouldn't know that a few hours ago I was on the verge of a pregnancy hormone induced nervous breakdown.  I had spent the afternoon at my mom's.  I had only been gone about four hours.  Therefore, I was beyond pissed when I got home and found two dog crates needed to be cleaned.  TWO.  I just lost it and started crying.  When you have quite a few animals, it gets frustrating when you end up having to do more work than is necessary.  After I calmed down and my husband had cleaned the crates (probably to keep from further losing it) I went to let the dogs out.  It had been a few hours since all this occurred by then.  But there Cash was, freaking out like it had been days.  I put him out and then just started kicking the cage.  Yes, I had a temper tantrum.  Something you should consider before having one of your own, wear the proper shoes.  I had on flip flops.  My piggies took a beating.  Thus, when you have a temper tantrum, either wear shoes or don't kick things.  ;) 

Per Linda's Request, Taken last night

I wasn't going to post a bare belly due to my stretch marks from the last pregnancy but what the hell.  And if you want to be completely technical about it, I'm just past five and half months pregnant. 

The picture from the front makes my belly look bigger than from the side.  I don't feel very big for being this far along but based on my last pregnancy, I know in a few months I'll be huge.

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~Omigod~

I am six months pregnant.  SIX MONTHS.  Yes, I just realized that a few minutes ago.

Little ones sick, all around

I was told the orphan kittens had a vet visit today.  They are on antibiotics now but seem to be doing well.  The current foster thinks that they look pretty good all things considered.  I will probably have them back in a week or so.  I could've had them back sooner but with Jasmine being sick, I'd prefer to wait a few days.  The other kittens are all still doing well.  Momma seems to have developed a sniffle over the last few days so I'll have to keep an eye on her three till it passes.

Speaking of Jasmine.  I didn't get much in the way of restful sleep last night.  After I got ready for bed, I noticed she seemed flushed.  (she was sleeping)  I felt her face and it was on fire.  I attempted to remove some of the blanket that was on her and she made it very clear that she didn't want that to happen and had goose bumps.  I knew her tylenol had worn off about an hour before that but didn't really want to wake her up to take anymore.  With Jasmine you never know if she'll go right back to sleep or be up for hours.  I kept feeling her face and it just seemed to keep getting hotter.  Eventually I called my husband at work (on his cell), more just to talk to someone about than expecting him to do anything.  After getting off the phone, I decided to attempt to sleep.  I had one hand under her head and one on her arm, hoping that if she moved, I'd wake up.  I was really concerned with how hot she felt.  I didn't think I'd be able to sleep but I don't think I was laying down more than a few minutes before I passed out.  I woke up every time she moved those first few hours however.  You don't realize how stressful being a parent is, until you become one.  You never know when you're making the right decisions about your child's health and always feel inferior.  She woke up about six or seven hours after falling asleep.  She was still really hot but was no longer shivering.  I gave her a morning dose of tylenol and that seemed to break the fever for the most part.  She hasn't gotten that hot since then, thankfully.  Of course, my husband came home with a thermometer but by then there was no need forit.  It always makes me nervous for the day she will have something more severe than just a cold.  She's been to the ER once because I was concerned she was dehydrated.  (it was unwarranted, the ER doctor said we were doing everything right by feeding her ice and popsicles)  I don't want to be one of those moms that freaks out and drags her kid to the doctor or ER when they could just stay at home, where they're comfortable.  And then to have two of them sick at once?  It makes me sick to even think of it.  I'm thinking, I need more people to help me stay sane in that case! 

Kids, number one giver of gray hair

Well it's about time!  I haven't been able to get into my journal for a few hours now.  I kept getting the whole journals unavailable popup.  The two little orphan kittens have gone to another foster for the time being.  They may end up seeing a vet tomorrow.  It's weird not being able to check on them every hour or so.  At the same time it's a relief not to hold my breath till I see them moving each time I walk in the cat room.  Hopefully she'll be able to do more with them than I was able to and they'll be up to speed with the other three soon. 

Jasmine scared the hell out of me a while ago.  She's been sick with the same cold that I've had since last Monday but hadn't seemed to show any symptoms for two or three days.  I thought she was over it.  Today she started sneezing again and her nose was running so back onto cold medicine for her.  (if nothing else, just so she can get a few hours rest without sniffling)  She had been asleep for about an hour when she suddenly woke up and was sobbing.  I felt her head and it was on fire.  I kept telling myself she just feels hot because of the way she was sleeping but my mommy paranoia was in high gear.  Then I remembered she walked into a door knob earlier (giving herself a black eye in the process) and worried she had a concussion but I'd missed the signs.  She wouldn't talk, only cry.  Finally, after about a half hour of crying on and off she asks for medicine.  I'm assuming she was crying because she feels like crap.  Once she has her medicine in hand, I ask again what was wrong, why was she crying.  She says, 'you turned off my harry potter.'  Omigod!  I said 'Honey, you fell asleep so Mommy turned off the tv.  You scared the CRAP out of mommy!'  She hugged me and told me sorry I scared you mommy.  Good lord, I thought she was in need of the ER and she was just pissed that Harry Potter was off.  She still feels pretty warm.  I would take her temperature but my husband's stupid dog, Molly ate the last thermometer we had.  I'll have to send him for a new one tomorrow.  And maybe a humidifier.  No, I think I'll get it myself.  Last time he got a humidifier that was ridiculous complicated and it ended up breaking because I didn't know how to properly care for it.  I just get the cheapo ten dollar ones that blow out burning hot steam.  Always worked when I was a kid.  (yeah I know, cool humidifiers are considered better for you now)  I don't know when I'll get her back to sleep.  It only takes a short nap to re-energize her for eight hours.  She's going to throw a fit when I say that's it, we're done.  For now I'll let her watch whatever she wants till the medicine fully kicks in.