"Those" people

Jasmine is rolling over all the time now.  The second I set her down on her back, she turns over onto her stomach.  She had a doctor's appointment last Friday where she got a couple of shots.  On Saturday I woke up to realize that she had slept through the night without waking up to eat.  I reached over and felt her head and she was burning up.  I gave her a bottle and took her temperature, which was 102.  When I called the doctor's office they said it was normal and could last a day or two.  I said ok and hung up.  What I really wanted to do was scream at the nurse telling her that this is NOT normal to me and that I'm bringing my baby in right this minute.  But I held my tongue and spent the next two days miserable.  The fever broke towards late Saturday night but she continued to be fussy and extremely sleepy till Monday.  She has to go back in December for a booster of that shot.  I want to skip it.  At least it's on a Thursday so if anything happens over night, I can take her to the doctor on Friday.

Last night that damned parakeet got loose... again.  He hadn't escaped in a long time, almost a year now.  I was feeding them when I heard wings above my head.  I didn't even need to look to know who it was.  I spent the next ten minutes trying to catch him.  He's now safe and sound in his cage and I'll remember it the next time I feed him.  The first few times he escaped it was funny.  Haha, Gollum's out again. (yes the little monster from the Lord Of The Rings and the name fits him quite well) But last night I was not in the mood.  After I finally getting the baby to sleep, all I wanted to do was feed them and go to bed.  Instead I was running around the room looking like a crazy person.  And of course that room doesn't have curtains so now the neighbors don't have to speculate, the KNOW that the people in "that" house have issues.

I recently became aware of some problems at the rescue.  (where I'm hoping to start back up volunteering as soon as our cars are both working at the same time) Last year they got two new volunteers.  It was a husband and wife.  I knew from the second I met them that they were trouble and I would NEVER leave anything of mine unattended while they were there.  I refered to them as the white trash people.  And I think white trash would probably take offense to that.  I usually try not to judge people upon first meeting them but I had a feeling about these two from the beginning.  Most people I meet at the rescue I initially meet I have a general liking towards just because they made the effort to help the animals, even if they're only there once, at least they did something.  After these two had been volunteering at the rescue for a while and everyone (aside from myself) was comfortable with them, they started stealing.  One of the girls who own the rescue had gotten badly bitten by a horse and needed to be on pain killers.  Which turned up missing.  I'm not sure how they found out that it was those two that had stolen them but they did and told them to leave the rescue at once.  They thought that would be the end of it.  The husband and wife then started their own rescue but were using OUR contracts and name.  The rescue was unaware of this completely.  Apparently they adopted out a dog to someone, only to take it back without repaying the money to the adopters.  The animal control was alerted and they called our rescue.  (thankfully animal control is familar with us and knows that we wouldn't do something like that) The rescue again told the husband and wife that they were no longer apart of our rescue and that they need to stop using the contracts immediately, along with the rescue name.  They proceded to tell the girl that she was going to "get them."  She began calling EVERYONE official that she could to try and get our rescue into trouble and eventually she succeeded.  The county knows what animals are kept on the property but for whatever reason they are now giving the rescue until November 7th to remove all livestock unless we can get a special use permit which they will be applying for.  They're going to be taking letters in from people in the area stating why they believe that the rescue should be granted the permit.  I just hope they get it, otherwise there will be a lot of horses and other livestock that end up dying which we could've saved.  Hopefully those people will eventually get what they deserve through fate or what have you.

Baby Steps

I really haven't had much to write lately.  I had a cold last week and spent as much time washing my hands as sneezing to prevent Jasmine from getting it.  She started on cereal the day before yesterday.  She acts like she's always been eating and makes very little in the way of messes.  She's able to roll over... and over and over now.  The past two nights she's slept in her crib, not all night but it's a start.  The first night was for five hours and last night for three.  She'd probably sleep there longer but I'm not exactly agreeable to that when I've just been woken up so I just put her next to me and feed her till she goes back to sleep.  She has a doctor's appointment on Friday for more shots.  Well, I'm off to find something to eat.  I'll try to keep up on writing.  I just haven't much felt like it lately.

Grandpa

On Tuesday of last week, we received a call from the hospital.  It was my grandma and she was uncharacteristically crying.  She said we needed to get there immediately because my grandpa wasn't doing well.  I called my uncle and we left.  I didn't feel like we could get there fast enough.  It's a good thing I wasn't driving or we would have surely gotten pulled over.  When we got there we went straight to the ER and his room.  It was worse than I could have even imagined.  He was gasping for breath and his eyes were rolling into his head.  I felt like the nurses weren't doing enough.  I felt like it should have been more frantic.  More doctors.  The doctor took my mom and grandma into the hallway and told them he had pneumonia and probably only had a few hours left.  They then took him upstairs to the oncology ward.  I asked the nurse why they couldn't just take the fluid from his lungs and she said he was producing it faster than they could remove it.  They gave him a drug to try and drain the fluid from his lungs to his kidneys.  Within three hours, his breathing slowed.  My mom, grandma, Shawn, Jasmine and myself were all with him when he took his last breath.  I don't wish that on anyone.  Looking back it seems like an awful dream.  It's a dream I won't ever be able to forget.

This last week there hasn't been much time to think about my grandfather's passing.  There have been arrangements to be made, flowers to be ordered and then of course the viewing and funeral.  Now I feel like I'm just walking around in a daze.  I try not to think about anything at all.  I can't deal with it all yet.  It's just too painful.  I've been torturing myself nightly with Johnny Cash cd's.  (grandpa loved the man in black) I don't know if it's very healthy or not.  Doesn't really make a difference because I would still listen to it even if it wasn't.  Grief is a funny thing.  I lay in bed and sob so hard that I feel like my lungs will bruise and yet I never feel any better.  I think maybe if I cry a little longer or a little harder the pain might not be so close.  That's never the case though.  The more I cry the worse I feel.  I end up feeling sadder than I had started out feeling and tired.  It's not good to not cry at all though.  I just haven't found a balance yet.  My aunt Jeri told me that grief has no time line.  It doesn't get better and stay that way.  It sneaks up on you six months later and you go through it all over again as if it had all happened just days ago.  You never really get over the death of someone you loved.  It's a never ending process. 

It's hard to tell how my grandma is actually doing.  She's very cryptic and hides her emotions.  You have to pay very close attention to her to know what she feels.  We've been spending a great deal of time with her and will continue to for as long as needed.  Now I know that if she was doing fine living in that house alone, she would tell us we don't need to come over so often, that she's ok.  But she doesn't say that so I know she's not.  I don't expect her to be.  Her kids are the same way, except for my mom.  The only way I know how my uncles are doing is by asking their wives.  If you ask them they say they're fine or make a joke.  That's how most of my family is but you know they're not. 

My grandfather passed away on Tuesday afternoon.  I may not be post for a while.

Cirque and Stomp

I'm just writing to whine a bit.  For years I've really wanted to go see both Cirque du soleil and Stomp but never really looked into it until I watched a production of Cirque du soleil yesterday morning.  It gave me a little more motivation to start looking.  I found that neither shows comes anywhere near us anytime soon.  Stomp was here last year but I couldn't convince Shawn to take me.  I'm going to check back in January to see if they'll be coming here after the first of the year but for now I'll just have to be content with the dvd that Cirque du soleil came out with.  I would love to go see their production of "O."  That would be the only reason I think I would ever be interested in going to New York.  Sorry any NY folks out there but I'm a country mouse and that's where I prefer to be.  I would take the mountains of Colorado over any big city, any day.  I suppose I'm done whining now whether I want to be or not, Jasmine is paging me from the living room.

April

On top of a fussy teething baby, I now have a dog to care for.  April just got spayed on Friday.  Shawn called to find out how much the total was going to be and they said that they found something during surgery and needed to speak with me about it.  Of course, Shawn didn't ask if it was anything serious so I didn't sleep much on Friday night.  Saturday we went up there and had a really long wait.  (it's first come, first serve) When I finally got back there the doctor said that he had found a tumor on her chest that had become infected and they had to drain the fluid but that it was benign and would eventually go away with antibiotics.  That was a weight off my shoulders.  She has to be crated most of the day though since she's such a high energy dog.  I'm afraid she'll rip her staples out.  That's something I was unhappy about, the staples.  If they had put in stitches, I wouldn't have to take her back, I could've taken them out myself but I don't have the proper tool to get the staples out without possibly tearing her incision so I have to take her back on the 23rd.  It wouldn't be such an inconvenience if it wasn't such a long trip and we didn't have the baby with us.  (45 minutes one way) Well, I'd better get something to snack on and then get the baby back upstairs.  She's currently passed out on the living room couch.