My Mojo, not a reference to Austin Powers

I am a mom.  When one of my kids cries in the middle of the night and I know it's out of character for them to do that, I go immediately to see what's wrong.  My bedroom is directly across the hall from five of my kids.  So when I heard a muffled meow, I got up so fast that I had to sit back down for a minute.  Through my tears, I found my way to both doors in the dark.  I opened their door slowly as some think it's cute to lay directly in the path of the oncoming door.  Flip the light switch and there they all are, in their bed next to the door.  I have no idea who meowed.  It was probably a kitten complaining about his brother/sister sitting on his head.  By this time, I realize the Ambien has taken full hold of my movements.  I'm more wobbly than usual and just feel a bit, stoned and drunk.  I guess it's more of a feeling of being drunk and yet your brain is working normally.  I'm also suddenly aware that I am standing amid a sea of kittens and that my movements had better be very thought out before I make them.  I decided to get a syringe from the kitchen (I finally got smart and bought some BEFORE I needed them) and filled a cup with water.  I very slowly got an entire syringe of water down both kittens.  (so half a syringe for both)  By doing this, I must have seriously pissed off the orange kitten as he began batting at cardboard boxes and the cat carrier.  (he hasn't played all day as he's felt rather awful) I said well maybe I should piss you off more, it gives up some spunk.  LBK however just glared at me and walked underneath me (I was kneeling down) hoping to steal some body heat.  Another bright idea came to me through the Ambien fog.  A softer blanket while they feel really awful.  Ah, but which of my towels will I sacrifice.  These are my favorite pair, these my mom JUST bought us a few weeks ago.  Shit.  Wait, what's that over at the edge of the bed?  Jasmine old baby blanket.  THAT will be PERFECT.  Now before you scold me, it was not a favored blanket (we used it so she could lay on the floor without being directly on the wood) and it's since been a hand-me-down to the ferrets who LOVE this blanket but will never know the difference after it's washed.  I laid it down over top of the towels that were already in there after I made them a little more comfy.  What's that smell.  Sniff, sniff.  Two little kittens trot over.  sniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniiiiiiiffffff  Oh yes, ferrets have a VERY strong odor and it does NOT come out in the wash.  It smells better after you wash it but it will always be there.  Now momma is over sniffing.  I keep warning her not to pee on the blanket.  I swear momma, you pee on the big comfy blanket that was brought in specifically for the sickly's, you're in for it.  No, momma plops her long ass right on the kitteh's blanket!  At first I was going to shoo her away.  (the kittens won't lay with her)  Then I thought, what if she WANTS them right now.  I pick up LBK and set him down in front of her and she's like, 'My GAWD child, what happened to your face?!'  And she licked his face like it was the most important mission on earth.  I'm not going to lie, I started to cry.  For days I've been frustrated wishing that I had a cat's tongue that would do what was so badly needed for these kittens.  Yes, I've been longing for a cat tongue.  I thought, maybe I could attach some kind of rough sponge to a stick and use it like a cat tongue but I knew it would never be the same.  And here I had a real live tongue, WORKING.  Now LBK was NOT impressed and shot me the look of death.  Oh, I didn't mention, I was holding him there for his bath, no escape.  Strange how something so pathetic and sweet can suddenly give looks that could kill.  I had to avert my gaze just to be on the safe side.  Ok, down you go, it's orange kitty's turn and he's STILL pissed at me from earlier.  Here momma, watch the claws on this one.  It went better than expected, I get look from hell, momma continues cleaning, another look from hell and hey look, she's bored with you, you're free.  Momma walked off after that.  I guess she saw a line forming or something and said 'oh look at the time.'  ;)  In a few minutes I'll check back in on them to make sure they're using the blanket.  It's really fluffy and warm so I hope they will and just ignore the musty odor that lingers on.  I know it wasn't the breakthrough I was looking for but that small gesture on momma's part, brightened up my day, ever so slightly.  After my last entry I was in tears.  All I kept hearing is they're both going to die and you did nothing.  (I KNOW there's not much more I, personally, can do without permission BUT tell that to the voices inside my head)  After seeing momma make at least an attempt with those kittens, I may not cry myself to sleep tonight.  It was going strongly in that direction prior to this.  And I'm NOT a crier.  I just really want this to work out ok and the thought that it really might not... I don't know if it's frustration or sadness, maybe both but it's been bringing me to tears.  It's harder when you can't save the small innocent ones that haven't even gotten a chance to play because they're so young than if it were an older cat.  I've thrown myself into this litter more so than any of the others.  When the others went home, I said see ya, who's next?  I didn't cry, although I've never cried when one of my fosters gets adopted, not one.  Well, I think I cried with Doodle the first time because I knew she was getting a fantastic home.  It wasn't losing her that had me upset though, it was tears of happiness for her.  But with the past litters, I haven't invested much of me into them.  Feed, change litter, let them out to play, laugh at their antics but I never felt it above where it matters.  Emotionally, I had barricades up.  I do with all my fosters.  I'm not going to have them for a long period of time so don't bother feeling a huge sense of love towards them.  Caring, empathy, compassion, a little love but nothing more.  These guys... they ripped the rug right out from underneath of me and I'm still trying to find all the pieces of the barricade as they're scattered here an there.  While I'm doing that, they're getting IN.  And it's making it hard to contemplate what could happen.  And that's what I do.  I need to know the worst possible ways things can go in order to go about doing what I need to do.  It's the way I work.  With humans, and animals.  Once I figure those things out, I can get things done.  It's like a maze I have to sort through and when I come to the end, there's a light and I know I'm almost done.  Good or bad, this ride is almost over.  And it gives me a sense that even if I can't do anything right now, I can try to find something I can do later.  I need to be doing something, even if it's all in my head in order to get through those times when all you can do is wait because you've done everything you can do.  And now they're in there messing with my mojo.  How am I suppose to distance myself when they're to the mojo already?

More Kittens

Both orphan kittens are sick.  I was concerned yesterday when I noticed that LBK's eyes were watering.  Today both have yellow discharge from their noses and are having a difficult time eating.  (when cat's can't smell food, they don't eat)  The orange one is having really bad diarrhea.  I'm frustrated and feeling a little defeated.  Tomorrow if the orange kitten still hasn't eaten, I may have to force feed him.  I hate force feeding.  I just don't know what to do.  Tomorrow if I haven't received anything via email, I'll be calling the rescue to see how they would like me to proceed.  Best case scenario, I get a vet visit and/or someone with more experience takes on the orphan kittens.  I don't want to give up when things get hard but I also need to focus on the fact that these are living things and at some point and time, I'm going to be over my head.  This has been an extremely stressful couple of days.  I just wish one of them would turn a corner. 

Kitteh Committee

Momma cat on a shelf making it clear that she in no way plans on breast feeding anymore.  Hell, she wanted to bottle feed in the first place, damnit.

What?  Food where?  I'll get it.

This is the little evil one.  The climber of legs and harasser of siblings.  Notice the little half 'stache, not food, the mark of evil. 

This little kitteh speaks.  No really.  When I brought in the canned food for their last meal of the night, she said and I quote "Dude, carry me.  It's like really far and stuff."  She rolled over onto her back and meowed as if to literally, be picked up and carried to the plate of food.  Erhm, no.  You, stoner cat, can walk.

Now onto the more... pathetic looking kittehs.  This is the sibling to the little black kitty, which Beth at http://journals.aol.com/luvrte66/nutwoodjunction/ has dubbed LBK.  He could actually be a really pretty kitteh if I could keep his face clean.

Yes, little LBK, really is THAT homely looking.  And yes, this was the best photo I could get on my own.  He wants to be BESIDE you, NOT in front of you.  He is gray under the black, which should explain the funny looking fur to some extent.  I will try for a better photo tomorrow.

More Kitten updates

I'm still very concerned for this black kitty.  He's eating, drinking, pooping but there's just something wrong.  The only outward signs that there is need to be worried is his overly distended abdomen (he waddles!) and the fact that the never plays at all, just eats, sleeps and poops.  I feel like I'm doing the best I can and at the same time trying to let him rest as much as possible.  I don't know what else to do at this point.  He gets a bath a day, which I hate doing because I'm so worried he will become chilled.  I have no choice for fear of ulcers from the poop that still gets stuck to him.  At least I know when he sleeps, he's warm, as all the kittens have started sleeping in one big pile.  I don't want to give up on him and hand him off to someone else to try to foster but then again, maybe that would be best if I'm in over my head.  I feel like, aside from taking him to the vet, I'm doing everything there is possible for him.  (except for putting a heat lamp in the bedroom, which I won't do for fear of burning down my house)  I figured out today that I'm spending about 3 hours a day on kitten care, give or take a half hour.  The morning and evening take the longest as that's when I'm either washing a kitten or cleaning the room.  At the same time, I'm trying to keep one eye on Jasmine and make sure she is behaving herself with the rest of the kittens.  She's pretty good about being gentle but occasionally, she gets a little too rough.  She forgets that they're much smaller than the last bunch of kittens we had.  Particularly when the rambunctious one of the group climbs her bare leg.  That kitten, is a handful and then some.  He's always climbing something (or someone), getting into something and just in general, causing mischief.  I can't help but laugh at him, particularly because I know I won't have a lifetime to deal with him. 

Where has the United gone in all of this?

I don't talk of politics on my blog, mostly because you're bound to seriously offend someone.  I don't like being called a dumbass just because I'm a democrat and I'm sure the republicans don't want to hear me call them the same.  That being said, it's hard for me to continue to read some blogs that are extremely republican and make it clear that if you are not, they think you're, well a dumbass.  I don't have all the facts.  I don't watch the conventions.  Therefore, I'm not one to be spouting off about which candidate is right for president.  (although I almost always believe a democrat is better than a republican)  I understand that there are strong feelings on who should hold that powerful position for the next four years.  You should feel strongly.  If you don't, then don't bitch when things don't go your way.  But I don't believe that full out attacks on common folk are warranted.  We all have our reasons for being republican, democrat or independent and we're not all going to agree.  I can't wait till it's all over personally.  I will be voting in November and it will be for Obama but I will not be openly attacking anyone (at least on my blog) who decides to vote the other way.  Although, should the old guy win (haha) and screw it up, I will be full of I told you so's.  That's not to say I don't enjoy reading some views on this election but I tend to enjoy those more that share my views.  (of course)  Most of those that I do enjoy, whether they share my views or not, have been very tactful and try their best to stick to the facts with a few jabs here and there and the other candidate.  No matter who wins, we're all in this together.  If the new guy screws up, he screws us all, not just his political party. 

Yes, in the box, good kitty

All the kittens are still alive as of the last time I checked on them.  And the little black one that looks like it came straight from a sewer, actually pooped on his own today IN the litter box and then attempted to clean himself.  I literally did a happy dance as I watched.  Probably didn't help his concentration with a pregnant woman, wobbling around the room and screaming good kitty.  I really think the two small ones are going to end up hating me.  I have to bathe them every night to get all the poop off their little bodies.  Feces have a far higher amount of acid in it than urine and quickly burns the skin.  Leaving any fecal matter on them could cause sores and for the skin to be irritated.  It's something you learn very quickly after you have kids.  A peed in diaper is ok to leave a while, a poopy one must be changed quickly or you'll need to add some diaper cream to a red butt.  (and a pissed off baby with an irritated rear end)  I have hope for the little ones but I'm trying not to get too attached as I know the chances of them surviving are slim.  The little black one could be really gorgeous if he didn't look so homely.  One day at a time.

Jasmine had a free for all the few days that she wasn't feeling well and now she isn't listening at all.  It's made for a very trying two days.  It's like talking to a wall, she doesn't even acknowledge the fact that noise is coming out of my mouth.  I really hope she starts to turn around in a day or so.  At least it didn't seem to mess up her sleep schedule much.  She's asleep by 2am every night now.  May not seem very early to most but it's a huge step in the right direction.  It's 2-3 hours earlier than she was going to sleep.  I'm not quite there yet but at least I'm asleep before the sun comes up.

Progress is still progress, even if it's icky BTW this is an ICKY entry

We seem to have moved a step or two forward with the kitty situation.  After writing this we'll probably go two steps back but there's more hope now than there was a few hours ago.  When I received the two smallest kittens, they were both impacted with poop, although the black one was far worse.  The black one was swollen a full of poop but with no mother there to clean him, it was just sitting inside his body, building up.  We (me and Jasmine) spent quite a great deal of time gently trying to coax some of it out with warm water and paper towels.  I still felt defeated at that point but was planning on trying a few more times later.  I would take him out and wipe him a few times and then let him go back to the other cats.  By this point and time he's getting pissed at me any ways and the claws have started coming out, I figure quickly is the best way.  This is the weakest cat you've ever seen but seeing those claws, tells me he's got more fight in him than we've given him credit for.  I checked on them for the last time (I swear, I won't touch that door again till after I've went to sleep and woke up... Promise... ok so I obsess over babies a little too much) and his rectum was actually able to be closed.  Now it still doesn't look normal but no butt would after having a constant flow of really ucky poop coming from it.  I'm just relieved we've gotten that far AND I saw him licking his legs while I was in there.  At least he's trying to keep himself clean.  (although FYI kitty, you'd be a whole lot cleaner if you didn't climb onto the plate of wet kitten food and eat from the center on out... I'm just sayin)  The orange sibling, seems to be doing good as well and with minimal intervention on my part.  He's got a lot of spunk and I've only got so many fingers to spare.  He could be cleaner but a this point and time I'm just concentrating on keeping everything moving through their bodies so as to not become deeply impacted.  So, I'm allowing myself a little bit of hope at this point.  I really like this little black kitten and would love to see him pull through.  I just know once he's better, he's going to be all spunk.  (I'm hoping he's a boy (can't tell since everything is swollen to hell down there) because I've got his name picked out already) I've named the male stripe, Axl for now (although I may change it to a different band member depending on how many boys I have versus girls) One of the female calico's gets to be Rose.  And hopefully I have enough boys for Iggy, Duff and Slash.  I was going to use the Guns N Roses old band manager that they had years ago for momma's name, although I would have to look it up.  I could use her name as Tracy for Tracy Guns but he wasn't really a big part of the band, only the band name.  And Tracy kind of sucks for her.  She needs something with a little more flair and sass.  By the way, thank god my nose is plugged up because I KNOW those little butts stunk.  Jasmine left the room and said mommy they stinky, you need to clean their butts.  Fingers crossed that they all come out of this alive and then cross them again that I don't get too attached to the little half dead one.  (and go figure he's the ugly duckling of the group... I always pick the ugliest ones to be my favorite)  I really like the orange one too.  He looks like he has some Persian in him somewhere.  Just a slightly mashed face but that a could change as he gets a little older.  The striped one is the trouble maker with a capital T.  He's the first to get into everything and the first to run up your legs.  The two calicos aren't far behind him though in their antics.  I can't help but love kittens.  They're little monster but I think they're so cute and now that I'm doing it more, I can pick them out pretty early on as to what personality they will have when they're older.  (I've been pretty accurate so far!)  Ok, to sleep now for me.  The ambien is making my typing funny so that's a signal to me that I should go try and do this sleep thing.  Thank god for those Ambien, I absolutely cannot sleep when I'm stuffed up.