Insane

Everyday I feel a little more uncomfortable, both physically and mentally.  I feel as if I'm pregnant. (I'm not) There is so much pressure coming from that area that it feels the same way as when I was five months pregnant with Jasmine.  My imagination keeps running away from me.  I've went through just about every possibility as to what it could be and then what the treatment for said thing would entail.  I'm almost a week away from my pelvic ultrasound.  (I was under the understanding that it was just a regular ole ultrsound... it's not) At one point and time, I was sure it was cancer and I wanted to take a knife to my abdomen right that second and cut it out.  I hate the idea of having cancer growing anywhere in my body.  It made me feel like I had bugs crawling under my skin and I wanted to claw at myself till they were all out and I was left bleeding.  The not knowing is driving me half insane.  I keep telling everyone, it's not like I can forget about it even if I wanted to, I'm constantly having cramps and I always feel pressure.  There are times I want to stop eating because I keep imagining that I'm feeding whatever is living inside of me and the last thing I want to do is help it survive.  (as long as I'm not pregnant that is) I just want to know what is going on so I can figure out what to do about it.  I'm a very in control person and if I knew what was wrong, I would feel like I could control what happens and where we go from here.  Right now I feel completely helpless.  I wish my appointment was this Monday and not next.  I just want this over with.  I want to go back to worrying about bills and stupid things, not whether or not I'm going to have to worry about living.