Stupid and Contagious

I am my biggest critic.  I used to be different.  I used to look in the mirror and think I looked good.  Now, I look in the mirror and see a chunky girl who is uncomfortable in her own skin.  How did that happen?  I've been working out... sort of.  It's not like I've been going to a gym, I just do stuff in my living room.  I like to jog but I fell off my mom's porch a few weeks ago and am still having pain so it's not as enjoyable as it used to be.  I tend to be the type of person that works out till I'm in so much pain I can hardly stand it.  I guess it's a type of self mutilation without breaking the skin.  It makes me feel better to work out till I hurt.  Right now, I weigh more than I did a month after Jasmine was born.  I didn't work out that whole month, I did nothing but sleep.  Here I am two years later and I've been working out and I'm not losing any weight.  I would be happy if my stomach was just flat again.  I'd be happy if it was as flat as it was last year.  I'll probably end up in a bikini this week.  *sigh* We're going on an overnight vacation and there will be a pool at the hotel.  I can sit in my room and be bored or I can go with everyone else down to the pool and try my best not to be self conscious.  I'm just feeling sorry for myself.  I should really just get off my ass and work out and quit my bitching.