When will it be enough

I can't sleep.  I had a hard time last night too but that was more because I couldn't stop crying.  There are all these questions swirling through my head that I know I'll never receive a direct answer to, nor do I feel like asking the questions right now.  My brain is just on overload right now, after all it's been an extremely stressing two days.  One second I'll be wondering if I just felt movement from the baby or if it was my imagination.  The next, I'm wondering how long my husband has been lying to me and to what extent.  I'm wondering if I'll ever even want to be around those people that called themselves my friend.  I know one of the guys my husband is friend's with, I want nothing to do with anymore and just a few days ago I thought he was a really nice guy.  I don't think I ever really got the saying ignorance is bliss till yesterday.  It would've been nice to have never known but at the same time, I think I would've wondered about all these inconsistency's that have been showing up here and there.  And the more I think about it, one of the more upsetting things is when I felt like my husband didn't want to be around me or Jasmine anymore and would rather being doing something else because he seemed so preoccupied whenever we did do anything.  Now I'm realizing he probably wanted to smoke the entire time and couldn't while he was with us.  I was really upset about the whole thing at the time.  It hurts to feel like you're just plain not wanted around by your husband.  And then to think it could've been avoided if he hadn't been an idiot.  I wonder when did just smoking while drinking at the bar, turned into buying his own packs and smoking all the time.  When did he make that decision?  Did he even think about how it would effect us when he did it?  And it doesn't seem like he even cares about anything, as long as I get over it quickly.  All the nights that I cried for hours after Jasmine went to sleep, they don't matter because it's in the past.  It only matters when it directly effects him.  I've been vague on purpose about anything surrounding what's happening with my pregnancy the last 24 hours.  For one, I just didn't feel like talking to him.  I wanted to yell at him.  Hit him.  The last thing I wanted to do was talk.  I still don't want to talk to him.  I don't want to be around him.  And I don't think there's much he can do right now to change that.  It would've helped his case immensely if he had stopped smoking immediately.  Buying another pack today was not his best move and just further caused me to be angry.  I don't even know what I'm feeling.  It might be easier if I didn't have the pregnancy to worry about as well but when you mix it all together, the emotions don't make much sense anymore.  I wonder how many nights I'm going to sit here crying.  How many nights I'm going to want to stay at my mom's rather than sleep in the same room with him.  Right now, being able to sleep would be enough.