Depressed

Ok, I'm have a terrible, no good, very bad day.  I just got done balling for like two hours.  Just one of those days I guess.  I don't know if it's stress or lack of Paxil.  I finally get done crying and all I want to do is watch a movie.  I find every movie in the damned house except for the on I was looking for, "Under the Tuscan Sun."  So I'm watching 'Gone in 60 Seconds' instead.  I'm just so woe is me right now.  I just need a little bit of help.  Just enough to get me going.  My grandma offered to have my car fixed but I just hate taking anymore money from her.  I might just have to though.  It seems I don't have much choice.  But then, I have to get the title, insurance, plates.  The list just goes on and on.  I had to wash my blanket again tonight because of Lueka.  I hate to do this but I'm really thinking of putting him in a cat cage for a while.  Till I can figure something else out.  It's just so damned unfair.  My brother, who's 16, has no job, no bills, nothing to worry about and yet he has a working vehicle and insurance.  Both of which my dad is paying for as long as my dad does some work around his house.  Now, I went to my dad for help and he basically said life sucks tough shit.  On top of everything, I feel like I'm getting sick with something.  I've got the itchy throat going on and a higher than normal temp.  Just lovely.  My room smells to high hell because I don't have much litter left.  I've got twenty bucks to my name.  I have to decided to buy two things, but I have three things that I'm in desperate need of.  I can get cat food, dog food or kitty litter.  Only two of them though.  I can starve someone and have a normal smelling room or they can all be fed and my room can continue stinking.  And I if I even were to get kitty litter, a 35lb. tub only lasts two weeks if that.  I just feel like the world is piling up on me and there's nothing I can do about it.  I can't seem to stop balling.  Most of this has to be from not having my Paxil.  I got a little lecture today from Tam about stopping cold turkey.  Sorry but I don't have much of a choice other than to quit taking the pills.  If I were out on my own right now, I would be living in a homeless shelter, I definitely don't have the money for anti-depressants, which in and of itself is depressing.  Ironic huh?  I came home from work toay and passed out for like five hours.  I only got three hours before I was back up for work this morning.  I woke up feeling like I'd slept too long and had a headache.  OH, forgot, we got a notice from lovely AOhell the other day that my screen name was once again being used by someone else to send IM's.  We get it fixed and I come home from work today, AFTER changing my password for the THIRD time and someone has once again stolen my password and has once again gotten me TOSed.  Lovely, if this keeps up I'll end up losing aol too.  And do you think they've been of ANY help.  Let's see, in a word, no.  They tell me to change my password.  Well no shit sherlock, I've done that time and time again.  Mom gets home tonight and I'm online.  She went out to feed the horses and comes in telling me to come outside right away.  I'm a little pissed, thinking they escaped once again.  Well that's sort of true.  Danny somehow or another got caught in the fence between the paddock and the dog yard.  Looked like she'd been there for a long time too.  Mom eventually gets her untangled and in the barn and she's a little gimpy.  I really think it was just from standing in the same spot, unable to move for all that time.  I mean, I would be a little stiff if I had to stand like that for a couple of hours.  She ate a circle around herself though.  LOL  That's why I figure she'd been out there for a while.  Well, I'm gonna go try not to think at all.  Hope everyone else is doing better than I am right now.  Enjoy the warm weather all, who knows when it'll be cold out again.