Trying to Get Back on Track

Woke up with a scratchy throat.  You know the one that signals that you're about to get sick.  Personally, I'd prefer NOT to know ahead of time, that way I'm not dwelling on it while I still feel ok.  Whenever I feel I'm starting to get sick I imagine my white blood cells patroling my body.  In my mind they're an army looking for anything out of place.  Now, they're not exactly a smart army so they have to meet the enemy once or twice before they realize it's not a friendly.  Once they ask for some identification and realize that it's the enemy, they kill the offending cell, tyically infected with a virus.  Now you would think that would put your body at code red on the terrorist watch but like I said they're not smart.  There's no email or snail mail in there so they have to go by word of mouth.  One cell tells the cell next to him, hey watch out for the cells with the funny beard and glasses, then he tells the next guy until it finally makes it all the way around the body and they kill off the illness.  For whatever reason my brain says it I warn them ahead of time they'll kill it before I get sick.  It never works.  Again, cells aren't smart.  We're made of an army of idiots.  And I think my imagination is on a little more acid than most.  (I don't do drugs just for those who are going in that direction)

Jasmine has a cold or something so she's been making me miserable.  She seems to feel ok other than a runny nose but she is SO whiny.  I really am starting to realize why my mom would say to us that mom was no longer her name or that mom doesn't live here anymore.  What she meant was get the hell away from me and give me some peace for ten minutes.  Unfortunately for Jasmine, my mother had far more patience with me than I do with her.  There are days I'd be happy to spend an hour or so in the bathroom.  Just sitting and doing nothing.  Having no one ask me to do this, get that or tell them where THEY left their clothing.  I could be in my own private oasis.  (trust me, my imagination is good enough to turn the bathroom into a faraway oasis) I just now finally got her to sleep and it's 7am.  She went to bed at 2am.  At that moment I did a little happy dance in my head, until a half hourlater when she started coughing and woke herself up.  (she NEVER coughs during the day but the second she falls asleep she starts) I felt bad for her but worse for me because she wanted to watch big bird and ten minutes into that she wanted to watch tigers (Evan Almighty) and then she wanted to watch Penguins (happy feet).  That'd be fine if I didn't have to monitor her with the cd's.  We finally got smart and made backup dvd's to every one that we have because the first 60 bucks of Elmo videos went down the drain because she scratched them to hell and back. 

I still feel guilty today about PB.  I refused to eat anything till late this evening.  I just didn't feel like it.  I typically punish myself after an animal dies even if there is no way it could be anyone's fault.  The punishment is different depending on my mood.  I buried him today.  Just past the cats house.  I don't they'll miss him as much had it been a cat that they paled around with but none of them are really bonded to eachother.  Two of them can't stand eachother. (Minka and Gremlin, it's the only cat I've ever seen him have an attitude with) Now they're not full out brawling.  It's just an occasional hiss or slap if they're in the other cats "spot".  I started getting their house ready for winter but haven't finished.  There's heavy equipment in there that I need man power to move.  The cats have already made good use of the few bales of straw I have in there.  They're using them like cat beds.  Next summer I'll have to make sure and get a few more bales just to set up in the house for them to lay on.  While I was out there tonight they were more affectionate than usual.  They normally all get a petting but then they're like ok lady that's enough, give us a treat or something.  (catnip tonight) But even after I left they were still outside rubbing against the gate.  I had to come in though because Jas was inside and Shawn was asleep. 

I'll try and get updated pictures of the baby birds daily now that I'm not so worried about mom abandoning them.  Before I was worried if I moved her too many times that she would just stop taking care of them.  That could still happen but they're old enough to eat on their own now.  They're just smart enough not to let mom know it yet.  They're so cute now that they have feathers.  Before that Jasmine didn't really know what they were.

Oh and anyone have advice on explaining death/dying to a 2 year old.  I don't want her to run around saying everything is dead but I also want her to have some kind of understanding.  She keeps asking me where Polar Bear is and even still asks where August is.  I actually tell her I don't know how to explain it to her.  When we buried August I had my grandmother take her inside because I thought that would be too much for her to understand.  I know I need to figure out something.  Hopefully I don't have to deal with anything or anyone dying anytime soon.  I've had enough for one year.  August alone was enough for several years.  That wound is still quite raw and I think it will be for a while. 

Happy Halloween

These are the pumpkins I carved tonight.  They're not the most elaborate but I'm getting lazy in my old age. 

Baby Birds

The one with the darker blue tail is my favorite and also the younger of the two.  The lighter one bites quite hard whereas the other never bites.  They are complete opposites as far as personality. 

Polar Bear died a half hour ago.

Only one more hour before Polar Bear can leave for the vet's office.  I think at this point we'll just be looking to end his pain.  He seems to be shutting down.  He's just staring off at the wall.  He blinks infrequently.  I didn't think he even knew I was there until the last time I checked on him.  He meowed and started purring as soon as I touched him but otherwise didn't move.  It kills me to have to watch him suffer.  I'm torn between wanting to walk in the bathroom (the warmest room I could find for him) and find him gone or still hanging on.  I want to still have hope that there's something the vet can do but I really don't feel that there is at this point.  I just can't believe this is happening.  I feel awful.  It was my job to care for him and make sure he was healthy and I failed at that.  I've been crying all night on and off.  Jasmine is has thrown up three different times.  Her being sick is making it harder for me to care for PB.  Maybe it's better that I'm not in there constantly though.  I wish there was something I could do to make him more comfortable. 

Polar Bear

I don't think my cat is going to be alive by morning.  I knew last week that he was looking skinny and told my husband we needed to take him to the vet soon and this week he is just awful.  They live outside and it's not always easy to see everything.  Most of the time when I finally get out to feed them it's night out and dark.  My only light is a flashlight.  When I went out tonight he seemed unsteady so I brought him in the house where I could see better.  He is completely dehydrated, despite drinking water and he is so thin that when he lays down I swear he stops breathing.  I have him on a heating pad right now as his temp only barely hit 95, normal is 100 to 102.  Typically, a cat's temp drops just before death.  He keeps looking at me like he is pleading for me to make it go away.  The only vet open is the ER and it's 80 just to walk in the door.  I can't afford that AND whatever it takes to save his life.  My husband has offered to take him to the vet as soon as the open in the morning (8am) but I really feel he won't make it that long.  I don't know what to do and at the same time there's nothing I can do.  He is my siamese, Polar Bear.  We've had him for seven years and this is the first time he's even had a cold.  I don't know if it's a good thing that he's moving around the house or not.  I really wish he would just stay on the heating pad.  I wish I could say that it makes me feel better knowing he's in the house and warm but nothing is really making me feel better now.  I feel helpless.  If I had the medicine to euthanize him right now, I would do it myself just because I don't want him to be in pain all night.  I tried calling the ER to see if they would let me buy some sub-q fluids so that I could at the very least try and rehydrate him and they said no, I have to bring him in.  I understand the reasoning behind that but not everyone can afford their fees.  I have spent so much at that place this summer that it makes me go when is it going to stop.  I could've paid several months house payments off of what I've spent on my animals this summer.  We JUST caught the house payments up because we were so behind from all the animal medical bills.  I hate this.  It would be nice to just have extra money for emergencies. 

Home Of The Brave

I have been unusually emotional lately.  I just started watching Home Of The Brave and have already teared up.  I have friends in that shit hole, oil filled country.  I want to take all the women and children out of there and sort the good men from the terrorists and then just torch the rest of it, oil included.  It's so hard to know what's true from Iraq and what's lies.  Half the military people you meet say everything is better and the media makes it seem much worse than it really is.  Others say not much has changed.  It's still chaos and the country is nearing a civil war.  I wish George Bush had never become president in the first place.  We wouldn't have went to war with another country just to satisfy his father's loses and thousands of Americans and Iraqis would still be alive.  I DO believe that Sadam needed to be relieved of his power but I don't think this was the right way to do it.

Pearl

A Mighty Heart is gut wrenching.  Knowing ahead of time that there is no hope for the life of Daniel Pearl, no hope for Mariane's child to know his father makes my stomach turn throughout the movie.  The moment she is told he has been killed, you know she never gave up hope, she never presumed he was dead.  All at once, I can't imagine being this woman and yet I feel her pain so deeply I feel as though I will cry for days.  In that moment, she must have felt so alone.  She is pregnant and these men, these monsters have taken away he life, her family, her husband.  Angelina Jolie does such a well interpreted version of Mariane's turmoil during the entire ordeal, from realizing Danny is missing, to finding out he has been killed, to dealing the aftermath.  Mariane Pearl has written a memoir about everything she went through and her life with Danny called A Mighty Heart: The Brave Life And Death Of My Husband Danny Pearl.

It is no secret my views on religion.  I honestly feel that a lot of things that are wrong in the world, stem from religion.  There are people in the world who are willing to kill for their god.  They are willing to die for their god.  Some may see me as if I am missing something for not having this devine devotion to a supreme being.  I feel I am free by not having these beliefs.  I answer to my family and the face staring back at me in the mirror and at the end of the day, I'm good with that.  There are people in the world that because of what they believe, they turn to monsters.  They have no conscience, no morals and to me, their beliefs are shit and excuses.

IB oh Hell

I had what we'll call a mishap at the mall today.  It led me to research my IBS-D further.  I've discovered that I have the most severe form of IBS.  Only 20% of people with IBS have it the way I have.  I'm glad.  I now know it can't get any worse.  I've also discovered that people with IBS actually a wired differently than people without it.  They did CAT scans on people with and without it and our pain sensors are different.  Even on days when our bowels are working normally, we still sense pain.  There's a lot of reading I still have to do.  I'm making a doctor's appointment on Monday to work on getting some medication to lessen the severity of my symptoms.  Hopefully he'll have some good news that isn't take immodium for the rest of my life. 

Today my husband took me to see Cirque Dreams: Jungle Fantasy.  I knew ahead of time that I was going but he thought he was surprising me so I didn't blog about it just in case he decided to read my journal.  It was great.  It was funny, there was audience particapation and of course, acrobatics.  It's kind of like a really good spin off of Cirque Du Soleil and for now the only cirque I can afford to see.  There were people dressed as lions, elephants, frogs and just about any animal in the jungle.  They juggled, jumped rope (or several ropes), two people on one trapeze, balancing and many other things.  They used special effect lighting to make it all the more magical.  We talked about taking Jasmine to the other showing tomorrow but once we looked up the prices, we decided we just couldn't afford it right now.  Maybe we'll get to go to the one in Chicago when they come this summer.  I wish I could say I got pictures but cameras were not allowed due to the special effect lighting.  I had a lot more to say tonight but Jasmine woke up not feeling well so I seem to have lost my train of thought.  I guess I'll sit here and watch Evan Almighty with her.  (she likes the animals)

Tags: Cirque Dreams: Jungle Fantasy, IBS-D

Oh we don't like it

Well, I guess I'll be calling the dentist and making an appointment.  I don't know if I'll be able to get them pulled now or have to wait due to finances.  I'm not sure if it would be 200 or 500 that my insurance was unwilling to pay.  Bastards.  We'll see if any of it actually happens or if I back out at the last minute again.  I just want to be able to eat Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner without any issues.  At least my surgeon is understanding.  The last time, he was not only going to knock me out but was also going to give me a prescription for a valium for the day of the surgery since I have the needle issue.  It might even help with my migraines since a lot of them seem to originate from my sinuses.  Yes, I'm trying hard to convince myself that this is a good thing. 

Still pmsing big time.  Why is it that the dogs behave the worst when I'm most likely to lock them outdoors till their little toes freeze.  (kidding)  My aussies are supposed to be the GOOD dogs.  They knocked so many things over today that you would've thought they were of a lower intelligence.  I think it warned Jasmine to behave though.  Screaming at the dogs tends to give away your mood rather quickly. 

I also have to deal with the to be pregnant or not with the dental work.  I don't know if I could have it done while I was pregnant and I'm pretty sure valium isn't a good idea.  I'd rather have it done and over with so it's not another thing to worry about.  I do feel like I'm on a time table when it comes to getting pregnant.  I would still like to have a total a three kids and as I said before, my husband has made it quite clear he doesn't want any kids after HE turns 30.  He's 26 now.  It takes almost a year of being pregnant so he would be 27 if I was pregnant NOW.  That only gives me two years before I would need to be pregnant before his 30th birthday.  Damn him.  I wouldn't even be thinking about THAT except that he declared it during dinner last week.  He says he doesn't want to be 60 when his kid graduates from high school.  You wouldn't honey, you'd be 50.  ; )

Tags: teeth, baby, pms

To Be or Not to be

My husband and I are at that point where we have to decide when we want to have our next child.  I'm all for it as long as, someone else loses the pregnancy weight, and they get up in the middle of the night with the screaming blob that can't tell me what it wants.  I've gotten used to Jasmine.  If she wakes up in the middle of the night, she can say get me some fruit loops.  A baby on the other hand just screams till you feel like jumping through the window and running like hell.  Then I have to deal with Jasmine after the baby is born.  She doesn't like competition... of ANY kind.  If I pay too much attention to the puppy, she lets me know.  Then, how do I explain to her and prepare her for a baby?  How do I prepare MYSELF for another baby?  Jasmine sleeps with us at night... what do I do with another kid?  I was thinking a bassinet would be good for a while but even then, baby wakes up screaming, it wakes up Jasmine and then even if the baby goes back to sleep, Jasmine won't.  I try to tell myself if I envision every single issue, I'll just talk myself out of having another baby till she's in college.  (even though my husband says no more kids after 30... we'll see) We've got such a good thing with Jasmine, I don't want to ruin it.  This was one of the best summers I've ever had, if I have another baby, we won't be able to do things like this for another few years and then it'll be time to decide if we're having another one.  I've been tormenting myself with all these things and more for the last year or so.  And no matter how many people tell me, you just do it, things work out, blah blah blah, I still think yeah but they won't for me.  What if I have a hard time getting pregnant?  It's possible.  We still don't know what was causing all that pain and I just had an ob-gyn appointment on Monday and my doctor said my risk of problems is higher than someone who hadn't had pain and whose ultrasounds were clear.  It's a lot to think about and it never seems to become less.  I tell myself, you think you're stressed NOW, think about having ANOTHER kid to deal with.  It's just.. a lot.

Dogs

Rodeo is the black tri Aussie with a large amount of white on his chest and face.  Tarin is the black tri Aussie with brown, black and small amount of white on his face.  Rocky is the pit bull.  The basset hound is a friend of mine's puppy, Mosey.  I believe she is between 10-12 weeks old.  I just thought she was too cute not to include in the pictures.  The new aussie is a red merle (brown spotted), Savannah.  The other aussie puppy is my mom's, her name is Indy.  Once again, if you click the pictures they will come up with captions.

http://pictures.aol.com/ap/viewHoo.do?type=kenBurns&size=LS&logoUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fpictures.aol.com&aolAlbumId=mFQYMXJcDsUYsWmKsJhB%2F0kl1RpwJ2X6JfFHtcFyQYKJJdNX5w59hg%3D%3D&noLogo=true&bgcolor=%23000000

Tags: Dogs

Tired of Subject Lines

I'll add more pictures tomorrow.  I have a LOT from our Turkey Run trip.  (Kas, you will LOVE those) And some from other trips we took during the summer.  As well as animal photos.  I don't think I've even gotten a picture of Rocky our pit bull on here and he's already 8 months old.  I also don't remember posting any of the Aussie boys so I will have them too as well as the newest addition.  I hate that I can't get the old way to work.  I liked that you had the option of looking at them one at a time or doing a slideshow where the pictures were larger. 

The last few days my jaw has really started hurting.  If some of you will recall I had this same issue several years ago.  I went to the dentist back then and was told I need to see a specialist and have surgery to remove my very impacted wisdom teeth.  I made the oppointment to have them removed and then backed out at the last minute.  The surgery to remove them would be more extensive than a typical removel of wisdom teeth.  They first have to knock me out.  Then they saw away at my gums.  Once they get to my wisdom teeth, they have to be extremely careful because a main nerve is right up against one of them.  They will literally crush the teeth in my mouth before removing the little pieces.  I was told that I would feel pretty awful for the days following the surgery and at the time I had an infant and didn't want to deal with it.  Now I still don't want to deal with it so I'm taking pain medicine and antibiotics so the gums around the tooth don't get infected.  For now it just hurts like hell to even swallow.  I don't want surgery.

I've been having a bad day today.  I've been more grouchy than usual.  I'm PMSing but this is the worst it's been in a while.  Every little thing was aggravating me today.  I was getting ready to make Jasmine come in the bedroom when I decided to clean the kitchen a little.  I was pissed because the house is always dirty and some days I feel like it's overwhelming.  All those things led me to throw away half the stuff in my kitchen.  Later on I'll probably think I should've kept some of it but I was just so fed up at the time I just tossed it all.  I'm sure my husband was surprised to wake up to it clean but he might not be so happy when he sees all the things I decided to toss.  If I was an organized person life would be much easier.  I'm just not.  I KNOW where everything is but that doesn't mean it's kept tidy.  Someone used a phrase the other day that is definitely my house.  C.H.A.O.S. Can't have anyone over syndrome.  =) At least I know I'm not alone.

Tags: teeth, house, pms

My Little Jasmine

These are a bunch of pictures of Jasmine from the last six months or so.  Please, if you have trouble viewing any of these albums, let me know so I can find out how to fix it.

http://pictures.aol.com/ap/viewHoo.do?type=photoPile&size=LS&logoUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fpictures.aol.com&aolAlbumId=mFQYMXJcDsUYsWmKsJhB%2F%2FLzZy012sqQEUD8y0wVLZqJJdNX5w59hg%3D%3D&noLogo=true&bgcolor=%23BD94C6

Tags: Jasmine

Baby Birds

Hope this works.  The old style of adding pictures isn't working for me right now so I'm just gonna have to do it this way till I find the problem.  And unfortunately, I can't add caption to it this way so you'll kind of have to guess everything.  Damn aol.

 

http://pictures.aol.com/ap/viewHoo.do?type=kenBurns&size=LS&logoUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fpictures.aol.com%2Fgalleries%2Fsolace223&aimName=solace223&noLogo=true&bgcolor=%23FFFFFF

Just found that if you click on the pictures, they'll show up without the slideshow and you can see some of the captions.  Sorry some of the pictures came out so awful.  My camera didn't want to take them clearly.

Tags: baby birds

Found It

I just found the cable to my camera and will be uploading photos over the next few days.  It could take a while, there was over 600 photos that hadn't been put on here yet.  Although, 100 or so were pictures that Jasmine took that I meant to delete anyways.  So let the photo album begin!!

Chicago, Chicagooo

Just got off the Cique du Soleil website.  (I'm there... a LOT) And I see that sometime next year they will be in Chicago with one of the new preformances, Kooza.  I am so going.  Tickets are $85 a person but I want good seats damnit so those are the ones I'm getting.  They have better ones but I don't think my husband is going to let me pay $215 PER ticket just so I get to go back stage an hour before it starts.  =)

Tags: Cique Du Soleil

I can't think of a subject... still have that Pretty Polly song stuck in my head

I really need to get on working in the cat house.  I just keep putting it off because there's heavy equitment to move (that we should've moved BEFORE we put the cats in there) and then I have to move the many straw bales inside to line the walls and keep away any drafts.  I was going to get started today but it was such a nice day I didn't want to waste it doing work.  So instead I went to my house and fell asleep on her couch.  Something about her house always makes me want to take a nap. 

Had some awful nightmares last night.  Apparently two zombie movies in two nights was just enough to have my imagination take off.  I have MANY strange dreams.  Some are in color, some in black and white and I've even had a few that were part cartoon, part real people.  (like how it was in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?) Some freak me out, others make me wake up shaking my head thinking only drug addicts could possibly dream up shit that messed up.  If I miss taking one or two Paxil's, they get really crazy.  Something about the lack of the serotonin in my brain I guess.  In the most recent one, Jasmine had caught some kind of lung disease that would eventually kill her within seven days.  (worst parents nightmare) But we had never had her to the doctor to be diagnosed, it was all based off what I found on webmd in my dream.  At the same time, the dogs in the neighborhood were turning into zombie dogs (see too many zombie movies) and killing anything in their path.  My dogs had come into contact with these dogs so they were turning too but apparently in my dream they were only zombie's when it fit the dreams purpose.  At one point and time I just had to keep them all seperated at night to keep them (and us) safe.  While they're being crazy zombie dogs, I finally get my ass off the computer and make it to the car without being eaten by other zombie dogs and take Jasmine to the doctor who says yes she does have a lung problem but that it'll go away in a few days.  And sometime after that I woke up.  They kind of fade away on me so I can't always remember the endings so well.  I've even dreamt of the grateful dead bears.  My dreams are rarely happy.  I usually have a machine gun and am fighting off some crazy terrorist guys who decided to come to our house.  (and I usually get shot but it doesn't kill me... and it usually feels like getting shot with a bb gun) Or there are monsters in our house and I have to find a way to escape with my whole family still alive.  I used to have frequent and very vivid dreams about tornado's coming and killing everyone I loved.  I was terrified of them but I've become a little less so over the years of false alarms in this area.  I don't even flinch at the word tornado warning flashing on the screen anymore.  Unless, I'm not home and my dogs are outside.  Then I get a little panicked, mainly because I feel bad that they're about to get wet.  (there are plenty of places they can go to keep dry, they just usually don't go there)

The baby birds have tiny little fluffy feathers.  They're wing feathers a beginning to come in and I was right, they'll both be blue.  The older one has a bit of an attitude when it comes to being picked up but the younger seems to enjoy it.  Probably just likes that my hand is warmer than where he was sitting.  The momma can't really sit on them anymore.  They're too big so she just sits next to them and tries to cover them with a wing.  I found the third baby while cleaning out the nesting box.  I don't think he even made it the first night.  I've been trying to get pictures but I'm camera just doesn't seem to take pictures of fluffy little white feathered things well.  They should be feeding on their own soon.  They're bills are hardened now so it's only a matter of time before momma's job gets a lot easier. (and I can promptly remove her little love shack for the winter)

Tags: nightmares, baby birds, cat house

Creepy

I had to add this from Kas' journal.

http://journals.aol.com/hestiahomeschool/HomeschoolingJournal/  It was just too creepy to pass up.

 

 

For Halloween, a very eerie folksong to chill your bones...

 

Polly pretty Polly come go away with me,

Polly pretty Polly come go away with me,

 Before we get married some pleasures to see.

 She jumped up beside him and away they did go,

She jumped up beside him and away they did go, Over the mountains and the valleys below.

They went a little further and what did she find?

They went a little further and what did she find?

But a newly dug grave and a spade lying by...

a newly dug grave and a spade lying by.

 

Willy oh Willy I'm afraid of your ways

Willy oh Willy I'm afraid of your ways

I'm afraid you mean to murder me and throw my poor body in that grave

Polly pretty Polly you're guessing about right,

Polly pretty Polly you're guessing about right,

 I've been digging your grave for the best part of your life.

There's no time to talk now, there's no time to stand, there's no time to talk now, there's no time to stand, and he showed her the knife in the palm of his hand.

He stabbed her through the heart and her hot blood did, flow,

He stabbed her through the heart and her hot blood did, flow, And into the grave pretty Polly did go.

He threw a little dirt over her and started for home,

He threw a little dirt over her and started for home, Leaving nobody there but the wild birds to moan.

Just Another Day

We went to get some movies tonight.  I'm putting myself through yet another grindhouse flick.  I didn't do it on purpose actually.  I was talking to my husband about it and the guy at the counter thought I was somehow asking for it.  So here I am watching it.  It seems alright for a zombie/slasher flick.  I really didn't care for deathproof as you're all well aware of.  Rose Mcgowan kinda sucks as an actress and she's in both of them so that's a bite of a downer.  I think this movie would've been better if they had chosen someone else to do the film, although I don't see many "good" actresses willing to play the part of a goo-goo dancing stand up comedian who loses her leg to zombie's.  Just saying.  It's not over yet so don't count this as a good one yet.  We also got 28 weeks later.  Didn't like 28 Days later but I heard the sequel is much better.  Rented Next with Nicolas Cage and Reign Over Me with Adam Sandler.  Reviews will follow after I have time to watch it.  I wanted the new Angelina Jolie movie but it was gone, maybe next time.  Oh and before I forget, this movie is called Planet Terror and it's really gory, not for the faint of heart.

I'm still not feeling well today.  I was sick of being the house so I told Shawn I wanted to go to the mall and get my usual Friday coffee from Gloria Jeans.  It was rush hour traffic on the weekend of a Notre Dame game.  (we live minutes from the campus... which SUCKS and game season is always ridiculous) Suddenly Shawn starts to slow down and says 'oh no'... there's a german shepherd mix running across Cleveland Road traffic.  I don't know how the dog made it from one side of the road to the other AND back without getting hit.  I, was apparently (I don't really recall) saying stop stop stop.  I believe I was talking to the dog but Shawn thought I was telling him.  (I guess I was talking to BOTH of them) The dog started to run in front of our car, so Shawn honked at her in hopes that she'd run back to the curb.  Thankfully, something in her brain told her to go back because if she hadn't, she'd be dead.  A car was crossing just when she would've been going into the other lane and it was speeding.  I jumped out of the car (still moving) and whistled to her and said come here puppy.  I really thought she'd run the other way but she laid on the ground and belly crawled into the car.  My legs were just getting in the car when Shawn had to start moving again or we would've been hit by a car that didn't seem to realize that hazard lights mean there's a problem and we're probably not moving fast or at all.  Her eyes were crystal clear blue.  I've seen a lot of blue eyed dogs but her's were the prettiest.  They were like the beaches in Jamaica clear blue.  She appeared to be a husky/shepherd mix.  She was clean, with a collar, tags and microchip.  While in the car it was near impossible to get a number off the tags.  She was moving around quite a bit and my adreneline was pumping so I was shaking.  Once we got to the mall, I got a better look at the tags and Shawn called the first number.  (we also found out her name is Skyy) No answer.  Shit, I really don't want to drop this dog at the Humane Society but I really don't want to haul her around with me for the weekend either.  Try the other number.  Someone answers.  Shawn asks her if she has a dog named Skyy.  She says yes and he tells her she is with us and almost got hit on the busy road.  (REALLY almost got hit) The girl says she has no idea how the dog got out as she was in the house when she left for work.  Eventually she says she'll meet us at the mall.  We enjoyed the next 15 minutes with Skyy.  I wish I'd had my camera, I would've loved to have pictures to show everyone.  She was probably only a year or so as she was still mouthy and playful and strange noises still made her ears perk and head turn.  Eventually her owners arrived.  She was happy to see them.  They were very grateful to have her back safely.  And go figure, my husband works with the mom.  When I told them the dog jumped right into my car they were extremely surprised.  Turns out they adopted her from a place around here and she had been thrown out of a moving car and ever since she's been terrified of cars.  You would've never known it today.  I honestly believe that had we not been there, she wouldn't have ever made it back home.  Lots of cars stopped to avoid hitting her but no one attempted to rescue her.  We can't imagine NOT stopping.  The thought of what would've happened to her would've haunted us for days.  Some people  might say we're stupid, she's "just" adog.  But for that family she wasn't just an animal, she was obviously part of their family.  Yes, the car could've been wrecked, we have full coverage, we can replace the car.  Oh, and she got out when the brother came home to use the restroom and let her out, not knowing there was a place where she was able to get out.  These things just seem to happen in front of us all the time.  Why is it we're the only people around that seem to have a sense of humanity? 

To make the day even weirder, on my husband's way home from work he saw a woman running from a car and as he said she was freaking out, crying, screaming, the whole deal.  There was a man chasing her and he was trying to pick her up to take her back to the car.  Do you think ANYONE stopped to help this woman?  They all just drove past.  Shawn called 911 and was attempting to make a U-Turn when a police officier pulled up and took care of it.  The 911 operator said that had several calls about the situation and that someone was on their way.  Even though my husband was worried that the guy may have had a gun or something, he was still going to stop and help her because he would want someone to stop if it were me instead of her.  We don't know what happened but I'm assuming it was just a domestic thing.  Girlfriend/boyfriend get into fight.  At least we know an officer stopped to help her.  What a day. 

Movie just ended, it was ok.  A rent if you like zombie movies but I wouldn't buy it. 

Tags: movies, Skyy, 911

Eh

I've got a really awful cold.  Jasmine just started showing signs of it today.  I've had a sore throat for about a week but that's not all that unusual for me.  I get a lot of sore throats, probably from yelling at the dogs and kid so much.  But a few days ago I began having sinus issues and today I'm coughing. 

The baby birds eyes are open and they're getting feathers.  There's only two of them.  I can't even find the third one.  It just seems to have disappeared.  The oldest of the two is starting to resist being held by humans.  Now that he can see, he knows who's touching him. 

Other than being sick, nothing new.  The puppy is trying her best to keep us up every night.  I let her sleep with us for a few hours and then I crate her in the room farthest from my bedroom.  (with the other Aussies) Can you blame me?

Tags: sick, baby birds, whiny puppy

Rolling

Well, just finished watching 1408 with John Cusak (credits are currently rolling) and it was definitely worth it.  Wow.  Twists and turns all through this movie and you rarely even leave the room 1408.  I can't give much away in case any of you decide to watch it.  If you like movies that are a little spooky, you'll probably like this one.  I thoroughly enjoyed it, except for the part where my daughter wakes up in the middle of it and decides not to go back to sleep. 

Unfortunately, we lost the third born baby chick.  Mom kept pushing her out of the nest and I of course, kept putting her back in.  I was trying to disguise her with the other two birds but she wasn't buying it.  I don't like to see anything die, especially babies.  And what's even worse is that another one hatched this morning.  I don't see any way that it's going to survive.  Even if mom does decide to care for it, the other two are at least three times it's size and will easily win food.  At this point, I'm not sure what to do.  The two oldest are doing really well.  They're fat and healthy.  The first to hatch, his eyes are just starting to open tonight.  I figure by the morning on the next night, they'll be completely open. 

The puppy is doing very well.  I've named her Savannah.  I don't usually have to use a name for her though as she stays right at my heels.  She whines constantly, even when she's with me.  The only time she seems to be quiet is when she's sleeping and even then she occasionally wakes up to fuss.  I'm hoping her eyes will be green.  I'm not betting on it but hoping.  It would be neat.  She'll get to visit her brother in a few weeks when we go back up to Michigan to visit. 

My mom's dog, Molly had a seizure yesterday.  It's the second one she's had that we know of.  The last time the vet said that they would only do something if she had another one.  I don't know of much they can do except control the misfiring in her brain with drugs.  I suppose they could try and figure out the exact kind of epilepsy she has or if the seizures are caused by something else. 

Tags: 1408, baby birds, Molly, Savannah

Once Bitten Twice Shy

I'm beginning to get a little freaked out about a bug bite I have on my leg.  Had it not been for the wonderful internet, I would've just waited to see what happened but my curiousity got the best of me and I decided to look up insect bites and bruising.  (I have a bruise in the shape of a circle around the bite) I have no idea when the bite occured as I just noticed it today.  I touched my leg and noticed it was sore and that's when I saw the bruise and then the bite.  Everything on the internet points to either a spider bite (brown recluse, which I KNOW I had in my house at one point and time because I caught him and released him out in the field behind my house) or a tick bite that possibly has lyme disease.  My bite is extremely similar to the one below, which is a bite from a tick with lyme disease.  If it doesn't start to feel better by Monday I may be calling my doctor.  At this point, I feel better safe than sorry is the road I want to go. 

Tags: bug bite, brown recluse, tick, lyme disease

I did a bad bad thing

Today I went with my mom to pick up her Australian Shepherd puppy.  We had went last week to look at them and they were ready to be picked up this week.  I had no plans of getting one.  All the females were gone except for a black tri and I didn't want another black tri.  Low and behold when I get there, she tells me someone changed their mind on the little red merle female.  Now I have a decision to make.  Do I wait, as I had planned and get a puppy sometime between December and next summer or do I get one now?  I called Shawn and he came out with the checkbook.  Guess who is sitting on my lap?  A little red merle female.  I think I have a name picked out but I'm not certain on it yet so I'll wait to tell it.  She's adorable.  Pictures will be up as soon as possible.  I've been told she has a selfish and whiny attitude.  haha We'll see what that means in due time. 

On the way to my moms from picking up the puppies, I was following Shawn and his car caught on fire.  Are you kidding me?  Two in a matter of years, on fire!  Luckily, the fire didn't last long and there was no need to call out the fire department.  Shawn will be cleaning it out tomorrow and then we'll decide what to do with it.  Now we're down to one car again.  Lovely.  I just got this Grand AM so that I would have something to drive and I wouldn't be totally stuck at home and now I'll be stuck at home again.  At least for now.  We kind of knew it was getting ready to die anyways so at least it didn't come as any surprise. 

Tags: puppies, car fire

Don't stop me now I'm goin crazy

If you're at all surprised by that last entry... you shouldn't be.  I tend to be far more opinionated than that... I also try to edit/control myself on my aol blog.  Most of my readers on here are far more tame than my other blog site.  I limit my cursing and my more extreme opinions.  Most of which I'm sure half of Americans have had at one point and time or another.  Not that that says much considering my opinion of American society in general.  I'll go into that quickly.  If a martian where to land here and ask me to describe what a typical American was like my description would be as follows.  (after holy cow, how'd you get here and are you gonna kill/probe me?) Americans as a whole tend to be very lazy.  We want things handed to us on a silver platter.  We want someone else to do it.  (doesn't matter what the "it" is we just don't want to do it ourselves) We are gluttons.  We want things now, we don't want to wait on them.  We want you to respect us in spite of all these things and in some cases fear us.  We think that we are the best nation in the world and that we should have rights to do with your country what we wish because it's in "your best interest." We want you to give us things (money/possessions) without us having to lift a finger and then we will complain endlessly that you didn't do it right.  We want to be ignorant to what happens in and outside of this country.  We do not want to know if we have cia assins.  We do not want to know about the humiliation of our captives of war.  We want someone else to handle that and that way we can go on obvious to the problem.  We don't want to deal with the guilt of not doing anything to stop horrible things from happening, in this country and in others.  We're the home of the brave, land of the free so fear us damnit or you're the next oil country we will come after.  We will kill your innocent and say they were victims of war.  Ok, I should stop now or I'm going to get some crazy zealot emailing me daily.  This is my opinion of America as a whole and if you're honest with yourself, you'll realize this is what the rest of the world thinks of us.  Now I also know there are hardworking Americans out there who try and be the best they can be at just being a human being.  They do the best they can to make their existence make the world just slightly a better place.  But as a whole, we are in short, fat lazy Americans.  (oh and it makes us look a WHOLE lot better when we have a guy as president that can't even pronounce other countries/leaders names properly without it being written out in phonics for him) I love America.  I love living here.  I love the opportunities I have just for being born in this country.  If I was an atheist in almost any other country, they would've killed me.  Hell, if I was who I am in almost any way, they would've killed me.  And yet I consider myself a good person.  I try to make a difference in a stranger's life everyday.  Whether it's hold the door for an old lady (even if it means it takes me ten minutes longer to get to my destination because now I'm stuck walking behind that old lady) or going out of my way to help a stranger find her keys.  I believe if everyone did little things for someone else every day that the world would be a little better place.  Maybe we'd have a little more appreciation for our fellow man.  With so much bad in society I think people think that's all there is out there.  Only bad people who want nothing but to help themselves.  Contrary to popular belief (at least after reading my last blog) if I found a massive amount of money, I wouldn't keep it.  I would do everything in my power to find that person and return them their money.  How do I know it wasn't a young couple who had finally saved up enough money to put a down payment on a house and were just transferring the money from point a to point b.  I am a good person, I just have strong opinions on some things.  And I think a lot of times it comes out more aggressive in a blog than it would if you were talking to me face to face.  Ok, this part of the blog is more centered around myself than I wanted it to be so let's move this along.  I think most Americans are good people.  I think most people when push come to shove will lend a helping hand.  Look at Katrina.  Just the amount of volunteers willing to go down and rescue the animals was astonishing.  There are still people volunteering to help rebuild, years later.  That in itself says something, not just about Americans but the human race.  We all have good qualities and we all have bad but we're ALLOWED to BE those things and that's what makes this America.  I actually have a lot of pride in my country and the people here, just not in the government so much.  Can people finally wake up a elect a Democrat again???  If you look at history, the presidents that were Democrats caused far less problems and helped America as a WHOLE, not just the super rich, than Republicans.  I won't even get into my opinion of the Republican party.  I'd be here for several hours. 

I don't know if this is weird.  Am I the only one who thinks like this throughout the day?  When I am thinking about things (whether important or not) I always think as if I'm blogging.  My thoughts come out as if I am typing them.  In some ways it's frustrating because I literally can't make myself stop doing it.  I try and find that a few minutes later I'm back to fake blogging.  On another note, it's helped me get through tough decisions.  It's like talking to a friend.  I get those things out of my head a little differently than just thinking about them.  I feel as if I'm actually typing them and people are reading them and it gives me an idea of how a strangers looking from the outside in would perceive what I'm saying, giving me a little more of a second view than I had before.  I would ask again if I'm weird but there are many other traits I have that would qualify me for the weird category.  haha

We now have three (ot ot ah) baby birds.  (too much damn count dracula on sesame street) I feel awful for mom.  She looks exhausted.  I'm going to take a lid from a pop bottle, remove all the rubber parts and use it as a small food dish for inside the nesting box.  I'm worried that she's not getting enough to eat.  The babies are fat and healthy but I worry that mom isn't saving anything for herself.  I am in the process of getting pictures.  I got two good shots today and since the chicks were born different days, it shows how much growing can be done in such a short span of time.  I will only be taking pictures once or twice a week as mom isn't the friendliest parakeet to begin with and having three babies isn't making her anymore human friendly.  I also am doing my best to disturb her as little as possible right now.  They also won't be posted immediately as my daughter lost the cord to the digital computer some time ago.  So I either have to rip the house apart to find the old one or just go to best buy and get a new one.

 

afterthought:: Lisa, she didn't really build a nest.  There was nesting material in her box and she just laid eggs as it was.  At least she was lazy at the beginning of this whole process and not the end.  =)

Tags: America, political, parakeets, opinions

Eat the Rich

I'll be honest, I do not tend to care for the rich or people who are well off.  Call it jealousy... it probably mostly is.  But a lot of rich people seem to think they have some more entitlement to money than someone who is poor.  They say you need to make opportunities for yourself, they don't just come to you.  I agree but that being said, that doesn't make me less of a person because I would prefer to stay at home and raise my child than someone who would rather have them raised by strangers.  From my perspective, they think life is easy and that you should just get over it and go buy a pair of prada shoes.  No thank you, if I had that kind of money it wouldn't be going to some overpriced shoes from some other rich asshole.  I have never met a rich person who was truly down to earth.  The woman I got my australain shepherds from, nice woman but again, rich.  BUT you can tell that she and her husband have had to save and pinch pennies to get where they are.  I would love to have whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.  Unfortunately I would likely end up with more animals I could care for and then I would have to hire someone else to do it for me.  haha First I would hire a maid.  haha again There are plenty of things I could say about the "rich" but I think I would be stoned to death via an internet portal.

Snooze fest

We rented the movie Death Proof on Saturday but I didn't get a chance to watch it till tonight.  I had heard all this hype about how hardcore this movie was supposed to be.  They had considered an NC-17 rating at one point.  I have no idea why.  Hostel 2 was way more hardcore when it came to blood and gore.  There wasn't any sex in it so that wasn't even considered for the rating.  Either way the movie was a total suckfest.  The main "stars" are killed off within half and hour of the movie and the rest of it is played by nobody's and has-beens. (Kurt Russel) The acting sucks, the music sucks, the plot sucks.  In other words, unless it's on HBO, and there's nothing else on, don't waste your time or money. 

Still at two parakeets and I really hope it stays that way.  Mom has enough trouble dealing with the two she has now.  It'll be a week or so before I'm sure as to whether I can remove the other three eggs.  The dad is actually helping.  All throughout the egg laying process he stayed away from the nesting box.  At first I assumed he was a dead beat dad but it was actually because mom would attack him if he got anywhere near the entrance.  Now she's allowing him in as long as it's just to give her food.  He seems lonely but it'll only take a month before the chicks are out of the nesting box and two before they are completely on their own.  Luckily, I'm quite sure I won't have to take on the role as mommy bird.  They're doing a fine job on their own.  Waking up every two hours to feed to squawking babies wasn't something I looked forward to. 

Tags: Death Proof, baby parakeets

Parakeet Update

As of the last time I checked, we now have two baby parakeets.  The one from yesterday has almost doubled in size.  I wouldn't be able to tell if I hadn't another baby to compare him to. 

Babies and Showers Oh My

I feel better today than I did the other day, definitely.  My cousin's shower wasn't as awful as I had invisioned.  (most things aren't) I was actually getting defensive of her a lot while we were there.  Do people who have only met the bride one time (and in one case NEVER) normally come to HER bridal shower?  They were friends of the mother of the groom.  I thought this was for the bride, not the mother of the groom.  Anyway these women thought it was funny that they knew so very little about my cousin.  (lucky me I was sitting at the same table as them) I thought it was inappropriate, to say the least.  After getting over feeling sorry for myself, I'm actually, dare I say it, happy for my cousin.  It was one of the first times I've been able to see my cousin in a different light.  Is it only around our family that she is such a downer?  With these people she was lighthearted, smiling and laughing.  What a difference a few days can make in one's opinion of another.  The groom's mother did a great job with the decorations.  She even made some of the candy herself.  (which I'm still not sure if I liked or not... I'm not even sure what was in the truffle) God knows, my cousin's mother didn't contribute.  Hopefully they got a lot of things they needed and make good use of all that cookware. 

In other news... I am a mommy... ish... maybe I'm a grandmommy?  I went to check on my parakeets today (she's been sitting on eggs for about two weeks) and there was a teeny tiny, featherless baby with Gollum.  (the mommy) It was making tiny chirp chirpings.  I was actually shocked to see it despite the fact that I knew she was sitting on five eggs.  The last set of eggs Gollum had didn't hatch.  The first egg got within three days of hatching and she just stopped sitting on them.  When I found them, they were dead and cold.  Plus, I wasn't completely sure these were fertile.  I wasn't expecting her to lay anymore eggs till next spring at the earliest.  I figured I'd just wait her out and when she stopped laying on them I would just take them out.  (pressuming the weren't fertile) I can already tell what color he/she will be as mom and dad are both typical blue.  Let's just hope Gollum continues taking care of them now that they're starting to hatch.  I need to start doing research just in case she doesn't. 

Tags: attitude change, bridal shower, parakeet baby

Woe is me

I'm going to whine a bit tonight.  I don't want to talk to my husband because it'll just make him feel worse about our money situation than he already does.  I haven't gotten new clothes in I don't know how long.  I don't have ANY tennis shoes.  I have a pair of flip flops and that's it.  (damn aussie pups ate one of my skechers) I don't have a winter coat.  And what happens to all my clothes from season to season?  I KNOW last year I had quite a few sweaters and now when I look in the closet, there are only a few.  I've literally went through this summer with four t-shirts and three tank tops.  (but somehow I have around twenty pairs of jeans?? how'd that happen??)  I'm just getting really frustrated about not having any money.  All of the clothes we've gotten for Jasmine for fall/winter have been from relatives buying things for us.  (aside from one sweatshirt)  I'm not the type of person that has to have all name brand clothes but yes I do like to have a few nice shirts once and a while but most of my clothes are from walmart or jcpenney.  I even went on Ebay and Freecycle tonight to see if I could find anything really cheap.  (although I HATE used clothing... for some reason it weirds me out to wear a strangers clothes) By the way, if you haven't been there, freecycle.org is an awesome website for things you'd like to have but don't want to buy.  I can't even tell you how many hours a day I fantasize about winning a lot of money or what it would be like to live comfortably.  Which as most of us know, just makes you more depressed about the lack of funding you currently have.  And yes, I've done this to myself. I could have fewer animals.  I could get a job.  We could've bought a house in the ghetto and had a cheaper house payment.  Some of my animals probably would've been euthanized if they hadn't come to live with me.  I WANT to be a stay at home mom.  I don't want someone else to raise my kid.  And I don't want to only see my husband on the weekends.  We'll be getting profit sharing soon and after paying up on our bills (and hopefully ahead on a few) I will have to choose what to spend the remaining money (if there is any) on.  Do I buy some clothes, only to get a few shirts and have the money be gone?  Do I buy a cheap couch/futon because I HATE the ones I have now?  It was so much easier when I was younger and someone would say you can't always get what you want because it wasn't MY money, it wasn't MY decision.  I could think when I'm older I can but now I'm older I don't have shit, except a house full of dogs and a bunch of furniture that is in BAD need of replacing.  (can we say new mattress??)  I know I'm being a whiny brat right now but it's just been that kind of day.  I have a bridal shower to go to on Sunday for a cousin I don't really care for in the first place and who never bothered to show at my baby shower or even send a card.  This girl really gets under my skin.  She grew up with anything she wanted and now when she doesn't get what she wants she whines... constantly.  Her fiance works 70 hours a week and yet she still fines reasons to complain.  By the way, I think a bridal shower is stupid.  It's basically another reason to say hey people give me free shit.  AND then you have to give them MORE free shit the day they get married.  Um, I didn't tell you to get married and quite frankly I could care less.  Why do I have to pay you?  You should be paying me for having to sit through a boring wedding/reception and deal with all your psycho relatives.  Yes, I had a baby shower but for me, it wasn't about the gifts.  I just wanted the memories from my first baby.  I'm sorry, I'm just having a pity party for myself when I know there are far more important things out there.  There's a little four year old girl who has cancer.  I read her mom's blog everytime she updates.  She was diagnosed just before last Christmas and has numerous chemo treatments and is starting on a new treatment now but I'm not sure how to properly explain it.  I just want to scoop that little girl up and make it go away.  And yet through all the transfusions, treatments, hospital stays, she's still a happy little girl who just wants to play and have fun.  I don't think at that age you can fully grasp how sick you really are.  I have a friend whose 1 year old little boy is having open heart surgery to repair a hole in his heart.  I can't imagine being either one of those parents.  I would be sick everyday until my child was well.  And yet here I sit and bitch because I don't have a full closet.

p.s. here's the link to that little girls page for anyone interested.  www.care4jessicarose.org/ And yes, it's real, she's from Florida and has been on the news a few times down there.

Tags: money woes, sick kids