I'm going to whine a bit tonight. I don't want to talk to my husband because it'll just make him feel worse about our money situation than he already does. I haven't gotten new clothes in I don't know how long. I don't have ANY tennis shoes. I have a pair of flip flops and that's it. (damn aussie pups ate one of my skechers) I don't have a winter coat. And what happens to all my clothes from season to season? I KNOW last year I had quite a few sweaters and now when I look in the closet, there are only a few. I've literally went through this summer with four t-shirts and three tank tops. (but somehow I have around twenty pairs of jeans?? how'd that happen??) I'm just getting really frustrated about not having any money. All of the clothes we've gotten for Jasmine for fall/winter have been from relatives buying things for us. (aside from one sweatshirt) I'm not the type of person that has to have all name brand clothes but yes I do like to have a few nice shirts once and a while but most of my clothes are from walmart or jcpenney. I even went on Ebay and Freecycle tonight to see if I could find anything really cheap. (although I HATE used clothing... for some reason it weirds me out to wear a strangers clothes) By the way, if you haven't been there, freecycle.org is an awesome website for things you'd like to have but don't want to buy. I can't even tell you how many hours a day I fantasize about winning a lot of money or what it would be like to live comfortably. Which as most of us know, just makes you more depressed about the lack of funding you currently have. And yes, I've done this to myself. I could have fewer animals. I could get a job. We could've bought a house in the ghetto and had a cheaper house payment. Some of my animals probably would've been euthanized if they hadn't come to live with me. I WANT to be a stay at home mom. I don't want someone else to raise my kid. And I don't want to only see my husband on the weekends. We'll be getting profit sharing soon and after paying up on our bills (and hopefully ahead on a few) I will have to choose what to spend the remaining money (if there is any) on. Do I buy some clothes, only to get a few shirts and have the money be gone? Do I buy a cheap couch/futon because I HATE the ones I have now? It was so much easier when I was younger and someone would say you can't always get what you want because it wasn't MY money, it wasn't MY decision. I could think when I'm older I can but now I'm older I don't have shit, except a house full of dogs and a bunch of furniture that is in BAD need of replacing. (can we say new mattress??) I know I'm being a whiny brat right now but it's just been that kind of day. I have a bridal shower to go to on Sunday for a cousin I don't really care for in the first place and who never bothered to show at my baby shower or even send a card. This girl really gets under my skin. She grew up with anything she wanted and now when she doesn't get what she wants she whines... constantly. Her fiance works 70 hours a week and yet she still fines reasons to complain. By the way, I think a bridal shower is stupid. It's basically another reason to say hey people give me free shit. AND then you have to give them MORE free shit the day they get married. Um, I didn't tell you to get married and quite frankly I could care less. Why do I have to pay you? You should be paying me for having to sit through a boring wedding/reception and deal with all your psycho relatives. Yes, I had a baby shower but for me, it wasn't about the gifts. I just wanted the memories from my first baby. I'm sorry, I'm just having a pity party for myself when I know there are far more important things out there. There's a little four year old girl who has cancer. I read her mom's blog everytime she updates. She was diagnosed just before last Christmas and has numerous chemo treatments and is starting on a new treatment now but I'm not sure how to properly explain it. I just want to scoop that little girl up and make it go away. And yet through all the transfusions, treatments, hospital stays, she's still a happy little girl who just wants to play and have fun. I don't think at that age you can fully grasp how sick you really are. I have a friend whose 1 year old little boy is having open heart surgery to repair a hole in his heart. I can't imagine being either one of those parents. I would be sick everyday until my child was well. And yet here I sit and bitch because I don't have a full closet.
p.s. here's the link to that little girls page for anyone interested. www.care4jessicarose.org/ And yes, it's real, she's from Florida and has been on the news a few times down there.
2 comments:
You do what you can do, when you can do it. I'm in the same boat. I own 2 pairs of jeans and most days I end up wearing Doc's t-shirts. I look around at where my money went, the mother cat who was so skinny after having her kittens she was nothing more than a skeleton. She is now healthy enough after a few hundred dollars to finally be fixed more money out the window. I just re-homed 7 of her kittens, only after paying out of pocket for all their shots and extra food for them when they left to start off in good homes. Yeah my jeans are threadbare, but I'm not hungry, I'm not cold. Life is still full of beauty wherever I choose to find it. I think some part of me actually likes the struggle, it says I'm doing something worthwhile with my life. No I won't pass for glamour in anyone's eyes, but I feel truly beautiful despite that.
I see a beautiful woman in you as well. You have given up the finer things in life for things that are far more important in the long run. Having said that, your entitled to get aggravated from time to time. Being an animal lover is never an easy path to travel. Yet as you said without us where would they be. (Hugs) Indigo
I missed all of your alerts, they just stopped coming. I've reset it. Sorry to hear you having such a bummer of a time right now. I agree with you on the shower & wedding thoughts. I never go, usually not even to the wedding. I just think they are a pain in the butt. I don't buy clothes much anymore, I spent the summer in shorts & tees. I looked like a bum most of the time, I cut all my tees at the neck (can't stand anything at my throat) so you can imagine how good I looked in tattered tees. I hope things get better for you. As Indigo said, rescuing animals changes our lives, in every way.
hugs,
Lisa
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