Kick some, well, you know

I'm sitting here looking over my checking account and I notice that the pizza I bought yesterday magically cost ten dollars more than I paid.  Um, no.  I always get super pissed if I think someone is trying to screw me out of money.  My husband tries to remain calm.  I don't have a lot of money to begin with so when you overcharge me by ten dollars, I get pissed.  What I think happen, it was pouring rain and I had to walk down the street from my car to get to the place.  (which my husband recommended and it was AWFUL... if I had seen the place before I placed my order, I would've passed on it all together)  The guys that worked there kept trying to joke with me about the rain but I was already pissed because the address on their flier, was WRONG so I drove around the WRONG block for twenty minutes before my husband called them to find that they were on Miami and not Main.  I wasn't in the mood to chit chat with them let's just say.  It took forever for my debit card to go through on their stone age machine.  I signed the paper for my payment but don't remember marking out the part for a tip.  I mean come on, I don't think they deserve a tip when I already paid an arm and a leg for pizza that took a half hour longer to make than they said, tasted awful and the place looked like a hellhole.  I took MY copy (THANK GOD) which is what I used to compare my bill with online to today.  I swear if they don't take the extra amount off, I will have a fit.  I mean like going up there and threatening lawyers pissed.  I don't think this was an innocent mistake.  I don't care what your reasoning you don't take money from someone else.  What they did was outright stealing from my bank account.  I want to SEE the receipt that I signed.  I will KNOW if anything on there isn't my handwriting.  It really sucks that my day had to end like this because up until now, it was going alright after I stopped glaring at my husband for not getting home till 4AM.  Yes, 4 in the morning.  And Marty, they fish at night for the catfish. 

We went and got some dinner.  Afterwards I suggested we go down to the river and we ended up at Battal Park that runs parrel to the St. Joe river.  We walked half mile and Jasmine got to look at the water.  When we got back to our car, we let Jasmine play on the playground for not one but two hours.  It's actually fun to watch how your child interacts with others when you're not right next to them, guiding them.  Especially when your kid is one of the "good" ones that isn't pushing, shoving and being outright rude to other kids.  And now I'm watching Ultimate Fighting.  My favorite part is on, the women.  You wouldn't think so but the women kick far more ass than the men.  They seem to have more stamina and just beat the holy hell out of eachother.  They also seem a lot nicer to the loser when it's over than the men.  And shockingly enough, these women are actually good looking.  They don't look like something that crawled out of some cave in the desert.  You just don't expect to see pretty women out there willingly getting the face kicked in. 

And then there's that

Omigod!  AOL finally got with it and gave us more than five moods to choose from.  I almost feel intimidated by the fact that I finally have some choices.

I went to the doctor Thursday and he basically laughed at my concerns of dizziness and sent me for a blood test.  I really like my doctor but don't laugh at a pregnant woman.  Really.  I've been extremely emotional now and I literally started tearing up at the thought of going through this for the next nine months.  It's very easy for a MAN (yes I'm man hating right now... back off and let me ;) ) to say you just have to suck it up and do what's best for the baby for the next nine months.  It's a bit difficult to even think of said child when you can stand for any amount of time without feeling like you're going to fall over, pass out or puke.  It's been so much worse than I can even put into words and I think I've done a damn fine job of resisting taking medication that could interfere with the developing satan spawn... er... baby.  *wink*  The only thing I've taken that is even mildly questionable is the bonine/dramamine that I take when I can't handle the dizziness/nausea any longer.  (yes, Lisa, I was aware of those little miracles... I took them during my last pregnancy as well, although they don't help much, if at all with the dizziness)  At any rate, my doctor was one more grin away from a swift muscle reaction to the nuts.  I went downstairs to have my blood drawn.  Do I need to remind anyone of my fear of needles?  Every single time I've had a shot or blood drawn and my husband has been with me, I've passed out or come close enough that I might as well have passed out.  It's only when I go with my mom that it seems to help.  She talks to me while it's happening while my husband just waits to see how long it will take before my eyes roll up into my head and the nurse has to freak out.  I was really concerned about the possibility of passing out or puking already without the needle so once we got into the room I was near panic.  I always tell my nurses so they don't fight me on letting me use the recliner and it's a nice way to hint that if you don't know what the hell you're doing, get another nurse... NOW.  She was nice and had been drawing blood for 22 years.  Unfortunately for me, she talked about acupuncture, needles and finding a "juicy" vein the entire time before she stuck me.  I was basically all ready to be awoken any minute from smelling salts.  Once she was ready to stick me however, common sense must have kicked in and she started asking questions about (directed at me) how old Jasmine was, etc.  The best way to keep me from passing out is make me talk about something, otherwise I'm quietly freaking out.  At any rate, I didn't pass out but still left feeling like crap.  I checked my messages as soon as I got home from the kittens vet appointment and saw my doctor had called.  They only call if there's something wrong with your results.  I was happy to hear this.  To me, this signaled a possibility that they could give me something and make all the nasty go away.  However, the nurse told me my protein was low and I needed to eat more.  Oooookay and how am I supposed to do that when I'm puking?  If I keep feeling awful, I'll just call my regular OB-GYN and he will do everything in his power to fix it.  Any problems I've had in the past, he's done his best to make them go bye-bye.  And it helps that he seems to walk on egg shells around the pregnant.  ;)

Onto the kitties.  I spent the evening trying to keep from finding ways to get out of taking them today.  I hadn't had much sleep at all and knew I wouldn't get much before I had to get up.  I was there early although, I wish I would've just arrived on time since it seemed to take forever to get to a room.  And of course, it was one of those days where every other client wants to strike up a conversation with you, no matter the death rays you're shooting from your blood shot eyes.  They gave me an astounding amount of medication for four small kittens.  (none of them weigh over 2.4 lbs and that's the biggest one of the bunch) Jasmine tried to help me dose everyone today but she ended up getting scratched so I think she'll leave it to me next time.  I really hope this takes care of everything with them so I can have them fixed and up for a adoption.  Right now they aren't even picture worthy so we can't put them on the website.  (they have the goopy eyes and noses)  What I'd really like to be rid of however is one of these foster dogs.  I really dislike having two at a time.  You wouldn't think that two extra dogs would add that much stress but it does when you already have seven of your own.  I think Doodle should wear the money vest next weekend at our adoption event.  Maybe it will get her some more interest.  Although, I dislike Monty way more than Doodle.  I have no idea why but most of the time I feel like footballing the dog across the yard.  Maybe it's the male hating thing again.  ;)

And you're gonna do what now?

Here it is 1:33 in the morning and my husband decides it's a good time to go frickin fishing.  Guess who is at home with Jasmine who will NOT go to sleep and has been screaming and whining for the last two hours?  Oh yeah that'd be me, the responsible parent, aka the ONLY parent.  I eventually called him and asked where he was in a very cool, controlled voice.  (my if-you-don't-get-your-ass-home-your-f'ing-dead voice)  I'm on the river is his best response and doesn't know when the friend he came with plans on going home.  Well, guess what he plans on going home NOW.  Because if it was HIS wife calling bitching HIM out... he would've been gone so fast his ass would've caught fire.  If it gets to 2:15 and he's not home, I will LOSE it.  I may only be a little pregnant but I have full on raging hormones that want to castrate and then kill just about any man I come into contact with.  He seems to think that his life will be made easier if he avoids me as much as possible till the happy, glowing pregnant person comes home.  All it's doing is make me want to castrate him MUCH slower than nesscary and then do all kinds of unspeakable horrible torture.  I'm hungry, I'm tired and I'm pregnant, how much more trouble could he be asking for by going out fishing?  S.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y.  And now I think Jasmine may be going to sleep which will piss me off more because he is going to come home and go to sleep.  Which he probably would've done even if she was awake because as I said before, I'm the responsible parent.  Most of the time I'm the only parent.  When my husband parents, it's a constant bitchfest directed at our daughter.  Don't do that, put that down, etc.  Which I do too but not all the time.  Once and a while, leave her alone and let the kid, be a kid.  I'm going to end this now because if I don't, I will bitch about my husband till my fingers won't move any longer.

Doodle Doodle Doctor Visits

I received an adoption application today for Doodle.  I really like this family.  I'm not sure how the application will do however due to the fact that they don't have a fenced yard and they also have a toddler.  We have to be careful due to her past with the one time biting.  I honestly think it was just a one time thing but the final say does not rest with me.  As of right now, I just want to be back down to one foster.  I'm pushed to the max now and my husband strongly dislikes having two fosters at once but is willing to comprimise because one of them is Doodle. 

I know I said I would try to curb the whining but I have been feeling awful.  I'm going to the doctor tomorrow for the dizziness.  I swear if he says there's nothing he can do for it, I may just break down and cry in his office.  It's just not an option right now.  I think I might actually start to lose weight if I'm unable to eat anything for much longer.  I can have small amounts of food at a time before I feel sick.  And then I'm still hungry.  The morning sickness I can deal with but the dizziness must go.  I have been feeling awful pretty much every minute of every day so my house has gone to hell.  I got the living room pretty much clean tonight.  (the end table still has stuff on it and some of her toys need to be put in an arrangement that looks more... arranged *grin*)  I had to do a load of laundry for me and Jasmine.  She was out of pants and I was on the verge of being without pants.  Ok, I'm lying I have clean jeans but they feel tight as hell on me.  I need to pull out some of my larger sized jeans from when I was working on losing the weight from Jasmine.  (I have everything from 11's to 5's in juniors sizes)  And then I have two pairs of maternity jeans for when regular jeans just won't do anymore.  I never bought maternity jeans when I had Jasmine.  I pretty much wore sweat pants in the later months.  I had trouble finding pants in the maternity sections that didn't make me look like an old school teacher.  My brother actually said to me that I had teacher butt in one pair of kahkis. 

Jasmine's ankle seems to be healing well.  She was lucky that the way it was cut was at an angle so the skin went back together neatly.  It's only broken back open once and I think she had hit it on something.  She was unaware that she was ever bleeding again. 

The kittens have a vet's appointment on Friday.  I knew they were too healthy to be true.  In the last few days, everyone's eyes have started getting goopy and their noses have a discharge.  It's such a pain to take animals to the vet for me.  The vet's office we use is almost 40 minutes from my house.  At least all my dogs have been neutered so I don't have to make a trip for them.  I may see about trying to get one of the closer vets to work with us.  (I have one literally a minute from my door that is a great vet's office)

I am wolf

I have decided participate in the Judith Heartsong essay contest this month.  This month's Artsy Essay Topic is If you could be any animal, which one would you be... and why?

 

My ears prick as I smell danger.  I position my body between my tiny pup and the entrance to the den.  Anyone that dares threaten my offspring will have to fight me to the death before touch a hair on her fluffy head.  Once the danger passes, I wrap my tail around my warm sleeping puppy.  I am ever aware of any threats that pass by.  The small rabbit that sniffs the entrance to the den, causes me to once again feel protective.  I feel as if all the creatures of the wild possess the ability to somehow harm my delicate baby.  I use my sensitive nose to smell out the perils that could entrap the two of us.  The forest finally seems to be quiet.  I tentatively sleep, ever aware of the noises of the deep.  I'm awakened by the stirring of my little one.  She is hungry.  I must make the choice to take her for her first hunt or leave her without my constant protection.  The choice is obvious, she will be coming with me.  She's ever the comedian, chasing down grasshoppers and even taking her hand at a small mouse.  Her bounding was much too loud and the mouse scurried into a snake hole.  Even the mere mice of the forest must make tough choices regarding their safety.  She hasn't learned the stealth that I must teach her to survive.  I feel as if pulled in two directions as I see a large hare in the brush.  Do I leave her in pursuit of our lunch?  She has to eat to survive and without a second thought I take off in chase.  My little fur ball pounces after me.  I can smell her excitement.  She has no idea what she's supposed to be doing but she's enjoying doing it.  Once the hare has been caught, I allow her to snack for a few minutes before we head back to the den.  It's already been a full day for her and my senses are on overkill trying to keep her safe.  We nap just outside the den under a ray of sunlight.  I am, however, on alert.  I am always aware of those hiding in the bushes.  I am a wolf, noble and fiercely protective. 

Aw, hell

Today pretty much sucked.  I was up on and off all night.  Jasmine kept waking up (briefly) telling me her ankle her.  She also insisted on sleeping with her head on my tummy.  I had to get up six times to pee.  (thanks to her big head pushing on my bladder)  I also woke up and called to make an appointment with my doctor for the dizziness, only to find that I can't get in to see him till Thursday.  (I don't usually have to wait that long)  Eventually we were up for the day and I just didn't feel right but things still have to get done.  Me and my mom made plans to go get some dinner so I began to get ready.  I was almost ready to go when all of the sudden I just started throwing up.  I barely made it to the kitchen sink.  The entire time I was pregnant with Jasmine, I never threw up.  My mom didn't throw up when she was pregnant with me or my brother.  I really wasn't expecting it, no matter how awful I've been feeling lately.  My least favorite thing to do is to throw up and while it's happening, I'm very... vocal about it.  Jasmine says I have a bear on my back because it sounds as if I'm being attacked by a wild animal.  It was one of the reasons I very quickly figured out the "correct" (slow) way to drink when I was younger.  I took a phenegren and headed out the door to my moms.  I was able to eat dinner but had to stop frequently and hope that my stomach stayed down.  Once we got back to my mom's house, I started to feel really sleepy from the phenegren that I had taken earlier but I was also having the WORST restless leg syndrome that I've ever experienced.  It took me forever to get to sleep and then as soon as I fell asleep, I was woken back up.  It wasn't till I'd been back home for two hours till my legs started to feel somewhat normal.  I still feel like crap in general but at least I'm one day closer to my doctor's appointment.  I had the option of seeing the nurse practioner but honestly, I don't feel like she listens to any of my concerns so I'd rather just wait to see my regular md.  I just hope the throwing up was a one time thing.  I just want to get past this morning sickness.  I told my mom today that if I'd known how awful I was going to feel this pregnancy, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. 

Husband fixed the toilet today so now it flushes without any help from us.  At least that's one thing down.  Only a thousand more to go. 

Shakes, Scrapes and beautiful shapes

Yesterday, we had a cookout at my mom's.  My mom had been talking about a small female cat that had been hanging around her in the field lately.  I've been trying to catch a glimpse of her ever since but haven't had much luck.  I had been out talking to her neighbor about all the strays that seem to be showing up and talking about his two orange cats.  (the female is orange as well and wanted to make sure it wasn't one of his)  I walked out of the paddock after petting the horses a few times and I was on my way back up to the house when my husband yelled at me, 'I guess you found her huh?'  I looked at him like he was crazy, spun around and then looked again like he was crazy.  I didn't see a cat and I hadn't found a cat so what was he talking about.  He tells me she's been following me for about five minutes.  She walks like a ghost and I never knew she was there.  I eventually got her to come out of the paddock after one of the horses moved away from the gate.  (she's afraid of all animals)  She immediately went in search for food.  I felt bad for her so I went inside to look for a can of cat food.  I didn't look very hard before I decided I'd just take a can of tuna out instead.  She ate the entire can.  A weird thing about her, she growls the entire time she's eating but you pet her and she purrs.  She finished off the tuna in no time but wouldn't let any of the other barn cats eat with her so my grandma went in to get them some cat food.  She managed to eat that can too as she gulped down the little bit she was given and then went to everyone else's plate and batted at them till they gave up on eating it.  She's on the skinny side but after that meal, I thought her stomach would explode.  She spent the rest of the day lounging around on the nearest lap.  She growls and purrs at the same time if you pet her roughly.  I don't think she's been fixed so if an owner isn't located (and I don't think she has one anymore) then she'll need a trip to the neuter scooter.  Once the bugs really started coming out we headed back indoors.  I went to trim the dogs nails and did Molly, my mom's border collie/spaniel mix.  After I was done, she went to my grandma's bedroom.  I then started on Snoopy who is usually a real pain in the butt about doing his nails but wasn't too bad this time.  We had the video camera out and I was trying to get him to sing when my grandma called my mom's name from her bedroom.  I think I was to her bedroom before my mom even got the camera turned off.  Molly was having a seizure.  It's her fourth one this year.  It took her quite a while to fully recover enough to get up and come into the kitchen.  I told my mom I don't know if I can cut her nails again.  I'm sure it had nothing to do with the seizure but it completely freaked me out about doing it again.  The last thing I want to do is inflict harm on an animal, even unintentionally. 

Today, we went to a cookout at my husband's best friend's house.  I knew as soon as I woke up it wouldn't be a good day for me.  I was already dizzy before I even made it to the bathroom.  I was ok once we got there but still didn't feel fantastic.  After we ate, I began to feel a lot worse.  I wasn't sure if I was going to need to run to the bathroom or not.  Needless to say I was fairly anti-social after that.  I tried sitting outside, hoping fresh air would help but I still felt the same.  Soon after, we went home. 

I laid around for a little while but just hate not being able to do anything.  I decided to force myself to get up and go outside and do a little planting.  I got all my carrots in the ground with my husband's help and finished getting my cucumber's planted.  When I got home, the bunny was out there eating my flowers again.  Anytime I left the front yard, he was back at it.  I need to find something that he'll find more yummy than my plants.  I also got what was left of my sunflowers in the ground.  For whatever reason, they all suddenly started to die so I had to get them into the ground fast in hopes of saving a few.  Once that was all done, I knew if I stopped I wasn't going to be able to do anything else the rest of the evening so I also went out in the backyard and planted about twenty morning glories around the cat house.  I have quite a few more that need planting so I'm going to need to get creative finding places to stick them.  All while I'm doing this, Jasmine has managed to fall several times.  She just couldn't seem to stay upright for anything today.  She has scrapes on her knees and even one on she shoulder from doing a face plant on the cement.  (well I guess it was more of a shoulder plant since her face didn't get much damage)  By this time it was getting close to ten so we went in the house for the night.  She fell asleep on the couch for about a half hour.  She has a canker sore in her mouth and I think that's what woke her up.  It's really been bothering her but if I try to do anything to help her, she screams.  By the time she woke up, I was again feeling like I was going to be sick.  I made us a couple ham sandwiches hoping that a little food would help.  (it didn't)  Afterwards we went and took a shower.  I took Mia with us, my husband's border collie because she was in a bad need of a bath and I figured if I was already going to be soaking wet, it would be a pretty good time to wash a dog.  She couldn't have agreed less but I'm bigger.  Afterwards, Jasmine wanted to stay in the bathtub and play with her dinosaur so I let her.  There wasn't any water in the tub, just a little in a cup so she could "wash" her dino.  I took Mia in the other room to brush her out real good.  I was planning on grooming her a little to clean her up.  I had just started the clippers when Jasmine appeared in the living room.  She first asked what I was doing and then said 'My Owie!  Mommy I need go to the doctor.'  She was crying pretty badly so I knew something was really wrong.  Plus, she never wants to go to the doctor.  When I got closer to her, I saw a small puddle of blood next to her foot.  (I cringe even now as I think about it)  I have seen a lot of nasty things and have taken care of a lot of nasty wounds without so much as flinching but when my kid is hurt, I just lose it.  I got her to the love seat and saw she had a pretty good gouge in her ankle.  I knew immediately what it was from.  Since our toilet has been broken, the lid has been off to make it easier to flush and whatnot.  The lid is also broken from when Princess (a previous foster) knocked it off the back of the toilet.  Jasmine must have stepped on it as she was getting out of the tub and cut herself on the porcelain.  I went and woke up Shawn.  Again, I feel like crap and I don't do well when my kid is really hurting, especially when I don't know what to do.  She's screaming and shaking and he's being completely indifferent to the whole situation.  He said we were both freaking out over nothing and it wasn't like she was going to die.  Keep in mind, he has even LOOKED at her ankle.  There are times I really hate dealing with him, particularly when he's just been woken up.  He just went back to bed, despite the fact that I was upset.  Although, it didn't help matters that I said something about him acting like an asshole.  I was so pissed.  I was sitting there crying, trying to decide if she needed a stitch or two.  I STILL think she could've used one but it's hard to know for sure what to do.  And the last thing I want to do is put a two year old through several hours of waiting in the ER only to be told it needs a band-aid.  Lately, it just seems like all the major decisions with her are left solely up to me.  I get no input from him whatsoever.  It makes for a lot of pressure on one person.  If I make the wrong decision, it's going to be completely my fault.  And let's face it, I don't think anyone ever really knows what their doing in this world so it's nice to get some input once and a while.  She wouldn't let me leave her side for almost an hour.  We just sat there on the couch, both soaked still from the shower until she was calm enough to let me get up.  It was quite a while before she would let me put a diaper on her.  (YESSSSS, she is still not potty trained and NOOOOO I have no plans of pushing the issue... she's doing just fine on her own... in other words, I've had all the "input" on that subject that I can handle at the moment)  While she watched cartoons, I went back to grooming Mia.  I only did a little on her before I moved onto a more willing volunteer, Molly.  Molly will let you do anything to her as long as it means she's getting attention.  A lot of people don't like her but she's fine with us.  She let me shave up her legs and under her tail.  She even let me do her ears.  She actually looks really good.  I wasn't sure how it would turn out considering most of my "groom" jobs that haven't been a full shave end up looking a bit... odd.  She looks very smooth and clean cut now.  After winter, the longer haired dogs always look a bit ratty.  I went back to finish up Mia.  I'm sure she was hoping that I was done with her completely.  I shaved around her rear end really well but not to the point that she looks weirdly shaped.  I also did her legs and cleaned up her chest and stomach.  She looks good but not quite as good as Molly.  It's much easier to do a good job when you have a willing participant.  I had to shave Mia's rear well because she's the type of dog that would rather pee herself than bother you.  At least this way, when she does it, she'll be easier to clean up.  It's not that we don't let her out often.  She's just a weird dog.  I really wanted to do all the dogs but the aussie's may have been a challenge so I decided to wait till another day.  By this time, Jasmine finally decided that it was ok to leave the couch and she wanted to use the sweeper to clean up the mounds of hair.  She actually did really good with it until she caught a piece of paper and then she just dropped the hose and held her ears.  After I retrieved the paper, she went back to cleaning.  I'll have to wait till she's good and asleep till I can really take a look at her ankle. 

This entry is dedicated to complaining

I went back through my journal entries to when I was pregnant with Jasmine.  I was trying to see if I had this dizziness issue then.  I did but not till five months.  It was so awful yesterday that eventually, I couldn't even have my eyes open at all.  I ended up falling asleep on my mom's couch for a little while.  Today I was awake on and off all day but wasn't awake more than an hour till six at night.  I did notice a theme with the earlier entries from the last pregnancy... I whined.. a LOT.  I'll try to cut that out a little with this one.  But it still sucks... a LOT.  ;) 

Tomorrow we're going to my mom's for a cookout.  I'm not completely sure if we're doing it for the sake of it or if we're more trying to get my uncle out of the house.  He's been quite depressed for the last six months or so.  (at least)  I've never seen him like this.  He has been opening up a lot to my husband.  My uncle is the type of guy that makes jokes about things and never really discusses how he feels.  For whatever reason, they have formed a bond.  If you knew how my uncle acted the first year with my husband, you'd understand my surprise.  He was openly mean but he didn't exactly make a point to be nice either.  He's always been protective of me.  It's hard to get him out of the house without making it obvious that we're trying to get him out of the house.  A cookout is a good cover.  I want to make a weekly or bi-weekly dinner at my mom's that he will come to with us.  His ex-wife isn't helping him at all.  She just makes everything worse because, let's face it, the world revolves around her.  We've noticed that she drives past our house at least once a day.  It's weird.

Monday we have a cookout at my husband's best friend's house.  I guess we're having steak but I really don't know.  I'll probably have a small sandwich before we leave just in case my stomach won't handle whatever we're eating. 

I broke the toilet tonight.  In my defense, it was already in the process of breaking.  I had noticed it was making an awful noise after you would flush it and mentioned it to my husband.  I don't think he even glanced at it.  Therefore, when it wouldn't stop running tonight, I decided to try and... fix it.  I knew it was the little floaty thing that was messed up but I couldn't figure out how to position it right to make it stop.  I don't think I could've done anything to fix it to be quite honest, it needed a new one.  At any rate, I snapped the bobble thing right off and then it was REALLY running.  Shit.  So, my quick fix was to take a popsicle stick and shove it in there so it would shut up.  Now after you flush, you have to remove the stick and then once the bowl is full, you have to replace the stick.  Husband didn't look amused when I explained the situation to him.  He should know by now that if he doesn't fix it or at least try to, that I will make an attempt to break it further.  It's just one thing after another with this house though.  Two weeks ago, the shower door broke off.  Now you have to be extremely careful with it in order not to have it fall on your head.  The water has leaked out of the shower for quite some time because the caulking came off in one spot.  Thus, the wall on the one side needs to be replaced due to water damage.  (for once I'm glad my grandma got a little too happy with the 70's paneling) The linoleum in the back room MUST be replaced.  Well, there's not much left of it now.  The dogs found a "weak" spot and tore it all to hell.  The kitchen floor needs to be replaced before we sell.  (which I REALLY hope is possible next summer)  There is no wall in the computer room because I tore all the paneling off the first year we lived here since I hate paneling.  Guess what is the only thing we can afford to put back up in that room?  Yep, paneling.  I should've just painted it.  The living room floor looks like hell but I have no plans to replace it.  I plan on putting a rug in the living room and leaving it at that.  (it's the fake wood flooring and my grandparents didn't really know what they were doing)  I'll be pulling up the carpet in our bedroom before the baby is born.  This carpet has been here at LEAST since the early 70's.  It can't be healthy for anyone to be crawling around on.  Plus, it's a gawd awful green color.  Underneath of it is gawd awful green tiles.  My plan is to get some carpet eventually and install it ourselves.  My husband would like to re floor the living room and the bedroom with laminate flooring.  My husband seems to have forgotten our very fixed income.  The list of things I want to do before we put it up is endless.  And it makes me feel panicky every time I think about it.  I hate being an adult.

When bathtubs attack

I had no plans to take a shower tonight.  I was feeling exhausted (even though I slept for twelve hours the night before) and was feeling more than a little dizzy.  Jasmine started in on wanting to take a bath.  So I finally relented, got the shower going.  We both jumped in.  I screamed.  An eye piercing ridiculous scream.  There was an ugly, HUGE bug that had been hiding behind one of her bathtub toys.  He (or she, I didn't look for anatomy) looked sort of like a centipede but furry.  I found one in the kitchen the other day and carried him outside.  He was small and cute.  This one was giant sized and moving at a fast rate.  Of course, my scream only made Jasmine panic at the sight of the bug.  She's not a fan of bugs, spiders or any insect.  I'm usually not afraid of bugs.  I think they're neat and fun to watch.  I just didn't expect them in my bathtub.  These particular bugs seem to like basements but occasionally they come up to the surface.  I went in to get a tattoo a few years ago and their shop was known for having some of these bugs in the basement.  (not in an unsanitary way... a lot of houses around here have these bugs and even exterminating makes no difference, new ones come back) I was bent forward as the tattoo artist was working on  my back.  I said 'What the hell is that thing?  Its like a huge fuzzy centipede."  The tattoo artist immediately stopped what he was doing and slide his chair towards the door.  "Where?!  Dude, I don't do well with bugs.  No, dude, seriously I don't like bugs."  This is a guy who has the back of his head tattooed as well as his face.  He's a big guy who FREAKED at the thought of a bug near him.  Luckily, the bug crawled back through a hole into the basement otherwise I think tattoo dude might have had a coronary.  Back to the original story.  My first thought was to get some water and make him go bye-bye down the drain.  Then my conscience kicked in and I realized I'd feel awful the rest of the night if I killed this bug for just getting stuck in the bathtub.  I emptied out a cup (it previously had water in it) and carried him out the front door.  (in a towel no less)  All the while Jasmine is SCREAMING.  She's shaking.  You would've thought a monster had just come up through the drain.  She wanted nothing to do with a bath after that.  I let her out and she waited for me in the bathroom while I finished my shower.  It will probably take a while to get her to take a shower without a fight.  I tried to explain to her that he was outside now and he was scared of us.  I wanted her to know I wasn't scared of the bug but startled that he was in the bathtub.  She asked my why and how he got in the bathtub.  I told her he went looking for some water to drink because he was thirsty but then he couldn't get back out so he ran to me to help him.  Now she says lady bug was scared.  Lady bug wanted to drink.  Lady bug outside now.  Maybe if she views him as helpless and scared, she'll be more likely to take a shower.  We'll find out soon enough.

We've had a rental car for a week now.  This year has not been a good one for pot holes in our county.  We filed a claim with the city but they eventually denied us.  (I think it was because the dealer added so many extra costs that were "caused" by the pot hole) Our insurance is taking care of it for us.  We had a bent rim and it continued to leak air.  They also replaced a really expensive part and one of the few parts on a car that I don't understand or know how it works.  (I grew up around a lot of boys) I get my car back tomorrow.  I should be excited.  But I LOVE the rental and I feel awful for loving it.  You see, the rental is a medium sized SUV, a Jeep.  Being the environmentalist that I am, I prefer to stay as green and eco friendly as possible.  SUV's are gas guzzling polluting machines.  But it rides so smooth and the seats are like sitting on a comfy couch.  My husband is excited because I swore I would never drive an SUV or truck.  I've had bad experiences with both over the years.  My husband rolled our Ranger a few years ago... with me in it.  No serious injuries but it left a lasting impression on me.  When I was too young to drive, my dad took me out on some country roads and let me drive his fullsize van.  The roads were curvy and bumpy.  The shocks were old and bouncy.  I really thought that we would roll over no matter how slow I took each curve.  We never did but again, lastingimpression.  I had no choice this week but to drive the Jeep if I wanted to get around anywhere.  What a difference a few years of engineering and good shocks can make.  If we ever do get an SUV (won't be for YEARS), it will be a little more gas and eco friendly than the Jeep but now I am considering that driving them doesn't mean I will flip over.  I want a Ford Freestyle when we go to get one (again YEARS) which was ok with my husband a few weeks ago but now he says it looks like a big station wagon (which is something he refuses to ever drive, let alone own) and god forbid he looks like a person with kids who needs a bigger vehicle that isn't "cool."  It's ok, I'll be the one to win because it will be my vehicle.  ;)

Tummy says grrr

When I was pregnant with Jasmine, I gained 65lbs.  (I immediately lost 30lbs. the day after she was born... water weight)  It was my first pregnancy so I thought 'Hell, I'm pregnant I get to eat as much as I want and whatever I want.'  I don't want to gain that much with this pregnancy.  And yet, I cannot stop eating.  An hour after dinner, my stomach will be growling and bitching for more food.  Instead of putting small amounts of food in it, I load up on anything that sounds good at the time.  Every night, I tell myself tomorrow will be different and I'll have more self control.  Then tomorrow comes and my tummy takes control of my brain.  I don't know how much I've gained to this point but I'm pretty sure it's been a couple of pounds.  (although at times it looks like you can tell I'm pregnant, it's pregnancy bloat damnit... a few hours later I look completely without child)  I can't possibly eat like this the rest of my pregnancy.  I will weigh more than the last time.  Thankfully, it only took a few months to take the majority of the mommy belly away but it took over a year to get rid of the weight on my legs.  On another note, if I don't get a call from my OB tomorrow telling me I have an appointment, I'll be calling them myself.  You see, my insurance is stupid.  I can go to my OB every year for my regular stuff.  I can even make an appointment for non-regular stuff (pain, etc.) and everything is fine with them.  But if I find myself to be with child, I have to go to my regular MD and have him make a referral to my OB.  I already had him do the referral but they seem to be slow to getting me an appointment.  I don't like to wait.  Especially when I feel like crap.  I want to go to my OB and complain for a while like most pregnant women get to do!  Well, I'm off to read a chapter or two in my book and go to sleep.  I need to set an alarm so I can get my sunflowers planted before they die in their little cups. 

Living in a quiet hell

Could there possibly be any pregnancy symptoms that I haven't experienced yet?  Today, I almost had to call my husband to come get me and Jasmine from Walmart because I was so dizzy I didn't think I could drive.  I'm going to increase my iron intake tonight and see if it improves any.  I've also been having hot flashes.  Well, it almost seems as if I'm always having a hot flash and I get flashes of what I'm normally supposed to feel like.  My morning sickness this time is worse than with Jasmine.  As soon as I feel better from one symptom, another rears it's mean little hormone ridden head.  I wasn't even going to make the trip to Walmart but we were out of adult dog food.  (I was going to take some of the puppy food for the night to feed them instead)  I'm not sure what really changed my mind.  I think I was bored.

One of the local news stations did a story on the local humane society.  It's been in awful conditions for several months now.  The undercover videos don't even skim the surface.  My husband was there two months ago looking for his mom's cat and he said there were feces everywhere, piling up and blood on the walls and going down the side of one of the cages.  He was in shock when he was telling me about it.  I then told my director about the conditions and she was a little shocked as well.  Most of us were aware that it had been getting worse and worse there ever since the previous director left.  (he left to try and make another humane society better... it got few adoptions and the public had a poor opinion of it... we now pull most of our dogs from the humane society he works at)  They claim to be a no kill shelter but that's because once dogs/cats make it to the adoptable list, they don't euthanize them.  They don't count what happens behind those doors.  I personally would prefer they go back to being a kill shelter rather than having the animals live in the state that they're in now.  If you were to walk into someone's house and see those conditions, you would call it animal cruelty and those animals would be confiscated.  Why is this humane society any different?  What they are doing is disgusting.  And the new director, Carol Eckert (oh hell, yes I used her real name... I despise this woman) thinks she's above everyone.  She says that it's better for the animals to live in overcrowded conditions than to be euthanized.  Seriously, when do we start drawing a line?  You should consider quality of life over everything else, in my opinion.  Most of these animals will die from diseases that they catch from being in overcrowded conditions.  Almost none of them will end up being considered adoptable and then I feel sorry for the families that take an animal home from there.  It would take months of rehabilitating a dog from being kept in a cage for six months to years.  It just makes me sick.  I am very grateful to this station for hearing what we've been screaming at them.  Months ago, they did a story begging the public to help with donations and adoptions at this same shelter.  The public fought back with their allagations of poor care.  Enough knowledgable people came forward with their concerns that the station heard us.  I can only hope that it makes a difference and things change for the better.  I know Carol Eckert is going to be overloaded with hate mail and requests that she reseign her position and anything to do with the St. Joe County Humane Society.  I hope it works.  This woman needs to go.

Who's Watching the Animals? Part 1  There is a video accompanying the story if you want to see how some of the cats are living.  They are in these crates day in and day out.  Imagine living in a cat carrier with your food, water and litter box.  Where is there really room for the cat after that.

 

Someone left a comment on one of the web forums saying this isn't a No-Kill Shelter, it's a Slow Kill.  Very fitting.

Better with Time

Much less homicidal now.  Nothing in particular caused the change.  I just slowly felt less tense.  I hate feeling like that.  When I'm off my paxil, I feel like that all the time.  Just like I want to snap.  When I was pregnant with Jasmine, I went off my medications as well and didn't have any real problems.  Near the end of my pregnancy I felt a glimmer of hope that I would never have to take those drugs again but it was smashed the day she was born.  I immediately felt the change in myself when I awoke hours later.  (complications after labor and delivery caused me to pass out for several hours... I have no memory of holding my daughter the first time, although there are pictures as proof that it happened)  And the days that followed everything got worse.  I promptly went back on my paxil and started to feel normal again.  Although, going back on the pills was depressing in and of itself.  Feeling as though I will be bonded with some form of anti-depressant medication for the rest of my life.  At least this time, I know what to expect to some extent and already have planned to take my paxil with me to labor and delivery so I can begin taking it again immediately. 

I've been looking at baby slings and pouches the last few days.  If you haven't seen them, they're like big scarves that you put over one shoulder and they hold the baby, leaving your arms free.  (yes they're safe as long as used properly)  I didn't have one of these with Jasmine.  At the time, they scared the crap out of me.  This time around though, I will have two children to care for and at some point and time, I'm going to feel like I need a few more hands.  I've decided to go with both a sling and a pouch.  The sling is held together by two rings that you slide the material through.  The pouch has a lot less fabric and is zipped together.  The sling looks to last longer than a pouch and grow with baby better.  They're pretty expensive but they use a lot of fabric to make these things and it's all extremely good quality fabric which is why they are pricey.  I had bought one of those generic baby bjorn things with Jasmine.  She hated it.  And quite frankly, so did I.  It was really uncomfortable and pulled at your shoulders the entire time.  It may have worked for someone taller and with a bigger frame but I just couldn't deal with it.  Besides, Jas screamed everytime I stuck her in it.

My last nerve is frayed

I am in such a pissy mood.  Pissy, pissy, pissy.  All of the sudden, I felt like snapping anyone's neck who moved.  Particularly animals since they seem not to get the hint when I'm in a mood.  Look, Doodle, your life depends on you staying the hell away from me.  For that reason, I only have two dogs sleeping in my bedroom tonight.  Monty tends to get on the bed as soon as I leave the room and I just don't think I can deal with his stubbornness right now.  I probably would've felt better if I took a shower but all I really wanted to do was get the animals fed and lay down in bed.  I can feel it at the tip of every nerve in my body.  It's so frustrating.  I just started tapering off my Paxil which won't make things much better over the next few weeks. 

Savannah made it through the surgery just fine.  I don't know if she had the same problems as my mom's dog Indy but I'll try to make my husband find out tomorrow.  (he never asks the right questions)  I stayed up till 8am so I could call them as they opened and tell them that she may have issues with her uterus being too high in her abdomen.  I wanted them to have a heads up.

Ok, that's all for me for right now.  The sound of the keys themselves are annoying me.  *Sigh*

They're maniacs, maniacs

My favorite food is Mexican.  The one thing that makes me dry heave, is Mexican.  I thought maybe I only had morning sickness for a week or so and that it was over.  Then I had Mexican food for dinner and six hours later I was over the toilet wishing I could puke.  It's never immediately after eating the offending food but hours later.  It's happened several times now.  For now I guess I'm stuck eating whatever else is available. 

Savannah is at the vet's office.  She'll have surgery sometime in the midmorning hours.  She's being spayed.  I hope everything goes ok.  I hate having my dogs cut open which is probably why I waited as long as I felt comfortable to have the surgery.  (she would've had her first heat within the next two months)  I wish I could bring her home tomorrow but they won't let us pick her up till Tuesday.  I'll probably set her up a crate in the living room till she heals.  I want to be able to keep an eye on her.  My poor puppy is probably scared to death. 

The kittens are doing well.  They are more social than when I brought them home.  I wish, however, that they made pacifiers for kittens.  They whine and meow constantly.  I can't believe I named all these sissy kittens after outlaws.  They are, Jesse, James, Belle and Starr.  They only stop meowing while they are chasing eachother through the house like maniacs, otherwise they cry... even when they're sleeping on your lap.  Their eyes open for even a second and they meow.  It's like having an infant that won't stop crying and you just want to scream what the hell do you want and I'll get it for you.

A day in the life of a toddler

Shawn woke me up when the directv guy got here since he needed to do stuff to the box in our bedroom.  I picked Jasmine up and went into the other bedroom and went back to sleep.  Eventually, Jasmine got up and went out with her daddy.  A while later, I got woken up by my frantic husband saying that Jasmine had shoved a tic tac up her nose.  She's screaming.  And I mean s.c.r.e.a.m.i.n.g.  It obviously hurt and I was starting to freak out because she was screaming in a way you would expect if someone had just removed her arm.  I had my husband call my mom, who I eventually told to come to my house.  After Jasmine calmed down, we called urgent care and they said it would dissolve on it's own (if it hadn't already) but we should call the hospital line and make sure.  They told us to bring her in because leaving it in longer could cause it to swell around the tic tac and make it more difficult to get out.  I asked my husband 'you did tell her it was a tic tac right?'  After much back and forth, I eventually decided not to take her.  She wasn't in any pain anymore and I honestly, at that point don't think it was there any longer.  (I think she snorted it straight into her tummy with all the crying)  She's seemed fine ever since, only asking occasionally what happened to the tic tac up her nose.  I really hope we don't have to deal with that again.  Afterwards, I had to run to Motherhood Maternity and return a pair of jeans I had just bought the day before.  I grabbed them off the shelf that said twenty bucks and didn't realize how much they actually cost me till my money was already gone (debit card) and it was closer to fifty.  I don't pay that much for jeans when I'm not preggo, I'm not paying it when I am.  Really, I'll only wear the jeans for several months, then they'll be in a box till (or never if my husband has any say) the next pregnancy.  Unfortunately, this place doesn't take returns.  They only exchange.  She asked if I wanted a gift card on the remaining amount.  Well, gee, I can just give you the other twentyor I could use it towards future purchases.  Hmmm.  So now I have a gift card that I don't know when I'll use.  The only reason I went there at all (all their stuff is over priced) was because of their secret fit jeans which don't look anything like maternity jeans and are super comfortable.  Afterwards we had dinner at Fridays.  Thankfully, uneventful.  Once we finished eating, hubby asked me what I wanted to do so I told him to drive past the movie theatre and see what was playing.  The Chronicles of Narnia (the second one) was playing so I thought we'd take Jasmine to see it.  She was all excited and ready to watch it.  We got up to buy our tickets and the girl tells me no kids under 7 after nine.  Great, now my kid is going to kick and scream for the next hour.  We went to the movie theatre I swore I would never go back to.  I don't know why all the idiots end up there but they do.  It's the people that every time something happens on the screen, they have to yell, clap or tell them not to run up the stairs.  I cannot stand those people.  Is it really so hard to shut up through a two hour movie?  There were less there than usual but there was still talking and clapping.  I'm like the movie is pg, not a whole lot of life changing moments in a pg movie.  Shut Up.  We won't go back there.  The other place that wouldn't allow my extremely well behaved 2 year old to watch a movie, will be getting a very well written letter telling them how disappointed in them I am that they choose to punish everyone.  In an industry that is dying, you would think they would be a little more accommodating.  I could see if I was taking her to an adult movie, but it's a kids movie.  You EXPECT to see children at a CHILDREN'S movie. 

I can't keep a secret

I have been flip flopping back and forth on whether or not to blog about this so soon.  I worry about jinxing myself.  I'm a little on the, crap I can't think of the word... damn brain.  Superstitious!  There we go.  Anyways, I am between 4 and 6 weeks pregnant.  We hadn't been trying very long so I didn't think it would be till summer when I was writing this blog.  I had almost immediate morning sickness, dizziness, bloating, and stupid brain since it was possible.  I am going off my prescription pills in the next two weeks.  (it's a slower process what with withdrawals and whatnot)  I pretty much feel like I have the flu.  I haven't told many "friends" or acquaintances.  Some family members (who don't have this blog addy) don't even know and I plan to keep it that way for a while.  They drove me bat shit with the last pregnancy.  If I am scatterbrained for the next eight or so months, you now know why.  I had a doctor's appointment with my regular md (my insurance requires proof of pregnancy and referral BEFORE I can see my ob-gyn) and had another (the third) positive test.  He also told me that the severe tingling in my finger from the rat bite is because he bit through a nerve.  I actually said under my breath, that son of a bitch.  Which got a chuckle out of my doctor.  Anyways, here we are and I'm sure I will bitch, whine, piss and moan for the next several months at the very least because I am frickin' uncomfortable already.  And I have a superhero's sense of smell.  Which makes morning sickness that much worse.  All litter boxes much be kept super clean or I want to vomit.  I've been doing the kittens box twice a day and it's in an enclosed room but I swear I can still smell it.  (and yes I know all the risks with litter boxes and pregnancy)  No one at work knows yet.  Honestly, I don't know how much I trust these people yet.  I'm just not ready to tell them.  Plus, there's always the chance this early that something could happen. 

I planted some of my pumpkins today.  I'm not sure how but I only ended up planting two seeds of orange and six seeds of white.  Now I have to decide whether I want to plant more orange or not.  I also planted a few morning glories.  I have TONS of those to go but their mostly for the backyard by the cat house.  I've decided where I'm going to plant my zinnia's.  I love them but they're really tall and difficult to find a good place for.  I decided to plant them around a very large tree in our yard.  I have a ton of them as well in many color varieties.  I've succeeded in at least getting carrots to start to grow.  Now we'll have to see if they make it.  I also have quite a few cucumbers ready to plant.  I don't know what I'll do with all those cucumbers.  They were actually meant for the snails.  (I know I'm ridiculous)  And I have more sunflowers than I know what to do with.  I think they're really pretty but again, not an easy flower to find a place for.  Especially with all the dogs trying to run down everything I put in the backyard. 

Plus four, minus six

I have yet another set of kittens.  My others have gone to another foster, as I will not be able to attend this weekends adoption event.  (reason you ask?  I don't feel like it.)  There was an issue over the weekend.  I found out they had to be spayed/neutered on Monday... about 16 hours before the appointment.  I obviously didn't make said appointment or I would've been aware way in advance.  I was very annoyed that I had to drive out to the middle of the ghetto at 11pm to drop said kittens off at the other fosters house.  (because let's face it, there's no way my ass is getting out of bed at 8am)  The next day I went and picked up four, six week old kittens.  One of which has an eye infection.  I think it's almost cleared up though.  I may be able to stop the medication tomorrow if I'm lucky.  They are a little less socialized than the last group and less tolerant of a two year old carrying them around.  My daughter has more scratches on her now than when she first learned to walk.  You would think she would learn and leave them alone but she just moves on to another kitten.  We have two females and two males.  I originally thought they were all males.  (I hadn't "looked" yet, was just guessing)  They're not the most striking kittens I've ever seen but hopefully they're inner cuteness will win people over.  Three are gray and white and one is a buff orange and white.  I've only gotten them to purr once when petting them. 

My husband has been complaining at length that my ferrets are bothering his allergies.  I thought this was strange since I've had them since December and he's only now having problems.  Well, it turns out they are loosing their fur at a rapid rate.  Rabbits do the same thing once a year or every two years.  I had forgotten about this little phenomenon in ferrets though.  Thankfully, it won't be long before their a little more naked and there's a lot less fur.  I was worried I would have to move their cage to another room.  Because frankly, there's not a whole lot of rooms left. 

A dollar a day

Happy Mother's Day!

 

I have my Doodle girl back today.  My husband really wishes we could keep.  As do I but it's just not possible right now.  When her mom dropped her off, she cried.  I was concerned that she'd be making a five hour drive upset but she said she'd be ok.  As mad as I was at her bringing her back, I still felt bad for her as I watched her walk away.  Doodle's hair seems to have grown some since I last saw her in February.  It's got a little more wave in it now.  She was actually happy to see me.  After a few minutes at home, she settled back in nicely.  She likes to aggravate Monty.  She stinks her nose in his butt, which makes him growl and snap at her, then she runs away with a big dumb goofy grin.  She seems to think it's a great game.

Took this one tonight.

I had Monty groomed today.  He could've been better about it but then I knew it was going to be a fight.  The girl that does it, seemed to be busy so I offered to help her out.  She owns the business and does all her grooming out of an RV that is completely outfitted for a groomer.  (I can only imagine what it must have cost)  She doesn't make you come to her, she drives to you and does everything in your driveway.  Her RV holds 200 gallons of fresh water so she doesn't even need to hook up to anything.  It's really pretty neat.  While she was washing another dog, I was shaving Monty.  All I can say is at least he didn't need a muzzle.  By lending a helping hand, I may have gotten myself a part time job.  I don't want to get my hopes up and even if it doesn't pan out, it was still a nice surprise.  At first, I just left with a fresh Monty but went back to the RV to get some business cards in case I ever found someone who wanted a good groomer.  She said she was hoping I'd come back and wanted to get my information for when she needs help as I seemed knowledgeable and "good people."  And the dog looks pretty good now too!

The "new" Monty.

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Toledo

I'm in a better mood today than I was yesterday.  Been overly emotional lately.  Comes with being female. 

We took Jasmine to the zoo in Toledo, Ohio today.  We weren't sure what zoo we'd be visiting on husband's vacation but we eventually (or I eventually) decided to do the one in Ohio now and then the one in Indianapolis in the summer as well as Chicago.  (I've been to all of them but I like to go once a year)  We had  a really relaxing day.  It was a bit on the chilly side when we first got there.  I was glad I'd brought Jasmine a sweater and a blanket.  Once the sun came out it warmed up enough that we could all take the extra clothing off.  It wasn't supposed to be a gorgeous warm day so there was very few people there.  It's a lot more enjoyable for everyone when you don't have to constantly scream at your toddler to watch where their going.  She was able to explore without being shoved out of the way or without tripping adults.  Now, I'm still not sure how I feel about zoos and some are definitely better as far as the animal enclosures go than others.  My favorite animal was a sloth bear who would've much rather been out of his enclosure than in.  We spent quite a while with him.  There was only a (dangerously outdated and thin) piece of glass between him and us.  I had noticed earlier while sitting on a bench that he would go up to people at the window and then stick his head at the bottom.  After everyone wandered away, we made our way to see him.  Eventually I figured out he was trying to sniff us.  Scary thing was, I could FEEL him exhale on my hand through the seal in the window.  Hmm, I think that needs to be updated.  I sincerely doubt he would've mauled anyone to death had he gotten out though.  He was very much like a dog and seemed to just want to sniff us and eat any treats we may have.  I think people may throw food to him (big no-no) through the fenced area because if he saw you had food, he would go sit in front of you until you walked away.  Little beggar.  I loved him though.  Nice old man bear.  The saddest part of every zoo for me is the gorillas.  I have a hard time seeing them locked in.  I look in their eyes and I don't see an animal, I see a human looking back at me.  I had a rather bittersweet moment with the large silverback.  Again, we were separated by glass (MUCH thicker this time) and we were nose to nose.  He didn't seem to be trying to intimidate me, just looking at me, as I was looking at him.  I wanted to touch his face and tell him how sorry I was that he was fated to this jail.  He was a beauty and he showed his strength to any male visitor that stood taller than him.  He would pound his chest.  One of the male keepers was there and said the gorilla doesn't like him because he is a rather tall human male.  Therefore, he always tries to slouch when near the enclosure and never makes eye contact and tries not to even look at him when the silverback is paying attention.  He was the first person we heard him pound his chest at.  A few minutes after the keepers left and we were walking away, an idiot... er patron walked up that was bigger than the gorilla and pounded his chest.  Do I even need to say how pissed the silverback became?  I told my husband, well at least if he manages to get out, he's gonna kick that guy's ass first.  The silverback paced and pounded his chest till the guy walked away.  You know there was a small part of me wishing he would get out and beat that guy to a pulp.  There was a female gorilla who was very pregnant.  She already had one young one to tend to and then another on the way.  I'm sure the youngin will learn quickly that mom has to take care of the baby's needs first.  There were also some lovely monkey's, who's name I cannot recall.  They had a baby and were obviously the parents.  Again, they remind me of humans.  The interaction with the baby was so... familiar.  They played with him, cleaned him and he would get a mischievous look in his eye and smack dad, then high tail it to the highest point.  All and all, it wasn't a bad day.  Jasmine slept all the way home, as did I.  It's only about a two and a half hour drive but we hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. 

You don't know

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what its like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They arent as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
Thats never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They arent as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
Thats never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

 

Some days I just don't feel like I'm good enough for anybody.  I have worked so hard to become the person I am.  I like the person I've become but no one else really seems to.  More and more, I'm an embarrassment to my husband or at least that's the way it's portrayed.  The things about myself that I love, he hates.  Some days I wonder if there's anything about me he really likes.  How does he really see me?  It doesn't seem like it's in a good light.  I am floating through this life.  There's no place I feel I belong.  I just float along, waiting to stick somewhere but the wind just doesn't seem to blow me where I belong.

Six more

I am now fostering six, nine week old kittens.  There are four females, all some variation of calico, and two males.  One of the males is extremely skittish and takes some times before he is willing to come out of hiding.  I love having kittens but Jasmine won't put them down.  Whenever their out of their room, she is always holding at least one of them.  I've only named two of them.  One of the males I'm calling Steel and one of the females (my favorite) I'm calling Pickles.  I don't go looking for names, they either come to me, or they don't and these two names, fit these two cats. 

Boobies

This is the last one for the night, I swear.  I don't know why I have kept this blog from you all for so long.  It's been like a wonderful treasure I've kept for myself.  The crazy chronicles starts in February so you will have to go to the older entries.  I gurantee you, you won't want to stop reading.  Her life is incredible and she should write a book and have a movie based on it.  Boobs, Injuries, & Dr. Pepper

A little crazy goes a long way

I can't believe I have yet to post this story.  I'm not sure if it will be as funny on here as it was at the time but you will get the gist.  A few night ago, me, the husband and Jasmine went to dinner at Logan's.  After a little while an older couple came in and sat across from our booth.  I had been people watching and noticed the look in her eye when she would look at the man that was with her.  We proceeded to eat our dinner but all through I would glance at this couple.  Eventually, even Jasmine was watching them and I said to her, you noticed to huh?  My husband wanted to know what I was talking about and I said, just a minute.  I then leaned over (I FREQUENTLY talk to strangers just because I feel like it... it's a newer habit) and asked if they were married.  She said no but they would be in three weeks and then asked why I wanted to know.  I said because she had that "look" in her eyes when ever she would look at him and they were either really lucky (being in love that long), in a newer relationship OR that they were both married but to someone else and having an elaborate affair.  Ohmigod, I thought my husband was going to spit tea all over me.  His face immediately turned red.  The woman by the way thanked me for my comment and said she was so glad that it showed in their faces and she glowed the rest of the dinner.  My poor husband's face stayed red until we were safely in the car.  They were a very nice couple (another thing I noticed is that she was extremely polite to her waitress) and we chatted on and off throughout both of our dinners.  As I've gotten older, I have become extremely honest in my comments to people.  Now I'm not going to suddenly exclaim in the middle of a store that "You know, those jeans do make your ass look huge."  But I have become known to say what's on my mind.  It's a trait that I like in myself and don't really mind if others don't.  It's also a fun thing to use to embarrass my husband.  You see, I don't embarrass easily, at all.  And then I'm the one that embarrasses myself.  There's little you can say about me, in public or private that is going to turn my face red.  There's only one time in the almost nine years that my husband and I have been together that I even remember turning red and it was a few weeks ago.  My mom will easily recall this event and I don't think I will EVER live it down.  We had just picked up one of the dogs from the vets office and since Glory Jeans is two doors over, I thought I'd pop in for a coffee.  Now, at this point and time, the window on the driver's side of my car, didn't roll down easily.  It would come off the track and you would have to maneuver it down with your hands, while pushing the down button.  I prefer to use the drive thru rather than walk my lazy butt inside so I stopped in the middle of the parking lot, parallel to the building to try and get the window down.  My mom made a comment that it must look pretty ridiculous from outside the car and I'd better hope no one is watching because it looks like I'm stuck.  No sooner do those words come out of her mouth than I notice a waitress coming out of the bar across from me.  She's obviously saying something to me but again, hello, window won't go down so I open the door.  She says are you ok?  I said yeah why?  She said ohmigod we all thought you were stuck inside your car and we were wondering if you couldn't get out.  Yeah, THAT turned me red.  I'm imagining a bar full of people talking about the nutcase in the parking lot and then the waitress goes in to tell them the woman was just trying to get a coffee.  I decided to walk in to get my coffee rather than try to get the window down anymore.  My mom laughed till I thought she was going to pee herself.  I was still red when I got inside Gloria Jeans but it was all I could do not to laugh while placing my order but then I thought I'd look like a nut for a whole other reason in a whole different store.  Like I said, I usually embarrass myself.  Probably to a point that I've gotten so used to it that it doesn't bother me.  I will change clothing in the middle of a parking lot without so much as a blush.  My mom hates it.  When we went to Ohio, I realized when we got there that my clothing wasn't appropriate for the weather so I grabbed a different shirt out of the trunk and changed right there in the car.  All the while with my mom saying she hoped that someone walked by, even though that really wouldn't have embarrassed me.  That doesn't mean I like to walk around naked or anything but I had a bra on that covers more than most bikinis. 

I also tend to get songs stuck in my head... sometimes for days on end.  It's really difficult to fall asleep at night when you have the latest stupid pop song on repeat.  (and I don't listen to pop music)  You want to change the station but it seems like every station in your head is playing the same song.  Last night it was Benny and the Jets by Elton.  We'll see what it is tonight.  It seems like when something happens, I always end up with a theme song in my head as if in a movie and the appropriate song always comes along for the moment.  A friend of mine has this same problem but he has ADHD to the extreme so it really gets on his nerves when it happens.  At least I like Benny and the Jets but I didn't want to wake up with it still on repeat in my head first thing this morning.  Ok, that's enough of my crazy for one day.  You only get it in small doses.

Oh just bite me

Doodle, my very first foster that was adopted in February, is being returned.  I am very unhappy about this situation.  I have no problem taking her back into my life, she was a wonderful dog.  The problem I have is the reasoning.  The woman has two children, ages 4 and 6.  From what she says, Doodle was sleeping on the couch, when her son (4) got on the couch and Doodle grabbed him by the throat.  She didn't break the skin but the woman felt she couldn't keep her for this reason.  The only thing I have in the woman's defense is that she was crying while on the phone with one of the other volunteers.  My opinion?  Doodle was asleep and the little boy came running through the house, jumped on the couch or even Doodle herself, startled her and yes she snapped at him and then realized what she'd done.  I would never believe that she would do this on purpose nor that she would have continued the behavior once she was awake and alert.  My daughter was able to ride her around the house and rough house with her and never did Doodle even nip at her or growl.  I will not have this dog be considered another bite case.  I have offered to take her back as my foster but have yet to hear anything.  (even though I have the matted mess, Monty)  I would love to have her again, even if for a little while.  We loved this dog and let all sixty pounds of her sleep in bed with us every night.  At least the lady didn't just drop her off at her local shelter and is driving the five hours to return Doodle to us this Saturday. 

Tomorrow our windshield is being fixed.  I was driving and a rock smacked into the windshield, cracking it.  They are going to try a quick fix and see if that takes care of it, otherwise they will be removing the windshield and replacing it with a new one.  (this is all done through our insurance)  It's an inconvience to be without a car for the day.  My other car is... not drivable at the moment.  I always take my husband's car to work on Saturdays since my car has the car seat, it's just easier.  After work this past Saturday, I started the car and everything felt normal until I put it into gear and then I felt something give in the brake petal.  I managed to drive down the road to Hobby Lobby after talking to my husband to come meet me.  I had no brake whatsoever in the front.  I was using only the rear pads to stop.  We think it blew a brake line but we won't know till husband gets under it and takes a look.  I sure as hell wasn't driving it home so we left it there and husband's friend towed it back to our house.  I've been lectured both by my mom and husband about how dangerous it was to drive the car to hobby lobby, yadda yadda. 

I was viciously bitten by one of my mom's outdoor cats today.  Ok, ok, mom I'll tell the truth.  I kind of provoked her.  She's always been a loose canon and it doesn't take much to get her going but I was expecting her to play with me, not try and eat me.  She grabbed onto my hand with her jaws and didn't let go till I forced her jaws to open.  And then she proceeded to growl at ME!  Evil Hitler cat.  (she has a hitler mustache and considering she's always been a bitchy cat, we call her hitler from time to time)  Now I have another bite to keep an eye on.  They're starting to call me a sadist at work with how seemingly uncaring I am when it comes to getting bitten or scratched.  Yes it hurts but it goes away and sometimes you have little choice in the matter.  I told my director the other day that I have pretty much been bitten by every common animal in the area from small to large.  I will list the ones that come to my mind first.  Mice, rats, gerbils, hamsters, degus, guinea pigs, rabbits, (both of which hurt far more than you would expect) lizards - big and small, several different (and some wild) species of snake, birds - everything from a finch to an amazon, raccoons, skunks, deer, goats, horses, donkeys, squirrels, dogs, cats, and I'm sure there are plenty I'm leaving out.  I don't fear the bite, I fear the pain that comes in the seconds, minutes, and hours AFTER the bite.  Oh and now, I've also been bitten by humans... Jasmine.  Maybe I am a bit of a sadist after all.   *wink*

Buh-Buh-Buh Benny and the Jets... sorry it's stuck in my head

I've really become addicted to scrapbooking and I haven't even started!  I was originally only going to do my foster animals.  (let's face it, after a while, I'm going to manage to forget SOMEONE)  Now I think I'll do some family ones as well.  I was thinking one of me and Shawn as we met, got engaged, had a kid, got married.  And then Jasmine growing up.  And of course, I have a ton of my person animals, past and present.  I could spend a ridiculous amount of time in Hobby Lobby just looking.  I always thought people who scrapbooked where boring.  It's fun and creative.  It also creates memories in a way that you can't do in a regular photo album.  Yes, I'm in scrapbook love.

Apparently, we have a male cat visiting us occasionally.  When we came home this evening, we noticed a very strong cat urine smell at the front door.  I thought that was odd but it didn't immediately occur to me that it could be a stray or a neighborhood cat though.  I don't leave food out for strays because we're not really in an area where there are many and I don't have any outdoor cats that aren't confined.  I mentioned the smell to my husband and he said he'd noticed it too.  I went outside with a flashlight as it was dark by now and found that something has been living under our porch.  The bottom is enclosed so something had to dig under.  It's obviously not something large but it has been there since the last rain.  My husband swears he heard a cat meowing while he was outside but again, I do have cats that are outside and they meow... loudly.  I left some food out to see if it eats anything.  I'm curious as to why it's at my house.  I have no unfixed cats so he's not here for a girlfriend.  He also sprayed my front door which I'm not real pleased about but it was obviously the first time.  I'm wondering if there's a smell that I can put on the door or by it that would deter that behavior.  Now if he comes and eats.... I will probably continue to feed him as well as trap him and have his cajones removed... promptly.  Several vets in our area do ferals at a very low price.  It's still strange that he's hanging around.  My husband said how do you know it's a boy?  Well, girls don't spray dummy. 

I bought two plants today.  One is a hibiscus with beautiful rich red flowers.  I couldn't leave without that tree.  I swear it was like that flower spoke to me and I had to have it.  I also got a flowering vine that is very pretty but I can't recall a the moment what it's called.  The hibiscus has a really strong smell to it.  Something I never noticed with my other one.  Although the flowers on the new one are much larger than the one I have in my back yard.  I'll have to get pictures before that flower closes up.  I hope I don't manage to kill it, although my thumb has turned noticeably greener this year compared to last.  I managed to grow catnip this year, as well as snapdragons.  Both of which I have tried the last two years in a row and got nothing.  I have about two hundred morning glory seeds that already have roots and I haven't even gotten them planted yet.  I'm going to cover most of the cat house with them this year. 

Defeated

Saturday was another not so great day in my rescue world.  For me it was heartbreaking.  We had a huge adoption event with a couple other rescues in the area.  Quite a few dogs got adopted, quite a few went on home visits.  (we allow our dogs to stay with you for a period of time before you officially commit so you can decide if it will truly workout)  Towards the end of it all, I went to visit the cats we had and noticed a particularly mean cat that we had in a cage without a cage card.  I asked about it and found out he was an owner return.  We had told this woman several times that she needed to make other arrangements for this cat.  (i.e. don't bring it back to us and then told her what we would be forced to do if she did) She wised up and just showed up knowing we would be having an event, knowing we wouldn't make a huge scene in front of tons of people.  I guess the woman had bites all down her arms from the cat.  She said he'd always been mean and they had him 4 paw declawed at six months old.  First of all, we do not condone declawing and strongly urge our adopters to find alternatives.  Not only that but there is NO reason to do all four paws on a cat.  There is no furniture they can destroy with their back claws.  She took away every defense that cat had other than his teeth... so he used them... a lot.  He became very mean and aggressive, frequently attacking her as she would walk through a room.  (not playful attack but trying to kill his prey attack)  I've never seen a cat behave this way.  If you find a feral cat, trap it, they will hide at the back of the cage and only lunge at you if you push them to do so.  This cat would lunge at anything that moved.  I was told he would be euthanized on Monday if no one offered to foster him and try to work with him.  He's dangerous and already a bite case so it would be irresponsible for us to knowingly adopt him out, just as it would if he were a dog.  I spent about an hour trying to calm him down, to no avail.  I eventually took my chances on opening the cage, knowing that my time was running short working with him.  He lunged and bit my arm.  Had I not been wearing a sweatshirt, he would've broken the skin, easily.  As it is, I have a nasty purple bruise.  I still persisted, trying to convince him that I would not hurt him and trying not to jerk away to fast when he lunged.  I got no where with him.  I was his last hope for survival and I ultimately made the decision to end his life.  He would never be able to live happily with humans and we certainly couldn't let him loose as one woman suggested as he had no defenses against wild animals.  I left feeling defeated and awful.  I have really never seen an animal act that way.  It was as if he had rabies.  I was able to pet him a bit in the parking lot while he was trying to figure out what was going on.  I wanted to pet him and reassure him that I wasn't out to hurt him and in my own way, apologize for what humans had done to him.  A cat is not born that way and we'd had him since he was a kitten before he went to this woman.  And by the way, she was the only one the cat was attacking to that degree.  I just couldn't risk having an animal like that in my home with a two year old child.  Otherwise, I would have taken him, without a doubt.  I wanted to try but I'm not going to risk my daughter getting hurt.  I was proud of myself for saying no as awful as that sounds.  I have NEVER refused an animal that I knew would be put down.  I had to learn to say no eventually.  Even now, I'm wanting to call up my director and tell her not to do it, that I'll find a way to work with him.  Poor boy.  He was midnight black with amber colored eyes.  He had a nice full face.  Really a good looking black cat.

Mat Picture

A picture of some of the mats I took off him.  Keep in mind these are SOLID pieces.  That means that entire area was pulling on his skin.  Most would be larger but there were times he insisted on taking a break and I'm not going to argue with his jaws.  And Lisa, the smile is already starting to return little by little.

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