Thursday, May 8, 2008

You don't know

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what its like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They arent as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
Thats never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They arent as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
Thats never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

 

Some days I just don't feel like I'm good enough for anybody.  I have worked so hard to become the person I am.  I like the person I've become but no one else really seems to.  More and more, I'm an embarrassment to my husband or at least that's the way it's portrayed.  The things about myself that I love, he hates.  Some days I wonder if there's anything about me he really likes.  How does he really see me?  It doesn't seem like it's in a good light.  I am floating through this life.  There's no place I feel I belong.  I just float along, waiting to stick somewhere but the wind just doesn't seem to blow me where I belong.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

He doesnt have to always understand what you are...he just needs to know that this is who you are. I like to believe I am a better person now than I ever was. I think I am. Nobody is perfect, so dont beat yourself up. Just because he doesnt share the same loves as you do does not mean he doesnt love YOU. Ian doesnt have any real love for the chickens...but he LOVES me anyway. He knows that they are a big part of who I am right now. Does this make any sense or am I just rambling? Hugs, Kelly

Anonymous said...

There are things I don't "like" about people I love but I understand that is part of loving someone...you take the good with the bad.  A person doesn't have to like everything about you to love you, obviously your husband loves you.  Don't worry about him possibly not agreeing with or liking every single thing you do ~ in the end it is love that will keep you together.  Don't be so hard on yourself sweetie!
xx
Lisa