This N That

Went to the drive-in movies on Saturday night with my mom, Jasmine and hubby.  We saw Wall-E and the Hulk.  I really wanted to see the new Angelina Jolie movie but there wasn't anything Jasmine would've enjoyed on that screen.  She seemed more interested in climbing through the car than watching the movies but after Wall-E ended, she asked if we could watch it again and then was calling out Wall-E out the window.  She stayed awake through both features and we didn't get out of there till around 1:30am.  My husband on the other hand passed out halfway through Hulk.  Wimp.  Both movies were good.  Wall-E was cute but had very few words in it.  Apparently robots aren't so good with the english.  Hulk was surprisingly good, considering I'm not a fan of the comic book movies.  I just don't really get into them. 

Sunday, Jasmine continued on with her no diapers, only underwear.  We skipped Saturday since we were out all day and not close to bathrooms.  She didn't have any accidents again and even went poop!  I know, some of you are like TMI but I hear that's the hardest thing to get them to do on the potty and she did it on her own, without begging and pleading from her parents.  I do need to start taking her potty thing to my mom's before she falls into their toilet over there.  We lit off a few sparklers that we bought Saturday.  She's been begging to see fireworks ever since we bought our load for 4th of July.  Those things sure do make me nervous.  I had my hand on her elbow the entire time, making sure she didn't suddenly decide to get a closer look at the flames or anything.  She has a total of 252 sparklers.  They were buy one get one free and I bought the smallest package they had.  The kid is going to be lighting sparklers till NEXT 4th of July. 

I have a canker sore in the worst spot right now.  I hardly ever get these things but when I do they always position themselves in places that are impossible not to irritate.  This one is almost on my lip and it's constantly rubbing on my lower canine.  Oral gel only seems to last five minutes and then it seems to numb all the wrong areas of my mouth.  Other than that I've been feeling pretty good the last few days.  Hopefully the closer I get to the second trimester, the better I'll feel as far as everything else goes.  Speaking of being pregnant, I have my first doctor's appointment this Wednesday.  Not too much to be excited about.  Pee in a cup, have places viewed and scraped that should just be left alone and then hear the heartbeat.  I've already heard the heartbeat so there's not much anticipation for me on this one.  The next thing to wait for is the ultrasound that will hopefully say boy or girl, although I'm pretty positive that I know what it is and most of those around me are very aware of what I think it is so I'll feel like an ass if I'm wrong. 

For all you other bloggers that I'm a regular at, I haven't stopped reading, I swear.  I've just been awful about commenting.  It seems like I'll comment a lot one night and then I'm silent for weeks but I'm keeping up on your lives and happenings, I'm just a bit lazy right now apparently. 

To Bed

Today was just not a good one for me.  I just felt emotionally like crap and it just seemed to get worse as the day went on till I just went home and cried.  I still have to feed the dogs and all I want to do is nothing. 

Jasmine wore underwear all day today for the first time and didn't have any accidents.  Not even when we went to Walmart.  She even told me while we were there that she needed a potty. 

Tomorrow we run to get some fireworks for the 4th.  It's an hour drive and I want to get it over with.  We may go to the drive-in, depending on the weather.  I'd also like to get my hair trimmed.  We'll see how it goes.  For now I guess I'll feed the dogs and go to bed.

Flutter Flutter

Many women get all excited when they feel the first flutters of their baby, some cry, some are giddy.  I on the other hand don't think it's quite so fantastic.  When I first felt them this time around, my thoughts were pretty much 'Fan-frickin-tastic.  That's just great.  Already?!'  You see, I'm a realist.  I know that right now, it's a few annoying flutters but soon it will be full fledged ass kicking.  Jasmine used to move so hard that you could SEE her legs rolling across my stomach.  The worst was when she would kick me in my pelvic bones.  I find the whole thing to be annoying.  I know, someone, some where gasps and thinks how awful that I don't fully enjoy every little jerk and jab but, eventually it hurts.  And I absolutely HATE when they get the hiccups.  There's no way for you to stop it.  You can hold your breath for a week and it won't make much difference.  They can hiccup for hours on end, the whole time your stomach flinches and it's hell if you have an upset stomach.  But then, once you reach 20 weeks, you freak out if you don't feel anything from the little monster.  You call the doctor and wonder if you should go in for a stress test.  The one time I had that happen, I was in labor and my doctor told me to drink a full glass of cold water.  I still don't remember ever feeling her again that night because after I drank that water, all I could feel was extreme pain.  Jasmine isn't yet aware that I'm pregnant.  Not sure how long I'll wait.  Probably until I'm really showing.  Nine months is a long time for a toddler to wait and not something they understand.  However, right after I became pregnant, Jasmine began saying she was going to go play with "her brother" or she would say "be nice to my brother."  Probably just from something she saw on tv.  Probably.

Saturday is the one year anniversary of the death of my aussie, August.  It wasn't till this past month that I realized something.  I haven't acted the same towards animals since she died.  I don't feel the same.  I'm a little more cold towards them, a little distant.  Sincerealizing this, I've tried to be a little more warm and inviting but I feel like I lost something inside me the day I lost her.  I don't feel as if I will ever feel the same about another dog.  It was the same way when my cat Tyler died years and years ago.  I haven't been the same towards cats.  I have a favorite but it's just not the same.  (Isaiah, my white siamese mix)  I think everything I've done since she's died has been my way of subconsciously trying to feel that way again.  I got Savannah after she died and I KNOW that I wouldn't have her if I still had August.  Volunteering at the rescue was another thing.  I wonder if this is the way I'll always feel?  I once heard there's one perfect dog for every person and when you find that dog, it's the luckiest day of your life.  But happens when you lose that dog?  How do you get past that? 

Kitties and ca-booms

Some days it seems like I could write a book on here, whereas other days I seem to have nothing to say at all.  I finally got pictures of all the kittens.  They're eyes aren't completely healed yet but I took a wet washcloth and wiped them up.  I have to get their pictures up on the website before they get too old.  They get to a certain age and it's near impossible to get rid of them, especially some of these guys.  They're basic gray/white kittens and don't really stand out among our others.  I have on buff kitten and he'll probably go pretty quickly.  I just need to get them completely healthy and then they'll go on to one of the other fosters. 

My stomach continues to feel bigger.  I know I'm showing but not to the point that strangers think 'oh look she's pregnant.'  It would be more like 'Hmmm, someone needs to do some ab workouts.'  Some of my food aversions seem to be lessening now, although I still feel a bit queasy first thing in the morning.  The second trimester is supposed to be the "best" as far as how you feel.  We're planning on going hiking in a few weeks.  It's only for the day so I should be pretty good with it.  If we were planning on doing something that involved the ab region, I wouldn't be able to do it. 

We also worked it out so that we can do a few fireworks this year.  I came up with the idea of having everyone pitch in $25 and then we have the 4th at my mom's with hamburgers and hotdogs.  We've got $100 but Shawn and I may add another ten or so to that if needed.  The place we're going to is buy one get one free of everything.  I'd like to do a few bigger things and some fountains.  I used to think fountains sucked and were a waste of time but then I had a kid and they think they're the coolest thing in the world.  Makes them not so worthless when you see a little ones face light up.  Now I have to go find my coupons to the stupid place.  *Sigh*  I lose everything right now.

Yes, I know, this is like my fourth post tonight

While I was on youtube, I decided to look up some of my favorite Joe Rogan stand up.  The one that is my absolute favorite is about Noah's Ark and in my opinion is funny as hell but REALLY vulgar and I thought better of posting it.  This one is about our dumb president and war.  By the way, he didn't steal any of his jokes from Carlos Mencia, it was the other way around folks fyi.  WARNING :: This video contains the F-word more times than I felt like counting and is not for virgin ears or those with curse word issues.  ;)

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The Vid

This is them singing it.  Obviously, he isn't talking about gorillas looking through their glass cage.

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Looking Glass

Ok, most people that I've told this to think I'm seriously weird.  There's a song that's been out for quite some time that is from Stone Sour and it's called Through Glass.  Most of you know how I feel about gorillas.  I have an extremely difficult time seeing them in captivity and yet when I do see them, I feel compelled to stay as long as possible.  I feel like there is definitely more to them than just some animal, even without all the scientific evidence to prove it.  It's in their eyes.  I want to apologize to every single one of them for taking away their homes and for locking them in cages.  In the defense of most of the zoos I've been to, they only have gorillas that are unable to be returned to the wild or were born in captivity.  Back to the (one of) the reason I'm weird.  When I hear this song, from the very first time I ever heard the lyrics, it reminds me of the gorillas at the zoo.  So I leave you with the lyrics and you can see for yourself if I'm completely insane or if you too see it.   

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget.. you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes
Initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
Whenno one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars
That shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars
That lie to you.. yeah-ah

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your heaaaaddd

And it's the stars
The stars
That shine for you.. yeah-ah
And it's the stars
The stars
That lie to you.. yeah-ah

Ohhhoh when the starrs
Ohhh oh when the starrrrs that liieee

Fire finger without flames

Have you ever had rope burn?  Ever have it all the way to the muscle?  I got to experience just that today.  I took Doodle to an adoption event earlier in the day.  She's awful on a leash.  It's to the point that I dread taking her anywhere at all.  She was good walking across the streets to get to our tent.  She was overly excited around all the people and it took a while to get her to settle down.  I sat in a chair and held her leash as there were no open crates at that time.  She had been sitting next to me for about five minutes, without moving much so I must have gotten comfortable and let my guard down.  Next thing I knew, she took off at a full run.  The leash was tangled up in both of my hands.  She actually ripped me out of my chair.  At that same moment, a crate opened up and I put her in it so I could tend to my hand.  I hadn't really looked at it yet.  Sure enough, all the way to the muscle.  I have multiple gashes where the leash went into my skin on both hands as well as bruises.  My ring finger on my right hand got the worst of it though.  It's really uncomfortable.  For the first few hours, I couldn't bend my finger or completely straighten it out.  You can't imagine the names I called that dog in my head.  She didn't get allowed out of the crate again till it was time to go except once when a lady wanted to see her.  And then, I put her in the car before it was time to go so that I could help pack up without being jerked around like a stuffed animal.  This is a dog who in January was 65lbs and has put on at least ten pounds since then.  Not only is she big, but she's strong.  I've been very honest with people about her inability to be leash walked.  I try to be very honest about all of my fosters flaws.  Better they know now than find out in a month and want to bring it back.  Needless to say, I still have Doodle.

To answer some questions :::  There are reasons I would like my mom to be with me during my labor and delivery.  My husband didn't do much at Jasmine's birth aside from hold my leg while I pushed.  My mom was the one feeding me ice chips, getting me wash cloths for my forehead and holding a basin for me to vomit in.  Iknow it's because he didn't know what exactly he was supposed to be doing but it made a huge difference having someone who did know there.  If I can avoid having her watch Jasmine, I will, although my mom is the person I trust the most to watch her.  My grandmother is getting up there in the years and I think watching Jasmine for that long would be a bit difficult for her.  Other than that, the only other person I trust would be my brother's girlfriend but again, who knows how long it will all take and she could be in school during the time I am in labor or it could be in the middle of the night and I'm not waking up a sixteen year old girl to come watch my kid in the middle of winter.  Pretty much I feel screwed.  My dad is out of the question as he does.... recreational activities which I do not approve of, nor do I approve of my daughter being around them.  No way would I leave her with my MIL.  I don't leave her with my MIL for even an hour right now, so HOURS isn't even a possibility in my mind.  Jasmine LOVES my uncle Jeff but he is under a lot of stress, works between six and seven days a week so I'm not putting that on him.  I may just end up having to train my husband to do what my mom would before we get to that point.  After everything is said and done, I have to decide what I want to do AFTER the birth.  Do I have Shawn stay with me overnight as he did last time and Jasmine stay with my mom?  Or do I beg and plead with my mom to come stay with me overnight so Jasmine will feel a little less like something is going on with me?  I know I can't stay there alone.  I have occasional panic attacks and I can't tell you how many times I came close to losing it in the hospital last time even when someone was with me and if anyone mentioned leaving me by myself, I went pale.  Again, if it hadn't been for my mom, I would've spent a great deal of time alone in that hospital.  My husband claimed to be going "stir crazy."  I was like, deal with it, I'm stuck here like a prisoner.  I was terrified to sign out on my own because I'd had such a severe infection at the time of my delivery so I begged my nurses to let me go home or to get the docs to let me go home but I wasn't leaving without my baby either.  (even though at that time I felt little to no connection to her due to severe post pardum depression, I've never been so grateful for a celebrity writing a book.  Brooke Sheilds may have saved me a lot of heartache with her story of ppd)  Anyways, that's where all that stands to clear up everything. 

I have a question if anyone knows the answer.  Why is it that bamboo is so green friendly for wood floors?  Aren't there panda bears out there that are starving due to all the bamboo being cut down for more houses?  To me that's not green friendly.  Maybe I'm wrong on my information, it's just something I'm recalling in the back of my rolodex of a brain. 

Hospitals

I had my nurses appointment at my OB today.  Basically, they ask you a ton of medical questions, some several times and ask if you have any questions.  It seems to take forever but at least there's nothing being stuck in any crevices.  When I got home, I flipped through the encyclopedia of information they gave me.  I got to the paper from the hospital and I'm not sure why I read through it.  It's not as if I haven't done the pregnancy/labor thing in the hospital before.  However, I didn't have another child.  One of the dissappointments for me was that no children under the age of 12 are allowed in the labor and delivery room, at all.  I was planning on having Jasmine with me as long as she continued to mature at the rate she is.  Now I have to figure out what to do with her while I'm laboring.  I also found that she isn't allowed to stay overnight with me and quite frankly, if I was given the choice of having Jas with me or my husband, I would choose her.  I've never spent more than a few hours away from her and I can't imagine an entire night, let alone two without her.  On top of that, my husband will probably have to go home with her and I'll be at the hospital alone.  I know I sound like a baby but I was literally freaking out the last time I had to stay in that place.  As if the walls were closing in on me.  *sigh*  I shouldn't be worrying about it already but here I am.

In search of a snack

I'm hungry.  I think one of the worst things (aside from grocery shopping) you can do to yourself is look at recipes.  I found a brownie recipe that I would kill to be eating right now.  I got like this last night and found out quite quickly that my can opener was broken.  Being eco friendly, I went without an electric.  My second mistake was that I allowed my husband to buy the thing.  It hasn't even been a year since we bought it.  It just won't grip the can anymore.  I ended up bending it far enough that I was able to make quite a few large gashes into the can and then I used a piece of metal to bend the lid out and break it enough to get my frickin soup out.  You just don't mess with a hungry pregnant woman.  You just don't.  I was going to make me and Jasmine chocolate shakes but she drank the last of our milk a few hours ago.  Stingy toddler.  Oooh, I just remembered, we have chocolate that I bought due to Jasmine's insistence that we needed some.  Mmmm, chocolate.

The reason for my last post was the usual, money or the lacking of it.  The bills keep piling up and there's just nothing there to pay them with.  I don't know why I bothered voicing my concerns to my husband because I basically got there's nothing we can do about it right now.  You know they always say money can't buy happiness but I think it sure can't help to have it.  I just don't want to be living week to week for the rest of my life.  And what's really ridiculous, my husband has one of the best jobs you can get in this area without having a college degree.  I can't imagine where we'd be if he didn't.  We'd probably still be living with my mom.  Which, doesn't sound bad as long as I'm out from under this house payment.  I keep thinking if we hadn't been in such a rush (excitement) to get a house, we could've stayed at my mom's for a while and put a lot of money in savings.  We'd be in a far better place.  Now I don't know if we'll ever have money in savings.

Does life get any easier?  And if it doesn't then what the hell is the point?  I don't want to spend the rest of my life struggling like this.  It's like swimming up stream in a river.  I'm not getting any where and I just feel like giving up.

30 Days

Watching 30 Days, which is one of my favorite shows to ever air.  Today's is having a hardcore hunter move in with a vegan family, one of whom works for PETA.  I already don't like this man.  He says "Deer are food, if they're not food for me, they're food for the front bumper of your truck" It's so unbelievably hard for me to watch this.  I am so hormonal and I am just balling watching these animals.  You know it's going to be brutal when PETA is involved in any way shape or form.  It's just really hard for me to watch animals be harmed.  And it's really hard to watch someone talk about it like they don't feel it.  "I've seen a deer get shot, with a fatal shot and keep eating."  I don't get how someone can say that and laugh about it.  I have no problem with people hunting any animal that is impossible or difficult to get in the store, within reason.  I don't see a reason to hunt wild turkeys when you can go to the store and get it there.  To me, it's like the turkey at the store died for nothing and you went out and killed another animal instead.  The only thing I like about this guy is that he seems to have some what of an open mind.  He honestly wants to understand why we feel so strongly about animals and their pain, their rights.  I don't think my husband even understands how strongly I feel on the issue of hunting.  I told him, if he were to ever go out and even attempt to shoot an animal, I would never look at him the same again.  I just couldn't.  And then if he killed an animal.  I don't know if I'd ever get over it.  I just couldn't deal with it.  I know a lot of people who raise their own livestock so that they can have them slaughtered KNOWING, that animal lived a good, kind life and their death was quick and painless.  I eat meat and I really wish I were able to do that.  I get attached to any animal though and I just couldn't have my little fluffy hen or farting spotted cow killed and then eat it.  I wish I could, at least then I'd know where it came from and that it was treated humanely.  Back to the show, this guy says that all animal rights people do the same thing, try to shock you.  Yes and there's a reason for that.  It's one of the few things that really gets your attention.  I think the problem he's having is that these animal rights people are coming straightout and saying you're wrong.  You can't expect to get some one to open their minds if you continue to keep your's closed.  You have to at least try to understand where another person is coming from, even if you don't agree with them.  He has been far more understanding with those who try to understand where he's coming from as well.  Now he has actually seen one of these factory farms and is obviously bothered by it.  It just goes to show that if people really opened their eyes and saw what was happening to their dinner, they would speak up.  Now don't get me wrong, I don't see this guy going vegan at the end of the show but I do think he may just put a little more thought into where his food comes from and how it's treated.  I don't believe we will ever be without meat but wouldn't it be nice if our dinner had been treated with care and a little bit of respect before it's life was ended so short?  He is really more open to anything that has to do with dogs in particular.  They took him to a shelter and watched them choose a dog that had to be euthanized.  "The thought of killing that one dog, is probably one of the most difficult things I've felt in my life."  Wow, just wow.  He is actively out there talking to people against wearing fur.  WOW.  I didn't see him make this big of a turnaround.  When he first got on the show, he wouldn't even touch a bird and now he's holding chickens for children to pet.  I'm not sure how his wife will feel about him painting naked 20 something girls for a protest but hey, he's a little more informed now than he was 30 days before.  "Have I changed?  Who couldn't change?  I had to change.  I am going to hunt when I get home but I believe the animals have rights."

 

Next week on 30 Days, a traditional mom moves in with a gay couple raising a son.  You know I'm already on the side of the gays on this one.  And if you didn't know, you do now.  I'm for gay marriage, gay relationships, raising children etc.  If it's wrong to love someone just because of their sex, well in my opinion feeling that way is wrong.

I Kill YOU!

The Jeff Dunham folks will get this one.  ;)

see more crazy cat pics

Just the usual day

I went to drop off Doodle and the kittens and immediately noticed that the foster mom's car wasn't outside.  Odd but that didn't mean that she wasn't there.  I knocked, no answer.  Rang the doorbell (although I have no idea if it actually works), no answer.  Shit.  I decided she was probably running late as she's not normally the type of person to just not show up and I sat on the porch with Jasmine and Doodle.  I waited and waited.  Eventually I took Jasmine and Doodle back to the car, locked it and went back to knock one more time just in case.  Again there was no answer.  I decided to drive home and find a way to get her on the phone as by now I was a little worried because like I said, this wasn't like her.  Turns out she had been at one of the animal shelters picking up dogs and cats that were set to be euthanized.  Her FIL was there the entire time but didn't hear me knock, over and over again.  Turns out, Doodle was no longer needed as they found another foster home to take the new dog so I just packed up the kittens again and dropped them off. 

Afterwards, we headed home to make pork chops for dinner.  I sat outside on the swing and watched Jasmine play in the sandbox.  Once it was done, we ate and I was actually feeling pretty good, until I burped and then began puking up everything I had just eaten.  *sigh*  It just came out of no where.  I ran to the bathroom and finished emptying my stomach and then sat in the living room watching Jasmine and Shawn finish their dinner, all the while my stomach was growling.  So the only thing I've eaten and digested today was a hot pretzel.  You could say I'm a little hungry but still a little nervous about eating.  I've decided to try heartburn pills and see if that helps any with my eating.  I bought several cans of the crappy spaghetti, maybe I'll have a bowl of that. 

Watching Fool's Gold with Matthew Mcconaughey and Kate Hudson.  Not really a big fan of his.  He seems full of himself and it makes it hard for me to enjoy him in movies.  She, on the other hand, I actually like so it's been a toss up so far.  One really nice bonus, Jasmine fell asleep as it started so I don't have to answer a million questions.  By the way, isn't it a little early for them to start the What? Why? stuff?  Why is that guy doing that Mommy?  But WHY is he doing it?  There is no way to answer any of her questions in a way that satisfies her curiosity. 

Once again onto my whining about being pregnant.  With Jasmine, my boobs got huge, fast.  It happened so fast that I have tons and tons of tiny stretch marks in the area.  And yet I still don't remember being in as much pain then as I am now.  By my third month with her, I had went up two cup sizes.  This time I'm almost up one cup.  (I'm a fricking 34DD, yes TWO D's)  I was always that girl with the smaller sized chest that NEVER wanted big boobs or breast implants.  So just tell your little girls to wish for tiny boobs and some day karma will screw them over with very uncomfortable big boobs, instead of paying a buttload for fake ones.  I am never ever without some sort of bra right now, even when I'm asleep.  And I can't find a tight enough sports bra to make myself feel like I'm preventing future... issues with these monsters.  I'm thinking of picking up a 32 and seeing if that helps.  OK, enough for what most of you probably find to be TMI.  And a quick note, if there's any guys out there who haven't had kids (or even if you have and are thinking of having another) when/if you do, shut the hell up.  Your significant other is going to be a bitch like you've never seen, like you could never imagine.  It is your job as the supportive one to just deal with it and say you're sorry, even if she's just mad at the world for breathing too much of her air.  Otherwise, you may go to sleep one night and not wake up the next morning.  Just a thought.  ;) 

Trading

In approximately 12 hours, I will be trading fosters.  I currently have Doodle and will be getting an aussie/shepherd mix.  (at least that's what they claim he is... I never believe there's any aussie in a dog till I see for myself, usually ends up being cattle dog mix)  They are concerned that the dog will escape the current foster homes fencing so they'll be taking Doodle.  I typically use Shawn as the excuse as to why I won't do more than one foster at a time (they wanted me to take both of them) but here lately, I haven't wanted more than one either.  It's a huge strain, that extra dog.  I'll also be dropping off my kittens at the same foster home so she can take them to be spayed/neutered the next morning.  Everyone looks good in the group, except for Jesse who suddenly has an icky eye.  I hope he'll still be able to have the surgery. 

A family blog plug

I thought I'd take a moment to plug my aunt's new blog.  You really can gauge their craziness based on anything on there.  ;)  Honestly, I don't think I've ever been around my aunt Jerri and uncle Perry without laughing till I'm near pants peeing.  They're both professional photographers and looking at their blog makes me jealous every day.  You'd think with that much talent in my blood, I'd be a little better with my own camera.  If you live in the Indianapolis area and are ever in need of a fantastic photographer for you special occasion, they're the ones to call.  They really treat you and your needs like their own.  And they're great to have at a party!  Ok, I'm done boosting my aunt's ego for the moment, just check the link.  http://wayneimagesblog.blogspot.com/

Dana Carvey

Ok, I'm not Dana Carvey's biggest fan by any means.  Most of the time I find him down right annoying but he does a hilarious impression of Andy Rooney.  (who I absolutely cannot stand)  It made my night.

Oh Hell

I am so exhausted.  The last few days have felt like I'm trying to walk through water.  It's difficult to do even the simplest tasks.  I was going to blog earlier but the idea of pulling out the laptop and typing on it was draining.  I know it sounds ridiculous but it's a fairly normal thing with pregnancy. 

I had to run to petsmart today to get dog food for Doodle.  I heard the warnings on the radio before I got there and knew the storm was supposed to be heading my way but I thought there was a chance that I could get out before it hit.  I had been in waiting to get the food (I don't buy my own for my fosters, it's paid for by the organization) and I was headed back to the cat area when I heard a strange noise.  It sounded like a single rock hit the ceiling and within a split second there was hundreds upon hundreds of rocks.  It was hailing.  Everyone headed to the front of the store to see how bad it was.  The trees in the parking lot were laying almost on the ground from the winds.  The hail was from the size of a quarter to the size of a tennis ball.  And everyone was thinking the same thing.  Oh god, my car.  Once the hailing stopped, many people went out to look even though it was pouring.  I stayed inside and waited on my food.  Eventually I got suckered into helping clean the cat area since no one else was going to bother helping one of the girls.  It wasn't easy considering I had Jasmine with me and you have to spray the insides of the cages, tops, bottoms, sides and the bars.  Everything has to be thoroughly cleaned for the next group who will be using the area.  Finally, we finished and by then the rain had long ago ended.  I held my breath as I walked out to my car.  I knew some in the parking lot had lost their windshields to this storm.  My god.  There are huge craters in my hood, roof and the back of my car.  There are even dents on the sides of the car.  It's pretty bad.  My insurance will be getting the call tomorrow.  *sigh*  Its the third claim on this car in as many months.  First one was for a broken windshield from a rock another car kicked up, second one was from a crater of a potholeand now this.  Say hello higher premium.  No way am I leaving my car in this state though.  It needs paint it's so badly damaged.  I'm sure the hood is a total loss and will need to be completely replaced.  I'm just glad I wasn't driving in it.  I would've just stopped and not moved.  It would've been impossible to safely drive a car in that storm.  Once again, I will be with rental car for a while.  I just hope they don't try and stick me with a tin can.  The only reason we got the SUV the last time was because husband said no way we could drive that thing they were offering.  It's just one thing after another. 

One check

We finally ripped out the shower door today.  (well Shawn ripped out)  I was able to take a shower without stepping in a puddle of water on the bathroom floor tonight.  Check on thing off our list of a thousand that needs to be done to this house.  Next for the bathroom, take out the now rotted paneling and replace with new paneling.  (no way am I putting dry wall in during this market)  At least it's something done.

I haven't been sleeping well much.  I get restless leg syndrome when I'm pregnant and there's nothing you can take to make it go away.  I toss and turn all night.  During the day, my legs hurt as if I'd been in a marathon the day before.  This I believe to be caused by some of the ways I lay in order to not feel so much of the RLS.  The only way I've found to feel better is to put my legs in the most uncomfortable position that I can stand.  Some how, that makes it not seem so bad.  I don't usually look forward to going to bed each night either way. 

I'm going to try and go get my hair cut tomorrow.  My hair was cut really short and now it's starting to look like I'm trying to grow a girl mullet.  I'm just going to ask them to cut it all off again for now.  We're supposed to go for a walk with the dogs down by the river tomorrow as well.  It just depends on everyone's mood.  I really need to get up to Petsmart tomorrow evening to get some dog food for Doodle.  I've been out for a week now. 

Maybe I'm the One, Maybe I'm the One

I've had a hell of a day today.  It's one of those days that you have to wonder if the world isn't just one big idiot growing gene pool.  I got to stand in a long line at Walmart (though it didn't bother me, I was in no hurry and KNEW it would be busy that time of day) and listen to several overweight women moan about how their weren't enough lines open.  (while listening, I counted 15 lines open)  One of the ladies was in the complimentary motorized chair they have and I kept wondering why are you bitching when all you have to do to go anywhere is move you thumb and inch one way or another?  These women got to the point where they were YELLING to customer service that more lines needed to be open, while they were still in line.  Doesn't anyone feel humiliation anymore?  Yes, there were Walmart employees who WERE NOT tending to a line... they had JUST gotten off work but you didn't stop to think that.  And besides, it's frickin' Walmart, how much service do you really expect?  I had been to several stores looking for my ice cream bars but I hadn't found them yet.  If I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't have continued driving around but you know I did.  I eventually found them at Meijer (a store that is so far only in IN, KY, OH, MI and IL but is similar to Walmart only better service and more normal priced items) and just about did a happy dance.  They were hidden behind some other bars so initially I thought they were out to.  Once I realized they had some though, I scooped them all into my cart.  Ha, take that, all mine.  I won't have to drive around for them for another two days.  *kidding!*  While there I wanted to try on some maternity shorts I had seen a few days earlier and of course, picked up a few more items to try on since I was already going to the fitting room.  Last time I tried something on there, you could just walk in but apparently things have changed since then.  I stood next to the fitting rooms, and watched the woman who was obviously working that are, talk on the phone which became apparent was a personal call.  She looked right at me and continued on with her phone call.  Ok, maybe she thinks I'm waiting for someone.  I eventually follow her and interrupt her conversation about her shoulder pain to ask if I need someone to open the doors for me.  My mouth dropped when she said to the person on the phone 'Ugh, I have to GO.'  She went and opened the door for me all the while complaining that if I wasn't out of the fitting rooms by 10:30 that she would have to stand and wait for me to finish.  Uh, lady it's like 9 o'clock, if it takes me an hour and a half to try on two dresses, a shirt and a pair of shorts then I shouldn't be allowed to breed.  And I'm also told to come find her afterwards so that she can lock the doors back up.  If she hadn't been super nice when I went to find her and tell her we were done, I would've went and filed a complaint with customer service.  I try to give people the benefit of the doubt (I know hard to believe coming from ME) and just assume that maybe they're having a really bad day or something is going on in their personal life, etc and let it go.  I ended up buying the shorts (which were WAY cheaper than anything I could've bought at Motherhood Maternity) and tomorrow I'm going to go back and get two of the summer dresses.  They aren't maternity but they're a good enough size that I think they'll be fine and they're made of really lightweight material.  I figure by August, I won't want to be bothered with much in the way of clothes and at least dresses have their own air conditioning.  (look mom, no seams!) 

I found something I can eat that won't make me sick.  (besides the ice cream bars) *sigh* It's canned spaghetti.  Yes, the stuff kids eat that doesn't taste anything like spaghetti.  At this point, I'm willing to try just about anything.  Most nights after dinner I spend at least an hour laying on the couch whining and whimpering.  It's been awful.  I've been making my favorite comfort foods all week for dinner and they haven't brought me much in the way of comfort.  And of course, the things I crave and want the most are things that are fried, greasy and spicy.  (mmm... ugly sticks... ok for those of you not from around here, they're fried bread sticks that come with nacho cheese sauce and they are fantastic little artery clogging pieces of heaven from a bar down the road from my mom's)  I can also drink frozen cokes but that has drawbacks too.  Turns out that since I've had almost no caffeine since I got pregnant, that now even a coke sets me off into a whirlwind of jabbering craziness that usually is only invoked by good ole caffeine rich coffee. 

I have so many little stories from today that I'm not going to post anymore... ok one more.  I walk into the gas station to get me and Jasmine a frozen coke.  There were half a dozen fourteen year old boys getting some too as I walked in.  The basic gist I got from their conversation as I walked into another isle was something along the lines of 'look at those boobies.' (speaking of *sigh* me... stupid pregnant boobs) And another said they're even better than such-n-such's mom's boobs.  I don't think they realized I was in the isle right behind them or else they just didn't care.  I waited for them to filter out till I went to get me and Jasmine's drink.  I didn't feel like being oggled.  I fill up my drink and put a regular lid on because they were out of the frozen coke lids for a 44oz.  One of the boys has the nerve to come up to me and treat me as if I'm stupid, telling me that I used the wrong lid.  Not a good idea little boy.  My answer 'Well, smartguy, they're all out of those lids so I guess a smart person would use the other ones.'  He waited outside for his friends after that.  And can you believe that I actually felt badly for being so snippy with him later.  I began telling myself that it's not easy being that age and he probably felt like an idiot and I don't know that he was one of the boys talking about my tah-tah's.  What the hell is wrong with me?

Earlier, as me and Jasmine pulled into Walmart, the song Stairway to Heaven came on.  You can never tell when she's paying attention to the radio or not.  One of the first songs she learned to recognize was a Beastie Boys song, 'Fight for your Right to Party.'  A more recent one (and I honestly had NOTHING to do with teaching it to her, it must have something to do with the fact that I turn it up when it comes on) is a song by Puddle of Mudd called Psycho and she sings the opening lines "Maybe I'm the one, Maybe I'm the one" the following lyrics she's a bite shabby on but they go 'Maybe I'm the one who is the schizophrenic psycho'  She usually leaves out schizophrenic.  So you'd think I wouldn't be surprised when she starts singing stairway to heaven.  But she sang the entire song, a song she's only heard maybe once.  Granted, she let them sing the words first and then she repeated them but she sang the whole effin thing.  I just sat in the parking lot waiting for it to end and then she said 'I like this song.  You like this song?'  It's just too bad I didn't have a camcorder or something on me.  As usual, this blog has went on too long and I need a shower.

Who's YOUR pilot?

I'm driving home today from picking up kitten shots and there's a stoneage old man in a truck.  He's been driving down the center of the two lanes for some time.  Not only that but he's going at least ten under the speed limit.  At one point and time he almost drives into a car that decided to try and get past him.  The entire time he appears to be chit chatting with a passenger, although if there's one there, I can't see them.  Eventually he gets in one lane when I read his bumper sticker and snicker.  God is my Pilot.  I say well then god is a really shitty driver and needs to get his eyes examined, possibly god needs to have his license revoked until further notice.

No way to prevent it evolution of disease

I just finished reading quite a few interesting articles on dogs and heartworm medicines.  Turns out they are finding cases of more and more dogs who are on regular (year round) heartworm medication and still catching heartworm.  One of these documented cases was a veterinarian who was giving his dog two doses each month because he was well aware of the possibility of the medicine not working.  This isn't a select few of the popular heartworm meds out there, it's all of them.  I know they're bringing back the heartworm medication that is given by a shot once every six months but it sounds like it's going to be very strict.  I personally, wouldn't use it as I was around when it was used popularly and witnessed dogs die from this medication.  Many vets think the risk is worth the wonderful coverage that ProHeart-6 provides but I'm not putting one of my dogs at risk.  I personally use a solution that is given once monthly based on the weight of the dog.  It is not something the vets openly use and if it were found out, I would probably be in trouble.  Any mix up with dosages could kill your pet and it is the large reason why I do not disclose what the medication is or how you can obtain it.  Even this is not considered 100% anymore.  I wonder how many people felt cheated by their veterinarians and the manufacturer's of these drugs when their pets still came down with a heartworm infestation?  I was unaware that this was possible until recently and even then I hadn't yet read of documented cases.  How do we keep our pet's safe?  It's so very frustrating.  I try not to leave my dogs out too long after it gets towards dusk when the mosquito's come out in hoards.  Other than that, I have no answers and I don't think the vets do either.

No, drinking, I haven't been officer *hick*

I haven't been expecting my husband home till about 7 every night since he's been working overtime.  I was a little shocked to see him come home at 5 today.  Turns out they'd had a really long day and most of the over timers had decided to cut the day short and head to Dairy Queen.  After only being there a few minutes they noticed two police officers block my husband's car in.  Being as my husband isn't a criminal, they assumed they were just in a hurry.  Both officers came in and the male asked who owned the green car and my husband said he did and wanted to know why.  The officer said that my husband and his friends had been down the road smoking pot and they'd gotten complaints.  Ok, I had to stop myself from laughing at this point because I knew my husband was really pissed but if you knew him, you'd know how unlikely it is that my husband would be smoking pot ANYWHERE.  My husband said you're mistaken because I literally just left work and we came up here to get something cold to eat.  The officer continued to repeat himself over and over saying it was my husband and his friends.  This was done in front of the entire restaurant, which further managed to irritate my husband.  After my husband repeated that the officer was wrong and at one point in time asking if he had a hearing problem, the officer just left as if it never happened.  One of my husband's closet friends' brother is a police officer.  (a higher up police officer)  So of course my husband heads to the friends house to bitch and find out if there's any way to file a formal complaint against the officer in question.  (I don't honestly think he would've done it, he was just pissed at the time)  The brother said he could fill out a complaint but it was unlikely anything would be done.  (honestly, the cop didn't beat him for information or anything, just did what he was supposed to except for once, the person claiming innocence, really was innocent)  They (my husband and his friend) believe that the brother got off the phone with my husband and called the officer.  I felt badly because I was seriously holding back laughing at the thought of my husband just sitting on some road smoking a joint.  (which by the way, my husband doesn't even know where this road is... just causing me to further hold back laughing)  I'm just glad I wasn't the one in the car with my mom or something.  I would've been pissed about it later but when it happened I would've been so flabbergasted that I would've been speechless.  (in other words all those great comebacks would've stayed locked in my brain till it was too late to say them) 

I got Jasmine away from the tv for several hours.  We were outside for a while and then when we came in, I just flat out refused to put on Deigo or Little Bear.  (the two shows she is most obsessed with right now and just slightly less annoying than say Barney)  I'm allowing a small amount of it right now because we're getting ready to head to bed and I need a few minutes to feed the dogs.  The only way I'm going to get that is if she's glued to the tv.  A few months ago, I bought my husband one of those nice 1080i flat screen tvs.  (which I later regretted because I keep thinking of all the things that money could've went to instead of something to watch crap on)  Well, one of the times Jasmine was watching her shows, she managed to get it wet.  It was about an hour later that we found out that flat panel tv screens are NEVER be wet with anything.  The tv looked like hell for a while until we found some Clean Screen and it seems to have taken care of it.  It just goes to show, when you have small children and your wife says 'Hey I really think we should mount that on the wall', you should listen and not say you don't want to spend the extra 50 bucks. 

Food is the enemy right now.  If I get hungry, I feel like I'm going to be sick.  If I eat, I feel like I'm going to be sick.  I literally eat like a wild animal to try and get as much food in my stomach before it starts acting up.  (which isn't usually very much)  The one thing it's tolerating without problems, any kind of ice cream bar.  While I really like ice cream bars, I hear they're pretty high in fat and whatnot.  Plus, the only good thing in them is a tiny bit of calcium. 

And you know the rest

I don't know how some people drive through the city to get to work everyday.  I had to go down town today to drop off some clippers with my director's husband and I wanted to just run my car into half those drivers.  How much brain power does it take to drive?  Seriously? 

I thought I had a cute story about Jasmine but I have since forgotten it.  She got a sandbox on her birthday and when we went outside today to play in it, we found tiny red spiders crawling through the sand.  You wouldn't think something so small could bite hard enough to really hurt but those suckers do.  I killed as many as I found.  Jasmine was pretty oblivious to their existence. 

I'm definitely at the point in my pregnancy where my old clothes are starting to get really tight.  At least in pants and shorts.  I'm thinking of picking up a cheap pair of maternity bermuda's that I saw the other day.  There's no way I can go through the entire summer wearing jeans.  And I have absolutely no energy whatsoever today.  I feel like climbing the steps to the house is like climbing a mountain.  Well, off to get Jasmine back outside.  She seems to think her life is to watch cartoons.  It's not a phase I ever thought she would go through but here we are.

The dark side of the Amish community

I know there are a lot of people out there that look upon the Amish as a kind people.  People who mind their own business and take care of their own.  My view on the Amish is very different than those people.  I have firsthand experience through the rescue's that I've worked at and have seen the abuse that the Amish put their animals through.  My first was an elderly horse.  His hooves were overgrown, he was underweight and had been worked damn near to death.  He lived a year before his body couldn't hold out any longer.  I have firsthand experience at the rescue I currently work at with several sets of young dogs coming in just since I've worked there.  (since January)  It's very difficult for me to keep quiet when people talk about what great people the Amish are.  Are there some out there that are good?  I'm sure there are but I, personally, have not met them.  I leave you with a very graphic video of an Amish farm that is here in Indiana.  (we have an overabundance of them)  It seems that Pennsylvania has a real problem with Amish puppy mills as well as here in Indiana.  A great deal of the research I've done, has led me to Lancaster County in Pennsylvania. 

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And then I'll leave you with...

I was supposed to pick up my foster dogs from the event.  I overslept.  And I felt like an asshole.  I really thought my director was pissed but when I got up to her house, she seemed ok.  We stayed for a while and Jasmine got a close up look at baby turkeys (by the way mom, that's apparently what I was holding the other day), baby chickens and a hen who was brooding.  She also helped pick strawberries and checked on the foster puppies.  She loves going to their house.  They have a lot of acreage and loads of stuff for her to explore.  I left Monty with them and just brought Doodle home.  She was far more behaved than when I took her up there.  I think she was tired out from the long day of looking cute.  A lot of people stopped to look at her and talk about her but no one put in an application.  No apps on Monty either although I hear there's a man that's extremely interested in him and may go back tomorrow. 

After dropping Doodle off at the house, we took Jasmine to the movie theatre, part of her birthday treat.  She had been wanting to see Kung Fu Panda since we saw previews for it months ago.  She liked it but apparently thought we were going to see Evan Almighty.  She asked if there were tigers and I said yes but she meant a different tiger movie.  (there are tigers in Evan Almighty for all of fifteen seconds but she calls it tiger bite)  We pretty much had dinner at the theatre.  Nachos, pretzels, popcorn and hi-c, a healthy dinner indeed.  *wink*  It didn't matter to me what we ate since I can only handle small amounts of food at a time.  I had eaten a ton of popcorn before we even left the register.  I normally am not a popcorn fan but it's pretty good at the movies.  Kung Fu Panda was cute for a kids movie.  Not quite as adult as say Shrek but still fairly enjoyable for the parents.  And if you're male, you'll apparently love it as my husband continued to quote lines from it for the next two hours. 

After changing (me and Jasmine both had red hi-c all over us... the lid wasn't on properly), we went to the store to "pick" out Jasmine's birthday present.  Basically, we went there so I could show husband which things I wanted him to pick up in the morning.  She's getting the turtle sandbox and some sandbox-ish toys.  Thankfully, she's too young to realize that this birthday, we happen to be broke.  I got her cake started once we got home.  I didn't make one last year because I had such a disaster on her first birthday.  The cake didn't come out of the pan right and then somehow I ran out of frosting and had to run to Walmart at like two in the morning.  It sucked and I didn't want a repeat.  I also don't want her to be one of those kids whose mom always takes the easy way out on their birthday either.  (although I came very close to getting her an ice cream cake from Ritters just because I thought they were neat and perfect for her summer birthday) She wanted an orange cake but considering her frosting was chocolate, I didn't see it working out in her favor.  Instead I bought some frosting in a can and I'm going to attempt to put some decorations on and around the cake, although I really am not good with the cans.  It's just a big, huge pain in the butt to make your own frosting and then it usually takes me three batches to get it right and not gross clumpy.  (you use confectioners sugar and when it gets wet, it clumps so you have to mix it in painfully slowly)  At any rate, I allowed the cakes to cool while we took a shower and then for a while longer after we were out.  They were a little stuck so instead of forcing them out, I used a butter knife to slowly ease the sides out.  They came out PERFECT.  I've been making cakes for a long time and never have I had both sides come out without a chunk coming off.  I even did a happy dance!  Of course, Jasmine kept popping her head in the kitchen because she wanted the candies that were meant for the cake.  Yes, I gave in and she got a few but had she not, the cake would've been overloaded with junk.  We'll have a little morning thing for her at our house so she can play in her sandbox, then we'll head to my mom's with the cake.  My MIL has called three times asking if we're having anything for her birthday and our answer has been no every time.  (not that she can call us crappy parents, she is a Jehovah... my husband NEVER got a Christmas till he got with me and now he's hooked... haha)  Besides, the only reason she seems to want to come over is to eat cake.  I mean, Jehovah's aren't even supposed to attend birthday parties, correct?  She was there for Jasmine's first birthday and didn't sing happy birthday, (against her religion and all) but instead talked to Jasmine the ENTIRE song.  So I have a video of Jasmine getting happy birthday sung to her, all the while with my MIL's very loud, high pitched voice in the background.  (she's basically completely deaf and has no idea when her voice reaches ridiculous loud tones and no matter how many times you tell her, it makes no difference)  So forgive me if I'm relieved not to have my MIL around for her birthday for once.  Geez, the stories I could tell about my MIL.  My "favorite" one would have to be the day I gave birth to Jasmine.  We told her she could come up to the hospital and wait who knows how many hours till I gave birth but was absolutely NEVER allowed in my labor/delivery room.  (I was so adamant about it that I was going to tell my nurse not to allow her in if she showed up, the last thing I wanted while being in labor was to be pissed at her) She tells my husband that she's sick.  (throw me a party!!!!  If I wasn't paralyzed I would've jumped for joy!) After Jasmine was born, it was pretty touch and go for me.  I came very close to losing my own life.  I don't remember holding my daughter for the first time.  I passed out and didn't wake up again till seven hours later, where the first thing I saw was my MIL holding a baby I didn't remember holding.  I was immediately livid and told them both to get out and leave the baby.  (they couldn't take her out anyways, an alarm would've sounded)  My nurse then explained how worried they were about me (the doctors and particularly the nurses who were caring for me all day) and that I had a really bad infection.  (which I would later find out was the reason I looked like I had my face beaten in the night before... I looked like death warmed over)  So, somehow my husband gets her to leave.  I'm thinking it's over and I won't have to deal with it the rest of the time I'm in the hospital.  (which if up to the doctors would've been at LEAST a day longer than what I stayed... I begged and pleaded to leave and they gave in)  The next morning, I was moved to an entirely different floor so then I think, even if she calls, I won't be in that room and she'll be SOL.  No, she shows back up at the hospital, manages to find my room and then WHINES the entire time because my husband wouldn't go get Jasmine out of the nursery.  And the entire time, she would continue to ask me if I was feeling depressed.  I was so pissed because I'm thinking who gives a crap if I feel depressed, I almost DIED the night before.  Again, my husband escorted her out as nicely as possible.  My mom was very uncomfortable during the whole ordeal because I had very nice things to say under my breath.  My saving grace was that at the time, I still lived at home and my MIL couldn't drop by willy nilly.  One thing I've been shocked about since we've had our own house, I don't think my MIL has dropped by once without notice.  I was like wow the woman does know boundaries, holy crap.  I try my best to think about the nice things that she does.  But when she does these other things so often, it's hard to remember those things.  At the very least, she's the reason I have my husband. 

Now that this blog has went on and on and on... I leave you with pictures of Fred.  Fred is my blue lobster.  I originally didn't not think him to be a blue but now I see that he's probably a mix of blue and red.  He has electric blue pinchers and a red back.  Most blues are all blue, back and everything.  He sheds his exoskeleton as he grows.  Which scared the hell out of me the first time because I though it was HIM, dead.  He's a little mean with those pinchers and seems to take joy out of finding a resting aquarium mate and pinching them.  My red tailed shark has three lines in his side from being pinched.  Aside from Fred, my favorite animal in that tank is my shark so I was none to pleased to see him looking all butchered up. 

Fred is about three inches long, although it's hard to tell with pictures.

You can really see the blue in his pinchers in this one and even some of the red on his back.

And here is Fred doing what he does best and most of his waking hours, moving rocks from one place to another.  His rock placement to me, has no rhyme or reason but he continues on with his mission.

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And puppy dog tails

Husband comes home tonight with his tail tucked.  I just don't understand why he can't act like he feels bad at the time instead of acting like a... MAN.  (sorry guys *wink*)  I'm not sure if his friend said something to him or if he realized on his own.  (I make his friend cookies so I can do no wrong in his eyes.. haha)  He says he's going to stay home the rest of this weekend now.  (he was going fishing tomorrow morning)  It doesn't do much for me though because I can see it going back to the same thing in a couple of weeks. 

Last night was a long one.  For starters, I was having trouble falling to sleep worrying about what the doctor was going to say when I would see him.  And then to make matters worse, once I finally fell asleep, Jasmine would wake up screaming every few hours that her tummy hurt and that she was going to throw up.  She didn't actually achieve her goal till she was actually awake for the day and then she did it while I was on the phone with the OB's office.  (she never took her eyes off the tv... just turned her head to the side and went right back to her show!)  The second time was in the OB's waiting room.  That's always embarrassing.  Plus, she managed to get most of it on ME since she was sitting on my lap.  The rest of the afternoon she complained that her tummy hurt but didn't have any more incidents.  I dropped the foster dogs off at my director's house for the night.  We have an adoption event in the morning and she's going to take them for me and I'll pick them up in the afternoon.  While we were there Jasmine got to see a baby chicken.  She wanted to get out of the car and see them all but we were in a hurry.  I hope to have no fosters tomorrow.  *fingers crossed*  I know there's a few people going to look at Doodle and Monty is a little fru-fru dog so people will want to look at him.  I don't think I'll have Monty back anyways because I told my director that the dog annoys the crap out of me.  (just making conversation, not trying to get out of my foster duties)  She said we could switch fosters and I would take a border collie mix instead of Monty.  If I have any luck at all, he'll be adopted too.  I know I'm being awful.  :-O 

Seeing Red

You know, once and a while it would be nice if I didn't have to always be the responsible parent.  I am so sick and tired of my husband having something better to do than be here.  At the moment he's too busy to come home because HIS friend's boat needs to be worked on.  You know, I don't give two craps if his house is on fire right this very moment.  It would be nice if we were a priority once and a while.  My daughter's birthday is on Tuesday and my husband hasn't been home enough for us to even discuss what we're getting her or when we're giving it to her.  So forgive me if I thought maybe you should come home for once so we could go get something for her.  But then he's not the one that has to wrap everything at the last minute as well and make her a cake.  Quite frankly, the only damn thing he does is go to work.  There's more to being a father and a husband than a paycheck.  For the longest time, I didn't even say anything to him because it was like, no matter what I say, he's just going to do it again so why waste my breath?  But I've had it.  After a while, you can only hold things in so long before you lose it and I'm at that point.  This is I don't even know how many weekends in a row that he's spent with his friends instead of at home.  Oh, he was home last weekend but the entire time he seemed like it was an inconvenience to him.  So, I will be going to get her stuff by myself as usual.  I will choose her cake and presents by myself, as usual. 

For whatever reason, I am unable to post anything new to my blog. (There's not even a button where I can do it!) Just a quick update, I had an emergency ultrasound and OB appointment today. Everything is normal with the baby. I do have a cycst in one of my ovaries which could be causing me some pain. Otherwise they think the pain I'm having is just normal. I am exactly 8 weeks and 5 days.

Sad, worried, there's no way to put all my moods into one category

Thursday I broke down and decided to call my OB's office to see if I should come in for an earlier appointment.  I have been having pain for at least a week now on my lower left side.  I've been hoping it's just from the vein that is messed up in that area.  And I think I've been going with a what-you-don't-know-won't-hurt-you philosophy subconsciously.  My fear, as it's been from the beginning of this pregnancy, is that it's an ectopic pregnancy.  For those of you that don't know, that would mean that the embryo attached itself inside of one of the fallopian tubes.  It would also mean I would be forced to terminate the pregnancy.  I hate the idea of that.  I know it's not abortion but it still doesn't make it feel any better. (not that I'm wholly against abortion but I am when it comes to ME)  If I didn't have surgery to remove the embryo, we would both die as eventually, the tube would burst and I would bleed to death.  There's that little part of me that thinks women are told things like that a lot during pregnancy and yet you see them go through with it and let whatever happens happens and they both end up living.  It's always been a big fear of mine when it came to getting pregnant.  It would be an awful decision to make.  My husband and well, really no one, was completely aware that I was having any issues as far as pain.  I would just say owe occasionally when I coughed or laughed too hard.  I think my husband took it as normal pregnancy stuff.  I actually spoke with one of the on call doctors at my OB's office and he is concerned.  I have to call back during normal business hours tomorrow to make my appointment with my normal OB-GYN.  If he feels there's anything suspicious or to be concerned about, he'll order an ultrasound.  I just hope they schedule me quickly as this isn't something I really want to sit around and worry about.  If this turns out to be ectopic, I will be a little upset with my regular md.  Apparently dizziness is one of the bigger symptoms of an ectopic.  And he seemed to think I was overreacting when I was in there last time.  One thing is certain, I should be able to hear the heartbeat at the appointment.  It's disconcerting to realize it may be the only time I hear it. 

Usual whining from a pregnant woman

These last few weeks I have felt like a coiled rattle snake that everyone wants to poke with a stick.  I don't want to be the rattle snake, honestly but with these damn hormones... 

I don't know how much higher my blood pressure could've gotten today.  First thing today, I see that my MIL has called from her work.  It's never a good thing when she calls during the day.  It ALWAYS means she wants something.  I checked the machine but there was no message.  (not that I would've been the one to call her back... I don't deal with my husband's certifiably insane mother)  I go to my mom's and complain about how I know that she's called my husband's cell wanting something.  I talked to my husband and he tells me that she called wanting him to LEAVE work and take OUR car to her because her's won't start.  She knew this was coming for MONTHS.  Her car hasn't been starting on and off.  Do you think she even attempted to save anything to take care of it herself?  Yeah right.  This woman thinks the world owes her because she had a shitty life and an ex-husband that beat the shit out of her.  I don't owe her anything, notta, nil.  My husband says he went and picked up her prescriptions and that was the end of it.  I'm thinking I can go home without blowing a gasket.  I get there and think I see my husband pulling out of the driveway so instead of stopping at the front door, like I normally do, I drive up to the garage to see where he's going.  No, it's my MIL, driving my husband's car.  Ok, blood pressure is rising.  She's acting like I should be happy to see her and says that her car is messed up again.  (in a way that says I should say awww you poor pathetic thing)  I nod but say nothing, hoping she'll just leave but I know since I have Jasmine, that's not going to happen.  She says, I was going to just say hi to her.  I'm like fine whatever, then maybe she'll go before I kill her.  I go to get Jasmine and Tarin (I took one of my aussie's with me to my mom's house) and she shuts off the engine to our car.  Shit, that means she's thinking she's staying for a while.  (not happening because I was on my way to tell husband to make his mother go... now)  Husband comes outside and goes to bring Tarin into the backyard when that little piece of crap foster dog, Monty runs through the gate... and doesn't stop running.  All these things go through my head, he's going to get hit, I'm going to have to explain what happened to the board of directors.  I take off running down my (fairly long) driveway screaming his name and no, no, no, like a crazy person.  I almost caught up to him when he hit the street but being that I'm human and know that cars make you go splat, I stopped to look.  A car was coming but they slowed way down when they saw the dog.  Monty gets into the neighbors yard across the street and starts sniffing things so I figure maybe he'll chill out and I can catch him but as soon as I get across the street he starts to take off again.  That is until he noticed how close I was, then he rolled on his back and tucked his tail.  He got carried very NOT nicely back up the driveway, me cursing the entire time.  So now I'm in a really bad mood.  Shawn takes Jasmine away from his mom and tells Jas that she's leaving and his mom is like oh, okay.  After I'm in the house for a while I hear the whole story.  She has rent due... days ago and didn't bother to go out and pay it then so now she has no car and has to pay her rent.  She also has a bill due that was due days ago but again, too lazy to go out and do it.  I have no idea why my husband loaned the car to him.  We have bailed her out so many times that I could buy myself a new car with all the money we've GIVEN her (because even if she says she'll pay us back, you might as well kiss it goodbye because it doesn't happen), gas wasted taking her from here to there, arguments that me and my husband have had over her.  (he's a sick of her as I am but I get pissed when he gives into her and then bitches to me about it)  I have never said a negative word to my MIL's face but had she been here tonight after I heard everything, she would've left crying.  I am just so fed up with putting everything on hold for whatever she needs.  She only calls when she wants/needs something from us.  She's in her fifties for christ sake when does she become the parent?  I have no sympathy for people who put themselves in the situations their in because of plain laziness.  I knew this would happen eventually.  That old Toyota wouldn't last forever.  I've asked my husband for years what is going to happen when that car dies.  His response has always been basically I don't know and she's shit out of luck.  She has no idea that I'm pregnant and won't know for at the very least several more months unless my husband says it to her in a nasty way.  (he doesn't want her to know, I couldn't care less)  I know I say very little about her, ever, mainly because I was always concerned that she'd find my blog and then be hurt and as much as I can't stand this woman, I am not someone who goes out and purposely hurts people. (if I was this blog would be a whole lot longer and then I'd email it to her for effect)  I'm just almost to that point of not caring anymore whether she knows or not.  It won't make a difference.  I've heard the phone conversations between my husband and her and no matter what he's ever said to her, she calls again two weeks later asking again for something.  *sigh*  I was hoping writing about it would make me feel better but alas, I was wrong.

I think I've actually been losing weight the last few weeks.  I'm having such a hard time eating much of anything that it's a wonder I haven't gotten sick from it.  Tonight for dinner I was able to choke down one whole hotdog before I started feeling like it should just come right back up.  I forced another one down as I knew I wouldn't be eating again for a while.  That was the extent of what I've eaten today, no wait, that's a lie, I had a small bowl of ice cream later on.  I always feel hungry but eating is so painful that I'd rather deal with the hunger pains for as long as possible.  I'll make up for it when I stop feeling like death. 

I keep forgetting to update on the kittens.  They made a huge turn after just one night of medication.  I gave them medicine the first night and then went to bed.  I honestly wasn't sure if the little white one would be alive in the morning.  She could hardly breathe at all with the gunk in her nose.  When I went in to check on them, she had no gunk, no nothing.  Everyone will continue getting their medicine for a while longer and then they can be fixed and sent on their way. 

Just when you thought you knew me

I've been noticing trend lately among animal based message boards and forums.  If you go on these forums and profess you love for animals of all shapes and kinds, promise to protect them when you can, save who you can and love them unconditionally, you get criticized for it.  People say that there are more important things in the world than some homeless animal, like starving children in Ethiopia.  Some of these people seem to assume that because we defend the helpless and the voiceless, that we are completely callous to human suffering.  What they're really missing, most people who are protective of animals, are just as protective over those humans that are helpless.  (children in particular)  And typically, these same people who are calling us out on our callousness, do nothing to help the causes that they are preaching.  I cannot tell you how many times I have cried at the thought of starving children around the world.  Or of the children that are forced into organized slavery from the time they can coordinate hand movements.  I cry for those who become homeless and cannot find a way to get their heads above water again.  I think those that feel animal suffering so very deeply, feel all living things suffering the same way.  I can do something about homeless animals, it's within my reach.  I cannot stop the starving children in Africa.  I cannot change their government.  If I had to choose between saving those animals and feeding those children, believe it or not, I would choose the children.  But this is within my grasp.  I can do it and then see the results.  If I send money to some organization that claims to feed starving children, I have no way of knowing that any money or food ever reached those kids.  I don't want to line the pockets of rich men.  I guess I'm just trying to say, if you're out there reading this and you have ever had the feelings about an animal lover that some of these people appear to have had, stop and think where are deep love and appreciation for living things comes from.  It doesn't matter to us if it's a cat, human or a hedgehog, we love them all.

Du-Dum... Du-Dum... oh wait that's Jaws not Jurasic park

My husband has been working 13 hour days recently and it's really starting to aggravate me.  (volunteered overtime)  Not because I need help with Jasmine or that I'm pregnant or even that I miss him so much that I can't stand to be away from him for a few extra hours.  No, it's because, damnit I'm hungry.  If I wait for him to have dinner, I'll be waiting till at least 7pm.  My tummy just can't go that long.  And then if I have dinner without him, I have to make something just for me and Jas which isn't an easy task.  It would also be meatless because I don't handle meat.  That's left up to my husband.  I could always go out and get something to eat but then I feel guilty because after working 13 hours, my husband has to fend for himself completely.  Plus, it kind of sucks going out on your own.  (although I've done it on several occasions)  On top of everything, we haven't went to the grocery store yet this week so anything I make, I have to go out and buy first.  Sheesh, what kind of life is that?  I have to go OUT and get the food then MAKE the food?  (for those who can't hear that, it's sarcasm)  I'm currently eating a rare delicacy in my house.  A grilled cheese.  Oh yes, laugh if you must but it is a rare day that we have cheese, bread and butter in the house all at the same time.  Usually because we don't buy much bread.  It somehow makes the grilled cheese less of a kids food and more of a nice snack.  Although, in order to eat an entire one on my own, I have to do it when the kid is asleep.  (yes even if I make her one first... I have an electric stove so by the time I'm done cooking MINE, she's already eaten hers)  Another thing that's annoying me lately, I can only eat in small amounts.  It's as if suddenly two or three slices of pizza is a huge amount.  (this coming from a girl that can normally easily eat an entire pizza all on her own)  I made lasagne (one of my favorite foods) at my mom's last week and was only able to have one piece.  It did not make for a happy preggasaurus rex.  (a nickname husband gave me with the last pregnancy, this one has been shortened as well to P. Rex) 

There has been a strange noise coming from the basement since yesterday in the early morning.  It's kind of like a whirling sound.  I hate the basement and avoid it at all costs.  A part of me was waiting to see how long it would not only take husband to notice the sound but then to go forth and find out what was making it.  However, it is driving me absolutely bat shit so I think I'll have to alert him to it when he gets home tonight.  I think it has something to do with the A/C.  The last time there was a noise downstairs (and I had to bitch, piss, whine and moan to get husband to check it out) there was a TON of water gushing out of one of our pipes.  I wanted to act like a child, sticking my finger in his face saying I told you so, told you so, told you so.  ;)  I restrained myself.  Well I'm going to eat my second grilled cheese and try to get to sleep.  The restless leg syndrome has kicked in early with this pregnancy... go figure.

You gonna do somethin'? Or are you just gonna stand there and bleed?

Taking Jasmine to the zoo tomorrow.  It only takes about an hour to get through all together so I'd like to take the dogs (two or three of them, not all seven!) down to the river for a walk.  We'll see how it goes though.  Always depends on how I'm feeling and how high everyone's emotions are running by that point and time.  It'll be pretty warm out so I'll have to find something comfortable and light to wear for both me and Jasmine.  It's been difficult as I already have a little swelling in my abdomen.  Happens faster the second time around.  I would just like it to be one way or the other.  For those who haven't had kids (or the few men out there), you go through a frustrating time during pregnancy where none of your pre-pregnancy stuff fits but neither does the maternity wear.  I thought the new maternity jeans I bought would be wearable from beginning to end but they're still falling off me.  Part of me wanted to buy a smaller size (I had already had a size small!) but I didn't want to fit into something now and then not when I'm huge.  Damned if you do, damned if you don't.  I suppose I'll finish watching Tombstone and go to sleep.  (I'm going through a western phase apparently)

By they way, the title to this blog is my favorite quote of Tombstone spoken by Wyatt Earp.