Sad, worried, there's no way to put all my moods into one category

Thursday I broke down and decided to call my OB's office to see if I should come in for an earlier appointment.  I have been having pain for at least a week now on my lower left side.  I've been hoping it's just from the vein that is messed up in that area.  And I think I've been going with a what-you-don't-know-won't-hurt-you philosophy subconsciously.  My fear, as it's been from the beginning of this pregnancy, is that it's an ectopic pregnancy.  For those of you that don't know, that would mean that the embryo attached itself inside of one of the fallopian tubes.  It would also mean I would be forced to terminate the pregnancy.  I hate the idea of that.  I know it's not abortion but it still doesn't make it feel any better. (not that I'm wholly against abortion but I am when it comes to ME)  If I didn't have surgery to remove the embryo, we would both die as eventually, the tube would burst and I would bleed to death.  There's that little part of me that thinks women are told things like that a lot during pregnancy and yet you see them go through with it and let whatever happens happens and they both end up living.  It's always been a big fear of mine when it came to getting pregnant.  It would be an awful decision to make.  My husband and well, really no one, was completely aware that I was having any issues as far as pain.  I would just say owe occasionally when I coughed or laughed too hard.  I think my husband took it as normal pregnancy stuff.  I actually spoke with one of the on call doctors at my OB's office and he is concerned.  I have to call back during normal business hours tomorrow to make my appointment with my normal OB-GYN.  If he feels there's anything suspicious or to be concerned about, he'll order an ultrasound.  I just hope they schedule me quickly as this isn't something I really want to sit around and worry about.  If this turns out to be ectopic, I will be a little upset with my regular md.  Apparently dizziness is one of the bigger symptoms of an ectopic.  And he seemed to think I was overreacting when I was in there last time.  One thing is certain, I should be able to hear the heartbeat at the appointment.  It's disconcerting to realize it may be the only time I hear it.