Jeepers Creepier

Went to work today. There was a new dog and goat. The dog is a little on the obnoxious side. She barks alot. That usually goes away after they get over the shelter shock. I didn't get a chance to see the goat though. I was inside helping cut away all the hair on this angora bunny we got in, Cadbury. Poor baby was just one big mat of fur. There were plenty of bald spots on his body from the hair being pulled out from all the pressure. Which is the exact reason the people got rid of him, they didn't want to groom him.

Apparently we have new volunteers. I met them last week but was hoping it was a one time deal. I conside myself a good judge of character. Usually upon first meeting a person, I can tell whether this is a person I want to deal with or not... these people are not people I want to deal with. I hope like hell they only stick around for a few months at most. The people are VERY trashy and just give me the creeps. It's not that they're poor that makes them trashy, it's something else that I can't explain, I just feel. And one of my biggest pet peeves, is improper english. Now, I don't speak perfect english but I also don't talk like a hick either. I just don't trust either one of them. Especially, the man. He just plain makes me uncomfortable. I don't ever want to be left alone with him. He's in the process of taking anger management classes for only god knows what. I wish I could tell you what it is about these people but I just can't, it's just a feeling.

PO'd, all over my bed

Nothing much new. Going to work tomorrow, hopefully. Got some car problems and such so it's not for sure until I actually get there. The other day, one of the cats was mad at me or something and peed all over my side of the bed. Now I'm very leary about leaving my bed at all. I haven't allowed certain cats to be in the room alone unless I'm there with them. We have two males that are just reaching puberty age or around there and my guess is, it's one of the two. Fixing them usually does the trick but due to not knowing the exact age of the two, we wanted to make sure they were six months before we took them in. I attempted to file Ellie's nails today. I got to the third one and she started screaming like I was killing her so I'm going to start back at them tomorrow. Don't want to do too much to her in one day or she'll never let me touch her feet again. Well, I'm going to bed. It's been a neverending day. I didn't even get up that early, 10am and yet the day seemed to just go on and on.

The Trip

Well, we got back Saturday night around 10pm. I was too beat to write about it then or Sunday.  It was a decent drive, 5 hours. Didn't have much trouble with the directions though, thank god. We immediately went to the Equine Affair. I had no idea it would be so huge. We went to the breed pavilion and petted some of the horses but then had to damn near run to a seminar with John Lyons. I swear, I tried to be interested in what that man was saying but it was sooooo boring. It wasn't his fault, it was just a boring thing to talk about. How to make your horse stop. It lasted almost 2 hours. Immediately following that was the fresian breed demonstration. That was cool. They're beautiful horses. Afterwards, we went shopping, and shopping some more. LOL That was great. There was a lot of really cool stuff there that even non-horse people would've enjoyed. At the end of the night we went to the Phizer Fantasia. That was awesome. If you ever get a chance to see that, go. That was really neat to watch. They had so many different breeds and so many things that you just didn't know a horse was even capable of. The next morning we got up early and went straight to the Equine Affair. We looked at the expensive trailors, just so we could be like wow. Then we shopped for a few hours. Went back to the breed pavilion. We left for the Columbus Zoo at about 12:30pm. Another place you should go if you ever get a chance. It's not the best zoo I've been to but it had a lot of the animals that you wouldn't normally see at the other zoo's. It made the animal rescuer in me happy too. All the animals had the largest enclosures that I'd ever seen. I was glad to know they were fairly happy. A part of me doesn't like zoo's because I feel those animals should be free unless they otherwise can't survive in the wild, but it's unlikely that zoo's will ever change much. We left at 5, when the zoo closed and headed home.

We're Off

Well, I just thought I'd drop a quick note, reminding that today is the day we leave for Ohio.  I'll let you know how it went tomorrow night if I'm not too exhausted.  We won't be getting back till really late most likely.  Unless we decide we're going to kill eachother if we don't get home sooner. LOL

Shelter

Went to work today. We got held up by some people that wanted to visit the shelter and the animals. It's nice when people hear about us but at the same time, I just wanted to say, "Sorry, we're busy, can you come back when we're not?" At any rate, I went out in the yard and played with the dogs. One of our foster's is huge. I don't think I've EVER seen a dog his size. We have him listed as a german shepherd mix but he's much bigger than a shepherd. He makes our shepherd look like a puppy. He kept jumping on my back and clawing me to hell. Meanwhile, Sassy is nipping at my legs, leaving welts. Note to self, stay on the other side of the dog fence from now on. We were in the process of cleaning up the sticks and such when those people showed up. Guess that'll have to wait. Tomorrow, we're supposed to go pick up a horse outside of Grand Rapids, MI, that is, if we can get a horse trailer before tomorrow. We're having trouble getting in contact with the girl who's trailer we normally borrow.

Hannah seems to be doing a little bit better. I'll have to wait and see if she improves anymore. My poor little half blind gerbil. I wish there was something I could do for her.

PLEASE, visit the new sites I've added down below. Both those video's are very touching. Send them to everyone who loves animals and especially to those who don't.

Poor Hannah

I let the foster cats out for a run through the house today. I went to take a shower and do some computer stuff while they ran off all their energy. Unfortunately, they, uhem, Claireese, decided my gerbil, Hannah was a very interesting toy. She was able to get the cage open and allow Hannah to escape. By the time I found out, the cats had been out for quite some time. I had no idea whether poor Hannah was alive or dead. I put a small bowl of food on the floor and I figured, if in the next few days, some of that food was missing, then she's probably alive or we have mice. I didn't look too hard for her. It'd be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I was bringing up some cat food for my cats, when I noticed Claireese looking across the room from her cage. There was something over there and she wished she wasn't stuck in that cage so she could get it. I quickly put on some gloves and went gerbil hunting. I eventually found her behind the tv, where the parakeet usually goes. She has some wounds to her head and I don't know if she can see out of her right eye or not. It's gunky and cloudy. I hope she'll be ok. I'm not having much luck with small animals and cats lately, that's for sure. I want to go to the shelter tomorrow but I have so much stuff to do here as well. I wanted to go today but just never got around to it. We'll have to wait and see. I'll definitely go on Wednesday. It's the "usual" day.

Bird Fair

The bird thing was really neat. I didn't think there would be that much stuff there! Tons and tons of bird toys and even a lot of birds for sale. I bought a lot of toys and I only took 30 bucks with me! Anyone who has seen the prices of bird toys at pet stores, knows that's not a lot of money for toys. I got a lot of stuff though and I got two of everything! We're having a bird toy exchange for Easter on one of my yahoo groups so that's why I bought two of everything. I got some things to keep Gollum in his cage too! So far, so good but the last time it took him a week to figure out how to get out. My friends bought three cockatiel's. The first two kind of chose them. They jumped out of the cage onto them and wouldn't get off! The third one though, I think was a pity buy. He is only two weeks old. The breeder claimed he was well over a month. Luckily we (me and my friends) KNOW birds and knew he wasn't that old. The bird isn't weaned and needs constant care. Had someone else bought him, someone that doesn't know anything about birds, he surely would've died. I hate breeders like that. There a reason you don't adopt out unweaned birds!!!! On a lighter note, I was just trying to get Ellie off of my shoulder and back into her cage and she climbed into my sleeve. I think she's decided to stay there for a while. The closer we've gotten to spring, the moodier she has gotten. Damned birdie hormones! LOL At least we're in the same mood today. I've been in a "mood" all day today. I just don't like anybody or anything they say. LOL That's all, no big deal. Today, we just sat around watching the race. Then went over to the friends house that bought the tiels, Liz and Rich. We played with the birds for a while and then played with their dogs and now I'm sitting here. This weekend is the when me and my mom go to the Equine Affair in Ohio. So I won't write for a day or so. We leave Friday morning and will be back late Saturday sometime. Until then, it's journaling as usual.

AHHHHHH

Ok, so I come home and I'm wanting just to go to bed. I'm totally trashed drunk right now. But noooooo, the phone rings. Who the hell is calling at midnight? It's my brother. He's at a party and there's people drinking and he needs a ride home. DH goes to get him. I'm thinking I'll just go to bed now, right? I come upstairs and bring the good ole water jug to feed and water everyone. See, even when I'm drunk I'm thinking of my animals. I get ready to water the birds and oh, can we guess what the hell happens next? That goddamned bird isn't in his cage... AGAIN!!!! Do you have any idea how pissed off and frustrated I am right now? I don't understand how he keeps getting out. I can't even get my pinky through the doors where he's managing to escape from! What the hell do you do when everything else has failed? I put him back in the sick cage for now. I know he can't get out of that. It would've taken me forever to find him except I heard him flapping his wings behind the entertainment center. I'm beginning to hate that bird. I guess I named him Gollum for a reason, right? That's all, I need to go to bed and sleep this off. Hopefully I'll get up for the bird fair on time. I hate when I do this. I always drink to much when I know I have something to do the next day. Sometimes I think it's a good thing I don't have a job, otherwise I'd drink everynight just to keep up the trend. And by the way, I don't drink hardly ever. This is the first time I've drank more than one in I don't know how long.

Talking Birds

I'm in such a good mood today! I shouldn't jinx it though! It seems like everyday that I'm in a really good mood, something comes along to ruin it! Me and Ellie are just sitting here "dancing" to the radio. She's such a cool little bird. I can't wait till I'm able to someday have many more parrots. She has so much personality. There's times when I'm being goofy and she looks at me like are you a little nutty or what? LOL You wouldn't think you could see that much emotion in their faces. What's on the agenda for today? I wanna go get my hair cut. Not today but soon. I was going to just let it grow till we get married this summer but a friend of mine is a hairdresser and she says we can "fake" the long hair. I want to get it cut about shoulder length and jagged. Anyone who watches "Scrubs" will know the cut I'm talking about. It's like the girl's hair on there, Elliot. One of my favorite things to do is get my hair cut. I always like to change it. I would love to put dark red highlights through it but DH isn't so keen on that idea. (my hair is blonde) Anyways, I guess I'll do the dishes and pick up a little. Give all the birdie's their bathes. Tomorrow is the bird fair in Mishawaka that I'll be at. It'll be my first bird fair! I'm gonna go crazy.

Been Busy

Been busy the last couple of days. Yesterday, I spent 4 hours completely cleaning our bedroom, cleaned litter boxes and bird cages. Today I cleaned out the fish tanks. What a nasty little job that was. I also gave two of the dogs a bath. After the bath, I was inspecting Mia's wound. It looked pretty nasty to me but DH thought it was just gunky blood and such. I let it alone for a few minutes but it was bothering me too much to just forget about so I got some warm water on a wash cloth and got rid of all the nasty stuff. Turns out her wound became a little infected. I felt horrible. I had gotten sick right after her and August got into their dog fight and hadn't kept an eye on it like I should have. I took her over to the shelter to find out what JB thought of it. We decided to keep cleaning it real well and put some more antibiotics on it every night.

I'm feeling much better now, obviously. Otherwise, I wouldnt have had it in me to wash both those dogs today. I haven't been able to do anything while I've been sick so these past couple of days I've been like super cleaning woman. LOL Inside I'm saying, Finally! I can do something! Well, I'm off to bed. The early bird and worm and all.

I hate thinking up subjects

Well, I'm at the beginning of getting over this cold. You know, when you're not completely better but you can tell you're not going to get any worse. Morning still sucks but after you get passed attempting to swallow and coughing, things seem to look up. I've got the froggy sounding voice right now. DH laughed at me when he spoke to me on the phone the first time today. He's so sweet. He went and got me a humidifier last night. He got me medicine a few days ago and juice. He's going to pick me up some more juice tonight and my favorite pizza.

The animals are all doing better. Gollum is still in his cage. Libby, the stray hasn't thrown up since the other day. She seems happier too. I think everyone is a little annoyed with me though because it's been taking longer than usual to get them food and water. Usually, they have more food before they run out. Now I've got cats telling me that they're out of food. I've kept up on the water better than I thought I would though. It's those damned litter boxes that have been really neglected. That's the last thing you want to do when you're not feeling well. They're not at their worst though, definitely not their best but good enough for now. I don't think I'll be going to the shelter tomorrow. I want to go but there's a voice in the back of my head (probably my mom's) telling me that it's probably not the best idea, especially since I'm starting to feel a little better. Last time I was feeling a little better, I went to work and ended up feeling a whole lot worse the next couple of weeks. I realized today that my mom was right that I don't take good enough care of myself. I always thought, because I don't get sick very often that I take better care of myself than she does. But when I do get sick, it seems to never end. Whereas, my brother was feeling much better after one day at home. So as soon as I'm able to eat without hurting my throat, I'm going to start eating better. Right now, I'm on mainly easy to eat foods. Ok, I'm going to lay back down before I fall asleep at the computer!

Sniffle, Sniffle

My cold is almost gone except for a stuffy nose. My throat on the other hand feels like razor blades going down it everytime I swallow. Mornings are always the most uncomfortable time when you're sick. I just want to feel better! I whine a lot when I'm sick so I'm sure everyone else can't wait till I'm better too! HaHa

The stray who I guess we've decided to call Libby, was getting really sick the other day. She kept vomiting and in her vomit were long worm looking things. I felt like hell but got on here and looked a couple of things up so I could decide which kind of medicine to give her. Turns out they were roundworms. Nasty little things and she's probably been reinfected by them several times. I gave her a dose of medicine for them and she already seems to be doing better. She gets another dose on the 24th and then another 30 days after that. She doesn't mind, it's liquid and I mix it with canned food. I just hope it doesn't start in any of my other kitties.

Gollum so far, has not gotten out of his cage again. Hopefully, I've got his cage to the point that not even the smartest parakeet could escape.

Another Blah Day

I'm still feeling like crap. Yesterday was a rather icky day. I've got a cross between a really bad cold and a sinus infection. Go figure, all the animals need everything and I feel like hell.

I came upstairs to check my mail and what oh what do I find? Gollum has escaped, again. Despite putting ties on all his doors, he's managed to stretch one of them just far enough that he could escape. Apparently he couldn't figure out how to get back in though, he was sitting on top of his cage. Back in the cage he went and I'm pretty much back to where I started. Life would be much easier if this little parakeet was a lot stupider. Unfortunately, I think he'll wind up dead before he gets stupid. I just have to be smarter than the parakeet. Or think like one.

Blah

That's exactly how I feel today, blah. My brother has successfully given me his cold. What are siblings for? Lucky for me, it went straight to my lungs. Everytime I get sick, it seems to affect my lungs. I'd rather have the runny nose, sneezing thing.

Went to work yesterday. Buttons got adopted! Yippy for Buttons! It was one of those just perfect adoptions that makes you remember why you do this day after day. The dog and his new owners just clicked immediately. Bernie got adopted. I wasn't there for that though. Duncan is adoption pending. The puppies will soon be all gone. Then we're off on the 5 hour drive to save some more.

Mia is doing much better. We've been putting on antibiotics and she's since forgotten all about it. The dogs have seem to completely forgotten their fight as well. Such short memory.

Well, I moved Gollum back into his cage with his cage mates. This morning, the first thing I did was check on him. He was gone. Damn bird. I searched and searched but couldn't find him. I finally said to hell with it and sat on the floor, figuring he's got to come out sometime. I sit down, look up and there he is, sitting right in front of me. I put him back in his cage, went downstairs to get some ties to keep the cage closed and by the time I got back upstairs, he was almost out again! I'm going to have to keep a close eye on him!

Bad Dogs!

I was sitting here thinking, earlier that I won't have anything to write about in my journal.Well,I've got something now!My mom came home around 12am,I let the dogs inside to be fed.As I was letting two of the dogs in the house,I heard the unmistakable sound of growling.My dog,August can be extremely aggressive for seemingly no reason at all towards the other dogs.She has never been aggressive with DH's dog, Mia.Just the opposite.Well,something in Auggie's brain switched off and she turned into crazy psycho dog once again.She usually goes for the face or the neck.She was dragging Mia through the house while Mia screamed.My mom isn't too good in those situations usually just stands there and screams at the dogs.Once she actually threw HOT water on ME.Completely missing the dogs.At any rate,I was really getting worried,I'm the only one with a cool head and throughout all my screaming,mom's the dogs crying,growling and screaming the boys,never woke up.I had a hold of August by the haunches and continued pulling her away from Mia,hoping for her to let go for just a second so I could seperate them safely.My mom was afraid of hurting them further and wouldn't pull Mia from behind,in hopes of seperating them.I was really expecting blood to be everywhere when and if we got them apart alive.August has a pitbull's grip and once she gets ahold of one of the dogs,it's not easy getting her off of them.(she's an Australian Shepherd and Mia is a Border Collie, both are mixed)She had a hold of Mia's ear and had competely twisted it.All the while,we've got two other dogs trying to get into the middle of it.Our little 10 year old Sheltie was nipping at August's face trying to make her stop and our HUGE dalmation/Lab mix was biting Mia.Finally,August just let go and my mom grabbed Mia and took her into the bathroom to keep her safe while I put August outside.Mia had peed herself and pooped while August was attacking her.Mia is ok,I think she's got some really bad bruising.She cries and turns away if you touch her ear.I'll have to keep a close eye on it.August has a goose egg on her head.The weird thing is,once the fight is over,August acts like nothing ever happened.I put them both outside and August wanted to play,while Mia was afraid to even look at her.The rest of the night Mia has avoided August and ran from her.I hope tomorrow she's feeling a little more brave.I hate seeing the once fearless dog,cowering.

The Pups

I went to sleep early last night and never got a chance to do the journal thing. Yesterday, we went up to the shelter, just for a visit. The puppies are so cute! Their pictures don't even do them justice. I can't wait to go to work on Wednesday! I'm usually not a "puppy" person. But all of these guys have won me over! The plan is, to adopt them all out as quickly as possible and then to go back to the shelter and bring more that are going to be euthanized. We've already adopted one out and have an adoption pending on another. I wanted to bring them all home with me!

Still no calls on the stray, Libby. I don't think anyone is looking for her. Looks like she's either got a home or we'll find her one. She makes a very good little house cat though so if we decide to keep her, she won't be much of a problem. Some cats claw everything up, have litter box issues but she doesn't seem to have any issues at all, except for currently being in heat and letting everyone within a five mile radius know about it!

Wednesday, I will be putting Gollum back into the cage with his parakeet friends. He seems to be doing very well. You can't even tell he was attacked. Maybe next time he'll think before he messes with that door. But just in case, it will be locked shut from now on. He seems to like his "sick" cage. It's got aspen bedding all along the floor just in case he was to fall and he's had a lot of fun playing with it, digging holes and hiding under it. I'm going to make sure it's safe for long periods of time and then I might line their regular cage with it since he seemed to enjoy it so much.

Now, the animals, no not men again! LOL

A round of applause! I "talked" work into taking in a horse in need. Actually the woman's letter to me convinced them. She rescues horses from slaughter and she can't seem to get this horse to put on weight. The horse is also still very skittish after being on her farm with her for 6 weeks. There has been little improvement in that time. The only problem so far is, she is 4 1/2 hours from the rescue. I don't know if she's up for that kind of drive and our trailer surely isn't up for it. We're down by the Michigan state line and she's up past Detroit, if that tells ya anything. We'll also be taking in the, uh, dognapped boxer mix. My friends will be going to try and get him tomorrow night. I just hope they're careful like I begged them to be. I'll just feel much better when they have the dog and everyone is safe and sound. Knock on wood. The parakeet, Gollum, is doing much better. I think I'll put him back in with his cage mates next week. He was stretching his wings today and didn't seem to have much if any discomfort. Yippy! I've had an ad in the paper since Friday, for the little stray, I've been calling her mama or Libby. There have yet to be any calls on her. Today is Sunday, the big paper so maybe there'll be something. I almost hope there won't. I'm in no mood to argue with the owners about the importance of having an outdoor cat fixed! I guess that's all. I'll let you all know about the dog as soon as I know something, should be tonight! Keep your fingers crossed.

Men~Can't live without em, Can't Kill em~Part 1

Today/Yesterday just wasn't my day when it came to dealing with men. DH should've been home by 3pm. He got off work at noon but had to meet with a realtor. He didn't walk through the door till after 6pm. Making stupid excuses about how he could've leave till after the realtor left. (the realtor was at a friends house, it's the friend who's selling the house HE is looking at) The only reason he decided to grace me with his presence was because text messaged him asking him where he was. Suddenly he was able to get away and come home, go figure. Once he gets home, he goes straight to sleep. Everytime I try to wake him up, he says I had to get up for work. AKA, why shouldn't I have been sleepy. Well, that's not the point smart guy, you could've come home hours ago and taken a nap. I left him alone but had many visions of poking him with sharp objects while he's tied to something and just has to deal with it. He finally wakes up at like 11 or 12 and expects me to be happy joy joy. Yeah, not happening. It's not so much his sleeping that bothered me, it's that I've been depressed all this time and he hasn't said one word about it. All I've heard about is work this and him that. He doesn't even seem to notice that I don't say anything anymore. Maybe it doesn't matter. OH! I forgot! Earlier, he had asked me if I wanted to go see the friends that's moving, new house and their horses. I said no. I don't really like horses and I can see their house when they move into it. I really wasn't in the mood to go anywhere with him. Then, the so-called friend (she's a pain in the ass more times than not) calls his cell to see when we'll be there to go. He says, 'Jamie's not going' and of course, she wants to talk to me to try and talk me into. He gives me the phone, full well and knowing what's going to happen and that he could've just said, oh she's in the shower, she's not here, anything. The part that really pisses me off, is that it seems he's been talking to THEM about my depression but not to me. She (and I haven't been around her much lately for her to know any of this) knows that I haven't really been going anywhere and what kind of antidepressant meds. I'm on. There's only one person that could've told her that and that's DH. AHHHHH!

 

Men ~ Part 2

Another "man" problem. I think my brother is getting ready to have sex with his girlfriend. He's 16. Now, it's funny because it's not so much him having sex that bothers me, it's her. I don't want her to do anything she isn't ready for or something she'll regret. Or for that matter, that my brother will regret when her very overprotective papa comes over here to kill him. I found a not from the two of them and that's how I'm suspecting it. Ok, it's not like the note opened itself. I guess I snooped a little. I don't know if I should say something to him or not. I was going to give him a condom a while back but that was when I knew he wasn't having sex, it's different now. I feel like I should say something. Maybe my mom will know what to do, if anything. I'm so glad I don't have kids yet, for just this reason.

Pups

Stupid journals. I can never say all I need to say in the small amount of space they give us. Anyways, we lost a puppy to Parvo at the shelter the other day. This could be really bad. We got in ten pups at once from a shelter that apparently didn't think it was important to give the pups vaccines. What did they care, they were just going to euthanize them anyways. And go figure, we're out of puppys shots. All the TSC's around here are out as well. So, we just have to be really careful and really clean. That poor little girl could still be alive today if that had just given her proper vet care. And in the process they put the dogs at our shelter in danger, as well as the staff and volunteers dogs. I will only be going into the shelter in socks so my shoes don't get the virus on them and I can just remove my socks when I get home and leave them on the damn porch. Ah well, life will go on and hopefully, all the rest of the pups will be fine.

Hisses, Growls and Possessed Cats

Well, let's see. I'll start off with an update on the parakeet. He's hanging in there. The first 24 hours are critical and he's made it this far, let's just hope he keeps that tough guy attitude! Today was no fun for me or the animals, no fun at all. I mentioned before that I was pretty sure there were ear mites. Well, today I finally broke down and started treating all the cats. The first cat, went well. I was thinking, well this should be easy. I would bring a cat into the bathroom, trim their nails and then put the liquid in their ears. Let me tell you, it only got harder. I was doing all the cats that seemed to have mites really bad, first. I brought down my 15lb cat, Isaiah as the second cat. He's usually a pain about everything so I didn't figure this would be any different.The first ear went fine, of course it would, he didn't know what he was in for. The second one though... he learned his lesson. There was hair and skin a flying before I finally able to treat both his ears. After he was done, I figured I'd take two cats in the bathroom with me at once. Carrying Jake into the bathroom, he freaked out and literally climbed up my back. Ouch! Very bad cat! Out of all 9 cats that I did today, only two of them would've been considered easy. I still have the foster cats, the stray and two of my mom's cats! I also did the dogs.They were very good puppies.Thank god, because by then I was already bleeding from head to toe, I didn't need to be missing fingers too! I finish up the rest of the cats tomorrow. I want to heal a little bit from today before I take anymore of a beating. A friend of mine has made me aware of a dog that is being abused. He is starved and frequently hit and kicked. These people are also known to be into drugs and possibly dog fighting. Instead of handling this the "right" way, we're just going to go in the middle of the night and take the dog. I'm waiting right now to see if our shelter will take him and give him a safe haven. I'm worried they want to use this puppy (he's a boxer) as a bait dog for the pit bulls. Either way, the dog will not be in that enviroment much longer. I'm a pretty resourceful chick so I think I can find a place for this pup if we can't take him.

Feeling Better

I'm feeling much better today and thank you all for being so supportive. Writing it out made it seem a little easier. I guess, it's not so much that no one wants to listen to me, I try not to say anything a lot of the time because I don't want to upset anyone. I think I made my mom feel a little like she's making things worse for me. She's been the most supportive person in my life and it's not her fault when she tries to help. No matter what she or anyone else says, it gets taken the wrong way. There's nothing anyone can really do to help and just having her shoulder to cry on and to bitch to, has meant the world. Everything that's good in me, is because of her. I love you mommy! ;) 

I haven't really been awake a real long time and yet, it's been hectic. I kept waking up, feeling like I had water in my ear or something. There was a weird noise too. Not like a ringing but like something was moving around. It eventually went away but tomorrow, just for peace of mind, all the cats and dogs are getting ear mite meds. It weirds me out to think of something crawling in my ear. Then, my mom comes home from work and I let two of the cats out into the house, the stray and one that we adopted from my work, Tuffy. We were downstairs talking and heard the cockatiel and the parakeets start squawking. They always do that so I usually ignore it but my mom said it sounded different and I should go check. Sure enough, Tuffy had one of my parakeets, Gallum, in his mouth. Somehow the bird got out of his cage. I'll just have to keep him warm and keep an eye on him. Not much else I can do. He's going to be seperated from the other birds. And I'm going to keep the stress levels low. Poor guy, I hope he does ok. Well, I'd better go to bed. Tomorrow is store day and as usual, I've got to get up early.

Depressed Entries 1

Ok, this time I am going to bitch and moan throughout my entry.  I just don't where to start.  I've had depression for years and I've been on PaxilCR for almost a year now.  It's helped, some.  This past month, I've felt more depressed than I have in a good five years.  I don't want to do anything, go anywhere or talk to anyone, including the people I live with.  Somedays, I just feel like what's the point in even getting out of bed when all I am to everyone is one big ass burden.  I don't pay for any of the animals I own, I don't contribute in any way to most of the house work.  Oh, I'll do a load of laundry here and there or wash the dishes once in a great while but that's about the extent of it.  I really think I'd just stay in bed most days, if the dogs didn't have to go out and the rest of the animals didn't need to be fed.  I've pretty much lost all contact with the people I live with.  We're in the same house, we talk everyday but I don't feel like they know me anymore.  DH doesn't even act like he's noticed there's been a change in my attitude.  We've had like three "real" conversations in the past month and he acts like nothing is wrong.  My brother just bitches because I sleep all day and he can't get into my room to play on the PS2.  My mom bitches because I don't do anything, I don't take care of myself, I don't have a job or my license, etc. etc.  DH bitches about the animals almost constantly.  Goddamned dogs this and goddamned cats that.  It's not wonder I have so many "goddamned" animals.  You'll never have an animal talk back, make you feel like shit or even dislike you.  I can always count on my animals to be understanding and just be there when I need them, even if they have no idea the impact they're making by falling off the bed or chasing a fly.  Everyone around me makes me feel like it doesn't bother me that I don't have a job or anything of the things that normal people my age have.  Sure it bothers me. 

My Depressed entries 2

Most nights I sit up hating myself because I can't be what everyone else seems to want me to be.  I stopped trying a long time ago to do anything.  All throughout my childhood my dad made me feel like nothing I ever did was good enough for him.  No matter how much I busted my ass to make it the best I could, in whatever I was doing.  So eventually I stopped trying to do anything at all.  Most days I just feel "here."  I go through my day, do what needs to be done and go back to sleep.  I don't even bother telling anyone how I feel anymore.  They've heard it all before and I think they stopped listening a long time ago.  I might as well complain to the dog for all it's worth.  Whenever I tell anyone anything, I get told "how do you think that makes me feel?"  Well, hold on, let me see... uh I don't care how badly my depression makes you feel.  I can't help it and I shouldn't be made to feel like shit because I have it.  I'd really like to just lay in bed and cry most of the day, without worrying how it effects "everyone" else or how badly it makes them feel.  I can't though.  I have to go through every day and act like I'm halfway normal so as not to upset anyone else.  God forbid I should have problems of my own.  I'm not allowed to have problems.  What kind of problems or worries should I have?  I don't have a job or responsiblities so I'm expected to be happy and problem free.  I've been told, to get over it, deal with it, blah blah blah, like I haven't tried to deal with it or get over it.  Basically all that's saying is, just don't talk to me about it that way I'll feel better because I don't have to be aware of the fact that you feel so terrible.  I should probably explain the reason why I don't talk to friends or family about my depression.  Five years ago, after my best friend killed himself, I slit my wrist.  Now, I feel like if I so much as say that I'm sad, everyone is rushing to hide the razor blades and the pills.  Come on people, just because I'm depressed doesn't mean that's going to happen again.  I really don't feel like anyone understands me.  I know there's other people out there that have similar depression and even similar problems but I really don't feel like they understand me. 

My Depressed Entries 3

Because if they do, they have a really shitty way of showing it.  Most of the time their "comforting" just makes me feel worse.  "Comforting" is lecturing and trying to tell me how I should be and what I should do.  Don't you think I know what I need to do?!?!  I know all the things I should do, I just don't know how to make myself go out and do it.  I definitely don't say that anymore though.  I get told, just do it.  Ok, yeah it may be that easy for you but it's not for me.  I have major mental problems.  Easy things for "normal" people are hard as hell for me.  I really need a shrink.  Too bad I can't afford one, because I don't have a job.  My doctor (regular physician) has tried to help me find "cheap" shrinks but we dissagree as to where I should go.  He usually gives me a list of religious places that consel at low cost or for free.  Yeah, well, me and religion, we have a little problem.  I don't believe in religion, god or anything relating to it.  *Gasp* I know, you all think I'm going to hell.  But if that's the case, then there's probably a lot of nice people in hell that went there just because they didn't believe in "god."  I'll take my chances thank you.  The religious people tell me to find god and I'll find what's missing in me and fill the void.  Sorry, that's not going to happen.  I'm one of those people that belives in science.  Not what some guys wrote 1000 odd years ago.  Now, that's not to say I hate religious people.  Most of my friends go to church and we have many debates on what's right and what's wrong, etc., etc.  Well, I think I've made this entry quite long enough.  I'm guaranteed to go over the 2500 character limit with this one.  Sorry for the whining bithcing and moaning.  I've got to talk to someone, even if it's just to the computer. 

Boredom

I was originally going to use this particular journal entry for a great deal of bitching whining and moaning.There's a part of me that would still like to but I'm in a little bit better of a mood than I was a little while ago and I'd like to try and keep it that way.That nasty little depression monster has been roaring it's little head a great deal the last few months and I've been a little more on the depressed side than usual so don't be surprised if some of my future entries are a little bit too.Fairly normal,boring day today.I couldn't go to sleep last night, at all.Probably because I slept all yesterday because we didn't have any electricity, thanks AEP.I didn't end up falling asleep until about 3pm today and woke up at 9pm.I'm feeling pretty tired right now though, so hopefully, I'll be able to fall asleep before noon.I cleaned out Hannah, the gerbil's cage today.I always feel a little guilty cleaning out all that old bedding.She seems to get all her little tunnels, just the way she likes them and then I have to go and mess them all up.She's getting a lot of excersice at least.She keeps running from one habitrail, to another and is pushing everything around the way she likes it.I've decided not to get another gerbil once she dies.I'm going to get two female mice from the pet store.These mice are usually used as feeder mice, so they put the males and the females all together, 99 times out of 100, you're going to get a pregnant female.I've been a part of two mice births.The one mouse gave birth to so many that I eventually stopped counting.Only three survived, only to have the cage knocked over a few months later and become a cat treat.I was very upset.They were my first mice babies.I'd never seen a pinkie except on tv until I had those mice.DH isn't aware of this fact yet.I don't think he'll mind too much.They like the gerbil, require a small amount of care and don't eat a great deal of food.That's always his main concern, how much will it cost me?I can understand that but it gets annoying afterwhile.Well, I'm going to go check on the stray cat one last time.I'm starting to get way too attached to that cat.If she is pregnant, I want to document it all so I know what to look for next time.After a few years, you begin to foget what to look for.

 

Typical Day

Today was extremely boring. We had a thunder storm and lost power, for over 6 hours. So I figured I'd tell you all about a typical day in my house. A lot of people seem to think I'm lazy because I don't have a "real" job and I'm not exactly a homemaker so maybe this will convince some of them that I'm not as lazy as I may seem.

Let's see, where to start. Well, everyday all the cats need to be fed. My cats, the foster cats and the new little stray. They are always in need of water. I literally bring up 3 gallons of water a day! The birds water must be changed daily, no exceptions. Everyother day, the litter boxes need to be cleaned. Sounds easy right? Well, there's 4 litter boxes to clean. With a total of 11 cats using those litter boxes. We buy a 38lb. box of kitty litter every week. (yes I said 38lbs!!) The bunnies need food once a day and go through water about twice a day. The dogs have to be let out several times a day and need to be fed at night and in the morning, morning's my mom takes care of. They too go through a lot of water everyday. The gerbil needs almost no care at all. I compare having a gerbil to having a moving rock. Ellie, the senegal parrot, needs one on one attention at least twice a day. Even on the days where she's not being the sweetest bird in the world, I still have to work with her or suffer the consequences later. Once a week, everyone needs a clean cage. Ellie, needs fresh fruits and veggies once a day. And then of course, there's the days when horses get loose and cats get stuck in tress. LOL Every two weeks, all bird cages needed to be "remodeled" or they become bored with their toys. Good thing about having two parakeet cages, you can switch their toys and they think they're getting new ones. Cats need to have their nails trimmed every one to two weeks. One of my cats has to be shaved every summer, he gets too hot and he gets horribly matted. I think that's about the extent of it. Later on I'd like to share with you some of my baby animal delivering experiences. I never thought about it until the other day when I mentioned the kitty that I helped deliver. For now though, I have clocks to reset and alarms that need to be reset as well, or else the whole house will sleep till noon and miss work and school.

Paint fumes

I haven't been feeling real great the last few days. I don't really feel sick, just not 100%. Every couple of hours my face feels real flushed and hot but the rest of me is usually cold. Other than that, I feel completely normal. It could be because we started painting the bathroom two days ago. It seems like that's about the time this started. We're painting it yellow and then sponging blue over top of it. When we get our own place I want to paint the bathroom dark, rich colors. I want it to be someplace comfortable and calming where you can light a bunch of candles, turn the radio on and sit in the bubbles for hours.

Yesterday, we went and got horse feed. While we were there, I got my seeds. Morning glories, 4 o'clocks, petunia's, sunflower's, orange pumpkins and something I've never seen before, white pumpkin's! I can't wait to see what those look like. I also got another frog. This one was because the other one is all alone now and I felt bad for him/her and it a friend.

I think I was trying to go for a record on getting hurt the most times in the shortest amount of time today. First, I had one of the foster cats run across my toe and slice it open. Then, when I was making lasagne, I burned myself with boiling water and then on the lasagne pan when it was fresh out of the oven. I still haven't found the family of the little stray, you ever get the feeling I'm not going to? I really hope she's not pregnant, but if she is, I have a lot of experience delivering kittens. I can't even count the cats that showed up on our front door pregnant. The last one, I literally had to help deliver her kittens. Looking back on it, I think geez, that was disgusting but at the time I didn't even think about it. The last kitten, was stuck in the birth canal and the cat wouldn't push anymore so I had to stick my hand in there and deliver it for her. Yeah I know, too much information huh?  LOL