Depressed Entries 1

Ok, this time I am going to bitch and moan throughout my entry.  I just don't where to start.  I've had depression for years and I've been on PaxilCR for almost a year now.  It's helped, some.  This past month, I've felt more depressed than I have in a good five years.  I don't want to do anything, go anywhere or talk to anyone, including the people I live with.  Somedays, I just feel like what's the point in even getting out of bed when all I am to everyone is one big ass burden.  I don't pay for any of the animals I own, I don't contribute in any way to most of the house work.  Oh, I'll do a load of laundry here and there or wash the dishes once in a great while but that's about the extent of it.  I really think I'd just stay in bed most days, if the dogs didn't have to go out and the rest of the animals didn't need to be fed.  I've pretty much lost all contact with the people I live with.  We're in the same house, we talk everyday but I don't feel like they know me anymore.  DH doesn't even act like he's noticed there's been a change in my attitude.  We've had like three "real" conversations in the past month and he acts like nothing is wrong.  My brother just bitches because I sleep all day and he can't get into my room to play on the PS2.  My mom bitches because I don't do anything, I don't take care of myself, I don't have a job or my license, etc. etc.  DH bitches about the animals almost constantly.  Goddamned dogs this and goddamned cats that.  It's not wonder I have so many "goddamned" animals.  You'll never have an animal talk back, make you feel like shit or even dislike you.  I can always count on my animals to be understanding and just be there when I need them, even if they have no idea the impact they're making by falling off the bed or chasing a fly.  Everyone around me makes me feel like it doesn't bother me that I don't have a job or anything of the things that normal people my age have.  Sure it bothers me.