Going to miss my Doodle Girl

My foster got an application for adoption today and so far it looks like it will be a good fit.  I cried while reading the application because I knew it would be the beginning of saying goodbye.  I have this deep fear that she will think I gave her up because she wasn't good enough for us.  When really, she's PERFECT but I already have too many dogs.  Unfortunately for me, it's all the way in Chicago.  (2 1/2 hours from me) I actually only have a few questions for the possible parents to be, i.e. why didn't you choose a rescue closer to you as there are several that have labradoodles in your area?  what will happen to the dog if you split up?  what will happen if you allergies to this dog are worse than you had previously thought they would be?  I have MANY requests if they are approved.  ;)  Take her to the beach at least twice each summer, possibly provide her with a child size pool (the plastic five dollar ones that I have for my own dogs), allow her to play with your neighbors dogs (who just happens to be a relative and owns a labradoodle), along with the usual love, care, scratches etc.  And I will also expect that if for whatever reason they can no longer keep her that they contact myself as well as the organization that I foster for before giving the dog away.  And I will LOVE to get emails and updates.  I'm being too pushy here aren't I?  She is my first foster and it will be hard to see her go and I just want to know she will have the best life possible.  I KNOW she will love going swimming (which is why I would like to see her have a pool and go to the beach) and I'd love her to have another dog to play with once and a while.  All those things will not make or break the adoption, those will be requests I would make after the adoption is finalized.  If they had kids and another dog, they would be completely my ideal home for her, but they're pretty good without them too. 

Tomorrow I have to do lunch with my dad as we have relatives coming up.  Normally, I would probably skip lunch with S but being as she actually tries to keep in contact with me and personally asked that I go, I figured I'd meet her halfway.  The rest of that part of my family hasn't made any attempts to keep in contact with me other than when they come to visit my dad and eventhen, the only reason I know they're here, is through him.  Now they would say that I haven't been to visit them in over ten years and they I don't call/email/write them either but my parents divorced when I was fifteen and those same people who are and were adults, made no attempts to see how I or my little brother was dealing with the situation and none of them EVER called after or during the divorce.  I was told that my aunt had tried to call several times but I call bullshit as we've had caller id since they split up and never has her number come up on the id.  (I know it would normally as my dad has called me when he is down there)  I'm not going to bend over backwards for people that wouldn't do the same for me, that I don't think like me and that I don't like to begin with.  There are few parts of that family I like and most of them are not blood relatives.  ;)  The main reason I stay on semi-friendly terms with most of them is because I don't want the melodrama or to listen to my dad bitch day in and out about how I haven't apologized to such and such for my actions.  (even if they were in the wrong)  There was one event where I stood my ground and haven't felt guilty about it.  My dad's father (who I will not give the respect of calling my grandfather) was at a family gathering once when my dad called to wish me happy birthday and handed the phone to his dad.  (knowing I didn't want to speak to him for the reasons you are about to hear) He said the usual we miss you, wish you would come down, want to hear from you more and then he threw THIS in... wish you would send us a picture without that boyfriend of yours.  You see my dad's father is/was a very racist man and my husband is latino.  He was born in Mexico.  His dad is a mix of everything south of Texas and his mom is caucasion.  Therefore, it was extremely offensive to me that he would say such a thing and the way he said it was signifying to me that he really wanted to say without that spic boyfriend.  I told my dad after that day I never wanted to speak to him again.  Period.  He tried to argue that this and that had happened to make him that way and that if he knew my husband he wouldn't feel that way.  I said no, he would say well you're not like most spics.  This is the same man that at my (step) grandpa's funeral, made a VERY racist black joke in front of EVERYONE.  (what he was evendoing there I will never know)  I was twelve or thirteen at the time and I will never forget how I felt in that moment, disgusted to be a part of that gene pool and humilated to be considered his granddaughter.  And the joke wasn't even funny by the way.  I can handle some jokes that wouldn't be considered pc and even though that one wasn't close, it still wasn't funny.  I never spoke to him again.  He died a few years ago and I don't regret it and I don't feel guilt over it.  I remember my dad asking me once whether I thought he should tell his dad all the things that he hated about him and how awful he made his childhood, etc.  I told him, the way I see it, you have to look at it like this; Can you live with telling him all that and hearing that he died the next day?  Would you feel guilty?  Would you wish you could take it back?  If you say yes to those, you probably should keep your yap shut.  He never told his dad anything and honestly, I think that was the best thing for him to do.  Now, in the same conversation, I told him that I CAN live with never speaking to him again and I WON'T feel guilty about it later.  This man spilled beer on every outfit I wore on my birthday from the time I was itty bitty till I was old enough to know he should know better.  So any birthdays spent down there, I came back smelling like it was my 21st b-day and not my 8th.  And even though he's dead, I still feel animosity towards him.  If I had to find one nice thing to say about him, it would take me days and searching my memory.  THAT is what I come from and most of the people that are directly related to him, seem to carry on some of what he is.  One of my uncle's in particular.  He was named after my dad's dad and he lives his life the same way he did (alcoholic to the extreme) and sounds the same way he did... well my uncle is probably even worse as he called my 9 year old female cousin a p*ssy once.  Yeah, that's classy.  I don't ever SAY that word, EVER.  And there's only a short list of the words that will NOT come from my mouth.  Most of them are words the refer to a woman's vagina.  They are all disgusting words with even more disgusting meanings.  As prude like as this may sound, I do not allow those words to be said around me either, under no circumstances.  Basically, if you plan to be around me, keep those words underwraps otherwise you will be booted out the door or we will leave whatever establishment we're in and you can go truck yourself.  ;)  Wow you all have gotten way more than you bargined for in this entry huh?  Trust me, with that family I could've went on a lot longer.  A LOT.  Don't even get me started on in-laws. ;-)