Time flies... have I really been blogging for six years?

For those who are interested or weren't around back then. (has it really been almost three years!!) This is the link to the journal I wrote after I had my daughter along with the problems, etc.  http://journals.aol.com/solace223/AnAnimalRescuersLife/entries/2005/06/27/the-whole-story/1270 

Eh, I don't have much to write tonight, not much to say.  I'm doing the ipod movie thing tonight.  Watching Joshua.  I don't really know what it's about yet.  Something along the line of baby born, older brother goes evil.  Not sure though.  I'm going into the adoption even about an hour late tomorrow.  I stay an hour late so it makes it even.  I want to grab a coffee on my way in.  Standing around answering questions for hours takes a lot more out of you than you would think.  (typically idiotic questions... does it shed... does it bark)  I'm also doing something special tomorrow that no one is aware of.  I bought a ton of Valentine's day candy (only a little chocolate, more sweet yummy smelling things... and I don't think I have to explain why I don't want to smell peanut butter breath all day) and I have a large bowl that I filled up (more like shoved every last piece of candy in there) and I'm going to have it out for the volunteers or people who are just passing by.  I thought maybe it would get a few more people to come over.  Occasionally there is another event going on at the same time as ours.  It makes it a pain in the ass to get adoptions and sometimes people get confused, come over to us and say well I want to adopt such and such dog over there... well that's not our dog.  It's like being a used car sales man, you want to get all the "good" customers to your lot first and get them signed on the dotted line before they wander over to the other lot.  I also thought it would something for us to have to keep our throats from drying up.  I'm sure the petsmart police will be over to give me a reason as to why it could cause bodily injury or we could offend someone for having the holiday food around.  *rolls eyes*  They have so many new rules there for such stupid reasons.  We are no longer to put up anything on the cat cages other than their name tags and they have to be properly filled out.  You cannot put any decoration on the tag, no smiley face, no stars, nothing.  Because, we might offend those that aren't happy or don't like that the universe is a big ball of stars.  *rolls eyes*  They're just really starting to get on our asses about what we can do, what we can't do, how we do it etc.  They're just going overboard nazi on us.  I don't know if they're worried about other less fortunate rescues not getting as much attention because we have more money to decorate.  But when we do the glass wall outside of where the cats are, no one knows who put it up, except us so when they use the love a pet, it draws attention to whoever is there at the time, whether it be our animals or others.  And it always looked so beautifully done.  I really wish they hadn't taken that away from us.  But now everything has to be flat, boring.  The animals are supposed to be the attraction but most animals are black and they get looked over.  Hmmm, I just had a thought.  I'll get some bandanas for the next event and color them up some.  I can't see how they could possibly object to that.  And if they do, it's cold out, the dogs need scarves.  *evil grin*

Another thing that most don't know about after the birth of my daughter, I began severely depressed.  It happened as soon as I woke up in my room.  I felt different but wasn't sure how yet.  I felt disconnected from my baby.  I expected to feel immediate surge of love.  I didn't.  I had no idea who she was and when she would stare at me, what I should of felt was awe and love.  What I felt instead was uncomfortable, confused, estranged.  Thank god I had read enugh books on post pardum depression to know what was happening.  I thought I could get past it on my own.  I was very wrong, so wrong.  When I got home, all I could was cry and sleep.  If it hadn't been for my mom and husband I would've put my daughter up for adoption.  I know gasp.  But this DOES happen and other women need to know about it so they can understand when it happens to them.  It was one of the most awful times in my life.  I thought everyone would be better off without me around.  I felt like they had to take care of me and her all at the same time.  Why not cut one of us out of the picture and make it easier for all.  A week into this I gave in and took the little pink pill.  I hate those pills but without them, I am a raving bitch one second, sobbing uncontrollably the next.  And that's on a good day.  Within 24 hours I noticed a difference.  And within a week, I felt like I should have from the beginning.  I felt all that love come back and just felt normal finally.  That week was hell, pure hell.  With my next child I plan to already have a three month supply of my paxil so that the second I give birth, I can pop one of those perfect pink pills.  I don't want to go though that ever again. 

On another note, this movie is super creepy.  The mom is nutso after giving birth and her son who is like 4 or 6ish, has always been a little nutso.