Grandma

I'm finding it impossible to sleep tonight.  My grandma is having surgery to realign the bones in her wrist as well as put two metal plates in today. (from her fall on Christmas day) I feel like I should be there.  I want to be there.  I would rather worry at the hospital than feel completely out of the loop here.  She asked that no one take off work or anything out of the ordinary.  But if it was my grandpa, I would've went, even if he had asked me not to.  I went to the hospital every time he was hospitalized and when he had his lung surgery.  I don't want her to think that she is any less important to me than he was.  I knew I would sit here worrying so I didn't make Jasmine go to bed.  I just let her keep putting in movie after movie because at least she would distract me occasionally.  Even writing this, there are times where I just wonder off in my mind and don't type anything for long moments.  When my uncle had his back surgery a few years ago, I went.  Jasmine was still pretty small then and I managed to keep her fairly calm the several hours in the waiting room.  I hadn't been planning on going because Jasmine's sleep schedule has always been backwards.  (sleep during the day, awake all night) But for whatever reason, that night she actually went to sleep and then woke up long before I had to be at the hospital.  I know I can't go up there today.  I don't have my car, haven't had any sleep, Jasmine just fell asleep an hour ago, it's just not feasible and yet I feel like I should do something.  I hate feeling helpless and out of control.